What the heck? Really...during the holiday?

Discussion in 'Dealing With Multiple Losses' started by Decostanza, Dec 30, 2021.

  1. Decostanza

    Decostanza New Member

    My wife was the magical type of person everyone enjoyed being with and around. I KNEW she was who I wanted to marry because when I saw her at 13 years of age and when we were both high-school Freshmen, I told her I was going to marry her. While we had our share of failures and successes, she was ALWAYS there for me...even though I would sacrifice and take her love for granted many times, I was focused on what I'd be able to provide her with once successful. Fortunately the last five years were truly magical and she was able to enjoy the fruits of tremendous sacrifices from both of us.

    Rewind to a few months ago. We both get Covid...it attacks her lungs and we spend just over a week in the hospital. With a courage I can only hope to have, she tells me while I am at her bedside she is ready to die. I didn't want to believe it and she had to tell me three times. Here was my wife of close to 3o years (together for 36) and just matter of fact conveys to me she is done. When I look at the two nurses that will administer the "end of life" concoction, they are also in tears. I thought that was rather interesting as nurses are somewhat accustomed to loosing patience. I found it fitting as Michelle was everyone's special friend and had become a friend, in such a short time of her attending nurses...but that was who she was.

    Fast forward a week after Michelle's passing and my father tells me her loss has really taken a lot out of him. (Have I mentioned that Michelle had a very unique personality and wisdom which she was able to connect with just about everyone). A few days after that we rush him to the ER and he passes several weeks later.

    All of this at the most magical time of the year, Thanksgiving and Christmas. Michelle was such a chef our house was regularly packed with upwards of 30-40+ people for the holidays...her creations were that amazing. (She could have been a Michelin-rated chef) There was so much joy and laughter around these two holidays, things I regularly took for granted, traditions we created. We were both very young and we should have had another thirty-years together. Now I find it hard to get through the day without breaking down. I certainly do not care about anything except my daughters. I'm doing my best to keep it "together" for my daughters; however, they seem to be much stronger than I...they just happen to break-down at different times. Never been one for a therapist as Michelle was mine but have been seeing on to deal with the tremendous sadness and it isn't helping.

    Sorry for the long rant. I was just having a very hard time tonight and needed to seek out "something" that will help me understand and process this situation.
    Best regards,
    markbeth likes this.
  2. wolfdream

    wolfdream Active Member

    I'm so sorry tragedy has struck your life like this, Decostanza. Your wife sounds like an amazing person. It must be heartbreaking to have to lose her and your father.
    You did something good for yourself by seeking therapy and coming on here. I'm sorry it's not a place that grants many replies, there are other support groups that are more active I believe. There are also some in group places but with restrictions I don't know if they are all still being organized.
    My loss of my partner is also recent, 4 months ago and I am looking into finding places with other bereaved people. They will be the only ones to get this broken, empty, devastation. I hope you find your places and your people. Sometimes it's in books. I don't know if you're a reader? I have been guided by It's Okay That You're Not Okay and Surviving The Tsunami Of Grief. Also the documentary Speaking Grief which you can watch online for free just helped me feel that I'm not alone. I wish you some comfort for your hurting heart and soul.
  3. Decostanza

    Decostanza New Member

    Thank you Wolfgang, I appreciate the comments. Unfortunately the one "common" that brought us all here is sadness. Thank you also for the book and documentary reference. I checked out the video and what an intriguing and emotional video...nice find!
  4. Decostanza

    Decostanza New Member

    Terribly sorry about the typo in my reply Wolfdream...