Wednesday ART THERAPY

Beautiful! Thank you.



Rose

 

Here is a winter piece from 2023

 

Three days ago I started a new conversation that I will repite here.

HOW DO I KEEP GOING?

On the 23rd of January my beloved husband passed away and how do I keep going?

Good question... At times, the question has come close to being a life-or-death inquire; other times, it is a simple question meant to help me through my everyday alone. I ask myself: How do I keep going when life is brutal? How do I keep going when its glorious or repetitive, or piercing? How do I keep going showing up to be in and of the world, even when doing so requires me to bring myself more alive, and in turn closer to actually feeling it all?
I find it interesting that while the reason for asking "how do I keep going?" have shifted a bit recently, the "guidance" to myself steel feels so deeply relevant and true to me now: perhaps you'll find yourself somewhere in it or maybe even take it as an inspiration to make your own How Keep Going manifesto, something to write out and keep on your desk when you forget what on earth to do next.

Stop trying to get somewhere else. There is nowhere else to get to. There is no escaping this; not for now, at least. It is impossible to be anywhere other than where you are. I know - it sucks sometimes, but it is the truth is hard sometimes, but it simply is. Spend more if your energy learning to stay where you are than trying to escape.

How do I keep going?

Drive below the speed limit in especially beautiful places so you can take them in a few seconds longer, so the particulars can linger a little. Yell "BOP!" whenever you see a Bird of Prey perched somewhere, even if it's only in the car. Roll the window down when you past the estuary, letting the fog dance across your outstretched hand, the wind passing the hairs on your arm. Carry what lingers with you and let it remind how you want to be, of how you want to see.

How do I keep going?

Click. Click. Click. Take out your film camera and capture moments that pull you into them. Capture what causes you to gasp or question or laugh or breathe. The quietness of an empty road. The strange formation of a mountain. Yellow flowers growing around the tires of a forgotten car. A body of water you later peer into like a mirror, like it will show you something you're looking for. Capture the most natural of beauty, the kind that needs no editing or alteration. Capture what you don't expect. Capture what catches your attention and sit with with why, letting it show you what to keep looking for or, even more important, what you already have, even if you're alone.

Helena

 

This is so beautiful and peaceful, Karen

 

Helena,
What a beautiful, tranquil scene. Reminds me of the pond next to my childhood home. I used to spend all my free time ice skating on.
Thank you so much for sharing.

 

Equally beautiful Helena. We all ask ourselves how do we keep going. It is a quandary that’s forever changing. Taking notice of what you already have! So perfect. Thank you!!

 

Lovely, Helena, thank you for sharing.

Rose.

 

Beautiful, meaningful words Helena. I second Karen and Robin's words, we are all going through the same feelings.
I also find myself capturing the beauty of nature more often now . Little things that I had always taken for granted have suddenly started to amaze me, calming my mind and soothing my tormented thoughts.

A hug to you.
Rose

 

Rose, me too. It's been three years and I'm just now starting to see nature differently. I'm appreciating little things for example: sitting quietly watching a squirrel grooming herself, how beautiful my tiny pine cones are on my trees, practicing mindfulness blocking out earthly to dos on my list. If you really see and feel nature it's quite heavenly. Karen

 

Yes, Karen, you describe the feeling perfectly.

Hugs.
Rose

 

Beautiful of solitude in mellow grey.. peaceful contemplative!

 

I need more art supplies here. we had a week below zero and it has been rainy misty foggy ever since. Hope to put up some art this week!

 

I am so grateful for familiar voices in this grief journey, and sad but grateful for the new travelers. It’s an up and down journey, but the art, the expressions of pain and the movement through all of this helps me feel like I am not failing to move forward. I’m just carrying it all with me—like each of you. You inspire me with your art. ❤️

 

HOW DO I KEEP GOING? While in desperate need of an answer to that question, the surviving spouse ironically is the person least capable of providing an answer. My beloved wife has been gone for over five years now, and I still haven't even been able to accept that she is gone; much less being able to settle on some plan to "KEEP GOING". In reality, I just exist one day at a time and meander along whatever path unfolds for that day, knowing that tomorrow will be just like today.

I applaud each of you who has taken the initiative to face that question head on and have found meaning in art, nature, and appreciation of the little things in life. It is not easy to move forward alone and find meaning in life. But even someone with as bleak an outlook as mine can find a silver lining when looking hard enough. In my admittedly pathetic justification to "KEEP GOING", I have recently discovered a benefit to my otherwise dark outlook. While I am trying to learn to appreciate those little things in life that nature provides to enlighten our lives, I am at the same time learning to ignore those aspects of life that are unimportant. Many of the unpleasant things that used to weigh on my mind have gone away. I no longer care about politics and the arrogance of our elected officials. I don't care about the stain on my jeans as I go out into the public, or whether my hair is combed properly, or any number of other little things that used to matter. Because I am no longer among those with long-term meaning in their life and to whom such irrelevant things still matter, I have eliminated a surprisingly significant amount of stress in my life.

 

Perfectly said Jeffry, I couldn't have put it better, I relate totally to the fact of not worrying any longer about those annoying everyday issues like a simple stain on your clothes that I used to make such a big deal about. I don't follow all the political programmes like I used to with my C, I have no interest now for nonsensical discussions leading to nothing, I prefer "comfort" past- times like observing the beauty of nature, crying out my pain on my piano and my "marathon" watching of "comfort" tv series.

 

Jeffry and Rose, as you commented, "perfectly said Jeffry" I'm so amazed by your post Jeffry. I thought I was the only one who doesn't give a hoot about what matters and what doesn't. I've tried to tell my daughter where I'm coming from as to what matters. She will say Mom we have to do this or that. I tell her it doesn't matter anymore if it gets done or not. I also tell other family members and they just stare, they just don't get it. And as you said, it's eliminated surprisingly significant amount of stress.

Your comment here did make me smile because I said to myself this is me. It's just so freeing not to stress over things that don't really matter anymore. Maybe everyone should adopt this attitude.

By the way, my name is Karen and I don't think I've introduced myself to you. I lost my husband 3 years ago to Sarcoma and I'm still in a bit of shock he's gone.
I've been on this forum for three years now and find it so comforting that I'm not the only one going crazy with my feelings that we all are experiencing, and after reading your post on "matters" it has helped me see more clearly that I am not crazy.

And thank you Rose for posting your thoughts on this.

 

Twenty daze short of the three year mark for me.. exactly three years ago I knew what was happening but also didn't believe it. Since then I sold my house and have twice moved. I too don't care about all the BS in the world and try to tune in mindfully to my SELF.. this does not always work. Therapy and Talking to other grieving widows/ers on this site and in life helps me realize I am not alone in my pain and heartbreak. Time does seem to help me because the pain is not as immediate. It is a day-to-day, hour by hour, minute by minute thing for me. Feeling particularly alone and blank today for some reason. I know I need to do something but have no motivation. I actively work at accepting the things I cannot change, this is not always possible and makes me angry and frustrated. This grief journey totally sucks!

 

George, time does lesson the pain somewhat. And talk about motivation, I get that way often and try to figure it, now it's one of my acceptance in life.

 

I think that time makes the pain less immediate and intense. I have started I think to heal and be person again but it still is a very up-and-down journey. Today I know I should do cetrain things like get groceries and such but I just don't feel like going out in the cloudy windy raw end-of-January chill!