Wednesday ART THERAPY

I agree, Robin
Every change is learning something new, learning to be confident & competent after years of having someone to navigate life with. We know we can, and feel like we should Always be able to, but sometimes it's overwhelming. All of this while leaving behind a person or place that holds a memory of 'Us'. They'll never know me as an Us at the new shop. It'll always be just me.

I have three batches of Roma tomatoes put up in the freezer. One is a chunky marinara sauce with oregano and basil from my garden. One batch of pureed stewed tomatoes. And one batch roasted with onions and Thai basil from the garden.
I've had a mole running under the potted plants out in the garden. The pots are watered often making the ground hospitable for them. I'm fairly certain Maggie caught one a couple of weeks ago. She had her nose through a gap in the fence. When I called her out of the garden I saw something dark and wiggly as she backed up and skirted past me.
I feel like my body has a capacity to breathe a little easier this year. Life is a paradox. Perfect and perplexing.
Bernadine

 

Your books are a balm to my soul. ~B

 

Thank you, Rose
I'm hoping for a few more days with enough warmth to get a blush on the tomatoes still on the vines. I can bring them in and ripen in bags and have fresh tomatoes for another several weeks. My apple tree bloomed beautifully and set fruit for the first time since it's planting two years ago. I can't wait to try the apples, they're so beautiful. I'll post a picture soon.
Bernadine

 

Dear, dear Deb!

Please know that no apologies are necessary. Please!! I’m so grateful for you and this place. Last night I realized that I have created a lot of little places throughout my life to fill the void left by Steve, and this is one of those places! I’m so grateful to be able stop, “enter” here and know it’s a soft landing space cushioned by grace and love. No apologies! But many, many thanks and hugs, love and comfort to you and everyone seeking solace here! ❤️❤️ ❤️

 

Dear George,

It breaks my heart to hear your pain and grief. I’ve been knocked on my backside myself, and the loneliness—the unending nature of the loss—it overwhelms. I’m thinking about you and sending you love and hugs from (suddenly) rainy Minnesota. It’s like tears from heaven ending our drought. Your love for your wife was so great that it has left an enormous void, and from time to time you stumble into it. Your art is an inspiration! ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ Hugs and comfort to you!!

 

Robin,

Bob transitioned almost 30 months ago. Almost everyone I know, except for my friend who is also a widow, and a few of my closest friends from "home," think enough time has gone by, I should be looking forward to the soon to be holiday season. WTF???!!! Why would I be looking forward to the holiday season when Bob, the one true love of my life, will NEVER!!! be able to share them with me (physically) again??? The best I can hope for, you can hope for, is for the holidays to be a combination of "happy and sad," to quote you for way over the zillionth time. One of the things I find hardest to accept, is that there is no longer any such thing as just happy. We will get through the holidays together, and with help from our GIC "family." Sending you a GIANT hug, all the way from TUTTAMVILLE.

I "get" it, and I don't think it's silly. Change isn't easy for me either. Last Saturday, both my garage door and vacuum cleaner, stopped working. In the scheme of life, both of these things are just a drop in the bucket, but after my next door neighbor checked out my garage door, couldn't fix it, and told me I needed to call a repair person, I began stressing out. No one I know had a good reference, and it's so easy for single women to be taken advantage of.

Then I had one of those "light bulb moments." The garage door needs to be fixed, and now that I'm alone, there are going to be times when I'm paying too much for a service, but, and this is another one of those really BIG!!! BUTS!!!, this IS!!! my reality. I can either accept it, and move forward, or end up with Mr. G doing his best to trash the rest of the day, probably the evening too, dragging me down memory lane, when life was so much better, so much easier, where Bob would have taken care of the garage door, when I wouldn't have had to think about it at all.

After this "light bulb" moment, I called the company that seemed to do the most work in my area, and had the best references online. That same day, over $1,650 later, I had a fully functioning garage door. I was told just about every part, except for the door, needed replacing. I'll never know if I got ripped off, but I'm okay with this. I have to be.

I didn't stress out over the vacuum cleaner. Sam's Club was having a sale on vacuum cleaners. It seemed like it was meant to be. I ordered one online. End of story. Wait, not quite. It arrived in pieces and I had to put it together. Putting it together was easy, but there was one piece, a cap to a disposable filter, that I thought was missing. I was about to return it, when I had another "light bulb moment." The cap that I thought was MIA, was part of the disposable filter. If I had just opened up the bag that contained the disposable filter, I would have saved myself so much time. Instead of beating myself up for this mistake, I told myself that household maintenance has morphed into a learning process.

Whether it's household maintenance,car maintenance, insurance issues, etc, etc, etc..., we're on our own. We're forced to learn how to deal with all the things Ron and Bob used to take care of, that I used to take for granted. It's challenging enough having to live in this over the top, bittersweet world, without having to deal with all the "extras" thrown our way. You said it best when you said "life sure became hard for all of us." It SUCKS!!!, but, and this is the last very BIG!!! BUT!!! for now, I'm so very grateful for you, for our GIC "family," where I always feel "normal" in this totally crazy, f*cked up, bittersweet world, we've been thrown into.

As always, sending you, Teddy and Slinky, lots more hugs and love, wishing you peace, all of us peace... DEB & Skye

 

B, my one Apple tree Jack planted was full ready to pick. Went out with my basket and there was one left. The bambies got them. Hum! Since the last storm l haven't fixed the fence yet, too late. Send me some of you apples. Your tomatoes look fantastic.
Good to see you here. Always in spirit, Karen

 

No day is ever easy anymore but the thing that keeps me going is to focus on being kind to myself (and others) and NO GUILT! I try so hard everyday and friends like you on GIC really help... At least we will have summerlike weather here until Thursday and Friday.. Went for a long walk in the beautiful sunlight. Saw many turtles at the park pond. The little things are the best things I think!
Much love to you too!!!!

 

Yo the DEB! I'm learning the hard way how to deal with real life issues too. I actually got myself a credit card in MY NAME! I'm doin' good! (Right?!).. now back from dialysis torture. I try to do something rather than straight to bed! Society is going insane.. we Grief Warriors must stick together!
At least you still have a garage.. I have to park on the street now..

 

Bernadine,
You worded that perfectly. We can do these things and have done these things but being alone somehow just makes those same things harder and almost impossible. We’re used to being a team and now we’re solo, that’s not comforting at all. I do feel a sense of accomplishment when I do get past things that kept me up at night. I feel I felt stronger and more able a couple years back. I thought once things started going a little more positive it would keep going in that direction. Not for me sadly. I feel in limbo and having trouble climbing out. I know everyone thinks I should be healed and good by now. No one asks how I’m doing any more. I get it but it’s not that easy. We’re forever changed. That’s what comes with having such wonderful relationships. But I wouldn’t change a thing. Except keep Ron with me forever. Like the saying goes. Forever wouldn’t be long enough. So true.

You have my mouth watering for your sauces. They sound delicious! I’m happy you have the strength to make them. I’m glad you’re feeling a little stronger this year. I couldn’t be happier for you. It happens so slowly it’s hard to even realize until one day you think, wow I’ve been doing some things I couldn’t even think of previously.

I recently got home from a trip to Florida to spend time with my son. He’s so good. I cry as I write this. I miss him so much. But we had a wonderful time together, my daughter went with me too and it felt wonderful. It was terribly hot which I mind the heat and then came home to 50’s and rain. And has been raining 9 days straight. Sun is supposed to come out today. I’m hoping it’ll help my mood and help my joints. But I did enjoy seeing my son and having that special time with him. I hoped that happy feeling would last longer but I have those special memories.

Everything were all dealing with is just that,
Perfect and perplexing.
❤️ Robin

 

Robin, you couldn't have said it more perfectly. In a way the limbo will always be with us. May our peaks and valleys become less and less and we find peace in our everyday life if for moments.
What a wonderful memory you have with the trip to see your son and having your daughter to drive with.
People want me to get back to my old self when Jack was here and start a new life, it's not happening to their disappointment, but they keep trying.
I guess what George says, keep on trying.
Thank you for sharing, believe me we all get it. In spirit, k

 

I want that peace so much... It is so hard! I have no-one or Nothing in my world..Except dialysis... I miss my Valerie so much today!
Walked thru the park... many turtles sittin' on rocks... I love turtles they are calm and slow and have GREAT SHELLS!
All WE CAN DO IS KEEP TRYING for the sacred memory of our gone gone gone love

 

Thank you so much Karen,
I needed your message right now. Just had a bit of an emergency that I’m having trouble calming down from. I was cooking a pizza and my oven went into self cleaning mode on its own. Thankful my daughter was here. We kind of figured out how to stop it but it wouldn’t unlock. Very Smokey and had flames coming out. I can’t stop shaking. We used the fire extinguisher and I called 911. Got the fire dept here and my brother who is part of the volunteer fire dept held me and stayed a long time. No one is hurt and dogs are ok. But you and GIC are my family. So I’m sharing. Thanks for listening. Sure wish Ron was here!!
Im kind of a mess right now but I’m trying.
Robin

 

Oh no Robin. Isn't it funny how negative things happen when our husbands are gone that have never happened before and we are left to fix. Or to put it mildly, yell, cry, scream and shake. So glad you and your daughter & dogs are safe. What a shocker. K

 

Life's little brutal emergencies try our efforts to be human... here is some art...

 

My Sunday afternoon boring time fix.

 

Yeah these things sure test us. Not sure I’m up to the test.
Love your art pieces. Feels like a nice gift. I know for everyone but I’m
Thanking you. Needed that.

 

Oh no!

 

Yeah it’s so much to deal with and take in. I’m so thankful I didn’t put the pizza in and walk away while it cooked. Things could have gone much different. I’ll be cleaning all day. But thankful we’re all ok. I’m not made for these tests. But no one is. Thank you for your support. I’m usually stronger then I’m feeling today. It’ll all be ok in the end. Ron is watching over us. I know because I did plan to put the pizza in and go outside with the dogs. Something told me not to. Robin

 

Karen I’m so sorry. I have those annoying Bambi's in my yard too. They eat my tomatoes, cucumbers, roses etc. but I tried something and it seems to be working. I read that Irish spring soap, the green one, deters deer, rabbits and I think squirrels. It said to cut up or shave it and put in a net type bag. I cut mine up into 1-2” pieces put a couple in knee hi stockings cause I could get those cheap. Knotted them and put all around my garden and in trees near by. I saw the deer on my camera approach and walk away. They haven’t been back very often and every time they stay away from my garden. I need to either refresh or just kind of rub them every so often to keep the scent strong. They hate it. Might be worth a try. I know exactly how devastating it must have been to see Jack’s tree empty of all the beautiful apples.
Again, can’t thank you enough for the extra support from my nightmare that caused a meltdown yesterday and still feeling today. ❤️
Robin