Wednesday ART THERAPY

Stunning! ❤️

Thank you for sharing.
Rose

 

It's beautiful, a keeper. Karen

 

Very cool picture!

 

I saw this on FB and thought of us grief warriors. Ms Hum, Karen

GRIEF WILL BECOME MY HOME

I am scared that grief will become my home. So, I force myself to get out of bed. Get out of my head. Get out of my pajamas and out of my room. Grief has become so familiar that I am scared it is part of my identity, woven into my skin forever intertwined. So, I force myself to smile, to remember how to laugh. To take a walk outside and remember there is life, outside of my house even if I tried to forget that. Grief has made me comfortably numb and I am scared that I will not ever feel it again. So, I force myself to watch romantic movies and listen to music with lyrics that move me, hoping my heart will recall feeling.

I am scared that grief will become my home. So, I am forcing myself to move.

SHARYN MARSH

Leave

Her

Wild

 

Thanks, Ms. Hum. As you may recall, I
couldn't listen to ANY song, without
weeping. One morning, over coffee, I
finally did, and I've been listening to
music ever since, along with dancing.
I walk outside every day, even if it's
raining. I take " time to smell the roses". L

 

It's taken time, but I'm proud of your grief progress, in fact, I'm jealous. But, it gives me and everyone here hope that we won't always be stuck in mud. There is light beyond the tunnel as you have proven. Ms H

 

And, to take a walk outside as I do with Garebear's antler cane he made for me. Even in the snow the cane got me out so I could feel safe from slipping on black ice.

 

Ms.Hum, thank you for your kind words
about my progress in my grief journey,
and your moving story of walking with
Garbear's antler cane. I didn't see your
posts, until I came home just now, at 1:30am, my time, bc I was being a
dancing fool, not with just one woman,
but with 5! Lou Travolta

 

I "mirrored" myself in those words, Karen, a real insight.

The other day, while we were having our Easter lunch at our FIL's, I was having a conversation with his second wife (she is the only person I know who can empathize with me as she lost her first husband many many years ago when she had only been married to him for 11 months!), when she suddenly said to me: "I love you very much but you must come out of your shell". I didn't really give a straight answer, we just carried on talking but I thought to myself: "What if I DON'T WANT to come out of my shell ? I feel safe and comfortable in my own little world where my husband is by my side, ignoring the real world going on, the rest of society out there not being welcome in my life, (apart from my kids of course, I live for them), feeling like I should attach a DO NOT DISTURB sign on my forehead.
I'm sorry for these sad words, it must be due to these"happy mixed with sad days", like Robin says, that I am going through right now. I have lots of stuff going on at the moment because my daughter, her dad's pride and joy, is graduating from university at the end of the month, so there are many preparations and I have to make such a huge effort to stop myself crying and screaming all day thinking about her poor dad not being able to see her, which is actually the first thing my daughter said to me on that November day that turned our lives upside down.
Rose.

 

Rose, I have admired you for how you have processed and expressed your grief over the last 6 months. The ways you sing while playing piano and your nature walks and doing chores while talking to your beloved C. I have to exist in my own little dream world to survive this grief thing. Someone said there is something very beautiful about grief. I didn’t get it until I started witnessing the love others had for their dearly beloved. The love you have expressed for your C is like a consuming fire. We come out from our shells at our own pace and time on our terms. Keep being yourself. If you feel like temporarily leaving the graduation party for a good cry that is your right to do it. This site is priceless for our wellness, sanity, and peace of mind. I came out from my shell today and went with a group of strangers on a 3 mile walk on a nature trail. I forced myself to go and had fun. I will probably never get rid of my shell though. I will always keep it for emergencies. Gary

 

You're having way too much fun, 5 ladies. Hum, one's going to get you. Your little seaside town is roaring Thur - Sun party time.

 

Thanks, Ms. Hum, for living up to my
nickname for you! The truth is that the
dance partners in my life, range in age,from 50s to 70s, all divorced. None of
them want to get married again, and
neither do I. One 75 year old dancer
said she'd like a boyfriend, but I was
grateful she wasn't pointing at me. Lou T

 

I am so MIA! ON GIC. I'm so sorry! I am so not doing good. I don't know what's wrong with me. After 2 plus years I feel less strong and I have no more self-confidence. I guess everything that has happened to me is too much. I keep trying to be kind to myself and be patient and keep trying but I am NOT doing good. I am still around and am liking your messages... I don't mean to be such a fant of negativity. I don't think there's anything that can help right now. I have to move in a couple months. Trying to get rid of the last of Valerie's stuff. Is that affecting me that much at a subconscious level. Nothing interests me the last few weeks accept ice and sleep.

 

Bro Lombardo, moving ALWAYS sucks.
I remember your trauma moving with
TB into your current place, realizing how
much stuff Valerie had. I could feel your
anger at that , as well as your overwhelming sadness and loneliness.
I've had all that 'til recently, bc I'm
content with my quiet apartment.
Hope your next place is a better one. Lou

 

G, moving on top of what you are going through I believe it's too much. Yes, it's affecting you. So much of what you are saying here is where I'm at at 2 1/2 years. What's wrong with you is we you going through the worst time in your life losing Valerie now having to cope with a move and going through her stuff. When you said you re trying to be kind to yourself, patient but such a faint of negativity. No apologies. I sometimes think I'm doing my best, trying, then I get to the point I just don't give a damn and I just let myself feel whatever comes along. I guess I'm just tired of trying which becomes stressful I'm just letting feeling and emotions run its course and hoping someday the end of the course will come. Death is hard. Ms, H

 

I feel like such a wreck emotionally and physically. So tired and it never seems to really get better . I feel so hopeless these daze

 

Thanks bro. I am really in a bad spot these last few weeks. I am so tired of fighting with everything, including my mood. I don't really talk anymore; but not like there's anyone to talk to (in person I mean) I thought I'\d get better. I'm not. At least your fun antics and banter on GIC is something somewhat entertaining. I'm boring and bored! At least I've been trying to walk. And I took a big bag of Valerie's stuff to the Goodwill today. I feel so alone and disconnected. The Art League Fiasco really did a number on me. I can't explain and I don't think anyone gets the spirit that got trashed and the meager hope that I still had in October. I feel like such a failure and a total loser. And my own spiritual crises and depression dovetails with how insane our dystopic world is getting by the day!

 

BroGeo, you're my younger brother
hero, with your dialysis. My kidney
functions have declined, so I'm being
monitored. With a low salt diet and
exercise, I may be able to avoid dialysis,
but, t my age of 73, it's a crapshoot. Lou

 

Just watch foods with phosphorous and potassium. I don't know if they mentioned that salient point! Those are hard on kidney function. I remember when my kidney function tanked in 2015. Take care me bro. I won't give up, even though itz tempting!

 

Thank you for your kind words Gary, and I love the metaphor of my love for C being like a consuming fire. I think it's great that you've found a good walking group to spend time with, there is nothing better than nature therapy for our grieving souls,and connecting with other human beings helps keep our minds active, we should encourage ourselves as much as possible even if we don't want to, then whenever we feel like it we can just curl up into our shells.
Rose.