Wednesday ART THERAPY

Whats up Karen! The weather in Indiana has been similar to what Rose described before the north winds. Low 30s, cloudy, damp, and muddy. Very depressing but non life threatening like what you are experiencing. Is your pine tree a giant? I wish I could upload a photo of today’s grief devotion from Centerforloss.com because it describes exactly how I feel. Bogged down trying to walk through thick mud. Uninspired bored lethargic. But it explains sometimes this is what we need to do in this season. Many animals and plants are hibernating this season. My mind seems to be in hibernation. I start my most dreaded chores late afternoon to trick my mind from putting them off another day. Thank goodness the exercise bike came in so I can spend my anxiety. I truly have it made compared to the displaced and the homeless. Daylight is increasing. I need to be gentle and compassionate with myself today. Gary

 

Garbear, I've read today's devotion. Centerforloss and it fits me to a tea. I thought I was melting down into a gnome living underground in misery. Maybe if Bernadine reads this she can post it. I don't know how either. So according to today's devotion we're experiencing normal grief. Somehow it doesn't seem healthy to me.

I'm so bored and boring now. I have things to occupy and do, but do nothing. I think your exercise bike may be a blessing for you not only for anxiety, but keeping your heart beating.

I hope our neighborhood bear is hibernating now. He sure had fun in everyone's garbage late in the season. The deer are out and about with the new weeds to eat. And birds, oh my god, going crazy eating my seed even in the rain they are out. I thought squirrels hibernate, I have many still looking for food. Keeps my kitty happy. My pine tree must be 30 ft high. Power company hasn't come out since Friday to cut it down. I'll have to call them. So many trees around the town have fallen over houses and streets. At least the power company did top the tree for now.
Jack always said in Dec the days are getting longer. Oh ya! but the winter darkness is still apparent late Dec, Jan until we have a spring like weather in Feb then winter again.
Sometimes just talking about your feelings as you have helps to release anxiety, don't you think? What you have shared has helped me because I'm right there too. I thought I was losing my mind until you wrote this. Now I know it's normal. Or an abnormal state of mind that we must go through on this awful journey living alone and wondering who we are, who will we be, what will our life be like. Well, enough better take a nap it helps pass the days. K

I would be interested to know if anyone else here is experiencing any of these so called "normal" grief feelings.

 

I completely understand where you are coming from. I feel like grief swallows me, occasionally. On those occasions, I’m embarrassed and don’t know where to turn. I think this is going to happen from time to time. But it’s hard. There’s no question about that. Lonely and hard.

 

Great job Mrs Hum on cranking out 3 beautiful books about what is going on in your world. It does help me to puke out these feelings. Especially to find other warriors in the same boat. You are living in a wildlife paradise Karen. It sounds like a dry parched land being reborn. It sounds like this event has stirred your spirit! Dingy faded colors here. I walked the woods Sunday with a sunny blue sky. I experienced a moment of woodpecker mindfulness with all the tapping and hammering. I remember you encouraging me once by saying we must do more than just function. I will keep trying if you will. Garbear

 

Yes, I will keep trying. What else can we all do but keep trying. Speaking of woodpeckers here is a story. Jack and I had a house in Oregon just before we were to put it up for sale we notice holes below the eves all along the upper side of the house. We then knew it was woodpeckers after seeing them at work. They are beautiful creatures and we wondered what was their motive. The holes were perfectly spaced apart by 1/2 inch and in straight rows. We put the house up for sale and never mentioned the woodpeckers art work. No one noticed.

 

B, Thank you for posting

 

Oh, Louster, Godfathers can be sad. Hey, this whole journey of loss of our love one really takes everything out of us.

 

Garbear, I collapsed early tonight and
went into a deep sleep from 7:30 to
10:30 pm, & just woke up briefly to
check in with GIC. I am both amazed and
pleased to see the long "talks" among
Ms. Hum, Bernadine, Deborah, and you.
I receive Center for Loss quotes around
11am every day. I recall some of them
from a year ago, and they are still
stirring. "Walking through mud "
reminded me of Jonathan Santlofer's
line in The Widower's Notebook, about
"walking through cement". Linda's cane
has given me strength and I usually
don't experience that as much now.
However, I can't stop my morning cry
about Linda as I awake. The day gets
better when I interact with people. I
walk everyday. It's cold, 30s now, but I
dress in a hoodie & layered clothing.
Of course, I'm in a better mood when it's
sunny. I can't complain ,bc my New England weather isn't as bad as Ms. Mum's,yours in Indiana, and worst of
all, Lombardo's freezing winds in the
Windy City of the Chicago area. Debster
said she'd be MIA for a while. It appears
that our Ms. Hum, who is usually known
for her witty one liners, is, out of boredom,
in the Calif. storms, writing "books" like
Debster. Now , back to sleep for The
Godfather. May we all have pleasant
dreams.....

 

Yes, yes, yes, and more yesses. Idleness, not doing and just be-ing, new insights, that's just it. I seem to have developed extra - sensitive perceptions as I wander through my nature therapy, weather - permitting of course. I notice every single plant, wild flower, trees, birds, insects, which I've always taken for granted. I've lived here for nearly twenty-eight years, why am I just noticing now? The other day I was bewildered by a wild myrtle plant full of black myrtle seeds which I unexpectedly discovered. I stood there ages just examining it. I seem to be studying the beauty and the miracle of everything around me through my C's eyes, as I also tread this thick mud with you all here, feeling the weight getting more and more unbearable, BUT my C is guiding me on, helping me along, overcoming each obstacle, giving me strength.
Karen, I love that story of the woodpecker's art work, he seemed to have had a really good time making all those holes in your house. They are wonderful creatures though, you're right.
Gary, I agree with you that we should have a little compassion for ourselves during this dark, hybernation season. At least we can now look forward to longer daylight hours, I'm counting the minutes. I've now reached 30 minutes more light as it gets dark now at 5.30pm instead of 5.00pm. I've never done that before!
Lou, I always find it touching when you talk about walking with your Linda's cane, she's guiding you in every way, mentally and physically.

Just to add a little brightness to our dark moods, I'm sending some photos of an incredibly sunny day we had yesterday with a bright blue sky that we didn't even see in the summer last year, it rained almost every day! Climate change!
Another night-time picture I took (I found the colours of the sky that night particularly evocative), but maybe it's just this new vivid perception I have of seeing things.

Rose.

 

Apologies for the confusion, haven't got the hang of posting files yet.

 

Rose, no need to apologize. The fact that
you can text these photos of your
beautiful countryside, on a sunny, cloudless blue sky, is impressive.I always
forget ( or am too lazy) to ask a friend,
who takes pictures of everything , and
texts them to me, to show me how.He did
show me how to take his text photos on
his phone,to a place where they can be
made into prints , and sent to friends,
enclosed in a letter, the old fashioned way.
That's great, bc I'm "old school". Thank you
for your kind comment about Linda's
cane. After 4 years since Linda's death,
I'm in a confused sense of mind. On one
hand, I had promised Linda, when she
became ill ( I choke up when I say this,
bc I can picture her ), that I don't live
alone, and to find another woman. My
buddy, whose soulmate died 3 yrs ago, & I,
had been going to a local cafe to listen to
live music, and perhaps to meet and
dance with women. It has not worked out,
bc in my small town, it is either women
too young or too old, or in couples. Tomortow night, we are going to park my
friend's car ( I gave up driving), and visit
bars, where women go. However, I
don't want to be mixed up with a woman
who is too young, or drunk, with more
problems than I have. I don't have high
hopes,but my friend, who's a few years
younger, is more optimistic. Another
idea was to join an online dating service,
but I tried that before Linda and never had
any success. At this point , I like my
quiet apartment and the freedom to come
& go. I don't want to remarry, or even to
live with another woman. If a woman
feels the same way, it could work. It
would be pleasant to have a woman in
my life, with whom to take walks by the
ocean, share a meal, and even, a hug. I'd
like to know how you and other Grief
Warriors feel. Lou

 

Louster, Ms Mum caught you again. Hum! Typo's keeps me from becoming alzheimer's.

 

Oh, Louster another typo. Haaa! makes my day.
For me, I'm not interested in another man. Just can't go there. But, I think you are going about this quite well with guidelines for yourself. You could try a dating service again just for the heck of it.

 

Karen, I dare not screw up your nickname
a 3rd time. Always great to hear your
wit & wisdom. Linda and I liked a funny
British movie which we saw in a theater.
It starred the wonderful, elderly Maggie
Smith. It was called, Keeping Mum. It
was a black comedy ( 2005), also starring
Rowan Atkinson ( famous for Mr. Bean),
as a befuddled, clueless minister and
family man. I think you'd like it. I can
understand why you don't want another
man in your life, Karen. I'll keep you
posted. The Godfather of Lobsterville

 

Did you catch the typo in your post about not screwing up? If not, it's called, search and find. I just have to rag on you, it makes me happy.

 

Sorry, it's not in the post screwing up it's in the post to Rose (no need to apologize).

 

Beautiful photos Rose! The night time photo looks like a giant Serpant traveling across the mountain tops. The cold weather makes for the bluest skies. I like how you saw the myrtle and other forms of wildlife with great depth. There was a male cardinal and red bellied woodpecker on the feeder at the same time today that offered some cheer. I thought of the fire people who wouldn’t share their fire with others. The ordinary people were cold and ate uncooked food. The people tried taking fire from the fire people but they were too fast and would catch them and take the fire back. One day a counsel was held and the people devised a plan with the help of several birds to have a relay in place and get the fire away from the fire people. A man grabbed a piece of fire and ran with it and the fire people chased him. Right before they caught him he gave it to a bird who took off with the fire. When the fire people almost caught the bird the bird gave it to another bird. And to another bird and on and on. And the fire people gave up. The fire people referred to these birds as the fire catchers or fire thieves and marked them with red colors on their heads. I think this is a beautiful myth and a special way to honor the woodpeckers. Gary

 

Wow, Garbear, what an impressive
legend. Thanks for sharing. I've been in

Rip Van Winkle hibernation, sleeping
right after dinner. Just woke up briefly to
check in with GIC,and was pleased to see
your reply to Rose's photos from Italy.
They were bittersweet for me, bc Linda
wanted us to visit Italy, but we never did.
I try to remember an idyllic trip we did do,
to Bermuda. Godfather of Lobsterland