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Wednesday ART THERAPY

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by Helena Beatriz, May 4, 2022.

  1. Helena Beatriz

    Helena Beatriz Well-Known Member

    Dear Lou, no body forgets you,!! you are in our thoughts, we all are connected!!! that it's my belief you, Patty, Deb, Gary, George, Karin, Bernadine, Rose, and all the warriors we are connected spiritual and right here! Sending you love, peace and many hugs. HB
     
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  2. DEB321

    DEB321 Well-Known Member

    Lou,

    I hope you know I will NEVER!!! forget you!!!, TUTTAM!!! You have, and continue to be, a very good friend. You have helped me so much as I continue to struggle along this miserable path that not one of us would have chosen to take... I'm forever grateful to you for all of your kind words, support and excellent advice.

    I'm so sorry Mr. Grief hit you so hard last night. It's just that I can't respond to every message in one day or else Mr. Grief would SUCK!!! whatever life is left in me, right out of me. I get carried away when I write one of my "books," and then I don't get to "talk" to as many people as I want to.

    I need to step away from grieving for awhile, but and this is another one of those really BIG!!! BUTS!!!, I just kicked the F*CK!!! out of Mr. Grief again, this time, just for you. Hope it was a hard enough kick to keep him from bothering you for the rest of today...

    All this kicking the F*CK!!! out of Mr. Grief is making me so tired... I NEED to get out of the house for awhile. I have to put away my chrome book.

    As always, sending you lots of hugs and love, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB
     
  3. Helena Beatriz

    Helena Beatriz Well-Known Member

    Dear Lou my GIC friend, hope you're having a peaceful day!! I have always feel better reading the warriors posts and the comforting words, as I read the messages (if is not an avatar on the profile), my brain makes an image of the person, I see you sitting outside your cafe or looking from your window's apartment, makes me feel good just imagining Lou my friend is enjoying the beautiful blue ocean, seeing many people walking in and out, at that time I smile, we all are connected!!!
    This week started pretty BAAAD for me, you always respond with comforting words, then I connect with you, it's just so difficult to explain and express only texting. You'll always miss Linda, like myself Geoff will be in my heart for ever. After almost four months without him and not having a single physical face to comfort me, thanks to you and all my friends TGW I'm steel here!!! now I'm sobbing again...more tissues, perhaps this toxic Mr Grief leaves us alone soon... I say again Tomorrow is another day! Helena
     
  4. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Thank you for being my hitman ( or
    hitwoman) in dealing with Mr. Grief,
    Deb. As Bernadine said, we shouldn't kill
    him, bc that's impossible. We have to
    remember the totality of the good times
    in our long marriages, and not the sad
    events in the end. Both Bob & Linda, and
    many soulmates of other GW, knew how
    to enjoy themselves with us. Mr. Grief
    can't take that away.. ...Thank you again, Deb, for being a true Grief Warrior, and
    picking me up on the battlefield , boxing
    with Mr. G. You've done well by Helena &
    me, and you deserve to be MIA....Lou
     
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  5. Helena Beatriz

    Helena Beatriz Well-Known Member

    Rose, I was reading you yesterday's post. I realize that my all of us here are grieving, missing our partners and the only one thing I do is reach here to my only friends, I could say this rollercoaster of feelings, not being able to express, now I do with my art, at least some days keeps me sane until the big wave comes crashing so hard I can't control the tears, at last night I managed to sleep following Karen's advice.
    I like music, I always wanted to play the piano, I started at my old age, then Geoff s illness I couldn't continue and now I have also a lonely piano keeping me company with not a single sound.
    Geoff used to play Frank Sinatras records and also imitate Dean Martin's voice which sounded exactly like him, his voice was very pleasant I miss his voice, and smiling at me, his sense of humour,...I can't even write a sentence without crying...
     
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  6. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Thank you,Helena. Today started out
    rough , bc I had to see my nurse
    practioner, the same kind one, to whom
    Linda & went-- together. I'm worried
    about balance. When I stand too long,
    I feel I'm going to fall backward, bc of
    some of the meds I take, which make me
    drowsy. When I fell in the street, TWICE ,
    last year, I was referred to a rehab ctr.
    At my 1st session , I cried bc the PT was
    a young mother with a gentle manner. I
    requested we chat before the exercises,
    & I told her that I was used to having
    Linda come with me, to medical
    appointments. She handed me a kleenex
    box when my eyes filled up.I jokingly
    thanked her for being my grief therapist,
    & we both laughed, before she put me
    on a stationary bike. I'm going back to
    same center. The PT left, but I told the
    receptionist how kind she was, when I
    told her about Linda's death, and requested another female PT, bc I feel
    women are generally more nurturing
    than men. I thank God, for you, Patti,
    Karen, Deb, & many otherwidows on GIC,
    for comforting me. I'm walking down our
    promenade now. 60s, sunny weather is
    lifting my spirits. Thanks for caring about
    me, Helena. Lou
     
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  7. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Helena, Linda & I would have loved you
    & Geoff. The fact that he played Frank &
    Dean, was "frosting on the cake" as Deb
    would say. Lou
     
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  8. Rose69

    Rose69 Well-Known Member

    Helena, I had tears in my eyes reading your post, I'm glad you managed to sleep a little better.
    Would you believe I started learning to play the piano just 6/7 yrs ago? I'm 54 now. C already played the guitar and at home we've always had other musical instruments such as an electronic keyboard. One day we were just 'playing around' with it and I realised I was really keen on learning what all the keys were, the chords, and so on. C noticed my particular interest and it all started from there. Neither of us knew how to read music sheets (C knew a little) , so it was mainly by ear, although my husband already knew all the music notes and chords, having played the guitar. The first piece we learned was Bach's "Air on the G string", C would patiently and carefully read each note on the music sheet and write down for me, the corresponding note,in words - do, re, mi, etc. I even made him write the relevant notes on the keyboard itself, as I didn't

    know what each key referred to. As you can see, if it wasn't for my darling husband, I would never have learned, not in a million years. How can I live with this? It took me months to find the courage to sit at the piano again, can't play the songs and music we played together, too painful, have to do different things, least of all I won't go back to the special piece we were learning together when he was suddenly, cruelly torn away from me. I use the word 'cruelly' because I am angry, angry at who or what I don't know, but I'm ANGRY. I've come to realise that Mr Grief is a mixture of so many emotions, that I think we go through in phases, or simply they come along every day, joining the ones we're already feeling, I just don't have the words to describe this long list of emotions, they are all 'alien', so devastating, so unbearable but ANGER prevails most of the time. Perhaps it's FATE I'm angry at, but FATE is invincible.
    Helena, I miss my C's voice too, he was so modest and always said he couldn't sing, but he had a great voice and also imitated some famous italian artists. I remember when we first met his beautiful, sensual, gentlemanly voice was one of the things about him I fell in love with. Crying again, while writing this. I usually have trouble writing down my feelings or talking about them, but when I start there's no stopping me.
    My thoughts are with you, we are thousands of miles away but I'm sending you a big soothing hug,

    Lou, I'm sorry to hear you haven't been feeling too well, I understand how much it hurts not having your Linda with you. I also feel more vulnerable now without my C, but I know our loved ones are with us. Like we have all discovered here LOVE is stronger than DEATH, horrid Mr Grief will never take that away from us. Our beautiful memories remain forever and help us carry on.
    I truly hope you feel better soon, wishing you all the best.
     
  9. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Rose, just woke up at almost 6am. I'm
    still in bed, and wanted to check in with
    TGW. I'm proud of you for using your
    husband's name, as C, and revealing more
    about him. As sad as it is , for you to tell
    us about his sensual voice, and his patient
    manner , in teaching you the notes of
    music, you are honoring his memory ,
    by sharing that with us. You would love
    the live music at my cafe. One day, I went
    into the backroom, where a man, my age
    ( as it turned out), was playing a small
    set of drums, softly, after the band played,with female vocalists in the front
    room, where people were dining. We
    struck up a conversation. He plays there
    every Wed & Sat aft., & calls it the drum
    circle, in which anyone can join. He has a
    great sense of humor, and we started
    taking about everything. He & his wife,
    who I later met & liked, will celebrate their
    50th wedding anniversary next month,
    no children. I told him about Linda, and her sudden death in front of me, after 25
    years of marriage, also no children. The
    more we revealed about our lives, the
    closer we became as friends. In between
    our Wed & Sat meetings, we text , or
    call, and make each other laugh. At our
    age, there's bound to be some health
    problems, and we joke about being old,
    but we don't look, or act like it. We meet
    for lunch every Tues in the same booth
    in a bar, in a great restaurant , in a
    nearby city. We are greeted warmly by the
    Brazilian couple who own the restaurant,
    and by their 2 daughters, in their 20s, who
    are our waitresses. I've shared my feelings
    of anger ( I have it , too, Rose), sorrow,
    loneliness, but, lately, humor, quoting
    Linda's funny, feisty phrases, and we
    both laugh. I only wish Linda were here
    physically with us. She would've loved my
    friend & his wife, and we could've gone
    out together to the cafe & to this restaurant
    which didn't exist when Linda was alive.
    I try not to be sad about that, or to feel
    guilty for having a good time without her.
    I think all TGW know what I'm talking
    about. So good to see you on here this am,
    and to read a new poem by Carla. I'm so
    happy you're both with us. I hope you
    have moments of joy today, and can
    enjoy some sunshine, like I plan to do. Lou
     
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  10. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Lou, I love how you met this couple and love that you shared that with us. The fact that you’re getting out and about and making new friends is the inspiration we all need to hear. I see a big difference in your posts from when you joined and now. Linda is watching you and smiling a huge smile, you honor her every day and she feels the love, I just know it. I’m sorry you’re having some health issues and praying the new NP is kind and can help you figure out your balance issue. I’ve been suffering with extra pain in my joints. This happens every season change and it’s been extra bad this time. If the weather would change and stop going back and forth I’d be in a much better place. I’m feeling a slight reprieve this morning. Let’s hope it continues. My daughter took me on the beach last weekend to help me get fresh air and feel the ocean breeze. It’s so healing. I’d be there every day if I could. have a good day Lou. Robin
     
  11. Helena Beatriz

    Helena Beatriz Well-Known Member

    Looking for the Light

    IMG_20220518_105421_kindlephoto-1453964927.jpg
     
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  12. Helena Beatriz

    Helena Beatriz Well-Known Member

    Self portrait 2014

    IMG_20220517_085458_kindlephoto-1452663999.jpg
     
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  13. eyepilot13

    eyepilot13 Well-Known Member

    Attached Files:

  14. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Thanks, Robin. So good to hear from you
    this sunny, high 60s degree day. I hope it
    stays like this for a while. I agree with you
    about how annoying back & forth weather can be. It did a job on my mental health.I'm so sorry it impacted your joints. I am so glad, however, that you could go to the
    beach with your daughter, & smell that
    wonderful sea air, and hear the soothing
    sounds of the waves. I will sit on a bench,
    mesmerized by the waves, at high tide.
    As other GW have said, our grief for our
    soulmates, are like the waves: calm one
    day, moderately high another day, and
    wild another day. I love talking with
    Rose & others about music . Live music,
    like the ocean, feeds my soul. I'm moved
    that you could see the difference in me
    now , in contrast to when I joined GIC
    at the end of July, in 2021, when I was a
    broken man. I want to stay on GIC indefinitely, with kind GW like you. Lou
     
  15. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Lou, I’m in love with this weather wish It could stay like this forever. Every season change my joints are affected by the change. But this time it’s lasting so much longer and affecting me much worse. Today feels wonderful and I’ve gotten a little reprieve from the pain.
    I know you were a broken man less then a year ago. Once you found this gem of a site you were never alone again. And all our friends we have here pull us through even the darkest of days. We made it through one of the harshest winters in a long time and now rejoicing in the rebirth of spring. That’s kind of like what each of is working towards. A rebirth of sorts. Robin
     
  16. cjpines

    cjpines Well-Known Member

    Lou, I just read this. So sorry about your balance. Could you stop the medication? May I ask what the medication is for? You don't have to answer. Feeling drowsy is no way to live. I'm glad you are going to rehab. ctr. I've thought about buying one of those neat looking canes when I walk on unlevel areas. Would that help? Please keep us informed. Your friend, Karen
     
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  17. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Karen, I don't mind telling you about my
    meds. They are all necessary: I'm used
    to the ones for manic depression, bc I've
    used them since I was 30. I take Allopurinol for gout, & a new pill for
    my prostate. The woman , who's like a
    daughter to me, said to make sure to be
    hydrated. My drummer pal, my age, who
    has a bad knee, & walks with a cane,
    suggests I use Linda's cane, like I use
    her shower bench. I'm looking forward to
    my Mon am PT session, &will tell you
    how it goes. Thanks for your concern,
    Karen. Lou
     
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  18. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Robin, I'm lazy today, so all I can say, is
    Thank you, and Amen. Hope you feel better. Lou
     
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  19. cjpines

    cjpines Well-Known Member

    Lou, Jack got gout pretty bad. I think what you are on for medicine. The reason he complained all the time is he wouldn't adhere to the diet no, shellfish, meat, etc. He said he will not give up his favorite foods, so he suffered. He was always in pain for the sake of food. Hum! go figure.
     
  20. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Karen, that's so sad to hear. One cold night,
    Linda & I went to a restaurant, where I
    had a cognac ( for warmth),beer, and
    shellfish. That night. I had excruciating
    pain in my big toe, which turned bright
    red, on my left foot. The next morning,
    we went to our doctor, who said it was
    gout. Turns out beer is the worst for
    gout. He gave me Allopurinol, and I
    can eat anything, except beer, bc I have
    Celiac Disease, & the beer would have to
    be gluten free. It doesn't matter, bc., as
    you know , I stopped drinking 2 years
    after Linda died bc I got very depressed,
    & my grief counselor suggested I stop.
    I feel better physically, and I think the
    PT will help. Thanks. Lou
     
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