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Wednesday ART THERAPY

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by Helena Beatriz, May 4, 2022.

  1. cjpines

    cjpines Well-Known Member

    Hum, I think I'll say to anyone who asks me how am I? I'll say I'm brooding today. Or sorry I can't make it I'm brooding today.
    Helena, we've all been there or are there now regarding sleep and our brain fog. What has helped me was, meditation. I gave up trying to sleep, but knew I needed rest so this what I've done and still do. I'm also afraid of dreams and this helps not to go that far into sleep. I lay on my couch with a pillow on my head. Take deep breaths, then close my eyes and try to relax my body. I concentrate on how calming my body feels to rest it, then my mind goes into a state of calm. Let the thoughts flow in and out. It's like your in between awake and sleep. It refreshes you when you are very tired and can't go into a deep sleep. It's a practice I've learned years back which took many months to be able to relax. I hope this makes sense, if nothing else try relaxing without going to sleep. Best, Karen
     
  2. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Karen, I've done the same thing, & it
    works for me, too. Sometimes, when I
    need to take a short nap in the afternoon,
    I do that & even drift off to sleep. When I
    wake up, I feel refreshed. Sometimes, my
    naps are more soothing than my sleep
    at night, where I can have wild dreams.
    I'm glad you like my. "brooding"word. Lou
     
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  3. Rose69

    Rose69 Well-Known Member

    Helena, when I checked in to GIC this morning, I saw your post and realised you must have written it in the middle of the night, I think we're about 6 hours ahead. I instantly felt deeply sad for you that you couldn't sleep, totally understandable since only a few months have passed, I was the same, up the whole night, I still have problems sleeping after 18 months, manage to get 4/5 hrs if I take an anxiety pill, but prefer not to. My husband was always against this type of med. I spent the first year completely isolated, I just wanted to curl up into a ball and hide in a closet, it's great that you have been able to open up here, I should have done it too, earlier, but I just couldn't talk about my desperation and deep sorrow to anyone. Even now, I have so much inside me I don't know where to start and sometimes I just feel completely blank, blocked up, not able to think, to talk, to pour out my devastation. I feel everything you're feeling, thank you for being here. I hope you feel a little better knowing that we all relate here,trying to do our best to get along this path we hadn't asked for, a bit like leaving the road we'd set out on and doing an unexpected diversion.


    Lou, "Groundhog day' was one of my husband's favourite films, he would often refer to this film when repetitive monotonous events happened, for example, during long periods of rain, when everyday is the same, get up in the morning to grey skies, pouring rain, go back to bed and still raining, day after the same, and so on. I was moved to hear about your 'hug Linda' dreams, I dream often about my husband and once I dreamed that he had suddenly come through the front door with a big smile on his face asking what was I crying about, it was a joke, he hadn't really gone and we hugged tightly and he said he was sorry to have caused unnecessary sorrow.
     
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  4. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Rose, we are blessed to have you with us,
    on GIC. You are a kind woman, who
    comforts a lot of GW, like you just did,
    with Helena. Groundhog Day was one
    of our favorite films, also. Your dream
    about your husband , is so moving. I
    hope that someday you will realize this
    is a safe forum, and you can share your
    husband's name with us. No pressure,but
    it might be easier, and more personal,
    to say his name , than having to say,
    "my husband" , all the time. I know you
    are reserved, & chose to use your middle
    name on GIC.Perhaps you could refer to
    your husband, by his middle name, as well.
    Lou
     
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  5. eyepilot13

    eyepilot13 Well-Known Member

    Doing some productive chores today. I love the big Lake but it is very crowded in downtown ShitCago. But I appreciate any bodies of water I'm near by!
     
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  6. Helena Beatriz

    Helena Beatriz Well-Known Member

    Earlier on I was talking to Deb, but I went for a walk, I feel better, at least for awhile. Thanks for your supporting words and advice Lou. I couldn't remember the name of the film, when we watched the film I said, it must be horrible to get stuck in a loop... well, I hope that this doesn't continue... I'll buy over the counter Melatonin at least to help me sleep, otherwise I will be a real zombie, lol.
    When I met Geoff, my cousin and I went in a date, my date was another guy, but Geoff changed the couples and we finished falling in love, he was strong man, always living his own way, remains me Frank Sinatra song 'My Way', his mother used to say that is Geoff, he even picked his last day to die, we met April 23, married December 23 an died January 23 at 2:23 pm, Is that a coincidence? I really don't know, I have been trying to figure this out, I don't believe in coincidences, is this written some where? or a parallel universe, who knows, we are all here supporting each other from different parts of USA and the world. I'm not going to go deep in this subject, otherwise my foggy widow's brain will loose track or maybe its my senior moment, I will leave to the philosophors to debate.
    Wishing you and TGW peace and love. Tomorrow is another day. HB
     
  7. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Amen, younger brother!! Lou
     
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  8. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Helena, Thank you so much for your
    moving reply. I love your story about
    Geoff being smart enough to switch dates
    to have you. I think he sensed you were
    "the one" for him. I also believe there's no
    such thing as coincidences. My belief in
    God has gotten stronger since Linda's
    death . I tell some of my newer friends
    that I feel that God has brought them into
    my life, and they always agree. When you
    said Geoff's mother compared him to
    Frank Sinatra's My Way, my eyes filled
    up. Linda & I listened to that song, as
    well as the sad, soft,lonely song of
    "Cycles". Right after Linda died, I would
    weep when I heard those 2 songs, and
    stopped playing them. Now, years later,
    I find them comforting. Lou
     
  9. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Helena, I'm sitting in a small cafe, eating
    a hot soup, bc there was a sudden cold
    wind, though still sunny. I'm sitting alone
    at a small counter, looking at the tourists
    walking by , on the street below. Without
    warning, the song , "Ain't No Sunshine,
    When She's Gone", by the late Bill
    Withers, who also wrote the other
    moving song, Lean on Me, played on the
    sound system. I didn't cry, like I used to,
    bc I looked outside and the sun was still
    shining...... Lou
     
  10. Rose69

    Rose69 Well-Known Member

    Lou, hope you had a pleasant lunch, liked the way you said 'the sun was still shining". We've just had our evening meal here, looking at that empty chair is just so distressing, surreal. I'll never get used to it. In reply to your kind suggestion, I could refer to my husband as C (his initial) since he never used his real name when writing in forums, so I prefer not to use it either just out of respect for him, I wouldn't feel comfortable using it. Speaking of songs, there are so many that bring back beautiful memories and make me cry, so many I dedicate to C, one in particular is Celine Dion's "Because you loved me". The words reflect exactly the special union we had together. Earlier today, I was playing songs on the piano, searching them on Spotify and I came across "You light up my life" sung by Debby Boone, well I started singing and playing but a few seconds later I just broke down, couldn't go on.
     
  11. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    God Bless you, Rose. You have the soul of
    a musician. So do I , even though I stopped
    playing piano when my lessons were over,
    at 15. A guy my age, plays piano every
    Friday at lunchtime at my local cafe. He
    can play by ear & doesn't need to read
    sheet music. He takes requests, and played
    Sinatra's Cycles for me, one day. Thank
    you for sharing your husband's initial.
    I will call him C, from now on. I remember
    You Light Up My Life. It's a beautiful song,
    but I can see why it makes you cry. I'd
    rather get choked up sometimes , then
    not to have music at all. Lou
     
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  12. Helena Beatriz

    Helena Beatriz Well-Known Member

    Thanks Karen, that form of relaxation sounds good, I will try later on. Helena
     
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  13. Helena Beatriz

    Helena Beatriz Well-Known Member

    Rose, hope you feel better, tears of joy knowing that C was the light of your life, nice feeling! even if they are not physical with us, those memories are good, our grief is the continuation of love for our partners. Helena
     
  14. DEB321

    DEB321 Well-Known Member

    Helena,

    Having a rough morning, had to kick the F*CK!!! out of Mr. Grief multiple times already. I'm so glad that Lou and Bernadine, and I'm thinking more GW (As usual, not reading messages in order like I should before responding) have been here for you already!!!, TUTTAM!!! Everything you're experiencing is so "normal" given the magnitude of our grief. I think I can speak for every GW when I say all of us "get" it... Lack of sleep, inability to concentrate, feeling like we're going to drown in a sea of tears... It SUCKS!!!

    I HATE!!! the way in our fast paced, fix it ASAP!!!, way too impersonal society, doctors hand out pills, similar to passing out candy on Halloween... The more, the better... thinking masking our pain is the solution. Unfortunately they don't take the time to figure out if someone is truly depressed, grieving, or possibly a combination of the two. Pills are the quick fix (NOT!!!) Better get off of my soapbox before I even begin to get going!!! This is one subject that infuriates me to the absolute max!!!

    I'm so very glad you ditched this so called "doctor," refused to take the pills, and realize that in the long run, this is NOT!!! the way to go!!! You know yourself better than anyone does. The sad part is this "doctor" will be paid, probably quite well, for your last office visit. I wish office visits were handled like any other service we pay for... Product, service, etc, doesn't meet up to reasonable standards, we can ask for a refund. Wait... I said I was getting off of my soapbox!!! Enough of this!!! or this might become my longest "book" yet, lol...

    I wish I had some good advice for you... You're doing everything you possibly can to move forward. Although I sound like a broken record, you ARE!!! healing!!! The times when Mr. Grief strikes the hardest, when Mr. Grief has you tightly in his grasp and refuses to let go, are the times when you are doing all the over the top hard work grieving forces you to do. Unfortunately, it's a long miserable journey (for lack of a better word), filled with way too many twists and turns, rocks and fallen trees along the way, forcing us to stumble and fall, sometimes feeling like we're taking three steps backward for every step forward. The one positive in all of this is that TGW, your GIC "family" will always be here for you, as you and all of us, continue to fight those way too frequent, daily battles with Mr. Grief. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!

    I wish SC wasn't such a big state so we could get together weekly. It would be so nice to be able to talk instead of "talk..." It would be so over the top wonderful, if all TGW, our entire GIC "family" could get together... I know it's not possible, but it's such a wonderful thought. Daydreaming can be a very good thing.... For now, I'm just so very grateful for the GIC website, allowing us to provide each other with virtual hugs..., be here for each other 24/7, in a way that people who haven't walked in our shoes, can't be.

    I just kicked the F*CK!!! out of Mr Grief again, this time for both of us. (Kick the F*CK!!! has already grown way past stale, but it's here to stay. I can't think of a stronger way to express my feelings.) I hope it was a hard enough kick to leave him unconscious for awhile...

    It's way too hot to go for a long walk today, but I need to get outside, step into the sunshine, remind myself of all the beauty surrounding me... As Gary said, and it has quickly become one of my very favorite expressions, "The secret to life is everything in moderation."

    I know nothing I said can take away any of your pain, or make you feel any better, but I want you to know how sorry I am you're struggling so much. I wish I could give you a real hug, but virtual hugs are going to have to do.

    As always, sending you and your adorable fur babies, lots of hugs and love, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB
     
  15. Helena Beatriz

    Helena Beatriz Well-Known Member

    Thanks Deb!!! I'm sure you understand how much you're answering means receiving your replies, this loneliness is unbearable....it's not even 4 months since Geoff left me... when he had his seizure three days before his last breath, he was in his recliner that I just purchased three months before so he can be comfortable using his 24/7 oxygen... for a second, I wasn't so sure what what's happening I reclined towards him begging "please, please don't leave me alone", still not knowing what to do, call the Dr, (answering service at the other end), do I call 911? Geoff is watching me and said I'm OK don't call anyone. I had to do something, one hour later the ambulance and other assistance arrived, three or four people carried him out, that was the last time I saw him!!!! Just now I can't stop sobbing,, tears of sorrow.
     
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  16. DEB321

    DEB321 Well-Known Member

    Karen,

    I'm smiling BIG!!! TIME!!! reading that the pain has started to soften. I LOVE!!! how you're able to be grateful for all those way beyond wonderful years you were so very blessed to have been able to spend with Jack, the one true love of your life.... but at the same time, move forward. You ARE!!! healing!!! You sound so much better than you did when we first met...

    Thank you for sharing your feelings throughout this miserable journey (for lack of a better word). Your thoughts have helped me grow as a person as I continue along this miserable path right along with you, with all of our GIC "family." You've been here for me from the very beginning. I can't wait to see how much farther along we'll be next year, same time.

    As always, sending you and Rambo lots of hugs and love, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB
     
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  17. DEB321

    DEB321 Well-Known Member

    Bernadine,

    So sorry Mr. Grief has been such a pita the past few weeks!!! It SUCKS!!! I think, sorry to sound so pessimistic, that important dates, even though they only last one day (thanks Lou!), are always going to difficult to get through. Life is always going to be so very bittersweet, but and this is another one of those really BIG!!! BUTS!!!, to repeat myself for the zillionth time, I'll take bittersweet over the alternative any day.

    Just kicked the F*CK!!! out of Mr. Grief again, but this time for the both of us. I had to kick the F*CK!!! out of Mr. Grief for Helena a bit earlier. Wait, I just kicked the F*CK!!! out of Mr. Grief again, this time for all TGW, for our entire GIC "family." He better be unconscious by now!!!, giving all of us a much needed break, even if the break turns out just to be a short one.

    As I said to Helena earlier, I need to get outside, get some fresh air, take in all the beauty that surrounds me. I REFUSE!!! to let Mr. Grief trash my entire day!!!

    I hope you and Maggie are enjoying some beautiful spring like weather... I wish I could see life every day through the eyes of a puppy... fascinated by every small thing, so many things to explore, so much to do... Life is like a giant playground, filled with opportunities for fun and new adventures...

    As always, sending you and Maggie Joy lots of hugs and love, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB
     
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  18. Helena Beatriz

    Helena Beatriz Well-Known Member

    Karen your advice help me last night! today early morning I felt positive but lasted for two hours, now feeling so down! grieving really is bringing so many unknown emotions? Thanks to you and all TGW I'm managing to stay in one piece! HB
     
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  19. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Deb, Gary is like Ben Franklin, who said.
    "Moderation in all things" , or something
    like that. Ironically, he didn't follow his
    own advice & stayed out late, drinking,
    partying with women! Loved your wise &
    kind words to Helena. Don't forget me,
    Deb! I cried in the middle of night &
    reached out to GIC....... Lou

     
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  20. DEB321

    DEB321 Well-Known Member

    Helena,

    Wrapping you in a GIANT!!! virtual hug... I need a tissue... I think it gets harder before it begins to get any easier. I think it was Tom Zuba (??? foggy widow brain SUCKS!!!) who said that we don't feel the full impact of our loved one's death right away, we are sort of numb at first. If we experienced the full impact of this total heartbreak right from that very moment our loved one passed away, the magnitude of all this pain, would kill us.

    For me, even though I didn't realize it, I was sort of "numb." The "numbness" slowly began to wear off, the pain increased, the floodgates were open 24/7. All of the most difficult, most painful memories from the last 24 hours of Bob's life resurfaced, invading my brain, in a way that they hadn't before. It's hard to explain. At first, even though I was way beyond heartbroken, it felt like those 24 hours, weren't "real." Many days I expected to come home from a trip to the grocery store , etc, and find Bob sitting in his recliner waiting for me. S L O W L Y... those horrific memories of the last 24 hours of his life became more and more vivid, taking up just about all the space in my brain. I couldn't stop thinking about the very worst night of Bob's life, my life... It SUCKED!!!

    At the time I didn't realize I was beginning to heal. I was terrified of the way I felt, I had NEVER!!! even remotely felt this sad... There were many times I could barely breathe. I felt like I was having panic attacks. I thought I was losing my mind. Finally, with the help of TGW, I realized, I'm NOT!!! losing my mind. I AM!!! grieving. I AM!!! doing all the hard work I need to do to begin to heal.

    I think you're going through some of the very worst moments now. Putting a positive spin on all of this, you NEED!!! to "talk" about all of these feelings, as much as you want to, until the day comes when you just can't repeat those horrible memories even one more time. This is so necessary in order for you to begin winning more battles than you're losing with Mr. Grief. Hang in there!!! All of our GIC "family" is here to help get you through these very darkest days of your life... Keep repeating all those horrific memories as often as you need to, we're "listening..." Keep repeating as often as necessary, "I AM!!! healing," over and over again. Cry until you can't.

    But, and this is another one of those really BIG!!! BUTS!!!, take breaks from grieving whenever you can. Do whatever you can to make each day the very best day you possibly can. Sometimes just getting out of bed will seem like it's too much, but other days, you'll be able to go for a walk ... The fresh air and sunshine..., being surrounded by so many of God's over the top beautiful creations..., will make you feel better. I think I said this once before, in a much older message, to quote Tom Hanks in Forrest Gump, "Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're going to get." Grief is like a box of chocolates, although it's always with us, sometimes we're able to smile in spite of the pain.

    Eventually there will be more smiles than tears...

    As always, sending you and your adorable fur babies, lots of hugs and love, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB