Helena,
Having a rough morning, had to kick the F*CK!!! out of Mr. Grief multiple times already. I'm so glad that Lou and Bernadine, and I'm thinking more GW (As usual, not reading messages in order like I should before responding) have been here for you already!!!, TUTTAM!!! Everything you're experiencing is so "normal" given the magnitude of our grief. I think I can speak for every GW when I say all of us "get" it... Lack of sleep, inability to concentrate, feeling like we're going to drown in a sea of tears... It SUCKS!!!
I HATE!!! the way in our fast paced, fix it ASAP!!!, way too impersonal society, doctors hand out pills, similar to passing out candy on Halloween... The more, the better... thinking masking our pain is the solution. Unfortunately they don't take the time to figure out if someone is truly depressed, grieving, or possibly a combination of the two. Pills are the quick fix (NOT!!!) Better get off of my soapbox before I even begin to get going!!! This is one subject that infuriates me to the absolute max!!!
I'm so very glad you ditched this so called "doctor," refused to take the pills, and realize that in the long run, this is NOT!!! the way to go!!! You know yourself better than anyone does. The sad part is this "doctor" will be paid, probably quite well, for your last office visit. I wish office visits were handled like any other service we pay for... Product, service, etc, doesn't meet up to reasonable standards, we can ask for a refund. Wait... I said I was getting off of my soapbox!!! Enough of this!!! or this might become my longest "book" yet, lol...
I wish I had some good advice for you... You're doing everything you possibly can to move forward. Although I sound like a broken record, you ARE!!! healing!!! The times when Mr. Grief strikes the hardest, when Mr. Grief has you tightly in his grasp and refuses to let go, are the times when you are doing all the over the top hard work grieving forces you to do. Unfortunately, it's a long miserable journey (for lack of a better word), filled with way too many twists and turns, rocks and fallen trees along the way, forcing us to stumble and fall, sometimes feeling like we're taking three steps backward for every step forward. The one positive in all of this is that TGW, your GIC "family" will always be here for you, as you and all of us, continue to fight those way too frequent, daily battles with Mr. Grief. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!
I wish SC wasn't such a big state so we could get together weekly. It would be so nice to be able to talk instead of "talk..." It would be so over the top wonderful, if all TGW, our entire GIC "family" could get together... I know it's not possible, but it's such a wonderful thought. Daydreaming can be a very good thing.... For now, I'm just so very grateful for the GIC website, allowing us to provide each other with virtual hugs..., be here for each other 24/7, in a way that people who haven't walked in our shoes, can't be.
I just kicked the F*CK!!! out of Mr Grief again, this time for both of us. (Kick the F*CK!!! has already grown way past stale, but it's here to stay. I can't think of a stronger way to express my feelings.) I hope it was a hard enough kick to leave him unconscious for awhile...
It's way too hot to go for a long walk today, but I need to get outside, step into the sunshine, remind myself of all the beauty surrounding me... As Gary said, and it has quickly become one of my very favorite expressions, "The secret to life is everything in moderation."
I know nothing I said can take away any of your pain, or make you feel any better, but I want you to know how sorry I am you're struggling so much. I wish I could give you a real hug, but virtual hugs are going to have to do.
As always, sending you and your adorable fur babies, lots of hugs and love, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB
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