Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by Helena Beatriz, May 4, 2022.

  1. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Gary, so glad to see you're following our
    posts, by attaching a LIKE, so we know
    you're OK. We all miss you, Bro Gar, as
    our wise & witty brother George calls you.
    Brother Lou
  2. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    How are you doing? I made it through the 17th. Released balloons on the beach for Ron. Had some melt downs but over all ok. Started our long journey to Florida yesterday. Stopped for the night close to SC border. 31° this morning. Just keeping you posted like I said I would. This drive is emotional but I’m doing ok. Hope you’re holding up ok. Thinking of all my friends on GIC as well.
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  3. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Thanks for asking about me & for your
    trip update .Wish you could visit Deb,
    and check on the wellbeing of both
    Helena and Patti,who we haven't heard
    from. They all live in South Carolina. I
    envy their temps in the winter, but not
    in the summer. Went to hear band at
    my local cafe last night, & had a great
    time. I sat at a table with a couple my
    age, & ended up talking about Linda and
    how she would've loved the cafe & my
    friends, neither of which she lived to
    see. I pointed to my cane & said it was
    Linda's. The wife kindly said Linda is
    with me. Later, as the couple were
    leaving, I noticed that the wife hugged
    a woman, with a kind smile, who had
    interested me, bc she had been
    dancing alone. I asked about her, & was
    told her name, that she is single, coming
    out of a long relationship. I was
    intrigued bc I'd like to have a female
    music companion, as I've said on GIC
    before. But, I got tired suddenly, and
    thought of Jonathan in his book, The
    Widower's Notebook. He said he didn't
    want to have to repeat his life story to
    another woman . I live in a small
    town, and have to tread lightly. Lou
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  4. Rose69

    Rose69 Well-Known Member

    HI Robin, lovely to hear from you during your road trip. A wonderful tribute to your Ron, releasing those balloons on the beach. I'm sure he was smiling and thanking you with a huge hug.
    Looking forward to further updates.
    Thinking of you.
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  5. Rose69

    Rose69 Well-Known Member

    Lou, that was a touching story about the lady dancing alone at the café and I understand you about wanting to tread lightly.
    I hope you keep on smiling with with your friends, listening to the live bands. I have always thought that the best evening entertainment in towns/cities is going to listen to live music. In fact, lately, my daughter has been sadly telling me how all the live music places in our nearby town have practically closed down, (The pandemic didn't help much),and she and her friends are so disappointed about this.

    Wishing you and all GWs a peaceful and not too cold Sunday (we've heard about the exceptionally freezing snowy weather in New York! ). We're going through a rainy, windy week (or two). :(

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  6. Sweetcole

    Sweetcole Well-Known Member

    We all have some type guilt over something but after realize we did do all we could. Im glad you no longer beating yourself up. From the way you talk about Linda she knew you loved her cause we know. Ive always been a baby at emotional movies but definitely worse after everything. I'm a lover of Christmas and hallmark movies so I laughed at your comment. I had stopped watching them completely but have eased back into it. Most of them are about losing someone but a few not. So some I cry like a baby on and others I just cry a little. Lol! Hope you have a nice day!
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  7. DEB321

    DEB321 Well-Known Member


    I'm glad to hear that even though it's an emotional trip, you're okay. I know it isn't possible given the short time you were in SC, but as Lou said, it would have been nice if we could have met in person... or if you could have visited Patti and/or Helena. Better yet, if the four of us could have gotten together...

    Although getting together in person isn't possible this holiday season, I'm so over the top grateful for your friendship, and the friendship of TGW, our GIC "family..." It's almost sounds like it can't be real, but it's amazing how close TGW have become in the short time since Lou brought us together. I guess modern technology isn't all that bad, lol...

    I hope the rest of the drive went smoothly, and you're now in Florida, enjoying all those very special, precious moments, surrounded by love...

    Wishing you and your family, a very Happy Thanksgiving, with many more smiles than tears...

    As always, sending you, Teddy and Slinky, lots of hugs and love, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB
  8. Sweetcole

    Sweetcole Well-Known Member

    My heart goes out to you. I don't think time heals the wounds. I think we just get stronger to deal.with it. The memories will feel more precious and the ones that make you cry will make you smile having them. Grief has us will our feelings on our sleeves but time does help with that. I still have emotional moments but on a good day I can talk about certain things without crying. Praying for your strength!
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  9. DEB321

    DEB321 Well-Known Member


    I hope in spite of the nasty weather, there were at least a couple of lighter moments in your day, at least a few reasons to smile... I'm guessing your day is almost over, but there are still lots of hours left in mine. It's super cold, in the 40's, totally overcast, and a bit windy...

    I know, I have NO!!! reason to complain, so many of TGW are suffering through much worse weather than what Mother Nature has sent to my little corner of the world. However, it's what your used to, and I'm over the top FREEZING!!!, TUTTAM!!!

    I was going dress in zillions of layers, take a much needed walk, but can't seem to find enough motivation... Maybe I'll write some thank you notes for gifts I bought for my neighbors and friends who helped me so much after the car accident. I want to deliver them before Thanksgiving.

    I hope you have as good as possible rest of the day & get a good night's rest...

    As always, sending you lots of hugs and love, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB
  10. Sweetcole

    Sweetcole Well-Known Member

    Hey letting you know how my heart goes out to you. I know how hard the anniversary of losing your love can be. We're all definitely in our feelings with so much coming up. My daughter just had a birthday the other day and coming up to it I was emotional thinking about Gant no being here. She talked about him all day too and I managed to hold it together. Time doesn't heal us but it makes us stronger. Praying for everyone's strength!
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  11. DEB321

    DEB321 Well-Known Member


    It's good to "see" you this morning... I always loved Christmas and Hallmark movies too... Now that Bob is no longer here to celebrate the season with me, and my adult children are scattered all over the country, I can't get myself to decorate. I'll put a wreath on my front door, but that's it. I know I'm doing better than I was last year at this time, but still, there is a loneliness that invades every moment of every day... I miss Bob with all my heart, and always will.

    Having said this, I'm learning to live with this loneliness, learning to find happiness scattered among tears... Although so over the top bittersweet, I'm looking forward to celebrating Thanksgiving with one of my very closest friends, who is also a widow, and another couple. Our children aren't going to be with us this year. I'm also spending Christmas with friends. I'm glad you have your children, as children are truly the very best gifts from God... I hope you're able to enjoy this holiday season, in spite of it being so over the top bittersweet.

    It has me smiling hearing you say that now you're able to watch Christmas and Hallmark movies again. I think it's a BIG!!! step forward. Although Gant can't be here with you physically, I believe he is always watching over you and your children... proud of you for how far you've come in this miserable journey, for lack of a better word, happy knowing you and the children are together..., helping each other navigate through the twists and turns of life, as you continue to move forward...

    As always, sending you lots of hugs and love, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB
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  12. DEB321

    DEB321 Well-Known Member


    Guilt is one of those totally useless emotions. Every single one of us was suffering from the very worst kind of pain imaginable, watching the one true love of our lives slip away, leave this earth... As you said, we did the very best we possibly could, given the circumstances. As you pointed out, Linda knew Lou loved her, just as Gant knew you loved him, Bob knew I loved him, each one of the GW's one true love of their lives, knew he/she was loved. It's way too easy for all those "should have, would have, could have's," to flood our minds, but, and this is another one of those really BIG!!! BUTS!!!, the past is the past. There is no changing it. In the end, I don't think there would have been anything we could have done to save our loved ones. It was God's decision that it was their time to leave this earth.

    I'm getting a bit off track from what I wanted to say, so backing up a bit, no one is perfect. We all make mistakes. However, the important thing is that Gant knew, Linda knew, Bob knew, how very much we loved them. It's over the top apparent from all the stories TGW , our GIC "family," shares with all of us that each and every one of our loved ones knew how much he/she was loved.

    We were blessed to have been able to experience true love. I know saying this doesn't make things any easier, that we'll always be lonely. How could we not be??? The only thing that could erase our loneliness, can NEVER!!! happen. Lou, Gant, Bob, and every other GWs one true love of his/her life, CANNOT!!! come home.

    All we can do is exactly what we're doing. Honor their memories the very best we can, each and every day. Do our very best to become the very best versions of ourselves, try to find happy moments scattered throughout our lives, and to cherish each and every one of them... To repeat one of Bob's favorite expressions, "As long as I'm on the right side of the dirt, it's a good day." Life is a gift.

    Lost my train of thought which continues to happen way too frequently. As usual, blaming it on my widow foggy brain.. So stopping here. If I kept on going, I could have easily ended up "talking" away, typing you one of my books, as Lou refers to them.

    Sending you lots of hugs and love, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

    Sending you lots
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  13. DEB321

    DEB321 Well-Known Member


    So very true!!!, TUTTAM!!! I couldn't have said this any better than you just did.

    Sending you lots more hugs and love, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB
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  14. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    OK, stop it, Debster. I don't want to
    cry at the counter of a breakfast spot.
    I was here the morning of what would
    be Linda's last day on earth later that
    day. In an eerie, Twilight Zone moment,
    my phone went dead at the restaurant,
    a premonition of Linda's sudden death.
    It took me a long time to enter this
    restaurant again. Now, I'm listening to
    the waitresses singing to the cheerful
    songs. Linda would've loved this place,
    and my friends, and I must keep her
    spirit alive, by telling her story to friends
    & strangers alike. Lou
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  15. cjpines

    cjpines Well-Known Member

    Regarding the quote" Time DOES NOT heal. I read somewhere it said, "Time does not heal it's what you do with your time that heals". Kind of interesting the twist.
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  16. Rose69

    Rose69 Well-Known Member

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  17. Rose69

    Rose69 Well-Known Member

    Thank you Deb. We've just had three days of continuous rain and wind. Seems to have finally stopped, but inevitably it's getting colder with winter at the doorstep.
    Yes, we shouldn't complain, others are already having to confront snow and ice, and freezing temps.
    I've started lighting our fireplace, brings back so many wonderful memories, and there's something soothing about the warmth of log fires that gives me so much comfort during my long lonely cold evenings (my two grown-up kids are usually out with their friends, but that's totally understandable).
    Sending you a big hug too.
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  18. DEB321

    DEB321 Well-Known Member


    Like you, I love fireplaces... In the house where Bob and I raised our children, we had two fireplaces, both made out of antique brick, the one in the kitchen took up almost an entire wall..., our dining table sandwiched between the fireplace, and a slider, leading out to the backyard and woods... The other one was in the center of our house, in the living room.

    Backing up a bit, both Bob and I wanted a great big fireplace in the kitchen. It was Bob's idea to put another one in the living room. He knew how much I loved Christmas, and that it wouldn't be the same if there wasn't a fireplace in the living room, along with a fresh cut tree. We ended up putting a tree in the living room, and also one in the kitchen too. We used to put wreaths on the outside doors, and a candle in every window.... Our house was on a hill, a long winding Macadem driveway, leading to the garage. There was a rock wall in front of our house, and a retaining wall made of the same stone, along the steepest side. Bob planted day lillies in front of the stone wall... I'm getting off track from what I wanted to say, mixing in other seasons too!!! It's just that I miss Bob, my children, our furry family members, our house... so very much!!! I need a tissue...

    Back to what I wanted to say, during the holiday season, there was nothing that we liked doing more, than cuddling together, sitting next to the the living room fireplace, our furry family members by our sides, the kids sound asleep upstairs... listening to the crackling of the logs..., watching the flames..., the snow as it was falling outside... I felt so safe..., so secure..., wrapped in Bob's arms... I felt like I was the luckiest woman on this entire planet... I not only was married to the man of my dreams, but God gave us three healthy, beautiful children, and our children brought us home lots of furry family members, lol...

    An added plus is that we helped a local architect design our house. Somehow we managed to cram everything we wanted into it, including five windows in the master bedroom. Life was good... However, I was very naive back then, not understanding how fragile life really is. Thinking a little more, I guess I'm glad ignorance is bliss. I had so many wonderful years... The happiest years in my life, not realizing that it could all come to a screeching halt in a matter of seconds.

    Although I'm teary eyed while "talking" to you, it's a different feeling from when Bob first died. Today, while I'm so very lonely, missing Bob so very much, at the same time, I find sharing these memories with you comforting, in a way I couldn't last year. I'm so glad that you find lighting a fire soothing, and that it brings back so many wonderful memories for you too. Beautiful memories are one thing that can NEVER!!! be taken away from us. They are ours to treasure forever...

    As always, sending you lots of hugs and love, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB
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  19. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Hello to everyone, I’d like to thank everyone for all of your responses. Feels so nice to have people care. I miss that. As we all do. I can’t respond to each one, I’m sorry but I do appreciate each of you and you thoughtful posts.
    An update on my car travels. I’ve made it to Florida safe and sound. It’s been raining and cold, was hoping for warm and dry. Still have a few hours to drive further south to my son. But I can’t wait to see him tomorrow morning. As you all know, he gives the best bear hugs. Can’t wait to feel his love and care.
    I got sad news today. My brother had to put his English bull dog, Juliet down today. I love her so much. She was timid and didn’t go to many people. She always came to me. I’ll miss her dearly.
    Thank you again to each of you and in time I’ll be able get more up to date. Robin
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  20. Gary166

    Gary166 Well-Known Member

    Robin Sorry about the loss of Juliet. You are a very brave person for making the journey to Florida. I’m sending you encouragement like all the other grief warriors too. Keep on trucking. Gary