Wednesday ART THERAPY

The yo yo weather sucks here, too,
George. Yesterday , I saw my friends and
tourists, and they were all smiling , bc it
was sunny, in the high 60s. Today. the
temps dropped to 50, &rain, instead of
sun. Next 2 days, we'll have sun, but temps
only 40s. Then, on Wed, rain again. The
only thing keeping me sane, & not
super depressed, is the live music at the
local cafe. Louster

 

I’m in love with this one too. Brilliant colors. So sorry about the weather whiplash. Similar here. Had 73 on Thursday. Friday was 40. Not as severe as you but not fun. Rainy and windy today. Tv is full of holiday stuff too. What used to be a special time of year is now torture. We’ll get through it some how. Might not be pretty tho.

 

Being the slobbering mess I am right
now, I cried, when you said:
"Lou, don't regret anything. You did
everything you could for Linda. You
stayed by her side, and loved her through
it all. You might not have physically
kissed Linda, but you kissed her in other
ways. She felt your love as a kiss". My
head says you're right, Robin, & I wrote
down these words on an index card.
Whenever I feel really down on myself
with survivor's guilt , I will read the card.
Thanks so much again. When Linda was
in the rehab unit/ nursing home, she
wouldn't eat the food, bc it was awful.
I crossed the street & went to a nice,
friendly restaurant, & got food to take
back to Linda's room, where we could
eat while watching our favorite TV shows.
The young woman owner of the
restaurant , who Linda never got to
know, would ask me how Linda was
feeling , every day. She was the only one
I knew to call, when Linda was dead on
arrival at the ER. This young woman
was like a daughter we never had, and
my guardian angel. Since I choose not to
have a car, and walk everywhere, and
take a bus to a nearby city, the young
woman drives me to the supermarket once a week. Last year, I accepted an invitation
to sit at her family's table at Thanksgiving
and will gladly do it again this year. Good
for you for boldly driving to Florida. You
are right, Robin: "We Got This! Lou

 

Thank you! We get through the day and survive somehow... oh right! We are Grief Warriors! Can't wait for the snoW! Bah yuk

 

Hey El LobsteroMan
This sure has been a hard week for the GWs.. I had to have arm junk done on my fistula access, my painting class gets cancelled, just figures I try and do something positive and it ClusterFks up. Now it is going to be in the 30s all eek ands I hear SNOW! Art. music, antidepressants and TGWs keep me going! I don't even want to go there- my infinite book of regrets! "should have" and "what if" are the REAL bad language! F***!!!!!!!

 

Wow,Lombard Da Vinci. You hit the nail
on the head. We GWs are either pissed off,
or depressed with survivor's guilt regrets
of shoulda, woulda, which don't do us any
good. We know that in our heads, but
have trouble with our hearts. I'm waiting
for brother Gary to weigh in. Thank you
for replying. We Grief Warriors have to
stick together. El Lobstero Man

 

Lou I’m so happy what I write helped you think a little different. When you said you wrote it down on an index card to help you through when that awful survivors guilt hits. I got tears and goose bumps. I can feel the love you had/have for Linda. She was lucky to have you, as you were lucky to have Linda. Bringing her food, staying by her side, all of that shows love. I’m happy for you that you have a place to go for Thanksgiving. I’ll keep you posted on the drive to Florida. Hope you’re resting well. Robin

 

Woke up at almost 6am, which is better
than at 4:30am, when I had been waking
up crying over guilt that I wasn't
affectionate enough toward Linda. The
reality was that it was hard to do when
she was in a hospital bed, & later, in a
bed in the rehab unit of a nursing home,
with interruptions by nurses and
dietary staff. When you said you had
"tears and goose bumps", when I said you
helped me so much that I wrote down
your compassionate & encouraging
words, I cried again. It doesn't take much
these days. I choose not to have a TV, but
if I did, I would stay away from sad
stories on the news, tearful movies, and
the icky sweet love stories with the
physically perfect actors on the Hallmark
Christmas channel. Thank you for
keeping me, and the other GWs posted
on your drive to Florida. You are an
inspiration on GIC. I was first aware of
you, when Deb would often quote your
happy mixed with sad philosophy
regarding our mourning for our
soulmates. As Deb says, our lives were
forever changed and will be bittersweet,
but we must try to get through, not
over, our grief, and enjoy good health &
happiness, as our soulmates wanted for
us. Lou

 

We do get through some how. I had 30° in the night. So not looking forward to the dark cold days of winter. And the cost of heating my home this year has me a bit panicked. My son has mid 80 temps. I’m packing shorts. I wish we all could get where it’s warm. I’m dreading the snow. Take care, Robin

 

If I could move somewhere it would be warm... Maybe Mexico!
Stay toasty!

 

We sure do need each other my Lobsterine friend! I had such a sucky week and now it's super cold and it's paralyzing when it's too cold. Not ready for winter. Not ready for slick commercialized holiday BS! Hope BroGary is doing ok!
LDV... Another "interesting" day begins...

 

It doesn’t take much to make we cry either. I feel like my walls are always up lately. To protect myself from being hurt. But I also know that if anyone is caring, that brings on the tears. I think because it happens so rarely. Everyone except our friends here, they’ve all moved on with their lives. And as we always say, people really have no idea what losing your spouse feels like and the total impact it causes. Thank you for the compliment Lou, of coarse that brought tears. I also think possibly before Deb referenced me, I believe you reached out to me for help figuring out this site. The happiness that our soul mates want for each of us, that’s a hard one. A work in progress. That goes a little south especially this time of year. I don’t watch sad movies either, I’m not up to it. I watch things that are fairly mindless. Because that’s what I’m up to. Cold here today. Thinking of Florida to warm me up. Robin

 

Never hurts to dream. Until now I always loved having all the seasons. Going through the winter cold and snow alone. not liked so much any more. Robin

 

Robin,I forgot that I reached out to you
for help in navigating GIC. I was not a
"happy camper", as Linda used to say.
I was very frustrated and angry with my
grief, that I had to ask Karyn Arnold
for help. I also went bonkers when GIC
went down, & I lost contact with TGW,
when the system was rebooted. When
it happened again, recently, it was only
for a short time, and I didn't panic this
time. I want to stay on GIC as long as I
can. I agree with you that only those
whose soulmates died, both on & off
GIC, "get it". Lou

 

Two years today. Reliving every single moment of that Sunday afternoon . I'm beginning to think that those physicists/philosophers who have said (or say) that TIME doesn't actually exist and that it's just an illusion, are actually stating some kind of truth, even if it sounds odd. I don't know if you all agree, but at least in this case, grieving our soulmates, there really is NO time. I'm actually feeling much worse than I did last year, I feel as if it's just happened, I'm distraught.

Lou, I have become an 'easy crier' too. If I watch TV series containing love stories, people falling in love, couples reuniting, wedding scenes, I just break down in tears and can't stop. I was the opposite before, it would usually take a lot to make me cry.

Robin, wishing you a well-deserved, peaceful, relaxing stay with your son in Florida. Bring back some warm sunshine for us.

Rose

 

Yes, I recall you felt frustrated. I tried to help you and recommended reaching out to Karyn Arnold. Which you did. When I joined I had no clue how to start and where to post. I reached out to her too. Lou I started this last night. Never finished. I had temps 73 last week. Last night 26. How is that possible. I’m guessing you did too. Stay warm in your travels today. Robin

 

Rose, my heart goes out to you, on this
horrible anniversary of the death of C,
the love of your life. The sad part is that
it doesn't matter if the death was 2 years,
in your case, or 4 years , in mine, since
the deaths of our soulmates. Anniversaries
of tragic deaths are always hard. For me,
I've been fighting Mr. Grief since the
beginning of November, in particular, even though Linda died right before Thanksgiving. Last year, I managed to
get all my crying out before I sat down
with a warm, wonderful family who've
""adopted" me, at their holiday table. I'm
determined to do that again this year.
I met this family when Linda was
battling cancer in a rehab unit of a
nursing home across from their restaurant.
I would bring food back to Linda's room,
and we would eat it while watching TV
together. Every day, they would ask how
Linda was feeling. They never met her.
When she died on route to the ER, they
were the only ones I knew to call. They
have been there for me ever since, knowing I had no family or friends. I
know I've told most of this story on GIC
before, but part of the grief journey is to
repeat, as a catharsis. In the powerful
play & movie of Death of a Salesman,
the salesman's widow proclaims, " Attention must be paid.....". We are here
for you, Rose. Lou

 

Rose, I’m saying extra prayers for you today. I know what’s going on in your heart and mind. I know it’s not pretty. I also know that everyone who tells us that time heals these feelings are full of it. Like you I do keep feeling worse. I thought I’d be better this year. But no I’m feeling worse. Missing Ron more. Doesn’t even seem possible. However, thankfully I’m not in this feeling all year. I relive that day so many times. Ron has learned how to get my attention that he’s with me. One of my televisions is coming on so many times during the day it’s crazy. Rose, you’re not alone today or any day. We’re here for you. My heart aches for you and your family. My heart is aching for myself too. Thursday is 4 years. Honor C in any way you can and try to take care of yourself. Sending love and hugs.


Our memories are now our treasures and best gifts.
❤️ Robin

 

It's snowing today! I don't like this! So here's some art!

 

No no! NOT SNOW! Temps went down to 26. Possibly lower but I saw 26°. Wish I could bring back some sun and warmth to send to you and all GIC. Love your art. It brightens our dreary weather here. But I’m lucky, no snow. Yet.