Wednesday ART THERAPY

P.S. I used to HATE!!! going to bed because I was terrified of waking up, thinking that Bob would be right next to me. I'm so sorry you're having miserable night dreams. I hope tonight you're able to get some quality, uninterrupted sleep...

 

P.S.S.

I forgot to add tonight at the end of the last sentence. Foggy widow brain SUCKS!!!

 

George , I'm on the same page with Deb
about winning more battles with Mr. G,
than we did before. The sad realization is
that we can never really win the war.
Bob, Valerie, & Linda , are with us until
the day we die, & our spirits are reunited.
I'm sorry you had no real spring, & you
went from a nasty cold winter , into
90 degree summer. My area wasn't quite
as bad, but it reached 80 degrees yesterday,
and I had an unexpected allergy attack,
bc the wind blew the creepy pollen around.
My eyes were itchy , & my nose was
dripping, in a disgusting manner. I was
lucky I could buy Kleenex packs, on my
way home. Once there, I took a shower, &
was able to shampoo that pollen crap
out of my hair. I will buy an allergy
product to have on hand. It rained last
night, & there was a fog which cooled my
town. Do you have fog, George? I recall a
poem , by Carl Sandburg, many years ago,
comparing a gentle fog over Chicago, as
being like a cat's feer".

 

Patti,

As always, it's so good to "see" you... I bet the wall clocks you made were so very beautiful...

I wish I knew how to help you, but being way too technically challenged and not using an iPad, I have no idea. I hope you're able to figure out how to resolve the issue soon!!!, TUTTAM!!!

As always, keeping you and all of our GIC "family" in my prayers... praying for the strength we need as we continue to travel down this miserable path that not one of us would have chosen to take.

Sending you and JayCee lots of hugs and love, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

P.S. , George, like Deb, I've found that
"foggy widower's brain" SUCKS BIG
TIME!!!.My last word should've been
feet, not "feer".Did you catch that one,
Karen? Lou

 

Hi everyone, even though I'm new in this group I noticed too how quiet you had all been. My reason is that now that Winter's finally over, Spring is here, Summer at the doorstep, I'm just feeling much
sadder and longing so much more for my husband, the memories of our days out together, spending time working outside on our property, planting tomatoes and lots of other vegetables, cherrypicking, motorbike rides, so unbearable to think about. It's as if all this beauty that surrounds me now is a waste because he isn't here to see it, I don't want sunny days, what's the point?
Lou, you say that when Mr Grief comes knocking we have to let him in, well I consider Mr Grief to be an intruder and we don't invite intruders into our homes. I didn't invite him, he broke in. That's the way I see it. You all sound like such a lovely bunch (I still remember a British expression every now and then).

 

Rose, I've learned the hard way that we
can't eliminate grief. We win battles, but
we can never win the war against Mr.
Grief, as Karen calls him. How can we,
after so many years with our soulmates?
They are with us 'til the day we die, and
our spirits are reunited. Lou

 

Well, I did see it, but thought it was another term for a cat's feet. Haaaaa! the laugh's on me.

 

Rose I can totally relate to what you’re saying about grief knocking. And that it’s an unwanted intruder. I agree, it’s so unwanted. But through time I’ve learned that it doesn’t go away it keeps building unless we let the tears happen and talk about our feelings. We all “deal” in our own way and time. I was at the same point you’re mentioning, a while back. Who cares if it’s summer or a holiday or whatever. I do now look forward to spring and summer and doing the things Ron and I did together. I want to honor him and for him to see all I’m doing and for him to be proud I’m his wife. Losing my life partner will always be devastating. But now I use Ron as my reason to keep going and keep trying. Robin

 

Yes, Mr. Grief is certainly a intruder and breaks in without calling first. I feel the same way about the summer coming and everything Jack and I used to do in the garden, planting veggies, fruit trees, harvesting them, canning them and eating them. Now, as I think about it, I'm so grateful I had these years with him to enjoy our property which was his palace. He loved to garden. It's been a year and half and my memories of this used to hurt and pain me, now the pain has soften. I'm grateful he had his dream.
Rose, keep sharing with us. Sharing here is like writing in a journal. I'm not a journal person, so here is where I vent. Keep Upright! Karen

 

Great choice of words. The pain has softened. That’s exactly what happens. Never out of mind never forgotten but memories soften and can eventually bring a smile. Robin

 

Karen, it's wonderful to hear you use
the word, grateful. Tom Zuba, who was
suicidal, after the deaths of his wife and
2 of his children, advised mourners, in
Permission to Mourn, to try to be grateful,
not take anything personally, and to
forgive everything. He said it was very
hard to do, and it is, but I'm trying. I had
a pang of survivor's guilt , while shaving
with my electric razor. I looked at my
mournful face in the mirror, had a moment of both sadness & anger, wishing
Linda were here to share the summer
with me. I swore softly, pushed past
Mr. Grief & walked outside to a
perfect, sunny day, with clear blue skies,
in the 60s, at last, and felt better when I
had a few LMSO with friends. Lou

 

Karen, glad you saw it. It's like old times,
when I first met you, in July, of 2021.
We have our own grief & laughter
thread, which you tried to start, on GIC.
But, we are sometimes a brooding
bunch. Lou

 

I'm so tired, thinking I can full my brain that I'm OK I'm not OK, I try to sleep but it's not possible I'm afraid that Geoff will come to my dreams again it's like I'm living in a loop in another reality, remainds me of a movie this guy goes to sleep, night after night the same dream over and over again, I get so emotional....the F xxx g doctors solution take antidepressants and sleeping pills. With my poor concentration if I'm reading I have to go back a few pages I don't know what I was reading...this grieving SUCKS A BIG TIME!! thanks for listening my warrior friends. HB

 

Helena, when I was having my breakfast,
& drinking coffee this morning after 7am,
I was happy to see you on GIC. But then,
I noticed you wrote your post at 3am, and
I felt bad for you that you were doing this
in the middle of the night. The movie sounds like Groundhog Day, starring Bill
Murray, released 25 years ago. He was
tortured, bc every morning was the same,
and he would hear the song, "I've Got You,
Babe", by Sonny & Cher. The movie was
played for laughs, & was a romantic
comedy, but it wasn't funny for the Bill
Murray character. Gary gave some
excellent techniques for falling asleep &
sleeping through the night. Right after
Linda died, I couldn't sleep at all, and
would write my emotions of grief
( overwhelming sadness, loneliness,
anger, and guilt, that I didn't do enough to
"save" Linda, or to tell her how much I
loved her in the moment that she collapsed, & soon died, right in front of
me). As I've said on GIC before, I had
PTSD, bc I couldn't get that last image out
of my head. I went to the ER, & from
there, volunteered to be in a psychiatric
unit for 5 nights. The staff allowed me to
stay up all night, writing in my journal.
But , then, they gave me a small dose of
over-the counter Melatonin, to relax my
racing thoughts. I was only able to sleep
4 hours, at first. But, I would attend
counselor led groups, do artwork (!),
take long walks outside, with other clients
& staff. I would go to bed, and get up in the
morning, at the same time every day. If I
had to take a nap, I would limit it to a
half hour, or less. I learned the hard way
one afternoon, when I took a 2 hour nap,
that it wasn't a good idea. When I woke up,
I was disoriented, and didn't know if it was
morning or night. Now, 3 & a half years
later, I make sure to walk outside in
nature every morning, even if it's raining.
I know you have more torrential rains, so
you may have to wait 'til it passes. I hope
this helps you. All of TGW have been in the
same boat with us, and I hope other GW
will answer you. Lou

 

Dear Deb, always thanks so much for your kind words and wishes. The last few days I have tried to hide my feelings fooling my brain and my friends here that I'm OK. My sadness and loneliness are here no matter how much effort I put to stay busy, I don't sleep well, now I'm afraid to sleep bc I will have recurring dreams, it's only 15 weeks since Geoff died, he was the most important person, love of life and only friend and he is not here anymore he is not coming back...reaching for more tissues...more tears, I'm a mess. I can't even write one sentence without crying, will continue later after my walk. HB

 

I'm just so damn itchy. Fog is more by the lake., I'm 20 miles or so inland so not too much here. Today looks pleasant weatherwise hope to take carte of stuff and go for a walk... take care big bro!~

 

Helena, I'm glad you saw the post of our
kind friend, Deb, who still experiences
your lack of sleep, at times, about a
year after Bob's death. I hope you have a
chance to read my long reply to you,
around 7am this morning. I saw that
you had posted in the middle of the
night, at 3am, and I felt so bad for you.
It's been 3 & a half years since Linda's
death. I'm sleeping better now, & the
walks in the sunshine of spring,are a
lot easier , than walking in the cold, &
sometimes, snowy winter. The winter
was depressing, bc I had COVID, and
didn't have Linda to take care of me.
I told TGW about my winter dreams,
which I called " hug Linda " dreams.
I would imagine she was next to me,
and would reach out to hug her, but
would be either hugging my pillow,
or even myself. When I realized she
was dead ,I would wake up crying. After
I stopped, I'd have breakfast & much
needed coffee, before venturing
outside. I would gradually feel better,
in nature, and later, seeing my friends.
All I can say, Helena, is that we're all in
the same boat. Some days, the waves of
grief are calm. Other days, we fear that
the waves will overpower & drown us.
We are Grief Warriors, and will not
let you drown in your sorrow. Lou

 

George, I'm sorry for your itchiness, but I
hope you'll feel better after your walk.
Do you ever drive over to the lake? I
recall the singer & composer, Randy
Newman, saying that ANY body of water
soothed his soul: a lake, ocean, a river,
a waterfall,or even his own shower. I feel
that way. When Linda & I didn't live by
the ocean, we lived by a river. Lou

 

Good morning, Helena
My sleep has been quite disrupted by grief as well.
The fatigue of grief doesn’t bring sleep, and certainly not rest.
The last few weeks in particular have been rough.
Many important days have come and gone in May, yesterday was Kenn’s birthday.
With the full moon and lunar eclipse this weekend everything feels heavier to me.
I, and others, have mentioned along the way that reading, anything that uses concentration really, is compromised in grief, our brains and nervous systems have taken a blow. Making decisions about things that I feel should be second nature became tough- I can’t be certain about my judgement- it’s so odd.
May today bring you little reprieve, perhaps some rest.
~Bernadine