Wednesday ART THERAPY

Deb, it's been almost two years in Nov since I lost Jack and reading your post reminds me of myself at this stage. What you said this house that you wanted to escape from so badly, that reminded you of the worst moments now reminds me of some good times Bob and I shared. Now you feel comforted, Bob's presence in this house, it's a wonderful feeling.
I too don't know if I should move either. As you said, think things through very carefully before making a decision.....
I find myself being careful about decisions. I'm not totally intact and have to remind myself to think carefully about any decision that I make. I feel I could make a mistake if I don't be careful about anything decision. Blessings to you, K

 

I can feel Autumn arriving.
November is approaching.
That’s a notable month for several of us for various reasons.
For me, it will be the end of the first year.

Happy Saturday, grief warriors. May your weekend be blessed.
~B

 

We seem to be having an anticipated arrival of Autumn this year. Temperatures are dropping drastically and more rain, after a very wet Summer. I used to love the Autumn season as it would finally give us a breather after our long dry scorching hot Summers but those now seem to have disappeared over the years. Summers are getting shorter, we still get weeks of 100F Temps, but out Winters seem to last much longer, finish in May!
I loved the Autumn season also because me and my C would go for walks in the woods looking for chestnuts, mushrooms (esp. Porcini, our speciality) and the most beautiful part was mid-October when we have our olive harvest. Even as I write, I can't hold back the tears, remembering how we would get on our tractor and go spend our days in our property nearby where we have an olive tree plantation, picking olives (usually sunny, pleasantly warm days), then stopping for lunch, sitting down, eating our sandwiches I'd prepared, admiring the beautiful views from the hills. It was hard work, that's for sure, but it was worth it, especially the satisfaction you get when you take your olives to the local olive oil mill for processing and then take home about 50 litres of pure extra virgin oil. The best part of all, where we shared one of our best memories, was being able to spend those days there together, just the two of us, away from the daily monotonous routines, in that wonderful nature, enjoying each other's company, working but relaxing at the same time.
Last year, my FIL with his wife helped me with this work but I don't know if it will be possible this year, he is 85 yrs old and has many health problems, lately getting weaker and weaker. Anyway, there don't seem to be many olives to pick this year! My children are busy with their own lives, studying, so I can't really expect too much from them.
November will also be a sad heartbreaking month to get through for me too, B. It will be two years although I'm not counting. For me everyday is THAT day, I'm still lost in time, I just won't go forward, no matter how much I try. I do it for my children, they only have me now.
Take care and wishing everybody a peaceful Sunday.
Rose.

 

Rose i loved your story of the olive plantatiin. It sounds so beautiful and peaceful. I know the kids have studies but maybe talk to them about helping. I hope they are able too. Very lovely story. Its been almost 3 years since I lost Gant and some days are better than others. I definitely feel you though when you say everyday is that day because everyday without them is painful. My kids are my motivation and I do everything for them too. They the reason I keep moving everyday. Take care and I hope you have a nice Sunday and stronger days to come.

 

Nicole, it's been almost 4 years since
Linda died, but there are still some
mornings of disbelief, that after 25 years
of marriage, she has disappeared into
the ether. Unlike you, I have no family, so
I've had to cultivate new friendships, so I
don't feel so alone. Good to see you on here reaching out to Rose, whose husband died
more recently. Lou

 

Rose, I love GIC, bc there is always someone out there with whom to talk about our day to day emotions, without
our soulmates. As I've told you before,
you have a filmaker's keen eye for detail.
and I love your descriptions of where you
live. I love the warmth of the summer
here, by the ocean, where it's not as
unbearably hot & humid like other parts
of the country. I feel that both Linda & I
"paid our dues" when we had to work in
the hot city before retirement. I'm a little
sad that it's already cold when I walk
outside in the morning. But, by the
afternoon, I can shed my sweatshirt, and
just wear my jacket. I try to enjoy the
moment, and not dread the cold, and
sometimes snowy, winter, my least
favorite season. I will try to walk outside
every day unless it's icy on the ground. L

 

I definitely get the moments of disbelief. I think its nice how you get out and have been able to make knew friends. I know it was probably hard at first and may still be on some days cause even with the family I have I still feel along sometimes. When you lose the person that made you feel like you belonged you tend to.feel alone often without them if you get what I'm saying. I agree what you said about this site though. Its good to talk to people that get where you coming from. I hope you have a good outing today.

 

Thanks , Nicole. Sunny weather helps.
Hope it's OK where you are. L

 

Thank you. Yes, our kids do give us strength to go on, our soulmates live through them and this gives us comfort. Hoping you have a good Sunday too.
Rose

 

Lou, my 'film-maker' s eye is thanks to my beloved C. He was like this, I've inherited this from him, I wasn't so observant and curious until I met him, and of course, having lived in a picturesque country atmosphere for 27 years now, has helped me too. I was a very timid type,just lived for the day, took everything in my stride, as they say. He opened my eyes to so much that I had never even bothered about before. He was very creative, always fixing something, eager to learn new tasks, observing everything, looking at details, a passion for all types of music as long as it was good music (when I lived in London, I only used to listen to Pop and ignored the rest!). Can't believe now what I was missing! I can play the piano (only a little..) thanks to my beloved, too. That's why I feel him so near me.
I'm happy for you that you left the hot city and can now enjoy walks breathing in that wonderful ocean air, with your Linda always by your side.

Rose

 

September is usually one of my favourite months, clear blue skies (when it isn't raining!), warm sunshine without having to tolerate that August humidity and scorching heat. I just thought I'd post a couple of photos I took the other day, which are 'natural' art therapy for me, in these first days of Autumn.

The view from my terrace made me think of Neil Diamond's beautiful song: September Morn. That mountain you can see is mine and C's special place (1,200m high).
Lou, we also have our bench there where we used to go in Summer, to escape the heat and breathe in some cooler mountain air.

These little wild flowers are called: "Bella di notte", (Beautiful by night) because they open up at night and close during the daytime. I think the scientific name is Mirabilis jalapa, originating from Perù.

 

Rose, what a beautiful picture! I'll be the
first GW to thank you. After 2 dark ,
gloomy days, it's a bright, sunny day in
the 60s. I come alive on a day like this.
The last 2 days , not so much. I don't
mind wearing a jacket & jeans, after the
hot summer, but I'm not crazy about it
getting dark earlier. I've been going to
bed earlier, exhausted, from walking in
the cooler temps. But , the good thing is
that I wake up earlier, to enjoy the day.
I'm so glad you share my love of nature
and music.I listened to Sinatra's That's
Life this morning, to get me out the door,
after waking up sad about missing
Linda. As I've said on GIC before, it will
be 4 yrs. since Linda's death in Nov.
I don't want to get married again, or
even to live with a woman, but I may be
ready to have a relationship, if a woman
has her own place. When Linda became
ill, she said she wanted me to find another
woman after she was gone. I didn't want to
hear it at the time. But, maybe she was
right. I'd like a female companion, with
whom to sit by the ocean, share a meal,
a laugh, and eventually, a hug. I bring this
up bc I wonder how other GW think. I'm
not "over the hill" yet. Lou

 

Rose, thanks for your beautiful photos and the love story about your C. I moved to the county in 1988. I didn’t meet Cheryl until 2012. But what a great life we have. I’m looking at a vast openness of soybeans about ready to turn yellow and listening to a northern flicker call in my back yard. A nice breeze is blowing and we have an unstable atmosphere. The great mixture of happy and sad and all the other opposites. The Yin and Yang of life. I’m posting a photo of Cheryl’s mums. The last flowers of the season in our garden. I have been so tired the last 3 weeks. I went to the doctor and had lab work which all came back good. I think the insomnia is really kicking my ass! I have decided to go back on the ambien temporarily. I want to keep on trucking. We are warriors. I love you all! Gary

 

Just breathtaking the Mums.
Gary, I think tiredness is all part of the grief journey. I, too, have been so tired for months, my lab came out fine. I do wake up at night and try to meditate back to sleep and sometimes it works. I'm not a person who can take sleep aids.
Half of ourselves went with our love one and the other half remains with us. When do we become whole again? Hum! My thoughts.

 

Beautiful. Love your special mountain with C.

 

Karen, my fatigue has come with the
change from the warm summer to the
fall. I don't mind wearing a jacket &
jeans, instead of short sleeved shirts &
shorts, but I'm not crazy about the days
getting darker earlier. I've been collapsing
under the covers after dinner, bc I do so
much walking in the cool sea air. I wake
up really early, which is good, bc I can
enjoy the day. Lou

 

Oh,brother, Karen, maybe I AM over the
hill. I just repeated my post to Rose this
morning! As you would say,"Hum...." L

 

Well, Louster I guess we all have to go with the flow of weather, like it or not. I don't like the time change when it's dark at 5pm. I think we all have fatigue with time change and weather.
I think you got it down good, wake up early to enjoy the day.

 

But, your prior post said much more. Your not over the hill yet -- by a long shot.

 

Lovely colors, Gary. Your Cheryl is proud of you. Your description of the atmosphere surrounding you was very moving.
I understand you feeling low because of your insonnia, I finally had to give in and start taking a small dose of anxiety med before going to sleep. Usually helps,but sometimes not even that is enough to help me get a decent night's sleep.

Yes, let's keep trucking, thanks to all of you.
Rose.