Wednesday ART THERAPY

Deb, I’m so sorry this week is challenging for you. Mr. G sure has been making the rounds. I’m climbing out of a hole I was in for weeks, just got back out into the garden with real purpose, not just barely maintaining it.
I started using the mantra “I’m strong enough to feel this” about a year or so ago. In the months since Kenn died the addition of “I’m safe enough to feel this” kinda bubbled up from within me…. The knowing I won’t disappear, won’t be consumed or lost in the presence of all the emotions grief brings into my body. I say it out loud, sometimes Really loud, whatever it takes to match the intensity. I hope it serves you well. Blessings, ~B

 

Kenn would have appreciated this one, George.
The voluptuous lines and use of color.
It’s quite beautiful, thank you for showing up today and sharing it. ~B

 

George that's beautiful!, I love it! You gave me a push to continue doodling with pen and ink, sharing our feelings through our art, I find that keeps me traveling this horrible journey... and always seeing how unique is your art. I wish that soon you can find some peace and start feeling better. Sending you my best wishes. Helena

 

First of all, I'm truly sorry for your loss.

My Janet was taken from me by cancer at 8:40 AM on October, 18th 2019 and I still cry nearly every day.
The most difficult adjustment (for me) is the absence of the words, ours, us, we, someday. from my vocabulary.

COMFORT

BILL LATHROP (2022)


Once again... as I see your smile...I go to Heaven for a while,

and it’s your aura that I breathe while the problems of my day recede.

For God knows, that in my life, I’ve faced untold trials and strife where I’ve loved, I’ve laughed and tried to hide... while I held your hand... as you died.

I breathed with you your very last breath as you passed from this life into the next.

Our mingled breath did not subside but floated to Heaven, where it will reside...forever...at God’s side.

Now...when I close my eyes, all our together dreams do not hide as my life passes in review...where...all our hopes and dreams are born anew...In a place where all is possible, and dreams really do come true...

 

Bill, That is so beautiful, just reading got me crying.!
Helena

 

George when I saw your art I thought of the Aerosmith song Back in the Saddle. Everyone of us gets disoriented in Mr Grief’s Twisted Amusement Park. For me every 4-6 weeks I get overwhelmed with my grief and have to take a step back. During these rides on The Crazy Train I feel uniquely flawed and confused and I have to isolate until I get my bearings and paw my way back to my real friends and family here. No matter how long we stay away and how broken we are when we return the grief warriors always welcome us back with loving open arms. I love you Bro! Keep on trucking me Bro! Gary

 

Thanks muh Bro! I have been so freaking depressed since March! I keep on trying to try and be kind to myself. I fight!

 

George,

Just a quick message to let you know I'm thinking of you... hoping today will be the day you have a reason to LMSO... All of this SUCKS!!!, SCFED!!!, TUTTAM!!! (for added emphasis), but and this is another one of those really BIG!!! BUTS!!!, all we can do is to keep on keeping (thanks Gary)... Reality SUCKS!!!

I've had a really bad week too. No matter how hard I kick the F*CK!!! out of Mr. Grief, I haven't been able to kick him hard enough, to knock him out for very long. It's been a challenging week, but I've managed to accomplish some really difficult tasks on my daily to do lists. My daily to do lists continue to give me a sense of purpose and direction. They keep me moving forward. This week I would have been lost without them.

I try to remain optimistic because the only thing I know for certain is that everything is always subject to change. Praying for the strength you, me, all of TGW, our GIC "family" need(s), to not only survive, but thrive in this over the top, bittersweet world, we've been thrown into.

As always, sending you lots of hugs and love, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Bernadine,

Like you, I often talk to myself out loud. As often as necessary I repeat over and over again, I CAN DO THIS!!! I WILL DO THIS!!!, and have now added in, thanks to you, "I'M STRONG ENOUGH TO FEEL THIS!!! I'M SAFE ENOUGH TO FEEL THIS!!!"

Thanks for the smiles on a cloudy, hot and humid start to the day... I'm so happy to hear you're climbing out of that hole!!!, TUTTAM!!! Enjoy your garden... It's a great way to fight Mr. Grief... Being outside, enjoying nature, growing beautiful flowers, plants, delicious veggies, etc... I wish I had a green thumb... Although I was told it's very hard to do, I once killed a cactus, something I'm not proud of, lol...

Bob loved working in our yard. When we moved into our first house, he made window boxes for all the first floor windows, and for the deck that was off of the kitchen. He filled them with beautiful flowers... He surprised me with a heart shaped garden around a tree in our front yard, planted a row of trees in the backyard, a natural fence, and lots of flowers and shrubs... He planted wildflowers around our mailbox (to remind us of a trip we took).

I miss Bob so very much!!!, SCFED!!! In spite of just having to kick the F*CK!!! out of Mr. Grief, it feels good "talking" about him. More than anything in the entire world, I need to keep his memory alive. Otherwise, I'm not sure I would be able to survive this total heartbreak. I HATE!!! this over the top bittersweet existence, but as I keep repeating, it beats the alternative.

Although this has been a very challenging week for me, as I said to George, my daily to do lists help me stay afloat, giving me purpose and direction. In spite of Mr. Grief's unwelcome presence, I've been able to tackle some really difficult tasks on my daily lists. This has given me a sense of accomplishment, and has helped me move forward.

I know I'm doing better than I was last year at this time, because even though this has been a miserable week, I've been able to take breaks from Mr. Grief, escaping reality with another easy "beachy" kind of read, Netflix, talking to friends from "home," taking a couple of walks (Mother Nature has been a pita!!!, plus some of the tasks I needed to complete were very time consuming), and planning day trips for my youngest son's soon to be visit. I can't wait to see him!!!, SCFED!!! (Variety is the spice of life. I need lots more of it in mine.)

As much as I hate it, it feels good to finally be able to live a life where happy and sad are mixed together (thanks, Robin), rather than a life filled with only sadness. I'm not trying to be pessimistic, but I feel like this is as good as it's going to get. I'm okay with it. I have to be. Sadly, all of us have to be.

I think, wait!!!, scrap this, I KNOW!!! I'm starting to ramble, so stopping here.

As always, sending you and Maggie, lots of hugs and love, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Bill,

This is so very beautiful, so very sad... I've read it three times already, can't stop crying...

I hope you're having as good a day as you possibly can, filled with more happy moments than sad moments...

Sending you lots of hugs and love, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Gary,

Those rides on "The Crazy Train," SUCK!!! BIG!!! TIME!!!, SCFED!!! I'm glad you were finally able to get off of that crazy train in Mr. Grief's over the top, twisted, amusement park.

Life has become so over the top challenging... I'm so glad we have TGW, our GIC "family," to help us through all those challenging moments!!!, TUTTAM!!! (Variety is the spice of life.)

I hope today you have many more LMSO moments than sad ones...

As always, sending you lots of hugs and love, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Deb, you are such a nice warrior friend providing us with your support, helping us to go forward and many times making us have moments to LMSO, thanks a lot for listening!!! Also sending you and all the warrior family love, peace and many hugs. Helena

 

God Morning dear warrior friends, I woke up this morning and smiled it's another day, ' I'm alone but I'm ALIVE', how much different it's the mind when we're positive! and my new mantra I say again "I'M ALONE BUT I'M ALIVE"
As always wishing you my warrior friends a lovely day, peace, peace and joy. Helena

 

YAY!! Itz the Deb!
I know hat you mean about real tasks. Got a couple big ones done last week. Should feel satisfied or satiated, instead feel stressed and anxious about doin' that kind of yucky stuff. I hope I can start writing again... So hard to concentrate to articulate thoughts these daze! Lotsa Love and stuff to you!!!! EPX!!!

 

Thank you Helena.

 

COMFORT

BILL LATHROP (2022)


Once again......I dream of your smile and I go to Heaven for a while,

and it’s your aura that I breathe while the problems of my day recede.

For God knows that in my life, I’ve faced trials and personal strife and have, loved, and laughed, and tried to hide while I held your hand... as you died.

I breathed with you your very last breath as you passed from this life into the next...where...

Our mingled breath did not subside but floated to Heaven, where it will reside...forever with me...at God’s side. Now...when I close my eyes, I can see what’s true and, all those together dreams do not hide as my life passes in review...where...all our dreams are born anew...In a place where life goes on, and our dreams come true...that’s in heaven.... where I’ll forever abide with you....

 

Bill, thanks for sharing your poems dedicated to your dear wife. I would like to share this poem that was written by a young lad from Scotland,

LEFT BEHIND

I'd never ever felt this way
until you had to say goodby
A feeling of loss so intense
it's like I actually might die
I can't eat, I can't sleep
your face is all that I see
My chest feels so tight that
sometimes I can't even breathe
For it's not like you've just moved
from one town to the next
Where you've gone I cannot follow
unless take drastic steps
Just carrying on as normal feels
like I'm saying that I don't care,
but I don't know what else to do,
my god, this isn't fair!
I'm told I need to get through this
that things get easier in time.
But it's the worst
to be the one who's
left behind.

 

Wow! Deb.

 

Helena, I'm crying. It's been 1 year and 7 months now since Jack left me and I'm not much better. Your poem, "Left Behind". really hit me.

 

Yes Karen we were left behind! BUT we are alive with all our memories, just cherish every moment of our existence alone. Helena