Wednesday ART THERAPY

Lou, thank you for sharing your story. Of that sweet little poodle. You and Linda were the salvation for that sweet little poodle and it sounds like the poodle brought many smiles and happy times to your life. I know how taking him to the kennel had to be so emotional and overwhelming but you did the right thing and hopefully a wonderful couple or family adopted that special loving nonjudgemental little ball of fur. Teddy is my 4 legged family he means the world to me. Karen’s loss of Rambo brought the flood gates for sure and made me think how would I move on without my Ted. I know it’s extremely hard. And I continue to pray for her strength. I’m happy to hear you’re doing better and going to PT. So sorry about your dizzy spells I hope they let up in time.
Lou I know the love you and Linda shared was absolutely special and just the wonderful life you both deserved. Your 25 years together were a gift day after day. People married 5,10 years or not yet married. They have the special bond. Some people never experience that.
You and I certainly are a world apart from 3 1/2 years ago. Ron and Linda are in our heart to stay forever. Where ever we go or whatever we do. Each day a little stronger. We still have set backs here and there. I’m not sure I’ll ever be the happy go lucky person I was with Ron but I know he wants that for me and Linda for you. Losing your soul mate is the hardest thing in this world and we don’t realize until we’re in the middle of it. Still to this day if someone asks how I’m doing it bring tears cause no one asks anymore and I’m still living this life without Ron. My rock and soft place all in one. Sending you love and hugs right back. We stick together. You and I and all of GIC. We’ll all figure this out and continue to better days. Robin

 

Robin, once again, your soothing words
made me choke up, but came at a perfect
time. I've been communicating with
"Quiet Lady" ( Sherry, about our age,
from S.C. , like Patti. Deb, Helena, and
others) over the death of her husband,
Gerry. Sherry had been on GIC before,
but I thought she left. She reached out
to me in a thread , which I think was
"How are you doing?".But, there were
other threads, like Wed Art Therapy.
She posted moving music videos and
lectures from people who died and came
back , having seen the light , and love,
of God. Nicole responded to her and
other GW early this am. I found myself
talking to Linda this morning , bc I've
been feeling my mortality, and the
"autumn of my years",as my flawed ,
sometimes sad & lonely Ftank Sinatra
sings, in My Way. Lou

 

Thanks for the warm words. Im usually on here i just don't post or respond much. You've overcome alot over the years and that's awesome. It's good that you get out and meet up with some friends. I'm glad the fresh air helps you to rest at night. I sleep a little better on.work days but lately it seems to.be almost as hard as it was when i first lost Gant. I.know that we all have good and bad days. We have lost a big part of us . I feel that some days are better than 2 years ago and then sometimes it feels worse. I pray for strength each day. I know that we all will continue to get stronger and embrace this knew hand at life that we've been dealt. Hope you had a nice day.

 

Hi Sweetcole, thank you for your post, it's so comforting being able to talk to you all here, knowing we all relate to every single feeling we're experiencing. I am so sorry for having lost your husband, and I see that you're still so young too, and your kids even younger than mine.My heart goes out to all of you. I am so glad my kids still live at home with me as they're both still studying. What I don't understand is why do all three of us avoid talking about their dad? We just struggle along, as if there's something that stops us from sharing how we are feeling, how we are suffering, as if it's so unbearably painful that we just can't talk about it. We were all present when my C was suddenly torn away from us from a cardiac arrest. "I have a very bad stomachache, he said, I feel nauseous, I want to be sick". He closed himself in the bathroom and minutes later, we found him just lying there. I screamed out at my son to come and help me, as I couldn't open the door, my daughter tried cpr while we waited for the ambulance. Too late. If only we'd realised at the first signs that he was having a heart attack, perhaps he could have had a chance? I did read later about how the symptoms of a sudden heart attack could be mistaken for a bad case of indigestion, but that doesn't make me feel better at all, this doubt will torment me forever. The paramedics said nothing could have been done if they'd arrived earlier, but I'll never know for sure, will I? I just wish my kids hadn't witnessed their devoted dad leaving us that way, right in front of us. I spend my days thinking I should be more of a comfort for them, talk to them, but if I start doing this, I just break down, have to leave the room and go and cry my eyes out in a corner where nobody can see me. My kids never start a conversation either, apart from mentioning their dad when making decisions, solving problems: "this is what dad would have done/said, I know how to solve this problem because dad showed me how to". We are all too lost in our own grief to be able to open up to each other.
I wish all the comfort and peace in the world for you and your children.
A hug, Rose.

 

As you get stronger you'll be able to talk to your kids without breaking down. Crying together want hurt either though. If you feel strongly about talking to them something fealing with your husband do it. If you all begin to cry thats fine. Sometimes a good cry can help. Yes my kids are young but they talk about him often. It hurts knowing he's not here for and with them but I know they need to talk about him. I can talk and show them pictures of him easier than I use to be able to. With we all get stronger. Im sorry that you all had to endure losing C that way. We all have woulda, coulda, shoulda thoughts but I'm sure you did all you can so try not to beat yourself up about it. You did good calling your kids in as you did and your daughter tried CPR. I say yall did Good to think that fast without panicking. I pray that you all come closer to be able to be there to.support and encourage each other.

 

Dear Deb, As always thanks so much for your friendship towards me and all TGW, I do appreciate receiving your correspondence!. Yesterday was too hot to be outdoors but I did my treadmill walking a few miles because keeps me fit and strong so I can fight the monster Mr. G.
If in early June is like yesterday what to expect July/August otherwise no much to report...no concentration√ continues✓...but no tears√, lack of sleep✓ only 2 to 3 hrs√
Yogi sleeps in his basket bed and Sami goes wherever she finds comfortable. I'll try to see if I can sleep. Sending you love, peace and hugs Helena

 

Dear Rose, it’s been sometime that I posted, I come into
GIC when I’m able, read my TGW “Family “ postings,
keeping each of you in my daily prayers .
I’m so very sorry for loss of your husband C I couldn’t
help but to reply to your posting, my heart goes out to
you and your precious daughter and son.
I believe,” God’s Greatest gift in life is the gift of “Love”
after I lost my Dear Jack “I learnt why God gave me tears”
how very important they can be in times of our life , especially
through sorrow, a way of releasing our emotions, as time
goes by there is healing power in them. There is no time
limit through grief , loneliness, missing our beloved. I still cry
each morning, although Jack is not here physically, his Spirit
is, will always be with me till God says, “Patti, it’s time
to call you home” I will reap all HE has waiting for me, to
unite me to be forever with my Dear Jack.
Remember how special you are, please take care of yourself,
I speak of Jack often to daughter, grand children, I’ve shed
tears , when I have, but that’s okay.
We have quite a few birthdays in June, any gift or card to my
family is signed,
Love, Grannie & (Grandpa In Heaven)
Rose, it has helped me so much in my talking about my husband,
it helps me when others speak of him.
Prayers for you, your daughter and son.
Life is a Blessing, may you be Blessed.
Hugs and Love, Patti

 

Nicole, woke up in middle of the night,
like I usually do, for "plumbing issues",
but I've been curious to see if any other
grief warriors are awake. I love GIC, bc I'm
never really alone, like I was, when I joined July of 2021. I wish I had joined
sooner, but I was so devastated about
Linda's sudden death 3 & a half years
ago, that my emotions were too raw, and I
was in a state of disbelief that Linda was
gone from me, physically, and would never come back. Thanks to my grief counselor,
I read 2 books to comfort me: The
Widower's Notebook, a memoir, by
Jonathan Santlofer, and Permission to
Mourn, by Tom Zuba. Both books are
excellent paperbacks, and I suggested
them to TGW on GIC. I also receieve
a daily quotation, from different authors,
via email. It's from a website, Center for
Loss, founded by a grief therapist, Dr. Alan
Wolfelt. Many people on here have gotten
a lot out of all these sources. After your
post, I'll reply to Rose, from Italy, and
Patti and Helena, both from South
Carolina ( as is Deb). It's like calling
people on the phone, but quietly, without
much effort. Thank you for responding to
me. Nicole. It means a lot to me. Lou

 

My God, dear Rose, although I knew
some of your heartwrenching story about
the death of your husband , C, I didn't
know all the excruciating details, and I'm
so very sorry. As I've said on GIC before,
I can relate to those whose soulmates
have died , suddenly, without warning,
in front of us. You and your children had
no way of knowing that would be C's
last words. How could you? My wife,
Linda, was talking to me, and asking for
help, as she was collapsing, in a weird
way, at the edge of her bed, in her room
in the rehab unit of the nursing home.
It took me a long time to rid myself of
the guilt that I didn't move fast enough to
"save " her. As I just told Nicole , from
Georgia, ( "Sweetcole"), 2 books gave me
comfort: Jonathan Santlofer's The
Widower's Notebook, and Tom Zuba's
Permission to Mourn. When I first started
reading Jonathan's book, I had to put it
away, bc the first chapter about how his
wife of 40 years, Joy, died suddenly in
front of him, was too close to my story,
that I sobbed. A week later, I tried to
read the book, over coffee, in the morning,
and couldn't put it down. It's an honest,
sometimes humorous account of the ups &
downs of a long, loving marriage. Now. I
have the book next to my bed, and I
occasionally reread the lighter, funnier
passages. I know it was gutwrenching for
you to "talk" about your last moments with C. There will be other times , when you
reach out to welcome & comfort new
members that you won't have to reveal
such agonizing detail. I was the one to
ask you to say your husband's name, and
was glad you did, and opened up to me.
Hope you will be on here again soon. I
value you as a person. and it is good to
know you, Rose. Lou

 

Helena, woke up in middle of night, due
to "plumbing issues" , as our dear friend,
Deb , so humorously put it. I like to check
in with TGW before I go back to sleep.
Sometimes, there's no one there. Other
times, like now, there are many!! I just
answered Nicole ("Sweetcole", from
Georgia) and Rose, from Italy. After I reply
to you, I will reply, quickly and briefly, to
Patti, in your state, bc I'm getting sleepy.
I hope that someday, Helena, you will be
able to sleep like Yogi. Lou

 

Nicole, I'm here in SC I just noticed that we are neighbors, I can't sleep either...I just hope that this insomnia is not contagious,... I see Lou is awake, dear Patti is talking to you Good Morning warriors, another day and wishing everyone a peaceful day full of love and joy. Helena

 

Lou, I think that I something in the air we are connected!! now I'll go back to sleep and keep company to Yogi.Helena

 

Yes South Carolina isn't far from Ga. I think this insomnia is just going to come and go. Mayb well all also go to sleep soon. Thanks for the greeting and hope you're able to rest soon.

 

Patti, It's so good to see you on here in the
middle of the night, giving comfort to
Rose, one of our newer members. I know
it's difficult for you to post sometimes,
but I know you're always listening. Like
you, crying for Jack every morning, I tear
up about Linda every morning, but
without the weeping I did , right after
she died 3 & a half years ago. I also
believe in the secret of eternal love.
I have a friend who had a glimpse of
the light of God, after he died, and came
back. He found that secret, and is a happier
man, bc of it. A GIC member , who came
back to us, "Quiet Lady" ( Sherry, from
your state,) posted music videos of a
religious, spiritual nature , and a series
of comforting lectures from people with
near death experiences. Recently, out
good friend , Karen, posed the question if
any of TGW believed in an afterlife, and I
said I did, bc of my conversation with my
friend, who experienced it. Well, I'm
about to roll over & get back to sleep.
Hope to "talk" with you again , soon.
Patti. Lou

 

Good Morning Patti, you are always in our thoughts, the most beautiful person that I've met and also my neighbor, so nice to have your daughter an grand kids very close to you, just reading I got tears in my eyes I'm sending you my love, peace and hugs. Helena

 

Sweetcole and Patti, thank you for all your kind comforting words. I really think I'm going mad sometimes, the pain is so unbearable. More now than during the first year. Every morning now the first thing I do is check in to GIC and then I check in again when it's afternoon here, thinking you're all probably just waking up, such a different time zone.
You're so right, my kids and I should try to open up more, I'm sure it would help, maybe in time this will hopefully happen. It's been 18 months now but for me not even one day has passed, the world keeps turning but I seem to be just a spectator watching life pass by while I'm ' trapped in time'.

Lou, I hope your leg has healed now. It must have been very painful for you. I just want to say to you that you are so good at making people feel 'at home' and at ease, like you have done with me. Thank you for this.

Helena, thank you again for your inspiring quotes.

Hugs to you all,hoping you're all sleeping well.
Rose.

 

Rosr, it's wonderful to see you on here. It's
about 4:30am here. Like you, I check in with GIC first thing in the morning. I also
take the phone with me to my different
places, like the local cafe, or sitting on a
bench by the ocean ( the same bench
upon which Linda & I sat), then again at
bedtime, and , finally, sometimes in the
middle of the night, to see if any of my
friends, TGW, are awake. I look forward
to being with friends on the boardwalk of
my art colony town. One of my best buddies, is a married guy ( of 50 years, no
children). We're the same age. I met him
one day, while he was playing drums ,
softly, in the backroom of a cafe. He is
outgoing. The place was closing for the
day, so there were no customers, and we
started chatting about everything: God,
my wife of 25 years, Linda, our country,
the veterans ( neither of us served in the
Vietnam war, but support our military
and first responders, incl. police and
firefighters). We reminisce about our
boyhood, with vivid detail, talk about
music bands , singers , and movies we saw,
in the late 1960s & early 1970s. We laugh
easily, but talk , also, about our physical
aches & pains ( like a couple of old men,
though we don't look , or act, like our
age). Thank you for remembering about
my leg. I went to my kind nurse practioner,
the same one that Linda & I went to see
together. I had prayed that my leg wasn't
infected. She suggested I go to the ER if
it still hurt, which it did, after 2 weeks.
God answered my prayers, bc it's not
infected, healing nicely, and doesn't hurt.
Meanwhile, I go to 2 female. physical
therapists ( PTs) for balance issues, bc
I take some necessary meds which can
slow my reaction time. They are good
for helping me sleep at night, but I
sometimes get up briefly & respond to
other GW , in different time zones, like
yours. As you can see by my posts to
my brother Gary, and long time friends,
including Deb, Karen, Patti, & Robin,
who I've known the longest, I feel
restless. After 3 & a half years, I may be
ready to meet another woman, as Linda
wanted for me, if anything happened
to her, Even though I was tired, I walked to
my cafe last night, bc it has a dinner &
live band every Friday night. Even though
I was alone at the small bar ( I don't
drink anymore, I was greeted warmly
by the staff). I'll go back to sleep now.
Please feel free to write to me anytime,
Rose. Lou

 

Dear Rose I am so sorry for your sudden loss of C. My name is Gary and I lost my girlfriend Cheryl suddenly and unexpectedly from a cardiac arrest too 13 months ago. No warning signs. I heard three erratic snores come from Cheryl’s bedroom and found Cheryl’s eyes had rolled back in her head and not breathing. The 911 operator guided me though CPR for 10 minutes until a deputy came with a defibrillator followed by firefighters with oxygen and EMTs. Cheryl was revived but died 2 days later. How could this happen to someone who was so healthy so suddenly? Shock times infinity. Terror bewilderment frustration and dispair lasted 4-5 months. I started counseling and found an in person grief support meeting. My healing never kicked in until I found GIC last October. These are my real friends and family here. I’m glad you are here too. 6 Needs of the Mourner is an article on the centerforloss.com site and Permission to keep by Tom Zuba have helped me. I beat myself up in the beginning for not saving Cheryl. The truth is we don’t have the power to save them. I came to believe that was Cheryl’s destiny and her work on this earth was completed. In the book Permission to Mourn the author stresses openly grieving. The grief has to come out. Every grief meeting I went to the facilator stressed we have to feel to heal. I’m trying to get back on GIC more regular again. I was in a funk for a month. Grief is so unpredictable. But we are warriors and take care of our own. You are among the greatest group there is. Gary

 

Gary, "feel to heal" is a wonderful phrase.
Thank you, as always, for your profound
insight. Instead of crawling into a dark
hole, you are reaching out, as I am , to
comfort others, like Rose. Thanks again.
As Jonathan Santlofer emailed me, "I'm
proud to be your brother". Lou