Unbearable pain

The pain and loneliness are unbearable. I cannot believe that Marshall, my husband of 40 years is really gone. Wave after wave of grief rush over me and I feel like I am drowning in it. The only one who could comfort me is Marshall with his sense of humor and empathy, but he will never return to do so. I cannot bear that I will never see him on earth again. I wish he would send me a sign that he is okay and forgives me for times that I wasn't kind. I need a redo, and none exist in this world. I am nothing without him, but must go on for our son, who will be leaving in the Fall for College.

How does anyone stand this agony?