Today the pain became suddenly more intense and unbearable, perhaps because I met my sister who I hadn't seen since the pandemic started at my mother's apartment to go through things. My mother passed away a year ago and my husband of 40 years passed away about three weeks ago. I miss my husband so much that I cannot stand it and I feel so guilty about not being nicer to him. I believe that if I had been nicer he might still be alive. Although I know he was very sick and didn't see doctors like he should etc. How can I bear the thought that I will never see him again on earth. He is the only one who could make me feel better about this.