Unabating guilt

Discussion in 'Finding it Difficult to Move Foward' started by Markovna, Aug 24, 2020.

  1. Markovna

    Markovna New Member

    My father died last week. I am haunted by how meanly I treated him over the past few years. I cursed at him and called him names when he got on my nerves. I hung up on him. I didn't return his calls. I let him die lonely and in despair. I was able to speak to him on the phone a few hours before he died. I told him I was sorry for all that I had done and that I loved him for my whole life. I begged for his forgiveness. I don't know how to begin to move forward. I hate what I have done and I can never forgive myself. I don't believe I deserve forgiveness. I was a monster to him.
    Does anyone have any similar experiences in terms of guilt? How do you go on?
    NaSam and Chris M 2000 like this.
  2. Sheila512

    Sheila512 Well-Known Member

    No similar experience but I may be able to give you some alternatives to hating yourself. The guilt you are feeling is justified to you and maybe to others. You will always hold onto this but not to the extent of crowding out everything else. The best way to move forward is to act in a way that honors his memory. Volunteer to work somewhere that he liked. Give you time in his memory. You will have to forgive yourself for acting childish and selfish by committing acts that are NOT childish and selfish. You can make this up to you over time if it is important. The ultimate would be to volunteer in a nursing home but that may be too much to ask of yourself so soon. If you have other older or sick relatives, give them what you could not give your Dad. You can forgive yourself but it will take time. Be safe and have peace.
  3. Chris M 2000

    Chris M 2000 Well-Known Member

    None of us deserve forgiveness. We have all committed despicable sins. We are just extremely fortunate to serve a God who is willing to forgive. It is much harder to forgive ourselves for the things we have done which have hurt others. There is a longing in our heart to be able to go back and do things differently this time. Since we cannot, the only thing I have found to do is each time the memories come back, remember that God has forgiven us for them if we have confessed them to Him and comfort ourselves with that thought. I hope others respond to your message because I am dealing with the same guilt. Sorry for your gut-wrenching guilt, but I understand.
    NaSam likes this.
  4. amli

    amli New Member

    You are not the only one who lives in such guilt.. I am deeply sorry to hear about your struggle. It is hard to carry the burden of guilt when the person you would like to make amends with is gone. I hope you know you are not the first nor the last person to deal with this. I don't know what caused the behaviour you are describing and maybe there is no one direct reason for it... Regardless hurt people hurt people. I imagine you might have endured some sort of hardship, either external or internal, causing all the anger and frustration at the time. I am not justifying it, but I think we are allowed to realise and accept that at the time I didn't know how to be anything else than what I was... Although it is sad to think about it also seems that the death of your father made you realise you don't ever want to be this way again but rather be kind and patient in the times where you before you would have been the complete opposite. I have similar guilt for my family members dead and alive, due to my own behaviour. One thing is certain, you are not a monster, if you were you would not struggle with this guilt. I seek refuge in doing good for others. It cannot undo the past or bring back the dead, but it feels good and is kind of the closest thing I can think of as an antidote to grief and guilt. I also don't think you should punish yourself by not letting go of the guilt, I believe you deserve happiness just like everyone else.
    NaSam and Chris M 2000 like this.