Trying to understand the loss of my mom

Discussion in 'Loss of a Parent' started by Clover8705, Dec 30, 2022.

  1. Clover8705

    Clover8705 New Member

    I lost my mom Oct 23rd, 2022 to Cancer and I just can't seem to wrap my head around her being gone. It all seems so surreal even though we spent months watching her decline. Watching my strong willed and independent mom become so frail seems like a bad nightmare that I can't wake up from.

    I know its only been a couple months but I don't know still how to process this. Anyone else feel that way?
    Karyl and Tareed like this.
  2. Dadandme

    Dadandme New Member

    I lost my father to Cancer Oct 16/2021 - on his birthday. I too watched the slow decline and struggle of my Dad with Cancer. You are not alone. I know it feel that way as that is how I felt too. It took months to get me off the floor crying so hard I could hardly breathe. I have read a few books now on grief and forums online. It seems what you are feeling is what is excepted with grief. Let your self grieve and feel the emotions. It feels like it will never get easier but it does. We are all on our own journey with grief so don't be too hard on yourself. Take time to look after you.
    Karyl likes this.
  3. Clover8705

    Clover8705 New Member

    Thanks for responding and I am sorry for your loss as well. I keep telling myself whenever I feel the need for a mini breakdown to let myself. To give myself that time to feel all the emotions. It is a very hard process but being able to have support from others who have gone through similar situations help. I am a big reader are there any specific books on grief that you read that you would recommend? Im willing to try any and all avenues on ways to help myself cope and understand. Again thank you for your kind words it really touched me.
    Karyl and daisyinthesun like this.
  4. kgigliotti

    kgigliotti New Member

    I feel like that too, I feel like watching a strong independent person decline before your eyes really mentally takes a toll on you. My mom was so independent, she loved mowing the lawn, she loved cleaning, she was a busybody and when she couldn’t do her favorite things anymore that was the hardest part for her and us to watch. One minute I’ll be okay, the next minute I’m hysterically crying but that’s all apart of grieving, I don’t think there is a “right” way to process this sort of thing, I think you’re going to process it and grieve it for the remainder of your life and that’s okay!!
    Tareed likes this.
  5. daisyinthesun

    daisyinthesun Member

    im right where you were. Please tell me at some point we ll wake up
  6. daisyinthesun

    daisyinthesun Member

    I just found this website and...it helps. I dont have any friends my age who have lost a parent yet and...its hard to carry alone, not knowing whats normal, whats expected from us, how I should be grieving. Plus theres my dad, whos in such a pain that sometimes It feels like he forgets about us, me and my brother. We re adults on our 30s, but sometimes feels like we re 5 and 10 again. Its been a month since mom passed away and still feels surreal, a bad dream but we all on it at the same time.
  7. djhead4

    djhead4 New Member

    I just lost my mom 2 1/2 weeks ago after a short (5 month) battle with cancer. Everything you all have said resonates with me. I just can't really wrap my head around the fact that she is gone even though my parents live close by and I was her advocate all through her illness. I'll be fine one minute and a mess the next. I think because my brain can't handle all of the grief at once it breaks it down into little pieces. I guess eventually we adjust to a new normal but it is hard to envision at the moment.
  8. daisyinthesun

    daisyinthesun Member

    it hurts and...little by little things will get better..its okay to cry and be fine in a while and then cry again. Im on the 2nd month without my mom and it took me a while to sleep and not cry by night or when i wake up and think about everything again . My dad cries less often too. Every week we survive is a victory to us.
  9. Karyl

    Karyl Member