Trying To Cope. I Miss Him So Much.

Discussion in 'LGBTQ Loss' started by MikeNYC, Apr 6, 2020.

  1. MikeNYC

    MikeNYC Member

    That gets to the thing that is so hard to accept, we can't control things. And every time I think I've worked out something in my mind and an ready to accept that aspect of how things happened, it will come roaring back to be dealt with again. It's like spinning tires in the snow, stuck in place.
    JMD likes this.
  2. PJC

    PJC New Member

  3. PJC

    PJC New Member

  4. P'town Tony

    P'town Tony New Member

    I lost my husband/best friend of 30 years on May11, 2020. There's no more laughter in the apartment. His absence is palpable. He was ill for over a year, but we thought we had years more. But he had MSA and died instantly of a blood clot in his lungs, so he was able to avoid the horrific late stages of MSA. He had the best death possible given his diagnosis. But I'm lonely and alone, my first winter in P'town without my boy and even though I don't cry oceans as I once did, the ACHE is the
    NaSam and JMD like this.
  5. glego

    glego Well-Known Member

    Thank you for your post, I pushed too, and at times I let things slide I often feel guilty for those times that I slipped. If only I could have been perfect for him.
    NaSam and JMD like this.
  6. MikeNYC

    MikeNYC Member

    I don't know how much it helps, but know you're not alone. I still cry every day, sometimes just once, sometimes several times. A slight alteration to an Edna St. Vincent Millay quote: “The presence of his absence is everywhere.”
    P'town Tony likes this.
  7. Woodyismydog

    Woodyismydog New Member

    Your story is very real to me. I am 55 and lost my Husband of 37 years just 4 weeks ago. I brought him home to Home Hospice and after 6 weeks, he peacefully passed away. Although he had been sick for 7 years, I never believed that I would be alone. There was a 26 year difference in our age. I was younger and he was wiser. I miss him every moment and at times feel like he will be coming home. It's a very difficult time for me. I just wanted you to know that you are not alone and hopefully, time will ease the pain. Take care.
    NaSam, MikeNYC and JMD like this.
  8. MikeNYC

    MikeNYC Member

    It is so difficult but having a place to share with people who know what it is like is helpful. Share as much or as little as you want. Be good to yourself.
    Woodyismydog and glego like this.
  9. JMD

    JMD Well-Known Member

    I am sure you did your very best, and I’ll bet he knew he was loved. The unfortunate truth for those that are left behind is that we are left with guilt for what we see as our shortcomings. No more chances, no more make-ups. And our minds just wander again and again to what we could have done better. I try very hard to focus on how much I loved Michael and the many, many things I did to show him. Would do it all over in a second if I could. I cannot imagine loving anyone more. Praying for guidance and peace for all of us.
    NaSam and MikeNYC like this.
  10. glego

    glego Well-Known Member

    JMD, thank you. I'm sure we all tried our very best.
    MikeNYC and JMD like this.
  11. EddieL

    EddieL New Member

    Dear Mike, I am so sorry for your loss. I loss my beloved partner of 13 years Bill to a sudden heart attack almost two years ago. I was not there at the time. I was devastated for many months. Still am at times. I think of Bill every day all day. Going back to work after he passed gave me something to focus on, feel like I had a life. But with the pandemic, I"m working from home in isolation and it is so hard. I still cry a lot and miss him so. Time helps, but it is slow. Talking to friends and even strangers here helps. I truly believe Stephen and Bill are watching over us from above.
    NaSam, ShellieWannatelli and MikeNYC like this.
  13. Hello! My name is Shellie, and I'm 57 years old. I"ve lost two friends recently, one in October of 2019, and then my very close friend, Kirsten, 57, in May of this year. I didn't even know Kirsten was ill, she died of stage 3 lung cancer, and I only knew about it two days prior to her death. It's still unbelievable. We were friends for approximately 34 years, met at work years ago, and I was always welcome at her house any time. She has one son, 26, and he's trying very hard to digest all of this at once. He's an only child and I"m worried about him. Hope to hear from others, thank you for sharing! Shellie, West Virginia
  14. MikeNYC

    MikeNYC Member

    You're reaching out. That's very important. I am so sorry for your losses. There's no right way to handle all this. I would encourage her son to come here and share. It won't hurt and it may help. There are always people here to listen.
    ShellieWannatelli and glego like this.
  15. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Shellie, I’m so sorry for your losses. It’s obvious you’re a great friend to these women. And now you have concern for Kristen's son. I don’t think you’d be out of line to stay in touch with him, let him know you’re available if he needs someone. And that you’re missing her too. If he’s all alone he might welcome your offer. You could help each other. Talking about our losses is helpful.
    glego likes this.
  16. Thank you for your reply! It means a lot. Yes, I have stayed in touch with him, he only lives two hours away, and I have left food for him that would be easy for him to take to work for lunch. He works nights seven days a week and rarely gets a day off, so he sleeps through the day. Hunter texts me back whenever he can. Hopefully, he will get to take off a few days, but these oil and water wells are working people continuously right now. We have talked when we can, and he wants me to stop by when I can.
  18. Hi there! Thank you, Mike for your reply. (I actually think I just tried to reply in the wrong section??) Anyway, I'll figure it out! LOL Yes, Hunter doesn't have a lot of time right now, but even some online support would be good. He has two aunts (Kirsten's two sisters) but they live in Pennsylvania. They gave her a nice memorial. And he doesn't really have anyone in West Virginia, except for me. Hunter works seven days per week right now on water wells, and hopefully will get a break some time. He hasn't had a breather from that job since June 12 (the day of the memorial that we had in Connellsville, PA for his mother, Kirsten), and he really needs to spend the day with me and we can talk about her and the future. Take care of yourself, and thank you again
  20. Hello! Eddie, I'm really sorry for your loss. Thirteen good years is a lot of time to get close to someone. I don't have many folks to talk to now, I only kept genuine friends around (they are hard to find-as I'm sure you know) and now they keep disappearing on me, as in dying. It's like that, and I didn't realize it, that they would just disappear? When I need to just vent or something, she's not there anymore. She was a real strong person, Kirsten was the best. I didn't realize what a friend I had in her. And in October of 2019, I had another friend, Dawn, who passed away tragically when a branch from a tree fell and hit her as she was out walking with her husband (in Georgia). I sure didn't expect either one of these deaths. I'm trying to call and keep in touch with the friends I have left. Working from home would be hard. At least with my job I can't work from home, I have been in an office full of people every day. Take care, Eddie