Trying and failing to cope

see ya

 

My Lap Top fell to the floor. I put it back together. Here

 

Kelso...…. Lou has completely confused Me as to who you are!! Name? Wife's name...….etc I will be up til 1am

 

Kelso, unfortunately with our six hour time difference (I think it's 6!), it's difficult to arrange a particular time. I'm usually on first thing in the morning, like now, it's 7am here, but for you all it's night time except for Suretha who happens to be in the same time zone as me, even though a different country. I sometimes look into the site also in the evenings, around 9pm,but it depends how I am.
Rose

 

Sorry Kelso, I got confused too, with your name. Please excuse us, this can happen when we don't hear often from a new member. We would like to get to know you, whenever you want to share how you are feeling, we are here, a few of us in different time zones, so there will always be someone here,at different times of the day.

 

I’m sorry—I want to help. This is a little bit confusing? I lost the love of my life four years ago. I’m here because I believe that you too can understand that kind of loss.

 

my wifespassed jan 15 this year. her name is terry. we were together 44 years . nest week the 15th is our anniversar/ its goona be HORRIBLE for me.

 

how do i get thru it ?

 

Hi Kelso, that date, 15th, is when I lost my C too, but it was November 2020, he was fine, fit, healthy, active and then suddenly, unexpectedly that Sunday afternoon, he was taken away from me by a sudden cardiac arrest, at only 57 years of age.
It's still so soon for you, Kelso, you will gradually find this pain more tolerable, I will be lying if I say it goes away, of course it doesn't, we have lost our " other half", our life has been abruptly catapulted into an unknown zone. This grief will always live alongside us, just like our soulmates will always be part of us, just as they always have been. Feeling them with us will help us get through each day,even if they aren't here physically. It may feel like a part of us has died with them, but don't forget, if we were two souls, two minds, two hearts fused into one whole, than we still have a part of them with us, because we are still here. We will continue living not just for us and our families, but for our soulmates too.
Rose

 

Wow Rose. You and I have the exact same story! My George left me suddenly June 21,2023 at age 57 from Sudden Cardiac Arrest. Were you with Your C or did you get a phone call? I am still a Mess! How are you now? Do you work? Are you dating or considering it? I dont know what to do with myself. I am so mad/sad all the time.......Kelso is right there with Us. I like your post. Kim Elizabeth

 

Hi Deborah, Just wondering how your life is going now 4 years later? And how did it happen? Kim Elizabeth

 

Beautiful message! I so needed that today.

 

but its sooo hard to do.

 

hi kim .i am a total mess. how why can i go one.

 

Thank you for your kind words Kim Elizabeth, and my heart goes out to you for having lost your George so suddenly, prematurely, too. Me and my son and daughter (in their twenties) were all present at the time, that's why I am left with this guilt tormenting my life, wondering if I could have done more. It just seemed like a bad case of indigestion, he didn't say it was his chest hurting, he kept saying it was his stomach, then I found him on the bathroom floor, I screamed out for my son as I couldn't open the door, my daughter then tried CPR while awaiting the ambulance, they tried for nearly an hour, when they said there was nothing else they could do, I got angry, yelling at them, telling them they should have taken him straight to hospital, but the doctor who was present explained to my daughter (I was in complete shock, couldn't function, couldn't listen) that it wouldn't have made any difference,they would have wasted time, they needed to act quickly, and they had all the revival equipment with them. I just remember throwing myself onto my husband, holding him tight, begging him not to leave me. They continued explaining that even if they'd been there earlier, there was nothing they could have done. I still can't convince myself though.
I'm not working at the moment, just some private English Language tuition every now and then,as you know I live in a non-English speaking country. As for your question about dating, all I can say is that this doesn't cross my mind at all, I cannot imagine being with anyone else if not my husband. I won't judge anyone who may feel differently, of course, we all react in our own way,and I respect anyone who may not agree with me.
It's been over two and a half years now, but I don't take this into consideration, for me it's as if it's just happened, only that I have now learned to live with my grief, trying my best to adapt to this new existence that was "imposed" on me, like a sudden earthquake, leaving us with all the rubble to clear up and restart in some way.
Wishing you a peaceful day at work and may you have better days.
Rose.

 

Thanks George, glad to be of help to you.

Rose.

 

Do you have children, siblings, other family or close friends nearby who you can talk to? It's so important not to " bottle up" your feelings, I know it's difficult because it seems they can't understand what you're going through. That's why we are here for you, we can relate and empathize. If you live in a city, try to get as much fresh air as possible going for walks in parks, or if you live in a countryside area, or even better, by the ocean, then it will be much easier to get some nature therapy. I find it helps my mind a lot, spending time outside amongst nature, breathing in pure, clean, fresh air.

 

hi. few friends but they are busy with their lives. my other friends have blew me off. i want things like they used to but.......

 

Rose, Oh my gosh what a terrifying experience you and your children had. You are very brave to share this. I was in a bit of shock hearing, in detail, what you went through. You could not of done more. I think we all are disappointed at some point the doctor's didn't do more. It's been 2/1/2 years for me too and I still think the doctor's could have done more and Jack thought so to at the end. We will never know. Thanks for posting this MOST emotional time. Karen

 

Thank you Karen. In fact, I never share this with anyone, you and all our GIC friends are the only ones I have talked about this in so much detail. I feel at ease with you all, and I thank you all so much for giving me this opportunity to cry out and release all that pain instead of repressing my emotions, like I usually do.
Rose