Trying and failing to cope

Wow Rose you’ve had a real turn around from rain every day to sunny and 100° I’m complaining with our 88°, but it is also very humid. I don’t think I’ve ever been that startled in the middle of the night. The alarm was crazy loud. I did get up and get dressed and move to a safer place in my house. I could feel Ron saying rather be safe then sorry. More rain coming this morning, calling for hail too. Hoping for normal rain with no tornados or hail for that matter. I feel for you with stuff breaking or needing attention. It’s so overwhelming, I tend to shut down. Which kind of where I’m at right now. Your”crazy” dream of dumping everything and running sounds kind of wonderful. Of coarse neither of us would do that but sounds pretty nice right about now. In a different room Ron left a quilted flannel shirt he had been wearing on a desk chair. That shirt is still there and brings me comfort. It’s like Ron watching over me, and bringing me strength. That jacket can bring me warmth on my insides. A long warm sunny summer sure would be nice for us all. The thunder and rain have started. It’s ok, like I mentioned we could use it.
Robin

 

Rose, as you know, I'm a believer
in God, and don't believe in
coincidences. When you said the
name of Aretha Franklin, it
brought me back to the time
I met Linda ( I'm choking up as
I write this). We were standing
across from each other at a
small bar, waiting for drinks
( both sober). She looked at my
impatient face, smiled, and said,
"you could write your
autobiography waiting for a
drink". Though amused, being
the knucklehead I was, I
wandered around the room.
Years later , Linda, who had a
sixth sense, said she knew I was
the man she was going to marry,
with my kind eyes & warm
smile. We finally ran into each
other and danced a fast and
slow dance: Respect, by..........
Aretha Franklin. When we sat
down, I told Linda that was one
of my favorite songs. I left the
room briefly . When I returned
to the table, I noticed the band
was playing the song a second
time. When I asked Linda if she
knew why, she gave me one of
her mischievous smiles, and said
that she had gone up to the
band leader and requested that
song for me. I was astonished,
put my hand on hers, and knew,
at that moment, that she was
" the one". We were in our 40s,
never married, so I wasn't
thinking of marriage. When we
went out to the parking lot,
I impulsively kissed her on the
lips. I called her the next day
for a date. Our first one was......
at the House of Blues, where we
danced more. As I write this, I'm
releasing my guilt that we didn't
do more dancing through the
years, and that now, almost to
make up for that, I'm dancing in
her memory. There will never be
anyone like her for me. Lou

 

Glad to hear from you Gary! I keep trying to be positive but it is not easy all the time. Your kind words help me to keep "trying to try". Yesterday I went to Dialysis early so I could go to the park and check out a live band there. It's always great to hear live drums and guitar and bass. The band was a little too family friendly, I prefer my Zeppelin and edgier stuff... but the point is I got out there and did something. It was so hard to do this, especially after d. , Valerie's b-day is on the 25th! Keep surviving to survive!

 

Guilt is EVIL! Keep releasing it, easier said than done I know!

 

Glad you like it! I watch this video when I NEED to smile!

 

Wow, George, maybe you ARE
my actual brother! Like our
other brother,Gary, we appreciate the power of music.
As you know, after Linda died,
I couldn't listen to ANY song
without sobbing. Now, I can't
live without music, especially
live music, to which I can dance.
Lobster Lou Travolta
.

 

Music is the one constant that keeps me going... I probably could and can still listen to it cuz Valerie truly hated music and thought what I liked was noise. Anytime I put on a record she'd yell at me to turn it off! I still don't get how awful people yelling on Springer and Cheaters was not horrible noise!

 

George, that is so sad that
Valerie chose Jerry Springer
( died recently, BTW) over
music that you liked to play.
Like you, I had to leave the
room, when Linda watched loud,
obnoxious shows, like Family
Feud, with Steve Harvey, or
depressing ones, with
mentally ill people, in Hoarders.
It got worse as Linda became
sedentary and didn"t want to
walk outside with me with her
walker. She also filled her time
with the ridiculous Publisher's
Clearing House, which she
believed would give us a lot of
money , to make our lives both
easier and happier. One would
have more of a chance being
President of the United States,
or being struck by lightning,
than winning the grand prize,
but I kept giving her the forms
to fill out, to make her feel
happy. Except for some useful
kitchen ware, the rest of the
items were crap we didn't
need. After Linda died, I donated
some, and threw out others.
Linda and I enjoyed playing
slot machines in casinos, like
kids playing games in an arcade.
Later, Linda bought scratch
tickets, some with ridiculous
odds ,like PCH. I don't go to
casinos now, and was never
interested in the Massachusetts
lottery. Lou

 

It worked for me too. Thanks for sharing. Ron loved music, we both enjoy music. We’d have it playing at work, home and in our car. I keep the XM subscription cause I know Ron would. But I have to call once a year to get a better price. I’m listening more to music as time goes but certain sounds. I just can’t. I can hear him singing along and it just breaks me up. Today it’s rain and thunder I’m listening to.

 

Gary I’m happy to hear that Rose and I going to concerts helped push you through to join your class at Pizza Hut. Sometimes we need to push ourselves through what we think will be uncomfortable and realize it was worth the effort. That was a nice turn out, I’m glad you feel you’ll keep joining. I hope you enjoyed your nature walk this morning. My nature today is thunder storms. I don’t mind. I believe we’ll all survive in our own time. Robin

 

Hi Pete, Thank You for sharing your experience in losing your Beloved Eve. I envy you in that you were with Eve when she died. My Husband, George, who by the way, is also Norwegian, died alone. And I worry so much that he was calling for me and I wasn't there. It has been 5 weeks. He was 57. I am 58. I feel so alone. Nobody brought groceries or called to check on me. Humans aren't very gracious anymore. So I know how you feel. How are you managing today? You live in Spain? Do you cook for yourself? Do you go out? How is your Cat? Kim Elizabeth.

 

Kim Elizabeth, at first I was
confused that you were talking
with Pete , 80, of Spain,about
the death of his wife, Eve. Then,
I remembered "talking" with
him quite awhile ago, and thought he left GIC. Hope he's
OK, but we have no way of
knowing. Lou

 

Oh Ok. Thank You for letting me know. KE

 

anyone here now ?

 

hi kim soulds like my friens no call no responce to mine. i am sooooo alone. tired of cryin.

 

hello

 

Hey, Pete! "Talked" with you
months ago, and thought you
had left Grief in Common, or,
much worse, died without any
of us knowing. It took a new
member , Kim Elizabeth , from
my state of Massachusetts, to
reach out to you. I will refresh
your memory. I'm Lou, 74. My
wife, Linda,died suddenly in
front of me, at 68. We were
married 25 yrs, no children.
That was over 4 & a half yrs
ago. I was in a state of shock,
couldn't sleep, stayed out late
and drank too much in bars,
bc I didn't have any friends.
I had suicidal ideations,and
went to a grief counselor. She
kindly suggested this kind site,
but I didn't join 'til 2 yrs ago.Welcome back, Pete,

 

Pete, I just screwed up, and thought you were 80, living in
Spain, & that your dear wife's
name was Eve. I hope I got
your names right, "Kelso". I see
by your info that you are 68,
and live in Pennsylvania. Is
that correct?Please forgive my
mistake. I'm glad Kim Elizabeth
and Robin reached out to you,
on the Trying to Cope thread
and Loss of Spouse thread. Lou

 

Meant loss of my wife thread!
Gets confusing, Kelso! We're
here for you! Lou