Too many, too soon. Something's gotta give.

Firat of all, reading others' stories on here has already been helpful. So, thank you and I hope we all finally find some comfort. I'm new here, just tonight. I have had a really rough week and it came to a head today and I decided that I finally needed to seek support. Seeking support is so foreign and hard for me. I've had to be the "strong" one, my entire life. I was vibrant, fun and very social- until 2 years ago. It started with the loss of my grandpa's sweet 2nd wife (not my blood relation) to cancer. It was hard to see him so grief-stricken. Then, I lost my grandma (his 1st wife) unexpectedly. This loss rocked my world. She was the most amazing, accomplished woman I'd known and she saved me from a dysfunctional family as a child. I owe much of who I am to her and my other grandma. Both women gave me a safe place and encouraged me throughout my life. Still reeling from her death, I lost my other grandma 7 months later. These two were the most devastating losses I had experienced in my 35 years. I thought I'd lose my mind, but I kept pushing myself through life, then in the next 18 months, I went on to lose 5 more close loved ones. Yes. 8 deaths in 2 years. At this point I have PTSD from grief and despite working on this with a great counselor, I just can't seem to see out of this hole. I've had lots of anxiety, but never personally had depression and it's an overwhelming feeling. Like others I've read about here, I feel so alone in a world of people who care about me. I've isolated myself completely, logged off of all social media and have crippling social anxiety now. I have an amazing husband, but I'm so scared of burning him out, because he just can't relate, so I don't talk to him about it much. My immediate family has never been supportive and has gone as far as being hurtful about my grief. Both my husband and I have very religious families and we are not religious. They feel that I should be over this already. I want to work through my grief and gain my life back, before the many people I've dropped out of society on, give up on me. I just can't seem to get over certain hurdles. Everything reminds me of them and I haven't been able to visit one of my grandmother's grave because it's just so raw. I needed to write this. I haven't expressed much of this out of my head. Can anyone relate? Does it ever get easier? Both of my grandmothers were so strong and leaders in their communities. Just as I was making my mark on my community, I was paralyzed with this overwhelming series of losses. I feel that they'd be disappointed over me not fully living my life over the loss of theirs.

 

Thank you so much, I really appreciate your kind reply. I'd like to say that it's great to have support from others who can empathize, but at the time, I'm sorry that they can relate. While the reason that we're members of this club is awful, I very much appreciate that you've made a comforting place to find each other. I'm glad I found it when I did. This site is great, and just what I've been searching (extensively) for. It's actually been pretty hard to find many constructive resources for grief. Many are through specific religions, expensive, bare minimum (sparse, out-dated or not user friendly), not all-inclusive, or have weird agendas. It's scary how many snakes are out there taking advantage of the grieving. I'm glad that I have a place to turn to when I'm having a hard time. It comes in waves, & I'm sure that's common. I also hope that I help someone along the way as well. Someone else on here said that they felt alone even though they had plenty of people in their lives, so I can't take credit, but it did give me insight to something I wasn't able to communicate before. Thank you again and I wish you all a loving and comfort this Mother's Day, because I know that this is one of the harder holidays for grief.

 

Hi. I can relate to what you posted. I lost five immediate family members in 3 1/2 years with most recent being 10 months ago. Like you, I was from a dysfunctional family too. I also was career driven,confident, and working towards my advanced college degrees! Yes, Degrees! But unlike you(apologize if I'm wrong), my time to grieve started right after I turned 30 years when my Dad started to show signs of Alzheimer's!
I was my parents youngest child; daddy's girl and mommy's baby to the disgust of the kids my parents had before me. My Dad had what would be considered as early onset dementia and never got to retire. The Long Goodbye! My parents didn't have me till they were in the 30's so never felt the rush to get married and have kids in my 20's. Biggest regret of my life.
I put my life on hold and started to help my Mom with my Dad because he was extremely aggressive with this horrific disease. Before ALZ, my Dad was the greatest guy EVER!
We lost my Dad sooner than we thought would! Ten years after we started to recognize symptoms and 6 years after he needed to be watched by my mom and I 24/7! I was able to work midnights to help my Mom, but gave up on pursuing my pharm d. The only people who showed up for my Dad's wake was my Mom, my boyfriend who I grew up with and started dating in 1996, and me. One of my parents kids called my Mom crying because her husband's name was left out of the paper obit!!!!! She didn't cry about her Dad being dead and never spent time with him during his battle with Dementia! My parents other kids couldn't be bothered! But my parents kids did find the time to go to court to tell the judge that they are more entitled to my Dad's estate than my Mom. My parents are the biological Dad and Mom of these kids!!!!
I vented too much! And my Dad is my first loss! Thank You to anyone who responds honestly!

 

Hi I am very new to to this site as I just signed up tonight. I can relate to those who have lost loved ones around the same time. My nightmare began July 24 when Mom went to the ER and decided it wasn't that bad. This timre they keep her and a eweek and half she was in ICU. She went to hospice house one week dafter my oldest cat died. After two weeks she came home with
Hospice care. The CNA bathed her, washed Ber hair and changed the sheets while Mom was in bed. She passed away at 6:30 a.m. on Wednesday, September 24, 2014. I knew my life would never be the same again.
On March 13, 2015_ NY youngest car, whom I raised from a kitten, died in my arms at ,7:02 in my arms from lymphoma, diagnosed only a few hours said to get the results. Then approximately on !at 25, 2016 my Aunt Shirley passed away suddenly. We managed to get through a year without a family death thank goodness. However, on June 1,2017 our luck ran out. My Aunt Donna, who was like second mother to me, passed away suddenly, from a heart attack. On August 19,d

 

I relate with what you wrote. I recently lost my Mom in a similar way you mentioned losing your Mom. I also lost my 16 year old dog, who was my Dad's "therapy dog" during my Dad's battle with early onset dementia, short of a year of losing my Dad. I also had other losses during this time too. I need to communicate with others for support so I don't feel so alone.

 

I lost my first son in 1985 I was really young and so was he Joshua Patterson died from sids at 1moth 3weeks old then September 2012 my grand son Noah was still born it was my son Garry's first Child then new year's day 2013 Brittany my son fiance the mother of Noah died of a heart attack at the age of 23 it's was awful my son Garry really lost it that was his life in 2016 June 17th my son Garry died from drugs it is the one I can not deal with, except, face or how ever you want to put it it was just to much for me I don't know how to deal with this one it's like if I don't that it ain't true I have another grandson Garry's second son Carter who I don't get to see which is half my fault but the mother keeps him to herself I am trying to give her time but I want to see my grandson soon I still haven't gotten any of his stuff I tried 2times I just call apart I have no clue what to do anymore

 

Sorry for your losses. I am in the same boat and I still feel like the day my husband died. Followed by my dad and four friends. I can't offer any advice because I don't have any. I have tried EVERYTHING you can imagine. It is easier to say I give up. At least, I won't be so frustrated with trying. Your grandmothers sound wonderful and I truly doubt that they would feel disappointed in you.

 

I'm sorry for the lost that you have suffered. I'm going through the same mine started January 8th 2013 when my brother-in-law died of cancer Then my nephew was murdered on December 1st 2014 and Then my son-in-law died of cancer Christmas day 2015 After my son-in-law died my depression spiraled out of control in 2017 I was committed into a psychiatric facility to get on meds for the depression I'm doing a little better now but I still have days that I can't get out of bed I hope talking about it with others will help me

 

Hi, I am brand new on here. I lost my husband to esophogeal cancer in 2016 after being his caregiver and watching him suffer for 17 months. It was awful as you all can imagine. He had just turned 62. We were married 26 years. I remember those 17 months like it was yesterday, from the diagnosis till his death. It keeps playing over and over in my mind like a movie. I do belong to a grief group which I attend once a week. Starting the second year has affected me a lot more than the first. I think I was numb and going thru the motions in life. I lost my dad a few months after my husband, my brother in law the next month and my father in law on the one year mark of his sons death. Plus I lost two good friends to cancer. Actually I am amazed I am still going. Then to put the icing on it all I lost my 14 year old dog 1/8/18. I had her since she was 8 weeks. I totally lost it when she passed. I could not understand how God could take the last thing I had left. I was in a bad place for awhile then bought a puppy, not to replace my other dog but to give me someone to talk to and be accountable for. She has helped immensely. I really was lost. I pray our family loses no one else for awhile. I have 3 sons and a daughter and 5 lovely grandkids but sadly none of them live nearby. Closeset one is an hour away. Prayers for all of us to find some peace in our lives. God bless.

 

My Son-in-law died from the same cancer he was diagnosed end of January 2015 and he passed away on Christmas day 2015 He was only 36

 

Mona, this is my belief and only mine. I lost my Newfoundland soon after my husband died. He had very bad back legs and could hardly walk. I don't believe a loving God would do this to my dog, Bubba or be cruel enough to take Bubba away from me. Bad breeders and Bubba's legs took him out of my life. I don't know what is out there after we die, but if I pray for myself or someone else, I pray for strength so I can get through whatever I need to get through. Miracles can happen, but I don't count on them for myself. Life is messy. Really messy. I wish I could take your pain away but no one can. I don't know how to get through the loss of my husband, father, four friends and two dogs all in four years. It was hell to see my husband with cancer for 8 years. It is close to thirteen years now that I have been dealing with the pending loss and death of my husband and dad. The death of my friends was totally unexpected. I know this has taken a tremendous toll on me. Mentally and physically. Sometimes, I lash out at my daughter for something that is not her fault at all. It is the loneliness, grief and deep hurt that is speaking. It is not me, but I say the hurtful words. I love her more than anything in this world. She is all that I have left. Abby has Type 1 Diabetes and has had it for 35 years. I almost lost her in 2008 when she went into a coma. Loss seems like it is rushing towards me sometimes. We are getting together in August and I will enjoy every moment with her. But, how I cry and cry after I have hurt her feelings. It would be much, much better if I kept my mouth shut. Most people don't want to hear my story because it is too much for them. I talk to no one except a therapist about my pain and loss.

 

Kazer, please read my note to Mona. It was meant for you. I am new to this, too and am trying to find my way through the threads and new people.

 

Mona, I sent you a thread that was meant for Kazer. I apologize for that. I have had multiple losses, too and have come very close to being hospitalized. I am not on meds for depression because I don't know if it is depression I have or neverending grief. It is hard for me to tell the difference. Multiple deaths are a horrible shock. I know that I will never be the same. Who is? All I can do and make the most of each day. That is all. I don't expect a lot today. It has been a terrible day for me. I may go out for a while. Stay in touch. claudia