The sudden loss of my husband, my partner in adventure…

Ty. I have thought about a therapist/support group. I'm glad u got help. I cry almost everyday. I have this ache all the time. Just want him back. I struggle with alot of things. I should have asked more about ur hurting arm. I should have talked to u that day before died. Then I would have known u were feeling weak. Call an ambulance. Gave u a chance. We were not married but was talking about it. He felt like my husband. I blame myself and wish I was with him in heaven. Just can't understand why God took him so soon. Feel lonely and broken. Why should I do anything without him. No kids together. He has grown girls and grandkids. His family and I talk some but not alot. I don't care about stuff i use too and rather be in the house trying to cope and fill the loneliness. Would love to chat.

 

Hi HoneySuckle
It will be one year since I lost my wonderful husband, partner in adventure, best friend. I haven’t been on this site for around 6 months. Early grief, after a sudden death, is really being in shock. I understand how sad, lost, awful you feel, and I am so so sorry you are going through this! You have been forced into a life that you didn’t choose, didn’t expect. It is still so hard, for me to be happy, to look forward to anything. And so many well intentioned friends, family, just don’t get it. They want me to be ‘better’, they want to fix me. This is impossible to do, and what they say, often is more hurtful than anything. What has really helped me, was joining a ‘spousal loss grief group’. It was put on by the local hospice association. It was a free, 8 week program. The group of 12, met weekly for 2 hours. It was the best thing I could have done. Being around people who have experienced the same thing, is so supportive. Also, a book by Megan Divine, called ‘It’s OK that you’re Not OK’, is excellent (I read many and this one, by far, was the best, for me).
I hope can find a support group like I have. We continue to meet, even after the 8 weeks. I wish you well….I feel your pain. You will not get better, but slowly learn to live alongside your grief,…(this was in the book I mentioned).

 

Honeysuckle, I know EXACTLY how you're feeling - I could have wrote your words myself. I ask God all the time why he took Lance from me. He knew how much I loved and NEEDED him so why did he have to take HIM, of all the people in the world? Does he WANT me to suffer like this? So far, I haven't gotten the answers but I really wish someone could tell me. Please don't blame yourself for this. From what you wrote, he could've and should've told you how he was feeling. You had no way to know he was having a heart attack, you're not a mind reader! And I really don't think he'd blame you, either. How can you be at fault for something you didn't know? It's been 17 months since I lost Lance and I still have more days than not when I just don't want to do a damn thing. I just wanna sleep. I feel like there's no point. But those days DO pass, Honeysuckle. I still have bad, bad days but some days really are better than others. I honestly think it's the passing of time, more than anything else. I'm sorry, I know I'm kind of rambling. I just want you to know you truly are NOT alone & everything you're feeling, I've felt the same way 100%.
Take care,
Kathy

 

Hi. Ty for writing and telling me ur story. I'm soo sorry for u too. I hate it happened to u and u are going through all of it. Yeah I feel a void and feel like hyperventilating almost everyday. He told me.a few days before he didn't know why his arm hurting so bad. But he had his arm/shoulder her before. So I just thought he was dealing with that. We talked how maybe he slepted wrong. Then we didn't anymore. He usually didn't talk about how he was feeling much and just sleeping through it. He would tell me then I would keep checking on him then have him go to the hospital. I have the same questions and no answers either. He was my go to. Person I told everything too. Now I have no one. Like u said they try to help but they don't understand and says hurtful stuff without realizing it. I function when I am at work. But when I get home I try to take care of my mom. She is slowly needing more help. But when she is asleep all I do is sleep or watch stuff to keep me busy. Remember good stuff and not the what ifs or should haves. Which is hard to do. Couple of days will be a month he will be gone. I wish it was a bad dream and will wake up soon. Not fair he is here and others who are throwing there life away are. Sometimes I wish I was with him. But it's not my time and I will not do anything to rush it. Hard to do stuff without him. Here's where I am rambling also.

 

R

Ty. Yeah friends and family tries but nothing really helps. I don't know how to be happy either. So sorry for ur loss. Glad u got some help. Will have to look into it myself. The old me is gone now there is this new me who is sad and lonely but puts on a face and do stuff only cause I have too.