The Six Month Slump. Very painful.

I lost my husband of 30 years in December. He was 89 and I'd been caretaking for several years. I am considerably younger so this was not unexpected and I would not begrudge him a moment of it, not a second, not a millisecond.

I loved him beyond all reason. We met when I was 41 and he was 59 and we were both amazed by the miracle of having found one another. I have just returned from floating his ashes in compostable containers on a lake 3 hours north of Portland ME where I live and on the sea off an island. The first was with his son, the second was with a dear old friend. Very moving and meaningful. In 3 weeks I will fly to Scotland -- where we lived for 10 years -- to float more ashes with dear friends off the northernmost coast.

The grief is awful right now. I know I know I know understandable but awful nonetheless. I have some good friends but no family to speak of and the aloneness is excruciating.

Thanks to whoever reads this as I know you are likely drawn to the subject line and undergoing pain of your own.

FdeL (Fleur de Luce)