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The love of my life - why?

Discussion in 'Coping After a Sudden Loss' started by Jenny1309, Jun 17, 2018.

  1. Thank you so much and I'm sorry for your loss too It's so true hey i don't even talk about him anymore cause people expect me to be okay but I'm not You shouldn't be so hard on yourself either. There was nothing you could do and it's not ur fault you got stuck in traffic hey im sure he knew how much you cared for him Can i ask have you ever lost a partner before to death
     
  2. TinaL

    TinaL Member

    Yes, unfortunately my ex of eleven years overdosed on Nov 5 last year. We we're not together. But remained friends. I tried to help him with his addiction but never could.
     
  3. Wow I'm sorry that's horrible
     
  4. TinaL

    TinaL Member

    Thanks, it's been a tough year.
     
  5. How have you been holding up
     
  6. gail

    gail New Member

     
  7. gail

    gail New Member

    I too lost my husband suddenly I found him and did cpr with 911, firefighters and police. Then emergency fighting to save him, then ICU, then brain dead and then I donated his organs. It was like I blicked and my life became nothing. I met my husband when I was 17 and I am 60. i feel cut in half, but i chug along because my kids expect it of me. I fake it, go to grief group which helps
     
  8. Can i ask does it ever get better
     
  9. Biancaa91

    Biancaa91 Member

    I lost the father of my children on July 29, 2018. He was killed in a driveby shooting. We have a two beautiful boys. A 2 year old and a 7 month old. My 7 month old has a complex heart defect, we almost lost him at birth. Everyday is getting harder. We had a huge fight before he left that day. He tried too kiss me before he left and I pushed his face because I was so angry. I'm still very upset, I'm mad that he left me like he did. I'm mad that one day I might lose my son too and I have too go through it alone. I miss him so much. Im mad that I took the time I had with him for granted and I'll never get it back. I just want too talk with him and tell him Im sorry.
     
  10. The worst feeling in the world is regret. I'm so sorry for your loss. My boyfriend also died in a car crash 3 months ago o wish i could say it gets easier but i honestly don't know if it does
     
    Biancaa91 likes this.
  11. Biancaa91

    Biancaa91 Member

    Thank you Chante, Eveeyone keeps saying it gets easier but it honestly just seems harder.
     
  12. It deffies seems harder every day and every thing reminds me of him
     
  13. Biancaa91

    Biancaa91 Member

    I Know, I have a wonderful family and great friends but its still so lonely without his phone calls, his voice, his presence.
     
  14. And the worst thing is knowing that your phone will never blow up with his calls again or when you walk past someone who wears the same deodorant It's really horrible
     
  15. Michele Wood

    Michele Wood Well-Known Member

    It will get easier but three mintga is just the start. My partner, too, died 3 months ago after suffering a sudden cardiac arrest.

    Think of it this way: you loved that person very much. How could three months begin to be sufficient time to integrate his loss into your life? I was with Robert, my beautiful soul, for 18 years. It is going to take time to integrate. Not forget. Not recover. Integrate.
     
  16. Michele Wood

    Michele Wood Well-Known Member

    Taking him for granted is a common human condition. I did the same with my loved one- until he's gone. Then we realize just how much they meant to us and what a huge hole is there.
     
  17. Thank you You seem to have a deep understanding of loss. I wish i could speed up time because i hate this feeling
     
  18. Michele Wood

    Michele Wood Well-Known Member

    Practiced from too nuch loss: mom when I was 23, sister 15 yrs later, dad and 1st partner the next year when I was 39-40 and 2nd partner 3 mos ago at age 58. The last death's been the hardest. It is not a matter of time so much as you processing and integrating t h e loss. Grief work- thinking, writing. Talking, activities or rituals- those are the things that will allow you to process the death. You probably will never get over the death, but you will be able to move on.

    One ritual I do weekly is travel the 65 miles to his parents' graves (they died on Dec 31 1984 in Nowata OK) with my 2 border collies and talk to them about their son. I write letters, read them to Robert Sr and Mary and leave them in an urn in which I left pictures. Robert Jr"s ashes are in our living room surrounded by his Native American art, but I find including his parents makes it more significant and heartfelt. I never knew my in laws though Robert talked about them all the time. He worshipped his father.
     
  19. Does all of you help to accept his death? So you allready know how it feels to lose a boyfriend Im sorry n i haven't even been to his grave its far out and i don't drive. I would like to go though maybe it will help me to accept reality