The losses and trauma I have experienced over the last 6 years

Discussion in 'Dealing With Multiple Losses' started by Joe Writer, Jan 24, 2023.

  1. Joe Writer

    Joe Writer New Member

    I am going to be touching upon a lot here, but you need to know all the tidal waves of loss and trauma I have experienced over the last 6 years to know where I am coming from:

    • Friend and mentor Karen Iwamoto to cancer, 2017 (expected)
    • Good friend Gardner Chappell to cancer, 2018 (expected)
    • Grandfather I never got the chance to meet (story attached) to serious injury and coma, 2019
    • Uncle Doug (maternal uncle) to Lewy Body dementia (history of dementia on maternal side), 2021 (very unexpected, he declined fast after COVID)
    • Uncle (in law) Phillip to kidney disease, 2022 (expected)
    • Dad, Lewy Body dementia (don't know about any history of dementia on dad's side, know very little about paternal side), 2022
    Non-loss trauma:
    • All around the same time in February-March 2018 (triple trauma)
      • Finding out grandfather was still living and had started new family (narrative attached)
      • Loneliness of living in Alaska and possibility of long lost sister (narrative attached)
      • Finding out Doug had Lewy Body dementia
    • The government shutdown of 35 days from December 2018 to January 2019 (lots of idle time, loneliness, little to no social interaction, in Anchorage during the dead of winter)
    • The Bureau of Land Management move out west and the monumental professional and personal stress my colleagues faced, 2019 to 2020 (background info here: https://publicland.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/Relocation-of-BLM-Headquarters-2021-05.pdf)
    • The pandemic (being exiled from Washington DC back to Anchorage, returning to a different place than I left when I went to Washington DC
    I know this is a lot, and it would test the mental limits and strength of even extremely resilient people. My entire world and even what I thought I knew about my own family has been completely turned on its head.

    Anyway, here is why I am in this group. The loss of my dad is the most immediate topic, but there is so much more that preceded it.
    Van Gogh and Chris M 2000 like this.
  2. Chris M 2000

    Chris M 2000 Well-Known Member

    I am sorry for all you have been through. Sorry no one has responded. We do care.
    Stay in touch here.
    Van Gogh likes this.
  3. LizOntarioCanada

    LizOntarioCanada New Member

    Hi Joe,
    Thanks for sharing your experiences of loss and trauma. I'm sorry these things have happened in your life. I know dementia can add many layers of pain, loss and grief to the more "obvious" loss when this person /parent dies. I can also relate to experiencing multiple losses.
    What kind of things do you like to write?
    Van Gogh likes this.
  4. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Liz from Ontario, just woke up around 7am, my time, on the northern coast of
    Massachusetts ,and saw you reaching out
    to young Joe Writer , who I didn't know,
    and to others , who had actually written
    posts in the past, but disappeared. Bc I
    don't own a pet, I can't quite relate. But,
    can you tell us a bit about your fiance,
    his name , and age? Both you and Joe
    Writer are a lot younger than I am, at 72.
    My wife, Linda, died suddenly, in front of
    me, at 68, after 25 yrs of marriage. That was 4 yrs ago, and a lot has happened
    since. I moved out of the city we were
    living, to a small, friendly town. I made
    new friends, and lately, have met
    women ( but no one girlfriend ) with whom to go dancing. But, I still think of
    Linda , mostly every morning , and cry
    occasionally. So, I've decided to rejoin a
    widowed persons group. I had left it 4 yrs
    ago, bc I was the only guy, and it didn't
    feel right. Now, I will go with 2 male
    friends. I've become close to 3 "brother"
    widowers on Grief in Common ( GIC) :
    Gary, from Indiana, George, from
    Illinois, and Chad, from Texas, and many
    widows: Robin ( RLC), from Long Island ,
    N.Y., Karen, from California, DEB, from
    South Carolina, Bernadine, from Oregon,
    Rose, from Italy, and others. Welcome,
    Liz. I know you're a good listener, as are
    all the kind people here. I hope you stay
    with us. Lou
  5. lbrearey09

    lbrearey09 Member

    Hi Joe, Grief seems to harbor in us at times. Then as new losses happen, they all spring up to the surface again.
    My Dad died 50 years ago when I was 17. It was devastating. I had one counseling session after he died and remember what the therapist said:
    "Some days the sun will be out, and some days will rain." Geez, is that all you can tell me? It was true, but it was not helpful.
    I am heartbroken over a significant other that died 16 years ago but I just found it. So to me it is a current loss.
    You have a lot going on. I hope you find what you need here in the group. Thanks for sharing your story.
    Van Gogh likes this.