Today we are spreading my mom's ashes. I haven't seen her in 5 years, my brother chose to see her before she was cremated, I couldn't do it. I haven't spoken to her in over 3 years. At one point in my life this women was my best friend but her poisonous ways forced me to cut her out of my life and I now feel that I did not know this women, at least not the women she became. Everyone that will be there today knew the women from the last 5 years, do they will be speaking of someone I don't know. They will share stories I've never heard of a person I no longer knew, a person they will tell me was great and wonderful. The women I knew, NEVER would have gave up like she did. I don't want to go today, for one it's a 3 hour drive away, two my body is clearly fighting this as I've woken up with a migraine and three I no longer know this women so how can I get closure. I know I need to do this I know that even though she didn't bother saying goodbye to me, no note, no nothing, I know I should do this. My brother and father say I should anyways. I'm so lost and confused, I don't know if I'm coming or going half the time. I walk around in a fog and I don't even know how I feel. Well that's where I'm at.