Sudden loss of my father

I lost my father who was my best friend and he was everything to me two months ago.
It was sudden. He just felt down on the floor and that was the end. I was trying to do everything possible but the only thing i was seeing is my father becoming purple on his face. It was the worst thing ever happened to me, the shock is still unbearable.
That was my biggest fear for years. I just cant believe it really happened. I miss him so much and i feel so lonely without him. We used to be together everyday and when we were not, we were talking on the phone. He was the first person i was calling when something was happening in my life!
I have a husband and two small children but still i feel so alone without my father!
I really want to believe that he went to a nice place and he is able to see that i am really trying to be strong and somehow happy again because i know that would be his wish...
Just every day and especially night I have that picture of him, of the funeral and the thoughts that i will never see my favourite person again.
To be honest i dont know how to live with this pain, if i didn't have kids i would really like to die.

 

I feel the same way as you, I lost my dad October 09 2021, im 19 he is 53... I know how hard it is everyday is a horrible struggle and I hate it. I found my dad at home I lived with him. My heart breaks everyday I'm so young to have to deal with this and now i Know for sure I have some kind of mental disorder from it. I try everyday for everyone and It is not getting better at all.

 

I'm sorry to both of you for your sudden loss. I lost my sister, she died in her sleep, and I just wish I could talk to her every day. Losing our loved ones suddenly adds a layer of trauma to the grief that we never really are prepared for. As hard as it may be, we must try our best to normalize this new way of life. I think we long for the days where we just want to be "normal" - but this is our new normal. And that's a hard pill to swallow. I send you both my love, strength, and prayers. Please believe me when I say that it will get better. One day at a time.