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Sudden Loss of a Child

Discussion in 'Loss of Child' started by Timeka, Aug 2, 2021.

  1. Timeka

    Timeka New Member

    We lost our son almost a month ago. What was supposed to be a fun family vacation started with the horrible tragic loss of our 7 year old only son. It hurts to breath. I have no idea what Im doing. I have so many thoughts and questions. My heart hurts so bad. I dont know how to move forward or to help my husband and daughter who are also struggling. I miss him so much it hurts everything hurts. We are scared to leave our house. Help how does anyone move forward? Is it even possible, cause I struggle to get out of bed.
     
    BeckyMumOfPercy likes this.
  2. Shirley09

    Shirley09 Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear about your loss. I know exactly what your feeling as Im in the same situation. it was also a tragic loss for me back in may of this year and for the first two months, all I did was cry, lay in bed, stare at the tv, and hoped that I would die in my sleep cuz the pain is so unbearable. He was my bestfriend we were always together no matter where I went he was with me. Almost 4 months in, I still cry but Ive been able to better manage my emotions, control the pain so that Im able to do minimal stuff around the house. I started to see a therapist and it has helped a bit. I still question everything and Im still in so much pain, mentally exhausted but with time Im able to at least be ok on the outisde. I hope time will do the same for you.
     
  3. Chris M 2000

    Chris M 2000 Well-Known Member

    Hi, Shirley
    Haven't heard from you in awhile.
    How are you getting along?
    Chris
     
  4. Shirley09

    Shirley09 Well-Known Member

    Hi, thanks for checking in. I honestly dont know how I am. in front of people im ok and I been doin more around the house than before. I tend to get fixated on one thing then I put all my effort and attention on that. Deep inside im really in so much pain. I miss him so much and its still hard to believe Im living without him and I wish I wasnt. I talk to myself a lot. I cry everytime I look at his pictures and all the amazing memories I had with him. There are days I wish I was crazy or something. I might not look miserable on the outside but Im so messed up on the inside..
     
    Chris M 2000 likes this.
  5. Chris M 2000

    Chris M 2000 Well-Known Member

    I am glad to hear from you.
    This is such a terribly difficult walk of grief, isn't it. Nobody has any idea of the depth of the pain you are still suffering through.
    I am glad you can see some improvement in yourself in your ability to function. At least that is one positive thing you can grasp onto for the time being.
    I understand how awful it still is and I care about you.
    Please stay in touch when you feel you can. May God help you survive this.
    Chris
     
  6. Shirley09

    Shirley09 Well-Known Member

    Thank you for caring when I dont really care about myself anymore. I just dont understand why Ive been through hell and back so many times when people around me can live a normal and happy life.
     
    BeckyMumOfPercy and Chris M 2000 like this.
  7. Chris M 2000

    Chris M 2000 Well-Known Member

    I understand and suspect you must feel very angry. I remember when our son was still here, I was passing people in cars and wondering what it would be like to have a normal day. And then when we lost him, I gave up ever being really happy again. When I worship the Lord in church is the only time I still feel real joy-joy that the world doesn't know or understand-nothing was able to steal that joy of the Lord. I may have lost a lot of other things, but that was one thing that could not be taken from me.

    Until we have gone through suffering we really can't relate to the suffering or pain someone else is feeling.

    Do you suppose maybe Jesus was thinking the same thing you are thinking about going through hell and back so many times in His lifetime and especially on the cross, while other people around Him were living normal, happy lives? And He lived a perfect life. And He had a choice about that death on the cross. The Bible says He could have called for 12 legions of angels and they would have rescued Him. But He knew taking our punishment for sinning was the only way we could be saved from that punishment and the only way we could again walk with God as Adam did in the gardern-and the only way we could receive eternal life with our loved ones. What a great love He has for His creation-a love so amazing that we really can't understand the depth of it.
    Much love and many hugs to you,
    Chris
     
    Hopeofpeace likes this.
  8. Shirley09

    Shirley09 Well-Known Member

    I envy you for having such strong beliefs. I once did but I dont know what to believe anymore. My son was everything to me and losing him is just too much to continue believing in something.
     
    Chris M 2000 likes this.
  9. Chris M 2000

    Chris M 2000 Well-Known Member

    I was just like you. I remember saying to someone who was happy and enthusiastic for God, "I used to be like you are". But hold onto hope when you feel there is no hope because it will not always be this overwhelming and you will find that even though you don't want to go on without your dear son, you will be able to go on.

    Forgive me if I have told you this before: I wanted to go join Shawn. I asked God to take me up in the chariot Elijah had gone up in-even asked my husband if he wanted to go too. I just knew I wouldn't have to continue on this earth. I just knew it would come for me.
    I even had a suicide plan, but I knew I wouldn't be allowed to do that since my mind was not so distorted and tormented as Shawn's was.

    One day I went to the dentist and just before going I took something to calm me down. The dentist had warned me that it would make me sleepy and that I should have someone drive me there. I didn't because I planned on going back to work afterwards. I had a plan that if on the way back to work I felt sleepy I would just stop the car in our church parking lot and sleep awhile. When I got near the lot, I saw they were working on the road and I couldn't get to the lot, so I decided I wasn't far from work and I could drive the rest of the way. I continued on and at one point I fell asleep. I woke up and was headed straight toward a tree. I jerked the wheel just in time that only the rear end of my car hit it. That was the day I knew for sure that God was not going to let me leave this world-that I was going to have to find some way to struggle on each day without Shawn, and that is what I pray you will do-struggle on when it seems you can't possibly bear it, when it seems impossible to continue, until the weight of the pain and yearning is not so heavy and overwhelming.

    I am always here for you to express your honest feelings without fear of someone judging you, telling you everything is okay, or trying to make you forget and just "get on" with life. Your son was your life, as mine was. Now comes the horrific thought of having to live without him. You can make it through this hardest part of the walk.
    I love you,
    Chris
     
  10. Shirley09

    Shirley09 Well-Known Member

    thank you for your kindness continued support. Thats quite a story you shared. Ill keep in touch
     
    Chris M 2000 likes this.
  11. Chris M 2000

    Chris M 2000 Well-Known Member

    Thank you, Shirley.
     
  12. Chris M 2000

    Chris M 2000 Well-Known Member

    Hi, Shirley. I hope your week is going smoothly so far.
     
  13. Shirley09

    Shirley09 Well-Known Member

    You must have heard my weep. Today is one of those days that I just wanted to give up. The pain is just too much. It seems to be getting worst as time pass. I just want this pain to end.
     
  14. Chris M 2000

    Chris M 2000 Well-Known Member

    I am sorry to hear you are having such a hard day.
    The scriptures tell us that God cares about our tears and our pain. He draws near to the brokenhearted and binds up our wounds. He even gathers up our tears and puts them in His bottle-that's how much He cares about our heartache.
    We are also promised that weeping endures for the night, but rejoicing comes in the morning. I hope this promise gives you some hope that things will get better. I know that doesn't help now, but maybe it will give you something to hang onto until the darkness of this night yields to the light of the morning.
    Sending you love and hugs,
    Chris
     
  15. Shirley09

    Shirley09 Well-Known Member

    its hard to believe in anything anymore but thanks.
     
  16. Chris M 2000

    Chris M 2000 Well-Known Member

    I want so badly to relieve your pain that I just don't know what to say.
    I know words are not much comfort, but just know I care.
     
  17. Shirley09

    Shirley09 Well-Known Member

    I appreciate everything. Knowing that you care means a lot.
     
  18. I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your beloved son. I lost my son 3 months ago, he was just a baby but it was sudden and unexpected. I have no other children and my mum & father-in-law also passed away in the last couple of years. It's crushing and soul destroying from my experience. I am also scared to leave the house for fear of the triggers. Lots of anxiety about running into other parents who have babies the same age as what Percy would have been.

    Something I have found helpful is this Refuge in Grief website, and listening to Megan Devine: https://refugeingrief.com/ ... not sure if you've come across it already. It must be so hard to see your husband and daughter in pain. Whilst also being in so much pain yourself. I am hoping you have some other supportive friends or family that can hold space for you as well. It's hard when people do not understand grief - I really hope you have some support.