Sudden and unexpected

...and she used to sing a little song... "And the red hearts mean I love you!" I can't imagine dealing with those sisters. I'm lucky there are no relatives here. You can be the better person for your soull and just push away that angst. It's not easy but we be Grief Warriors! N'LaKech my friend!

 

George, you & Gary are an inspiration
today. After my successful night at the
Shack last night, I'm having s slump in
mood. Very cold & windy, with darkness
by 5pm. In a cafe, sipping tea, listening
to Christmas music, with that bittersweet
ache, which SUCKS BIG TIME, as our
friend, Deb says. Wish we could have a
group hug. The following songs made me
sad: Have Yourself a Merry Little
Christmas, anything by Sinatra, Nat
King Cole. Andy Williams. and of course,
Blue Christmas. by Elvis. I just want to
get home before dark, get warm, check in
with TGW, & drink herbal tea. So happy
to see Stacey back today. Told her we
all liked her inspirational speech movie
clips. Lou

 

Mood swings... I so get it This time of year and the cold darkness doesn't help. I had hours of vivid nightmares after a long exhausting dialysis "party". At least I seem to be able to read again. Look Homeward Angel by Thomas Wolfe (3rd re-read). A sense of loss is always omnipresent, in the book and in my life It seems extra cold this year. It seems like any time I feel a bit better I start feeling bad again too. I guess that's part of grieving. Stay warm Man O' duh Shak!

 

George, you’re right the ups and downs are all a all part of grieving. But happy to share that it does get better eventually. The downs at some point become further apart and less severe. You might not feel it but you’re doing great! So sorry you’re suffering through nightmares, the cold darkness of winter doesn’t help. Already looking forward to the rebirth that comes with spring and enjoying the outdoors again. The spring takes care of what the winter months mess up. Robin

 

We need to get through this cold and dark winter for sure! I'm not sure how I am doing now to tell the truth. I feel so utterly blank a lot, but coming on GIC and reading the messages even if I feel like I can't respond because I can't express this in words! TGWs keep me going thanks and lottsa love!

 

You’re moving your reading and sharing. All positives. You’re so right that the feelings you have aren’t describable. But all of here on GIC and TGW know that deep gut awful feeling. And that doesn’t describe it either. What people who haven’t had a loss like we have don’t understand is that it is all encompassing. Body and soul, and it is work to push ourselves. Slow process. Can’t forget a lifetime of memories with our spouses over night. Wish I could give you a hug. ❤️

 

Thank you, George. It's so important that
we TG keep in touch with each other through the holidays, and the long, dark,
cold winter. I love that, besides you, I'm
talking with Deb, Gary, and Stacey. Hope to
hear from Karen later. Robin has been
having technical problems since the
reboot. So has Patti, who's taking a break.
Lou

 

So glad to hear from you, Robin. I'm also
happy you stayed on GIC, in spite of your
technical problems. When you read my
reply, you will see that a woman gave me a
hug, and it felt wonderful. Lou

 

What I just noticed, Robin, is that your
reply was repeated 2 more times. I'm
relieved that I was able to answer you!
Lou

 

Good afternoon GW's. Someone posted this on Facebook, no name. I thought I would share. Quote: "Grief never ends...but it changes. It's a passage, not a place to stay. Grief is not a sign of weakness, nor lack of faith...It's the price of love".

George, I've been reading all your posts, my god, I admire you so much for all you're going through. You are a "real" trooper and I hope you find some peace in your new home after all the headache of moving.

Everyone on the mid and east coast are having rain and cold weather and I sit here in Calif with spring like weather wishing for more rain again. Take care George, Karen

 

Great quote. Karen. Thanks. Also a
great quote from Center for Loss today,
About 50 here, but with wind by the
ocean, feels colder. One rain day
tomorrow, I don't complain, bc it's not as
bad as February. I'm looking forward to
spending Thanksgiving with a kind
family, who've adopted me since Linda
died. Will you be with your daughter?
About to walk to Neck, and talk with my
friends who own shops. Glad all TGW
are supporting each other this am. We
need to keep in touch every day, both
during the holidays and in the long
winter ahead. Lou

 

Great quote! I love it. A week left in this house; I'm really freakin' out today. Took Valerie's suitcase to the curb and found a pair of her little socks still in there. I'm so sad. Thank you for saying I'm admirable and strong because sometimes I just don't feel it. At least it is sunny today and milder after a week of winter level cold. There is so much to think about with moving. That's all I desire is some peace. Gotta keep on trying! Much love and hugz from here!

 

I never realized in previous readings how Thomas Wolfe has grief and loss as major themes. So applicable to me today even though he wrote it around a hundred years ago. Have a peaceful and hopeful day Dude of the Shack!

 

Point taken Lou. We need to stay connected over the holidays. I’m thinking about all the people that are going to let us down. but we will never let each other down. George thanks for your encouragement this morning. I decided to play some of the aarp.org staying sharp games. one game is called “bubble Topia.” bubbles come off the bottom of the screen of different types of positive and negative emotions. The idea is to click on all the positive emotions. On a scale of 1 to 10 I can increase my mood by one point after playing this game. I’m watching a video called “simply Thai Chi” and start with their stretching exercises. This is another way to enhance my mood. It’s good for balance and coordination to. Karen thanks for the Facebook share. Hope everyone has a good day. Gary

 

Yes stay connected! I do not know how I'll handle these holidaze. really don't. Just me and TB and we are not into "celebrating" They were so much a part of my married life. Glad I was encouraging because I feel like ultimate shit today. At least the weather is better the last two days. Been out packing and cleaning out the garage. More stuff to the curb, it never ends. I feel so mentally congested, blank, and frozen inside when I'm not doing moving stuff. TGWs keep me somewhat on base... instead of floating off into the ethers of depression. I need to check out those games. They sound like the kind of thing hat could distract me. I'm just so tired. Had nightmares' last night where I was still teaching and the kids wouldn't pay attention and kept eating candy and drinking glasses of colorful soda. There were no books and the overhead wouldn't work. I kept thinking in my dream these are my last 8 days as a teacher. It was vividly realistic. It was upsetting. I feel so sad throwing away our stuff still. But I know I have to do it. these last bits are the worst! Take care!!!

 

Good for you for keeping your mind sharp,
Gary. I heard that it's especially important
that " seniors" ( which I prefer to elderly"),

learn at least one new thing every day.
People at the Shack are impressed that I
remember their names. My open secret, bc
they see me doing it, is to write their names down, and memorize them. I also
like to tell Deb their names, which helps
me remember, and makes GIC more
interesting for both of us. The Internet,
including GIC, keeps me going, For
the 2nd time, I"m going to see an old
black & white movie at my local theater.
It stars Cliff Robertson. It's a film noir,
called Underworld, USA, 1961. Wait....
changed my mind. Cold wind, gets dark
at 5pm. I'm going home. The older I get,
the more layers of clothing I need. I
understand why "oldsters" move to Florida. My wife made fun of herself, by
saying, "I have my fat to keep me warm'!
That always prompted a laugh. I'm finally
learning to make fun of myself, as part of
my people person persona. Lou

 

George I hate cleaning the house too. Trying to sort what to keep and what to let go is extremely stressful. And you have more stress about your move. anyone would be stressed. Try to envision what it will be like after you’re settled into your new home. No maintenance or snow removal. Just pay the bills and get the mail. I found another box of Cheryl’s beauty products in the laundry room. What triggers me is finding long blond hairs. like you said there exists a cosmic connection that Valerie is near you. proven by all the red hearts. I know Cheryl is watching over me or I would have never got that deer. Sometimes their signals are strong and sometimes they are weak. But Zuba writes when we feel their presence they are right here right now. That’s what keeps us going. You’re healing George. Sending you virtual hugs. Gary

 

Thank you, George. I'm very impressed that you're tackling Look Homeward, Angel.
I never attempted to read Wolfe's books,
but was always haunted by his phrase, "You
can't go home again......". How true. We can
never go back to our childhood, or to our
high school & college years. Sadly, and
most of all, we can't go back to our marriages
to our soulmates. Louoo

 

Just finished it! Third time I read it and it resonates so well with my grief driven state. Especially the last 30 or so pages. did not understand it as well 20 years ago. but now I do.
TW a great and very under rated writer. Lit is a good distraction I realize because you can't just read it. You have to think about what it means. It makes the brain proactive I think.

 

Thank you Gary! What an awesome and lovely kind message. I keep finding little red hearts still! Yay!