Sudden and unexpected

golly Deb I posted to you and it isn’t here,
I will be back tomorrow,, will get my zzzs
Love, hugs prayers . Patti and JayCee night night

 

Patti, that’s frustrating right. I don’t want it happening to you but I feel some better that it’s not only me. I’m not receiving alerts and even in my account alerts they don’t show up sometimes this so called update has been rough. I’ve been off a few days. Trying to clear my head. Feel some better today. Stayed busy all weekend and fresh air. Sorry your eye is taking it’s time healing. I’m right there with you all, I rarely ever drive. I get lost regularly. Ron loved driving it’s like he was born with a gps ready to go. George, so happy for you that your house sold. But
I understand the pain of it and all the work cleaning everything up. Valeries hair products couldn’t have been easy to go through. I still have Rons hair products. Well it’s just one bottle of head and shoulders. Just trying to lighten the mood! So sorry about your flat tire day then off to dialysis. A day like that would get anyone down let alone all your dealing with on top of grieving. But you’re not giving up. Kudos to you.
Gary, I’m so sorry you’re having conflict with Cheryls family and others. I have some of that going on as you know. I’ve decided it’s their problem not mine. Like you mentioned, change the perspective. Your walks in the woods sound so wonderful and peaceful. I’m jealous.
We’ve had so much rain lately I think it’s contributing to sinking feelings, on top of Wednesday being 3 years since passed. It’s very cold today but I don’t think any rain is coming. Hoping to breath in some fresh air and get my blood flowing.
All the best to everyone as we fight our battles alone yet with friends here! ❤️ Robin

 

Thank you Patti, yes it's posted I got it.

 

sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB[/QUOTE

Hi Deb, always a blessing to hear from you, I know
this month and next month are going to be so difficult
for you and all of us TGW folks. So glad to know your
son will be with you, do you have Grandchildren?
Today was a hard one, November holds four days
that I so much want to not remember. I wish so
many times that I could control my mind from the
sad memories, g rief has no time set limit.
I believe all TGW’s love, words to one
another from each one’s heart of support,
understanding of what each other are going
through on this journey is helping us all.
Deb, when I get the poem finished I will
post it, was necessary to put it on hold
temporarily. Time for Little JayCee and I
to get our ZZZZ’s. Night Deb, Everyone.
Hugs, Patti

 

Patti,

I'm so sorry your having so much trouble with this site.... This couldn't have happened at a worse time, TU!!!

Have some things I have to do and want to catch up on the rest of the messages I haven't read, so stopping here.

As always, sending you and JayCee (Love her name!!! I think you told me it's a combination of Jack's name and your brother's name. Not only is it beautiful, but it has such a very special meaning... Thank you for repeating her name for me. I hate this foggy widow brain thing!!!) lots of hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Patti,

I'm looking forward to reading your poem when you're able to finish it. I couldn't have said it any better than you did... This is truly an amazing site, I am so very grateful for all of you, for TGW... I don't think I would have been able to do this without the support of all of our friends here.

I hope you were able to get a good night's rest last night.

I hope, although you are going through such a sad time of year, you have at least one reason to smile today...

As always, sending lots of hugs to you and JayCee, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Hang in there. Patti! As you can see with
my talks with Robin & Deb, my technical
issue was resolved after sending an
email to Grief in Common, addressing it to
Karyn Arnold. I told her that others were
also having problems, since Halloween
reboot. She was not aware bc her
tech team left her in the dark, as they
did, during the Halloween reboot. Lou

 

I may have figured it out. If you tap the three horizontal white bars to the right of alerts and then tap make a connection and then tap share a story that will get you to the new people. Patti no I’m not moving. they’re going to have to drag me out of this old country home. I spent the last three days trying to figure out how I was going to respond to the sisters nasty letter. I wore myself out physically and emotionally. I spent four hours in a tree stand this morning and I thought more about the response letter more than I did the deer. When I got home I Wrote edited wrote edited and wrote edited. I was so wore out I said Cheryl will you please help me. About an hour later it became very simple. The estate is settled please do not contact me I do not want anything to do with you. It felt like a ton of bricks was lifted off my shoulders. Wishing every TGW a peaceful day. Gary

 

Wow! Good for you for laying down the
law on those "sisters in name only" (SINO)!
I want to thank you for letting Deb and
others know that although I could reply
to Allison, I was out of the loop, due to
a technical snafu, with everyone else. I
was finally able to contact Karyn Arnold
vis "send a message" to GIC, bc when I
tried to email her directly, my message
was rejected bc her mailbox was full. I
was annoyed, but not depressed like I
was during the Halloween reboot. It seems
that Karyn was led astray by her tech team.
She is, after all, a compassionate person,
who created GIC!! Thank you for helping
Robin. She doesn't need the added stress,
bc her husband, Ron, died on Nov, 17,
so Wed will be a very sad day for her. I
suggested she get on GIC with us. My
wife, Linda, died on Nov. 19, also 3 years
ago, but I intend to do my usual" Friday
night at Shack bar and Sat am at American
Legion, for coffee. Thanks again, Gary. It
feels great to be back on board with TGW.
Lou

 

Lou,

It makes me smile to know that on the 19th, the third anniversary of Linda's death, you're planning on doing the things that you enjoy. I hope you have lots of fun, share lots of laughs, at the Shack on Friday night, and enjoy coffee at the Legion on Saturday morning to the max!!!, TU!!! In spite of all this pain, the fact that our hearts feel like they've been ripped in half, you have not only read, but are following Tom Zuba's advice to "choose life," to the max. You are truly an inspiration to all TGW, TU!!! It makes me so happy for you, it makes me smile every single time, you tell us that you're enjoying yourself, in spite of the fact Linda can't be here with you physically to share in your happiness. However, I know Linda is watching over you... I know you have made Linda way beyond proud and happy...

As I think I already said to Karen and Robin too, I'm way beyond exhausted, both physically and emotionally. Grieving has a way of sucking the life right out of me...
I'm having a very difficult time expressing myself in words tonight, so stopping here, before I start rambling and making no sense at all. Besides, I'm a total emotional train wreck, and have been crying as I've been "talking" to all of you. At least I've smiled too, even if it is only through tears... Life is so bittersweet!!!, TU!!!

I hope you get some quality sleep tonight...

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

P.S. I'm not sure if I've missed any of your posts. I'm going to double check, but if I've missed something, I apologize in advance. I'm way beyond frazzled, TU!!! (last one of the evening...)

P.S.S. PITA as Bob would say, isn't a "Deb original." It stands for pain in the ass.

 

Dear Deb TUGW (George) has gotten through so many hardships that seemed impossible. You will follow in his footsteps too. We’re only a quitter when we stop trying and you’re trying very hard. Progress will happen for you just like it did for Lou Robin Patti and Karen. Zuba writes moment by moment we are given the choice between love or fear. When we choose fear someone we lost very dear to us is gone forever and our life is meaningless. But when we choose love our beloved goes to the place of their choice but part of them remains with us in the non-physical form. That is what keeps us going. I hope you get a good nights rest tonight. I’m sending you and Karen extra hugs tonight. Karen I like how you said gaining the ability to turn sad memories into happy ones. The Yin and Yang of the Mr Grief on the grief roller coaster. I like walking through the part of the woods where Cheryl went out at night to help me find a deer. When we were doing that together it seemed like a happy dream. I remember Cheryl getting really close to a screech owl and neither were afraid of the other. It was like they accepted each other. I’m setting near Cheryl’s shrine. I think I’ll play her the song ramble on by Led Zeppelin. Lou glad I could help you. Do you think part of our site issues are there are too many posts on this thread? just wondering if we need to start a new thread or something? I hope everyone has a pleasant night. Warm feelings for everyone. Gary

 

Ha!Ha!, Deb. " Pain in the ass" is one of the
endearing phrases Linda bestowed on me.
Without making you blush, Deb, when you
email me, my heart skips a beat.I know
that sounds inappropriate, but you and
I speak the same language, and make
each other laugh, in times of sorrow. As I
said before, Steven & Betsy met on line
and "talked " for YEARS(!) before they
met.By the time they met inperson,they
already knew each other. Right before
they got married, Steven took a walk with
me and asked me what my secret was, for
a successful marriage. I said that from my
personal experience, there were 3 major
components:1st, sense of humor, 2nd, if
I felt angry, to take a walk to let off steam,
and 3rd,never go to bed angry. I may have
told you that I made a connection with an
asst. mgr. of a store on the Neck. She had a
boyfriend and lived in another city.
Cheryl had a kind face, and was a good
listener, so..... of course, I had to tell her
my story, including how Linda made me
promise to be happy, and to even find
another woman after she was gone. I didn't
want to hear about it at the time, but now
I know that I don't want to spend the rest
of my life alone. I almost asked Cheryl
if she had a sister like her, but she would
have told me if she had. She was estranged
from her family. Lately, I've noticed that
I enjoy talking with women of all ages. My
young friend, N., says it's all a rehearsal
for talking with a new woman in my life.


I saw N., over the weekend for the
first time in a month. He said that without
my glasses, I looked 15 years younger.
Many people on the Neck think I'm his
father, but N. joked with me that if that
were the case, I would have had to be 16!!
Lou

 

Gary, not sure what happened with my
technical problem in particular, bc I've
been a windbag here since I began. Robin
and Patti's issues are different, and I hope
they are resolved soon. Your stories of
Cheryl in the woods are touching. Seeing
wildlife is powerful. Linda & I looked out
on our clothesline one early am, and saw
a screech owl staring back at us. We
loved seeing rabbits freeze when they
know they're being watched. Linda loved
to feed horses by the side of the road.We saw deer "caught in the headlights" , and
the eerie eyes of raccoons on the top of
a dumpster. Ditto, seagulls and crows.
But, my most vivid, and saddest memory
was looking out the window of Linda's
private room in the rehab unit, and
seeing wild turkeys go into the woods. Lou

 

Gary, I agree and thought the same thing--start a new thread, we're up to page 60. Let's all think about it.

Good for you responding to the sister, you are free now.

 

Gary, I'll take your hug tonight, I need one. Mr. Grief sure knows how to Yin and Yang. Lou, Robin and Patti, have your sad memories turned into happy ones yet? Wondering, as you three have gone beyond many of us on the journey. Blessings to all, Karen

 

Gary, Thank you, thank you, thank you! That was one of my questions to Karyn, you solved one of my issues! Now I need to get email alerts, 90% of what I read here tonight I didn’t receive emails for and they’re not in my alerts either.
Love how you responded to the sisters letter. Perfect, sometimes less is more. Robin

 

Morning, Gary. I don't blame you for not
wanting to move out of your home. In
that sense, you are like Jonathan, who
chose to stay in the same loft he shared
with his late wife, Joy. My situation was
different. I had to move out of my
apartment in the city & move to my
current ( & God willing, my forever one), in a nearby small town. As I told Deb, I go
to restaurants which either didn't
exist , or Linda & I didn't go to. My small
town is dead in the winter, so I go on a
bus to the city. I'm sitting in a perfect
place, for my mood this morning called
The Lone Gull, sipping hot tea, on a high
30s, but sunny day. Each song over the
loudspeaker speaks to me: Layla, by
Eric Clapton, Bad Moon Rising, by CCR,
California Dreamin', by The Mamas and
Papas, and ballads by The Beatles, etc.
Only song I know by Led Zeppelin, is the
classic Stairway to Heaven. Thank you
for sharing your love of music, Gary. As
I've told others here, I used to sob at
EVERY song.Now, not so much. The
slow, sad , and lonely songs, by Frank
Sinatra, always got me. The words of
Cycles and A Man Alone, in particular,
showed me that Sinatra had manic
depression, like I do. Deep down, he
struck me as being a lonely man. Lou

 

Patti, sorry about your eye, but keep patient, healing takes a long time especially as we age.

So glad you and Jack were safe during the fire, looks like you were on country property. We women are stronger than we think when it comes right down to the nitty gritty of life's catastrophes.

I don't know if you are signed up with Center for Loss, they send a daily devotion regarding grief. Today is one that really sticks in my mind and I hope everyone reads it. "You don't heal from the loss of a love one because time passes; you heal because of what you do with the time".
I always thought time would heal even if I was a couch potato and did nothing. I guess not. Hope your day is good Patti and keep the faith, your eye will heal. Karen

 

Gary,

Thank you so much for those extra hugs... I really needed them..., TU!!! I feel like I've been taking one step forward, two steps backwards, then one step forward again, then another two backwards, etc., etc., etc.... sort of like spinning my wheels in mud. But, and this is another one of those really BIG BUTS!!!, I am choosing love instead of fear. I know that a part of Bob is still with me, just as a part of Cheryl is still with you. I know that both Cheryl and Bob are watching over us... I know they would want us to move forward, to experience as many of the wonderful things that the world has to offer, while at the same time, continuing to heal. I think that this is the most special gift we can give them... The best way I can think of to honor their memories... I know this would make both of them very proud and very happy...

I've been thinking about what you said this morning. I had lots of time to think between waiting for an office visit, then waiting for labs. Instead of getting frustrated by how long I spent in each of the waiting rooms, I decided to make the most of the time that would have otherwise been wasted. I am determined to make this holiday season as meaningful as possible, even though I won't be celebrating Christmas in any sort of a traditional way. I feel blessed to be able to spend so much one on one time with my youngest son, and although it will be a very bittersweet trip, and I'm positive I'll need lots of tissues..., I think I'll be smiling lots too... I know Bob would be so happy, so proud..., knowing that I was going to do some traveling with our son over the holidays. As I've been saying and thinking so often lately, when it gets right down to it, the only things that really matter in life are the connections we make..., the relationships we have with others.

Backing up just a bit, I also did some serious thinking about Thanksgiving. As I was sitting in the first waiting room, it was if I could almost hear Tom Zuba saying directly to me, "choose life!!!" I decided right at this moment, that I am going to spend Thanksgiving at my friend's house. Just as she said to me, that it would make Thanksgiving feel like a "real" Thanksgiving to her if I have dinner at her house, I know this will make Thanksgiving meaningful for me too. She is a very special friend. I don't believe in coincidences. I believe that she and I were meant to meet, were meant to help each other make it through the most heartbreaking time in both of our lives... And now, I believe I am meant to spend this Thanksgiving with her...

This is my Christmas gift to Bob. To not only tell him that I am choosing love and life this holiday season, but to show him that I can do this... I hope this makes Bob both proud and happy... I HATE!!! that life is always going to be so bittersweet for all of us, but, and this is the last of those really BIG BUTS!!!, as Bob would say, I am grateful for every day I'm "on the right side of the dirt." I am saying this even though I'm still feeling stuck at the bottom of that endless roller coaster ride of emotions... I'm such an emotional train wreck, TU!!!

I have lots more catching up to do. I haven't been home much today..., so stopping here.

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Deb, enjoyed your "book" reply to Gary,
so you don't have to repeat all that to me.
I'm so happy about both your
Thanksgiving and Christmas plans. Please
try to savor every moment, and not wish
for the holidays to be over. I will listen
to Zuba,and to Jonathan, and to try to
achieve some happiness, bittersweet
though it may be. Karen, Robin, Gary,
and I were encouraging each other this
morning. I did a shout out to Patti. Stacey
has been busy. Allison's emotions are raw,
but I hope she will stay with GIC. Poor
George is up to his ears with the move.
Hope to hear from you tonight, Deb,
whether in an essay, or in a nonfiction
"book"! Lou