Sudden and unexpected

Robin,

You're message made me teary eyed, but mostly just in a good way... One of the things that helps me the most, is being here for you, for all TGW. It's just that sometimes I'm so sad, that it's hard for me to "talk." Please!!! don't feel that you can't share how you're feeling with us. You are going through all of this heartache right along with us. It doesn't matter that it's been almost three years of misery for you, Karen,and Lou, and less than a year for some of us. Every single one of us feels like our hearts have been ripped in half... I know I can speak for all of TGW when I say that we want to help you get through this, just as much as you want to help us. You're not making me panic. I know it helps me just to "talk," to have you "listen," and if it helps you to "talk" too, no need to be careful about giving us TMI. We can handle it. We are TGW!!!

The storm you had, that tornado so close to your daughter's house, is so scary!!! I hope the people inside the shopping center are okay... We were very fortunate this hurricane season, only a few watches, I think we had one warning (We must have had a warning because I remember my daughter got in touch with me, she was very worried), but even though this year was a calm one, the times the weather reports were even a bit scary, I felt even more scared than I used to feel, without Bob here with me. I'm sure this storm was over the top scary for you... I'm so relieved you, your daughter, and Teddy are okay, total understatement!!! I agree that Ron is with you all the time, and is watching over you... I know you feel his presence, just the way I've been feeling Bob's presence. I talk to him all the time. I miss him so much... I know you miss Ron just as much... Grieving just SUCKS!!! (I can't seem to stop using this word lately.)

I'm not going to do any Christmas shopping in the stores. This year, all of will be done online. I'm way too emotionally fragile to be able to handle the stores, the crowds, even that in store Christmas music... I don't think I would be able to make it much past the front doors without bursting into tears and having to leave, not buying anything on my list. I love that you're getting a bag of bird food for Ron's feeder. I love the way you choose to honor him, to keep his memory alive. I know Ron would be very proud of you, and happy that you're doing everything you can to not only move forward, but also to keep up all those holiday traditions, and to do everything you can to find some sort of happiness without him, here beside you.

Backing up a bit, I can say with certainty that I would feel worse too, having to go through something as horrible as not knowing if Teddy was going to be okay, and then worried about his surgery. It is way beyond difficult to go through the most painful things in life without the one true love of our lives to be here to support us, wrap us up in their arms, just hold us... We are missing the comfort that only our "person" can give us. Grieving just SUCKS!!!

I finally smiled when you said Teddy is doing great and was on your lap. There is nothing quite like the unconditional love that fur babies give us. I used to talk to mine all the time. I know they can sense when we're sad. My fur baby would snuggle up next to me on the couch whenever she thought I was sad. She would follow me around the house and not leave my side. The last time I was at my friends house who lives several streets away from me, the one who lost her husband before I did, we were having one of those heart to hearts over a glass of wine, both of us crying, handing each other tissues. I know her dog sensed we were sad. He brought me over his very favorite blanket, the one he carries with him the way Linus always had his with him. Then he brought over lots of his toys, and dropped them at my friends feet, and at mine too. I'm totally and madly in love with her fur baby!!!

I think I just wrote you a "book," so stopping here for now. I want you to know that your support means the world to me too.

I hope you're able to get some quality sleep tonight...

As always, sending you and Teddy hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Gary,

Thank you for sharing the Mourning Bill of Rights with us. I think I'm going to take a picture of it, keep it on my phone. It makes me smile knowing that you had an enjoyable time in the woods and were going back. I'm so glad you're doing something that makes you happy. Whenever "Mr Grief" (thank you Karen!) will let you take a break from all this misery, it's so important to savor every moment, TU!!!

Going to end this. I think I more catching up to do.

Sleep well...

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Marcey,

It's so good to see you here!!! Hope you many more happy moments than sad ones... We missed you too!!!

Hope you get some quality sleep tonight...

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

♥ I hope you had a good Saturday too, Lou ♥

 

Marcey,

I LOVE this!!!, TU!!! Thank you so much for sharing this with all of us!!! I'm going to adopt this as my go-to too. Thanks again, this is the best!!! We can and will get through this together!!! WE ARE TGW!!!

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Thank you Deb!

There were a lot of tears, between a lot of smiles and laughter and sweet precious moments with our grandchildren, and my son and DIL.

I did a lot more driving myself and the kids around their little town and forcing myself to get more comfortable doing stuff like that (alone/on my own). With every scary uncomfortable outing, I am feeling more confident that I will be okay out and about. And that's a good thing. I was a "scared of the world" person. Rarely ventured out on my own. Wouldn't if I didn't have to. And Mark did all of the driving when we were together. So this little stuff is a big deal to me right now.

I hope YOU sleep well tonight and have a better day tomorrow. ♥

 

Karen,

I think I'm going to take a picture of this and keep it on my phone, where I can refer to it whenever I need to. I

It's good to see you tonight. I don't think I'm fully caught up yet, so I apologize in advance if you've posted anything I haven't read yet. Just want to let you know I'm always thinking about you... I hope you're okay. I hope you had at least one reason to LMSO today...

As always, sending you and Rambo hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Thank you Gary ♥

((((((Robin))))) Hang in there, Sweetie. ♥

 

Marcey,

Hugs... Bob was so protective of me, he did so much for me. I never thought of the world as being such a scary place until Bob died. Like Mark, Bob did all the driving when we were together. I always hated driving in big cities, traffic jams, etc., etc., etc., plus my sense of direction SUCKS!! When Bob got sick, I gradually had to take over all the driving and learn to depend on google maps to get me where we needed to go. Bob always had a great sense of direction, but towards the end of his life, he had trouble remembering things. I know this not only frustrated him, but scared him too, even though he always put on that tough, stoic front. Stopping here, getting way off track. Backing up a bit, I feel lots more confident too in so many ways. I totally "get" it, because driving in traffic and figuring out how to get places always made me nervous. I'm so proud of you for being able to force yourself to do the things that used to be scary for you. I know Mark would be so proud of you too.

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Thank you Deb.

I'm certain Bob would be so proud of you too!

I am proud of all of us. ♥

 

Lou,

I hope you had a good day at the Neck. I got a long walk in, and although I'm still really sad, it felt good to be outside, get some fresh air and enjoy the sunshine.
Tonight I talked to my friends who Bob and I used to vacation with all the time. I am so grateful for their friendship... They are always here for me and check in with me frequently. I think it'll be hard the first time I get together with them without Bob, but I know, even though it's not the same, it's going to be hard for them too. The four of us were so close... I don't think I'll be the only one crying when we finally get together again. I think the three of us will be an emotional mess.

My chrome book was doing really well tonight. It felt good to be able to "talk" to everyone and not forget what I wanted to say because of how long it would take me to type a sentence. However, now it needs caffeine injected IV style. I was going to make this a short one anyway because I need to try to sleep, but I didn't plan on making it quite this short, last TU!!! of the evening.

I hope you get a good night's rest.

"Talk" tomorrow...

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Thank you Gary for your understanding and kind words of encouragement. I know I can do this, I’ve done it before and I know I’ll get to the other side as you perfectly stated, and I’ll be grieving in a more normal way. The calm after the storm sort of grief. Most family and friends have moved on, but I have a whole family of friends right here that I love and care for and have my back. I’m very grateful. And my daughter who stays by my side through thick and thin. Where would I be without her and GIC and Ted of coarse. I’m feeling some better this evening and hoping for some fresh air tomorrow.
Thank you Gary!
❤️ Robin

Thank you Stacey, I’ll be ok. ❤️

 

Hey Deb, and TGWs! I had the most horrendous day yesterday. It looks like closing will be on the 30th. The logistics of this is mind-bogglingly overwhelming. Woke up to a flat tire yesterday. Needed tow to tire place waited there on a chair doing Nothing for 4 and a half hours. Just in time to go to Dialysis and sit in a chair for another 4 hours. Too depressed and upset to read or do anything except think think and think. Very cold cloudy and bitterly windy. I am freaking out about moving in 2 weeks. So much to do. It paralyzes and overwhelms me. I am so terrified being in charge. I never asked for this. And on top of it all I'm grieving my ass off still. You and TGW are the only kind of community I'm part of. Thank you. Hope I can be productive today. Hate to sound so complainy and negative. This so sucks!

 

Thatz how it goes. One day you think you'll be ok. Then the next day you sit on uncomfortable chairs thinking for over 8 hours. I want to be strong. It is so HARD. That sucks the way you can't listen to music. That is the only thing I can still do. Don't want to read. Don't want to watch TeeVee or see movies and stuff. Not interested in the least bit of anything "entertaining" I am just not interested in anything. I know its grieving and the mega-stress of moving. The weather here has been so cold windy and raw can't even go for a walk. I wish I could magically transport us all away from this awful funk we seem to be in.

 

Glad you liked the song... it is catchy and the lyrics are so spot-on with where my life is at. ... I like the lines "I'm getting stronger everyday" I just started listening to the radio again after like 20 or so years or more. WXRT in Chicago plays a pretty eclectic mix. the commercials are not too obnoxious sometimes, the DJ banter is not idiotic, and I just need the company. I'm totally freaking out about moving in 2 weeks or so. The logistical crap is mindboggling. I have to do this. I need to do it for me and my son. That doesn't make it any less hard or sad. Didn't get on GIC yesterday cuz I spent the day sitting on chairs and thinking. When I'm in this mode can't seem to meditate or do anything except think worse case scenarios. I keep fighting it. Yesterday I did not win it.

 

George,

First, sending you the biggest hug ever... I'm so sorry yesterday turned out to be such a horrible day!!! To quote that old saying, "when it rains, it pours," seems to be so true for me too. First a flat tire, then dialysis, plus having to sit in the repair shop for four hours, then sit in the dialysis chair for another four hours... That's enough to put even the happiest person on earth in a miserable mood, TU!!!

Sometimes all I can do when I'm having a totally off the charts miserable day, is to curl up on the couch, wrap myself in my super soft bereavement blanket, make a cup of tea, tune into something mindless, that even if I'm hardly paying attention to it, I'm able to follow, and just cry... Sometimes tears can be healing. Whatever is going to get you through today, go for it. Even if that means doing absolutely nothing at all.

Although you might not believe this at first, one of TGW (of course I can't remember who, this widow foggy brain thing really sucks!!!) told me when I was having a very bad day, that I was moving forward towards healing. I had to think about this for awhile, but now I think this is true and I find it comforting. You are grieving the one true love of your life..., you are doing all the necessary work to continue moving forward. I know Cheryl is watching over you, and I know she knows that even though you miss her with all your heart, you are doing everything possible to keep on moving forward. I know she would be very proud of you.

Although you might not believe this, as Gary so perfectly said, you are TUGW!!!, TU!!! You tackle all the challenges you're forced to face head on, and already have accomplished so much!!! You not only cleaned and emptied out your house, you've sold it, and found a place that you want to call "home." This is a lot, TU!!! (last one for now), for anyone to handle... plus with ESRD, and all those hours sitting in that dialysis chair thrown into the mix, I can't imagine anyone having been able to accomplish what you've already accomplished in such a short period of time.

Be gentle with yourself... Continue to take care of yourself the very best you possibly can. You truly are TUGW!!!

Sending lots more hugs your way, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Lou,

It's so unlike you not to "talk" TGW by now... Are you okay??? I have those days when I can't seem to post anything and I'm hoping that isn't the reason why you have "visted" us, but haven't said anything yet. I'm hoping it's just because you're enjoying your day!!!, TU!!! (last one for this morning) Done being a PITA!!!

I have things I have to do, so stopping here, another really short one. This really is getting to be a regular thing!!! (Didn't say it, but of course, thought it).

Hope you have many reasons to LMSO today...

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

No wonder I'm so crazed! Hearing you state it all. I just wish I could curl up and do nothing instead we are going through bathrooms and getting rid of Valerie's collection of hair glops and humongous cleaning product collection. I wish I could even cry again. I feel so locked up-frozen inside. Just this pervasive feeling of horribilis and the stress is too much! I'm glad I can talk to you. at least someone knows what kind of crud I'm going thru. Cold cloudy windy and brutal today. Just meant fopr snuggling on tthe couch with tea. alas tis not for me. Gonna be a megaBusy next couple of weeks... Love and peace and hugz to all TGWs!

 

I guess Deb, you and I had husbands that did most of the driving. Now, it's a big deal to drive anywhere due to the fact, when Jack drove I never paid attention where we were going, just looked at the scenery, so now I'm a bit lost. Since my daughter lives across the street she volunteers on the weekends to drive us around. And I never used the GPS either. I'm old fashion, I print out the direction on map quest. I'm so scared to have a flat tire or break down alone. I'm really useless driving, but little by little going local is helping me to "get with it" as they say. Thank you three, I don't feel so useless as a driver. We will have to learn many things in this journey the rest of our lives. Bless you, Karen

 

Deb Lou is alright. He’s posting on Allison.12. He keeps getting kicked off the site.