Sudden and unexpected

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by Gary166, Oct 5, 2021.

  1. DEB321

    DEB321 Well-Known Member


    Sending lots and lots of hugs your way... I can't even begin to imagine how bittersweet this move is... I know Valerie would be so proud of you... and happy for you too. You have come such a long way in such a short amount of time. Gary got it right when he said you are TUGW!!!

    I'm so glad you might have found a place. Love your attitude. If this place isn't available, then it wasn't meant to be. Something better will come along. Does this mean you have a buyer for your house? This widow foggy brain thing just SUCKS!!!, I can't remember whether or not you "talked" about this. The last thing I remember is that you had to leave your house for a bunch of showings.

    Sending more hugs your way, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB
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  2. DEB321

    DEB321 Well-Known Member


    Although I wasn't around today, very difficult day for me, I was thinking about you... I read in your message to Robin that you had breakfast at the Two Little Birds Eatery this morning. I hope you enjoyed breakfast with Joyce?, Jen?, in spite of the weather. So sorry, I can't remember her name. This widow foggy brain thing SUCKS!!! Sucks seems to be my word of the day.

    Backing way up, I'm sorry that this morning was a difficult one for you, that every song you listened to made you cry. I'm so glad that you met a new friend for breakfast, especially with the miserable weather, I think the timing of your breakfast get together was perfect. I just reread this sentence to see if it made any sense. I'm way too emotionally and physically drained to "talk" much right now. Backing up just a bit, I bet I hold the world's record for the longest run on sentences, TU!!! Backing up just a bit again, Bob would never have let this one get by him, another TU!!!

    I'm going to make something for supper, then make a cup of tea, wrap myself up in my super soft bereavement blanket, and watch something mindless on the tube. I hope you're having lots of fun tonight at the Shack. Looking forward to hearing about your evening tomorrow.

    Wait, before I go, I have to tell you that in spite of my miserable mood, I forced myself to take a walk today. It was a beautiful day, perfect for walking, lots of bright sunshine, in the low 70's. I wore just a pair of gym shorts and a tee. For the first mile or so, I was cold!!! You can laugh, I know this sounds ridiculous. It would have sounded ridiculous to me too, if I was living in New England.

    Stopping here, I'm super toasted... Enjoy the rest of your evening at the Shack...

    Hope you get some quality sleep tonight...

    As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB
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  3. DEB321

    DEB321 Well-Known Member


    Reading your message to Lou made me smile.... My favorite fur baby didn't have a raincoat, but while she loved the snow, she used to make "doggie" snow angels, she hated the rain!!! She would wait until her plumbing system was about to burst before telling us that she needed to go outside. Bob used to bring an umbrella and hold it over her head to keep her as dry as possible, while he got wet. This always made me laugh. He made me promise not to tell anyone that he did this. Given the circumstances, I think Bob would be okay if he knew I broke my promise to him now. I think he would be happy that this memory makes me smile... Wait, my eyes are starting to get watery, I need a tissue. I hate that life is so bittersweet!!!

    Robin, thanks for the smile, I really needed it, TU!!! I'm so sorry you've been struggling so much... I wish we could have gotten together today, shared stories, hugs, tears, and maybe even a few laughs... We will get through this together, and with help from all of TGW.

    Backing up a bit, I can't listen to any music. I hate living in a world without music... Grieving just SUCKS!!! As I told Lou awhile ago, I think sucks is my word of the day. I can't seem to stop saying it.

    Sending you and Teddy lots of hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB
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  4. Gary166

    Gary166 Guest

    Hi Deb sending you and Robin extra hugs. It seems like we’re all in a funk right now. A couple tips I can give you about Sleep; no caffeine seven hours before bedtime, don’t go to bed until you’re ready to fall asleep, and turn the clock so you cannot see what time it is. Watching the clock causes extra stress while trying to sleep. Try the breathing exercises it distracts the mind from trying to fall sleep. I just received a nasty letter from Cheryl‘s sister who removed her pottery collection recently. I commented to her to share the pottery with other family members who haven’t had the chance to get items. The letter was defensively offensive. First I was really upset then I was hurt and then I wrote a response letter that wasn’t so kind either. But I decided to press the pause button for now. I am going to respond but timing is everything. Tomorrow is opening day of deer season. I don’t want to be sitting in a tree with all kinds of crazy thoughts going through my head about the stupid explicative sister. I want to be at peace with myself and enjoy the woods. Keep the faith TGW and keep on trucking together through our journey with Mr. grief. Gary
  5. eyepilot13

    eyepilot13 Well-Known Member

    Hey The Deb! I love the way you helped somebody! We can turn our special grief into service Thatz so cool! I am having a crappy day here cold and I have been having an up-and down day... I think my anxiety is finally in check. I love how you are going somewhere for the holiday. I'm not gonna celebrate it. Just working on moving. Today was kinda hard, but I think I'm better now. You are so nice and sweet. I love reading your updates. We are all TGW together on the electronic medium. And if thtz what we have. Thatz good! Teddy and Robin and You and Gary and Lou are my only friends right now Thank you! Itz going on 9 months for me and I so Fng miss my bestie! Today was mega hard but I got thru it... Keep forcing myself to throw away and close those horrible thought!
    This is my new theme song! https://duckduckgo.com/?q=war+on+drugs+i+don't+live+here+anymore&t=chromentp&atb=v242-
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  6. DEB321

    DEB321 Well-Known Member

    Gary and George,

    I'm so beyond emotionally and physically drained that I can't "talk" much tonight. This is almost a first, TU!!! I just want to thank you both for being here for me, for all of TGW. Together we can and will get through this!!!

    I think Gary's right, all of us are in a funk, but George, I'm glad that you're feeling better tonight then you were earlier. Gary, I'm so glad you're going to be in the woods tomorrow, enjoying the day... at peace. Just knowing this has me smiling...

    Sending lots and lots of hugs your way, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB
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  7. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Deb, I said your name at the Shack
    tonight. Since I believe there are no
    coincidences,here's the story. A couple
    in their 50s came in and sat on the
    same seats that Steven & Betsy sat on,
    2 years ago.They were staying at the
    same inn! They were from Stonybrook,
    Long Island, on the water. Their names
    were Tom & Lauren. Lauren looked
    right into my eyes, and, before I knew it,
    I told her how I came to Rockport. I told
    her about GIC, specifically about a
    certain woman in South Carolina, who
    Googles the places I go, and wants to
    hear about the good people I meet. I said
    that I hoped it was in God's plan that
    she would visit here someday,and that
    we check on each other every day. Lauren
    sounded like Zuba. When she went to
    the restroom,Tom told me she was an
    empath, and had a real gift. As soon as I
    got home, I emailed Steven & Betsy, and
    checked the "alerts" which lit up my
    screen. I replied to you first, bc I know
    you've had a rough couple days,"total
    understatement!!!". So glad you finally
    took a walk. I'm about to go to bed, bc I
    want to walk to the Legion in the am.I'm
    tired., so I'll have to reply to the other
    Grief Warriors tomorrow. Hope you
    sleep well tonight, Deb. Lou
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  8. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Glad the dog in the raincoat gave you a smile. So cute, the dog had a blue raincoat on the man had a yellow one on. The dog seemed so happy, teddy refuses to go out in the rain and won’t wear a coat of any kind. But Ron would do the whole umbrella thing too. I’m sure Bob is fine with that promise. It’s shared it the best way, with so much love.
    I know I’ll get through this anniversary and the holidays, it just feels like He’s been gone too long.
    I have more posts to answe but it’s going to have to wait until tomorrow. I everyone is sleeping well. Robin
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  9. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Hi, Robin. my post midnight friend. Just
    woke up briefly and checked GIC. Thank you for your entertaining umbrella story.
    When Linda & I took care of her parents'
    mini poodle, we were over protective. I'm
    sure Linda would've acted like Bob and
    Ron. As for music, Deb, I couldn't listen
    for 7 or 8 months. You will again.Have a good Saturday, Gary, George,
    Patti, Karen, and Stacey. Lou
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  10. DEB321

    DEB321 Well-Known Member


    It made me smile that although you were tired, you replied to me before going to sleep. Thank you for being such a good friend. You know that I don't believe in coincidences either, so like you, I believe you were supposed to meet Tom & Lauren. There is no way it could have been a coincidence that Tom & Lauren sat on the same seats that Steven & Betsy sat on two years ago, and that Lauren is an empath, not the same, but it reminded me that Steven is a psychologist. I love the way you meet such kind and caring people, at times when you least expect to. (I had to throw this in!!!) How long are Tom & Lauren staying in Rockport? I hope you exchanged phone numbers and will get to spend some time with them again.

    Still sort of on the same subject, I really think it is in God's plan for us to meet in person someday. There is no way I'm traveling all the way to MA without stopping by to see you. Sadly, I have no idea when I'm going to feel emotionally strong enough to take this trip "home." I appreciate Karen sharing her experience with me, with all of us, and even before she shared her feelings with us, I had mixed feelings about taking this trip. After thinking about what Karen said, I'm definitely not going to rush this, TU!!! Although I know I'm going to need to wear my sunglasses everywhere, and have tons of tissues with me, I need to return "home." I don't think I'll ever be able to fully heal, or heal as much as possible otherwise.

    Today is another nice day, but a little cooler, and a little less sunshine. Like yesterday, I don't feel like walking, but and this is another one of those BIG BUTS!!!, I am determined to try to do everything I possibly can to heal. I've gone back to eating healthier, but I'm a chocoholic, and need my fix every day. I buy mostly mostly chocolate with an 85% - 90% cocoa content, so out of all the vices I could have, if this is my worst one, I'm not going to worry about it. I'm also back to following your advice, and Gary's too, about ways to get some quality sleep. Feeling out of control is one of the worst feelings there is. The only think I have control over is how I chose to take care of myself physically. I wish I had been able to follow the advice I give everyone else consistently, but like that seemingly endless roller coaster ride of emotions, following my own advice has had it's shares of ups and downs. Now that I've told you all of this, I have to practice what I preach!!!

    I refuse to let myself stay stuck (to the extent I can help it), at the bottom of this seemingly endless roller coaster ride of emotions, TU!!! I want to make Bob proud of me... I want to do the best I can to find some sort of happiness while I'm "on the right side of the dirt." Saying this, one of Bob's favorite sayings, has me in tears... Just about everything has me in tears lately. I'm still every bit as much of an emotional train wreck as I've been since November 11th, but at least I'm making an effort to feel better. I hope knowing this would make Bob proud of me.

    Backing up to last night, my good friend who lives several streets away from me sent me a text. She already knew that I'm choosing not to celebrate the holidays this year. I think she texted me instead of calling me because she didn't want to put me on the spot, even though she knows I'm comfortable sharing my most private feelings with her. She loves to cook and bake. This along with biking, always make her feel at least a bit better. She said that she decided to make Thanksgiving dinner this year, that she is keeping the gathering very small, just five of us, herself plus one couple, and a friend from their church who doesn't have any family in the area, and myself if I feel up to joining them. She said this would make it feel like a "real" Thanksgiving to her. She asked me if I would please think about joining them, but went on to say that she understands if I truly need to be alone. I immediately texted her back, letting her know she made me teary eyed, but mostly only in the best of ways, and that I would think about this. A big part of me still feels like I need to be alone, but there is a small part of me that thinks it would be good for me to join them. This is another one of those TBC's..., but this time I will remember to update you.

    I hope you enjoyed some good conversation and maybe even a few laughs at the Legion this morning. I hope wherever the day takes you, it's (mostly) a good one...

    As always, sending you lots of hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB
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  11. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    Good Sat am,Deb! Sunny, high 50s, which
    boost my spirits. Had great time this
    morning,listening to Roger.Glad that
    Veterans Day was on a sunny day, also.
    It was rainy & dark all day yesterday.
    Your "foggy widow's brain" is sharper
    than you think. Joyce, who is scared of
    a medical prognosis, never called me.
    Maybe next time. She lives put of town.
    Jen,divorced mother of 3, is a local, but
    she didn't show up either,probably bc of
    the bad weather. On to Neck. Hope you
    get to walk,Deb. Lou
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  12. DEB321

    DEB321 Well-Known Member


    It made me smile when you told me that Ron did the umbrella thing for Teddy, just as Bob did it for our very favorite fur baby. Thanks for he smile... I can never get enough of them, TU!!! I kept right on smiling when you said that Bob would be fine with me breaking this promise because it's shared with "so much love."

    I feel like Bob's been gone for way too long also. I have no idea how I'm going to feel three years from now, but as of this moment, I think I'll be feeling the same exact way you're feeling. I don't think any of us will ever be able to stop feeling this way. We have all lost the one true love of our lives..., there is no getting over this... We just have to do the best we can, to be the very best version of ourselves that we can be. I know Ron is not only very proud of you, but also happy too, happy to know how hard you're working to make the best possible life for yourself, alone, without him to share it with you.

    Just know that if you want/need us, we'll be here for you on the 17th. If you don't feel up to "talking" that's okay too. Do whatever you have to do to get through the day... I hope if you don't want to be alone, your daughter will be able to be with you. I know Teddy will be with you, always ready to shower you in love... I'm so grateful to you and all of TGW for being here for me, for all of us. To quote that old saying, "there is strength in numbers." We can and will get through this together. Our group name says it all - We are TGW!!!

    I hope you have at least one reason, but hoping you have many more reasons, to LMSO today...

    As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB
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  13. DEB321

    DEB321 Well-Known Member


    As always, it's so good to hear from you. Hearing that you had a great time listening to Roger at the Legion this morning, is making me smile... I'm sorry that Joyce and Jen didn't show up for breakfast yesterday. I hope you're able to get together with Jen in nicer weather. I hope that Joyce calls you in the future, and you're able to get together again. I guess it just wasn't meant to happen yesterday... A TBC with (hopefully) a good ending...

    Enjoy your day at the Neck... I'll be hitting the pavement soon. I'm waiting for it to warm up a bit.


    As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB
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  14. Gary166

    Gary166 Guest

    George I listened to that song you posted. It was really good but very sad. It really describes your situation though. you are not alone and you are moving forward. I had a very enjoyable five hours in the woods this morning. I’m getting to ready to head back out there soon. Do I sense a rally coming on GIC of TGW? I think so. I took the picture at the last grief support meeting I hope everybody likes it. Gary

    Attached Files:

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  15. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Yes Lou I’m up late most nights. I’ve always needed less sleep then Ron. But now I’m up even later. I like our name. Midnight friends. I planned on answering more posts last night but I got tired. So I listened to my body. l slept some better last night. I’m forgetting who, Gary maybe mentioned breathing exercises. I use that all the time. It does help. I’ve shared links for people to learn. I think it has helped some people. Calms me when I’m anxious.
    Music seems to be hard for a lot of people. I still have days that it’s hard. Go with how you’re feeling and if it’s too emotional, it’s not time yet.
    Deb, I love how your friend invited you. Let’s you know you’re welcome to join snd she’d love to have you. But also understands you might not be able to. She’s a special friend. I’ve had invited like that from my brother. In those cases I could t decide h til that day. And many of them I passed on. I just couldn’t. But a few I showed up late. But those were summer invites so we were outside. Those seem easier.
    I just got home from a shopping trip and had multiple melt downs. Staying home for now I think. Plus there’s a storm brewing, I don’t want any part of.
    I hope everyone is managing a f having as good a day as possible. ❤️Robin
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  16. cjpines

    cjpines Well-Known Member

    The Mourners Bill of Rights. That is very empowering. Thank you.
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  17. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Deb, I can't thank you enough for this post. I’m having more rough days then good lately. This isn’t normal for me and I hate sharing this. I’ll be ok. And I know I’ll get through the 17th. My daughter and I are spending the day together. I’m hesitant to share because I don’t want any of you to panic that it stays like this. I’ll be ok, it’s just a rough time that I’ll get past, and won’t be crying constantly. I will share that we just had a horrific storm go through, more torrential rain, high winds, hail, and tornado warnings. And it appears there was a tornado very close to my daughters house. Pulled the roof off of a shopping center. She’s about a 15 minute drive from me. Was dark as night at 3:30. I’ll admit it felt scary. My brother checked on me during the storm, I told him how much I’m missing Ron and he said I believe he’s with you all the time. I do too, but nice to hear him say that to me and check on me.
    I’m so happy for you that your son and you made plans to get away for the holidays. I think it’s a great plan and hopefully just what you need. Stay busy and keep your mind occupied and have time with your son. He sounds so much like my daughter. Caring in every way. She has done so much for me I can’t even tell you. But she’s always there for me. We’re getting through this together. It sounds like your son is doing that for you. I love it! And your plans sound perfect. My kind of get away.
    I understand the Christmas shopping being so emotional. The first couple years I couldn’t even go by the men’s clothing in stores, and tools, Home Depot, super hard to walk in there. It’s gotten some easier though. Emotions still there but not quite as on the surface. I’ll be getting a bag of bird seed for Ron’s bird feeder.
    In 3 years, we still miss our spouses every minute of every day. But we’re stronger. I think I’m feeling a little worse this anniversary because I’ve had some difficult things happening in recent months. The big one being Teddy’s surgery. But he’s doing great and sitting on my lap right now.
    Thank you all for caring and your constant support. Means the world to me.
    ❤️ Robin
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  18. Marcey

    Marcey Guest

    Hey Everybody,

    I've been out of town and too busy with family to be able to stay caught up here. But I will be trying to catch up slowly. Just wanted ya'll to know I've missed you and I hope everyone is doing as well as possible! It will take me a while to read posts. But I'll be around. Lovelovelovelovelovelovelove (Bruce Almighty) (((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))) S
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  19. Marcey

    Marcey Guest

    When I need some encouragement and inspiration, this is my go-to (I just love a good montage).....
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  20. Gary166

    Gary166 Guest

    Stacey thanks for contributing to our rally. We missed you. Robin I know you know what you’re up against. I like how you used the very bad storm as a metaphor to describe what you’re going through now and through the rest of November. Three months after losing Cheryl I couldn’t bounce back from a severe grief spell I was in. They would normally last two days. After ten days I went to my doctor and he told me what I was going through was normal and made a follow up appointment in six months. He listened to me talk without saying a word for five minutes. The only difference was I didn’t feel as uniquely damaged as I did before. I haven’t had it that bad yet since but I know it will come again. When we are in the middle of the storm it seems like it’s going to last forever. Envision yourself seeing through to the other side. You are going to break through to the normal grief cycle after this storm passes. It sucks it really does. it sucks big time. I want you to know that when I mourn for Cheryl tonight and tomorrow I am mourning for you and Ron also. No grief warrior is left behind. I’m glad you have your daughter near you and Teddy there by your side. Thanks to you sticking with GIC two years ago it has been able to exist and grow and help so many people. We are all very grateful. Gary
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