Sudden and unexpected

Hopefully its just an oil change kinda thing... It often never just is. Best luck with your HVAC peeps. I have learned to throw stuff away! Which means I'm in line with a more minimalist and Zenny outlook! Hope you can manage a few smiles today Deb... gotta go do errands N'Lakech!

 

Itz so cool cuz Lexi was one of the select few people Valerie kept in the "Group" . I just realized lately; I like people! She didn't so much. Now I really want to connect with people again. Not just because of grieving... just because I did not need to for 34 years so much! Take care Lou! N'LaKech!

 

Robin,

Sending lots of hugs your way... As that old saying goes, "you can choose your friends, but not your relatives." I'm so sorry you have such a cruel sister in law... You have such a big heart and have tried so hard to maintain a relationship for her because of your brother. You offered sympathy and support when her puppy died, even though she was unable to support you after Ron passed away. At this point, I think the best thing you can do is to avoid all contact when possible. When you have to have contact with her to try to let every hurtful thing she says to you "go in one ear and out the other." I'm proud of the way you handled that cruel comment in Home Goods. You made your point without being cruel back. I hope your brother arrives on Thanksgiving without her...

Like you, I had to cut all ties with my sister. I won't go into it here, but I haven't spoken to her in many years. Life is too short to be surrounded by toxic people, add in grief, hanging over our heads like a dark storm cloud, ready to soak us in a torrential downpour without any notice, and it makes being around toxic people a zillion times worse.

No worries... I've been having problems with this site too. It's so hard to find new messages since the reboot. I had to send Karyn Arnold another email last night because I have a message in the account details section telling me my updated membership is about to expire. I've never used the chat room, taken an online course, participated in any of the zoom support groups, so have no idea why I got this message. Backing up a bit, prior to the reboot, even when I knew I got all of my alerts, for different reasons, I wasn't always able to respond to them right away. Sometimes it can take me days before I respond.

Internet is back to super slo mo mode. Going to have to stop here. I wanted to respond to the new members' messages, and also to some more of the messages from TGW, but I'm going to have to wait until later on.

Sending more hugs to you and Teddy, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Good (late!) Morning To TGW,

Internet back in slo mo mode this morning. So, if I'm missing for awhile, I'll be thinking of you, hoping everyone has at least one reason to LMSO today...

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Funny that you said Valerie didn't like
people too much. When Linda & I had
hassles with neighbors & landlords, she
became bitter toward most people. too.
When she had to go into the hospital, and
then, the rehab/nursing home, her "group "
of people that she liked & trusted, came down
to only 2: her favorite nurse, Alice, in her
late 60s,like Linda, and me. She told me
that the only thing keeping her going,
was her love for me. That was a terrible
burden for me, when she collapsed in
front of me, and I couldn't "save" her. I
wished she had siblings and/ or friends
who would care about her. I wished I
had a sibling and/ or friend, when I was
so alone, in my mourning for Linda. As
my 1st grief therapist pointed out, I turned
into a "people person" after Linda died,
out of necessity. Lou

 

I’m just chilling out today with a few minor projects. Glad to read everybody’s messages this morning. George I think we are shaman. One of the requirements is to have the ability to endure pain and suffering. I know all TGW know that feeling. I have a limited vocabulary and worked construction 38 years. Cheryl didn’t mind my cussing in fact she almost cussed as much as I did. Like you said George I need to be myself and around Cheryl I didn’t have to put on some fake dog and pony show. By the way explicatives are very colorful adjectives. I would like to hear some of those F bomb songs you and Valerie sang. that gave me a LMSO. I hope your car is ok. I’m looking forward to this hunting season. When I know I’ve been in the woods too long the woods and fields look more familiar to me than the inside of my home. Sometimes it’s a strange place to be because you can experience peace and serenity then you can feel total aloneness cut off from everything. It’s all which direction I let my mind wander. And it can change by the moment. Robin I know the feeling. I have strained relations with some of Cheryl‘s sisters. When the sisters were coming over to get stuff I had the sympathy cards ready to open. I asked do you want to read the sympathy cards together? No they did not. On another occasion I tried to tell them a happy memory about Cheryl. They never made eye contact or responded so I just gave up. I can’t believe that some of the sisters are even related to Cheryl. When I know I’m going to have to have contact with them I read the article 8 keys to forgiveness. I only have one next-door neighbor and our relationship has been strained over his loose and hysterical barking dogs over the years. It’s hard to know where I stand with these people. The main thing I think about is don’t do anything I’ll regret. I can think about saying something but as long as I don’t do it that’s good. One day at a time. hopefully we’ll all be in Harmony again. Got a meeting tonight so I won’t catch up with you till later. wishing everyone a peaceful afternoon. Gary

 

Robin, your sister-in-law (sister) are very insecure, lacks self esteem, and no confidence. It's so hard to have discord in a family isn't it? Have a talk with her, get it off your chest, and maybe you will feel a sense of resolution, I would. Good luck, Karen P. S. Maybe a letter so she can re- and reread over and over.

 

I'm glad you have the woods for solace &quiet, Gary, but I wish you could go to
a bigger town to meet people. It's sad
that you have an inconsiderate neighbor.
Linda & I used to laugh about Fred Rogers saying hello to friendly
neighbors. That was not our experience
alas. On top of that, you have Cheryl's
unfeeling sisters. Shame on them. I've
become a "people person" out of
necessity, after climbing out of my
dark hole of extreme bereavement,
loneliness, and suicidal thoughts. I still
cry most mornings, or when I wake up
after a half hour nap,in which I dream
that I reach over to kiss Linda, or ask her
a question, & she doesn't respond. As I've
said to you before, it is those agonizing
moments, when I'm blubbering in fear &
sorrow, that I feel much more like Fredo,
Sonny & Michael Corleone's weak brother.
The big difference between you & me,
Gary, is that aside from your group, you
don't have as much access to other
people, like I do. I know that I wouldn't
want to live where you are. It sounds way
too isolated for me. I hope you can
somehow broaden your circle of friends.
Are you still thinking of joining a dating
service? I don't want to get married again.
but would consider a companion,who
ideally had her own place. Lou

 

Lou, I feel happy for you having made many friends. But, what I'm angry about is our government seems to ignore our veterans at least on this side of America. So many homeless or without income and lousy health system. They fought for us they deserve a decent living. I'm sure we know who is getting our taxes and a free ride. Okay, enough.
Are you becoming better not being over sensitive yet?

 

Lou depending on the next test results and doctor visit I’ll know whether I’m going to try online dating the first of the year. I’m not going to survive the environment I’ve existed in the last six months very long. Tomorrow is the last volunteer day till next spring. I’ll be looking for a friendship/companionship relationship. I like your idea about having our own home. I need to figure out a way to get out and meet people. I lost contact with several good friends because of differences in political beliefs. Friends that used to interact with me regularly while Cheryl was alive don’t any more. And I have tried to meet them halfway first. I know we’re supposed to live one day at a time but the thought of living through mid December to mid February gives me the chills literally. No pun intended. My brother has invited me to come to Ormond Beach and spend a few weeks with him. I think that’s a great idea. Thank God for TGW on GIC!!! Gary

 

Karen, I agree with you about being
angry with the Federal Government, & your state government in Ca. When I was 15, many moons ago, my parents took me
to San Francisco & LA.I thought those
cities were magical. When Linda & I
visited there in 1997, a year after our
wedding,I noticed a sharp decline in
Ca. We were shocked at air pollution
far north, not just in LA. There were a
ton more people, living in poverty or
homeless on the streets. Crime was up.
Now, with illegals pouring in over the
border, it's a hundred times' worse. I
can only hope & pray, that the pendulum
has swung too far, and has to right itself,
soon, with help. As Linda used to say,
" I'll get off my soap box now........." Lou

 

Thank you Karen,
I know my sister is jealous of what I had with Ron. She’s told me that many times. I’ve included her in every holiday for at least 20 years. She’s alone, been through 2 divorces. Before my Mom passed she asked me to please keep her in my life. She knew how difficult she was to deal with. I would have kept her in my life anyway. I’m so thankful she moved to Florida though so I can easily distance myself. She came for Rons funeral, and did offer support. Then 6 months later the judging started and I called her out on it. I asked her for some time, but we’d be ok. She wrote me the cruelest text message anyone could even think of. I stopped communication upon getting that message. Which I still have to remind how awful she was. I talked to her once since then. She called and I felt I needed closure so I picked up. I tried to tell her how much she hurt me, and she did this as I’m going through the worst time in my life. She yelled at me. And barely let me talk. I know this is more then everyone here needs to hear and I’m sorry. I hung up and called my brother, I was hysterical crying. He answered and heard me, and said let me guess. He knew immediately that I must have encountered our sister. Shortly after that she told my other brother to tell his sister (me) she owes my $1,800.00 for her flight here for the funeral. First off, the flight was not that much. Second she’ll never get a penny from me.
You called it Karen, she does lack confidence and self esteem and she is very jealous. I’m younger then her, but I had the most beautiful life with a wonderful husband and 2 beautiful children a successful business, and she didn’t have any of that. And that’s why I always included her.
Gary, I see that you obviously do have an understanding of what I’m going through. And my brothers and I have joked through the years that she was switched at birth or our mother cheated because she’s not like the rest of us. I’m so sorry Cheryl’s sisters are so cold and not willing to talk and share memories. You need to prepare yourself if you’re going to see them. That’s how it was with my sister, I needed to put armor on.
I’ve considered writing her a letter, I’m just not sure she deserves my time. but I’d be doing it for my own healing. I’m sorry I’ve bored you with all this info, there’s so much that it just rolls off onto my screen. My sister is full of venom sadly. My sister in law, she’s clueless. Compares her nephew passing to losing a spouse. Says hurtful things but invites me to go for dinner with them.
The weather turned nice today, I was able to be outside in the fresh air for a couple hours. That’s when I feel my best. It did me a world of good.
Thanks again! ❤️ Robin

 

Deb, so sorry you’re going through some of the same issues I’m dealing with, with my sister. My relationship with her has been strained but the way she treated me after Ron passed, that was it for me. I can’t live with her negativity in my life. I’m trying to deal with the worst loss anyone ever goes through and this is how I’m treated. No thank you. And my sister in law, she’s a whole other issue. But yes I do deal with her because of my brother. Like I told Karen, she’s just clueless. In my mind I think, one day you’ll go through this and understand just how horrible this new life feels. My sister won’t ever feel it, she’s alone and I’m afraid she’ll always be alone.
I let Teddy out in the yard to run and play and watch people for the first time today. He loved it. And I think he’s healing enough to let him enjoy our yard.
I’m kind of glad to hear I’m not the only one still having trouble with this site. I don’t want you to have issues but at least I’m seeing others struggling with it too. I keep hoping they can get it back to normal.
Hope you have a good evening.
❤️ Robin

 

Wow, Robin, your sister is one troubled
woman, who needs a therapist, but will
never go to one,bc she thinks everyone
else is wrong. My suggestion is to cut her
loose. Chances are that if you wrote a
letter, she wouldn't answer it. Lou

 

Hi Robin, I’ve missed reading past postings.
Since I’ve gotten back ( got a new iPad)
but this site was down when I got back
On line , now am having issue with the
site.
Loved hearing Teddy had a great time
in the yard today. Robin I hadn’t any
sign since we last talked but I went onto
my porch yesterday evening, the lady
next door has string of lights on her porch,
they started blinking, I came in to get my
Little dog, the neighbor asked. What’s
going on , when you come out they start
Blinking, when you go in there on .
I believe it was a sign, helped me through
very hard day. Hugs, Blessings. Patti

 

George,

Just a quick message to let you know I'm thinking about you, hoping you got the best news possible from the auto shop... I'm dreading next week, when the HVAC guy shows up. All I can think of is $$$!!!, $$$!!!, $$$!!!... I don't want to have to put another cent into this house...

Hope you're doing okay, have at least one reason, but hopefully more, to LMSO tonight. Hoping that you, and all of TGW are able to get some quality sleep. We need it, TU!!!

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Lou and Karen,
I totally agree.
Blessings. Patti

 

Karen,

I'm just as angry as you are, TU!!! Every time I had to drive into the city to take Bob to the VA hospital, there were so many disabled men, many of them as sick as Bob was. It broke my heart. We always had to wait a very long time for Bob's appointments and we usually ended up talking to the people who were sitting closest to us in the waiting rooms. Their stories were so unbelievably sad. Many of them were having trouble getting the benefits they're so deserving of. The VA will gladly pay for the equivalent of a Mercedes rollator/aka a walker with a seat, expensive hearing aids, a hospital bed, etc., but when it comes to providing severely disabled veterans the benefits they need in order to have decent housing, etc., they can really suck!!! I better get off of my soapbox before I even get started...!!!

This is the first one of your messages I've read this evening, so I hope you're doing okay...

As always, sending you and Rambo hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Lou,

I totally agree with you too, TU!!! Stopping here before this becomes one of those way too long messages that I can't send without deleting at least half of it.

I haven't read that much yet, so hope you had another good day...

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

P.S. I've just set a new record for my shortest message yet, TU!!! (Bob would never let this one get by him, another TU!!!)