Sudden and unexpected

Robin, I'm so happy that you get to visit
your son in Boynton Beach, & that he gives
you a big bear hug. I miss hugs, and am
grateful whenever I get one. The first ones
were from the physical therapist women
at Linda's rehab unit, when she fell in
front of me, and all hell broke loose, as in
the beginning of Jonathan's The Widower's
Notebook. The second hugs were from the
ER nurses the night Linda died. Then, a hug from a woman who never met Linda,
but who has been like a daughter to me.
Finally, a surprise hug from the woman's
father, who's my age. I believe that as
human beings, we need the touch of
another person. I had my 2nd pedicure
today, from a young married mother. After
my feet were gently caressed by the jet
streams in the warm whirlpool, the
pedicurist did her work, while we had
a pleasant conversation. At our 1st
appointment, I cried a little when I told
her I was a widower. I felt compelled to
get that out of the way. Today, we traded
some fun stories, & laughed. Loul

 

Hi Deb, I hope what I shared with you and my experience gives you some relief that this might just work itself out. I pray that is the case. Too much coming at us when we can’t even think straight and then sending out bills like that, how do you process it. I just wished I saw your post earlier so I could ease your mind before trying to get some rest.
I give the people on this site credit for getting me where I am today. I’ve made life long friends on here, some of those people don’t visit this site any more but we email each other daily. I try my best to give back while I do feel somewhat selfish, but trying to help others for now seems to be my purpose. It helps in so many ways.
We have each other’s back. I was supposed to head out but I’m still here. One more post to answer I think.
Take care, Robin

 

George, you have been given a raw deal,
with your bad kidneys. I have a friend, 70,
who was the head bartender at my local
CHEERS like bar. the Shack. before he
retired ---2 weeks before COVID shut the
bar/restaurant down. Many years ago ,
Jack donated a kidney to an older brother,
who was able to live a good amount of
years longer. Sadly, Jack's remaining
kidney was functioning at only 20
percent. He was feeling tired, weak, &
depressed. To top it off, due to COVID,
all the restaurants were closed, so he
was denied the pleasure of taking his
wife out to dinner. He became bored,
restless, & irritable, as well as depressed.
He sadly told me that he felt like he was
a dog, just eating & walking. One day, he
told me he couldn't stand how he didn't
have a reason to wake up in the morning,
& he took a part time job in a liquor
store. If & when his kidney gets worse,
Jack will be at the top of a list for a
transplant. I know you can't have a job,
George, and I'm retired. But, perhaps our
purpose every morning is to participate
in GIC, and help each other. I urge you
to email Jonathan, a fellow artist before
he was a writer. He's on a book tour for
his new international mystery thriller. Bc
I'm on his email list, I get to see him
speak on writers' panels. It's great to see
him smile & laugh again, after his wife, of
40 years, Joy, was cruelly snatched away
from him, as Valerie & Linda were taken
from us. Jonathan's email address is:
jonathansantlofer@gmail.com. Lou

 

George I’m sorry to hear that you’re struggling today. I think you have your shit together more than you realize. It never feels like it At the time but during the struggle is when we become stronger. Robin just said she finds purpose in her life by helping others. I reached out to a friend of mine who went through an Emotionally devastating divorce two years ago. I asked him about his kids and about his health. I talked to him a half hour. He is doing remarkably well. It made me feel good until he asked about my life and I told him about Cheryl. We both have experienced traumatic loss just like everyone on this site. Stop the world so I can get on. I had to skip pages 33 through 37 otherwise I would become overwhelmed again. I don’t have a clue what The narrative was then. Deb I think you fit the den mother profile perfectly. I recognize Lou as the godfather of the grief warriors. Thanks for the Sinatra line I’ll pick myself up and get back in the race. I got a beautiful card and note from one of Cheryl‘s nieces. The niece was single at the time Cheryl and I had been together about a year. She was hoping to find the right man and get married. Cheryl told her you need to find a man like Gary because he gives me all the happiness I could want and makes me feel beautiful. What a beautiful gift. In the forward of permission to mourn the soul of the person we love returns back to the home of it’s choice yet part of it remains with us. Further on in the book Zumba says when we feel our beloveds presence they are right here right now. I have to use my imagination and rely on the supernatural because that is the only way I am going to survive this. It’s good to be back. In this moment I love every. Gary

 

Good Morning Deb!

Your message made me smile big (a real one!) I wish you were close enough to have coffee with, too!! All of you! ♥

Okay, okay....I'll watch 90 Day Fiance! haha It must be interesting, at least, or my very interesting friends would not have taken the time to watch it.
The Housewives I watch (mainly) are the Beverly Hills ones. The reason I started watching it was because Kim Richards was on it (then) and she was a child start when I was a kid. A connection to my childhood. (Escape to Witch Mountain...remember that one?) And I wanted to see her. Sadly, she was a mess and it bummed me out. But she has a great sense of humor and is fighting the life battle. Bless her heart. Anyway, it's easy to become invested in their lives (and mostly manufactured dramas) very quickly. Plus I'm a total sucker. So there's that.

I think now, that I WILL go to WDW one day. Our youngest and wife are going in January. A first for any of our immediate family. I keep wondering if it might occur to them ask me to join them........lol

Let's see.... well, my friends that are fellow Disney fanatics, have more money than I do. And they are happy to spend it on Disney adventures. And I am fortunate enough to have gotten to tag along for some of them, over the years.
One of the adventures was a very early (4 am, as I recall) morning tour focusing on the horticulture at Disneyland. We started "backstage" in an office building, with a talk of what goes on when planning the garden areas around the (Disneyland) park. Then we ventured into the park. Just us and our guide. It was still dark and nobody around. We got walk along the railroad tracks, across bridges, and in areas that you can only see from an attraction vehicle. We got to ride the Jungle Cruise boat standing up and he stopped and let us get out and go into the "jungle." We got to go INSIDE of the Matterhorn mountain (not part of the tour, but he wanted to treat us to something very special). We got to go up the back stairs to Walt's apartment and peek in the door/window. He couldn't let us in to that one (other tours let you go in), but at least I got that close. We did all that while the sun came up and things started coming alive in the park. It was very cool.

Again, because of my fortunate connections, I have gotten to dine at Club 33, twice. That whole experience is amazing (for a fanatic). Lucky me and I know it.

At the D23 convention a few years back, we got to be in the audience to see Dick Sherman (of the Sherman Brothers - who wrote practially ALL of the Disneyland attraction music along with the music for Mary Poppins, The Parent Trap, and a plethora of other Disney films...along with Chitty Chitty Bang Bang) speak after they played The Boys (the story of the Sherman Brothers, a documentary done by each of their sons). Then he sat down at the piano and played and sang It's A Small World (which he wrote)...and then he asked us to join him. We got to sing It's A Small World with Dick Sherman. I still get teary-eyed thinking about it.

I got to see, front row (my all-time favorite - LOVE HIM) Dick Van Dyke narrarate Jesus' birth account from the scriptures, for Disneyland's Candlelight Processional. I was beside myself. I could have easily gotten hysterical that night. But I held it together. If you've never seen the Candlelight Processional I highly recommend at least watching it on YouTube.

Anyway, that's a few of my fanatical Disney experiences. ♥♥♥ I consider myself very blessed to have gotten to do all of these things. For some, not a big deal, but for me, HUGE.

Have to run. I'm in the middle of decorating my little home and I need to run some errands. I hope you and everyone here is having a much happier day today. ♥
♥♥♥♥♥ Stacey

 

Man I so wish it was true... well maybe it is I got my shit together! It just so doesn't feel like it these daze! But I have no clue how I'm doing,,, just thru TB and he isn't a real good barometer! He's too close and not objective. He just makes me feel like I'm a big time mess-up. I feel so floundering instead of just treading or even flourishing. I guess I just feel like I messed up my life, Valerie's dying was the last straw and I have no idea what to do! Glad you got back on her! I always look forward to your posts!

 

Stacey, I hope you get to see my story of
when Linda & I visited Disneyland in
1997, a year after we got married. It looks
like we're all back on line! Hallelujah,
praise the Lord, my fellow Grief Warriors!
Lou

 

Gary, I was worried about you during
the rebooting fiasco. Hemingway defined
courage as "grace under pressure". I'm
ashamed to say that I crumbled like the
weak Fredo, & whined to Karyn, in an
unmanly way, instead of acting like
Don Corleone, or his son, Michael. I now
realize just how important The Grief
Warriors are to me. If I don't hear from
my "other" soulmate, Deb, in the am &
before bedtime, I feel "unmoored", to
quote Jonathan's chapter heading. I agree
with Robin that my purpose in life is to
"rise like the Phoenix", as George said, &
to give comfort to others. I welcomed
another George, 74, whose wife tragically
died from COVID, in August, even though
both of them had been vaccinated. During
the reboot, I saw that Karen was reaching
out to a widower, Hawk. Denise was
comforting another widow, Hanji. Thank
God, GIC is up & running. Lou

 

I am and my family would most definitely be considered Disney addicts. We’re all annual pass holders, and visit as often as we can. I’m guessing that’s what the magic key is? We planned to visit last year for the Mickey’s not so scary party. We had our tickets, room reservation and flight, it was canceled because of covid. I wasn’t able to commit the year before, this year they have it but we couldn't go. I’d love to hear about your Disney experiences. My first visit to WDW after Ron passed was 6 1/2 months. I didn’t think I’d ever go back if I’m honest. But it kept pulling at my heart strings and I could feel Ron saying to live life. It was very difficult, I was crying at the airport if that gives you any indication. I went on all Ron’s favorite rides with my children by my side. They cried along with me sometimes and were strong and holding me in other times. I believe it will be hard for you when you visit. But you’ll have your children to help you and also remind you of the happy times.
My son and his partner ( he is gay) got engaged in front of Cinderella’s castle during the fireworks show. And their wedding was at Epcot. A beautiful ceremony and I’m so glad Ron got to see him get married. My daughter isn’t married yet and she feels upset her Dad won’t be there to walk her down the aisle or experience her marriage. I told her when the time comes I will walk her down the aisle as long as she’s ok I have to walk very slow and I’ll need a cane. She liked that plan. Hers might be at Disney too. No prospects yet. But will need to be a Disney fanatic.
You should give 90 day fiancé a try. Mindless enjoyment. Don't need to think just watch. That’s what we need right now. A new season is starting soon. It’s on TLC
I totally understand your driving situation, and thankfully you’re doing ok with that. My daughter is still my main support and I’m hers. She stayed with me 4 or 5 months. She had just purchased her first home and Ron was an integral part of the search.
Like you stated I e been writing this for quite a while. I hope you’re having a good day.

 

Yay, Robin! I can finally reply to you
directly, at long last. and right away!
Loved your Disney stories. As I told
Stacey, Linda & I went to Disneyland in
1997, year after we were married.
Magical. Lou

 

To all TGW...

Just started reading some of the messages posted since I was here this morning. I'm so HAPPY!!! to see so many of us back..., together again. I haven't seen Karen and hope she's okay. I know Lou mentioned something about her returning either Monday or Tuesday, or at least with this foggy widow brain thing going on all the time, I think that's what he said. I hope Patti is okay too... She is always in my daily prayers as are all of you...

Like Gary said earlier today, I love you all!!! This is truly an amazing site, made up of the most wonderful and caring people... TU!!! I guess I'm a bit over the top emotional today, thinking about the reboot..., wondering how I would manage to get through all this misery, if I wasn't able to "talk" to my GIC friends any longer... Stopping here (for now.) Got to get out of this sentimental mess mode!!!

Anyway, as Janis Joplin said at the end of "Mercedes Benz," "that's it!"

As always sending you hugs, hugs to Miles, Teddy, and Guppa too, (The Grief Warriors Therapy Crew/TGWTC, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Oh my gosh! Stacey, thank you for sharing all those wonderful Disney experiences! Jealous! We’re hoping to go to Disney World in January too. It all depends on my daughters puppy. I feel a bit anxious that I don’t have it all planned yet but there’s a chance we won’t be going. Her puppy has separation anxiety and is afraid of new people. We’ve been socializing him but not enough apparently. We’re working on it. I really want to go to WDW this January, it’s when we always went and the reservations I had to cancel after Ron passed were in January. It’ can be pretty cool there in January so let your son know he should bring some warm clothes. If they should invite you I hope you feel up to going.
I’m so jealous of all your fun adventures, thank you so much for sharing. You got to see Dick Sherman in person! And watch and listen to him play and sing. Wow! Your Jungle Cruise adventure sounds magical. I want to share your stories with Ron. And Dick Van Dyke, also a favorite of mine! All of this is a HUgE deal to me. I’m in awe and jealous!
❤️ Robin

 

Thank you Lou, Some of our most memorable times together were at WDW. Ron and I were discussing visiting Disney Land. Now I don’t know if I can go without him. Doesn’t help that I’m not a happy flyer. Tethered quite a few Disney fans here it seems.
Robin

 

Love your profile picture. My profile picture is from our last Disney trip on our anniversary at Hollywood studios. If you look close you can see Ron is wearing pins. He has a huge collection. Now when I visit Disney I wear his pins to honor him.

 

Lou,

Responding way out of order. I started laughing when you said you have "verbal diarrhea." no need to be sorry!!! I lived with Bob for many years, and trust me, he said much worse things than this, another one of those TU!!! Backing up a bit, I started laughing because I know Bob would have loved this line. I can almost hear him using it in a sentence to describe me. I think "verbal diarrhea" might have become one of those regular lines for him. However, like you, I've been told I can be a good listener too. I know during those times when I seemed a little too quiet, Bob would worry about me. As I think I've told you before, I even "talked' my way through laryngitis, not an easy thing to do, TU!!!

Backing way up, I'm so sorry you experienced much the same thing that Robin and I experienced, all those EOB's and medical bills, always so unwelcome, but way too often waiting for you in the mailbox, when you're way too emotionally fragile to be able to handle much more than getting out of bed every day. As I think I said to Robin, it just SUCKS!!!, short and to the point. I'm so glad that you found a sympathetic person who was able to help you, and that you didn't have to pay a cent. I'm not even going to begin to get started talking about health insurance, as Linda would say, and I say all the time, I'm getting off of my soapbox before I even begin.

Sort of on, sort of off topic, like you I HATE!!!, TU!!! those automated voices. Years ago, I remember it was so much easier to get a "live" voice over the phone, just by hitting a bunch of zeros. Too bad this method doesn't usually work any longer. I refill my prescriptions on line to avoid that automated "voice," and pick them up when I do my grocery shopping. If you're able to do this, I highly recommend this method. Fast, easy, quick.

I'm glad that you're going to be able to see everything so much more clearly after tomorrow's procedure. I'm glad that you have a ride to the hospital, but it makes me so happy to know that Kim is picking you up once you're ready to go home. I'm also glad that you're not anxious about tomorrow so (hopefully!!!) you'll get a good night's sleep. What time is your appointment? I hope the scheduling department was able to make it much earlier than your last cataract surgery, so you can get it over with sooner, get back home earlier, and begin the recovery process. If I don't hear from you tomorrow, it's okay, I won't worry. So while I'll miss you, I'll also be happy that for you, cataract surgery is history!!!

I think I mentioned that I'm going to need it in the future. I've always been told I'm a really good patient, but and this is another one of those BIG BUTS!!!, I HATE!!! the dentist (very bad experience when I was in my early twenties, won't go into it now), and even though I've never had a bad experience at the ophthalmologist's office, I HATE!!! eye exams, especially those drops, followed by that machine, way too close, and all those lights. However, after hearing about your experience, I'm not as worried about it as I was. Backing up a bit, Bob had to wear one of those ridiculous looking shower caps too. I have a funny picture of him prior to the procedure, modeling it for me to send to friends.

Stopping here for now, my internet service is way too slow. I'm guessing since school is out, lots of kids are on line, sort of like rush hour stuck in traffic, just as frustrating, but I think rush hour stuck in traffic is far worse than internet service that needs caffeine injected into it IV style. I hope I can respond to a few more messages, but if not, I'll be back later on.

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

George,

Thank you for the smiles, for "absolving me of any guilt or regrets for grammar and sentence structure." Smiles are such wonderful things, way too underrated... However, smiles are one thing I will never take for granted again, TU!!!

As I said earlier, you are much stronger than you think, and you have way more on your plate than most of us do. Feeling powerless and out of control SUCKS BIG TIME!!! I feel this way many days too. However, I have hope that given enough time, I will be able to figure out the path I'm meant to take, and will find a way to bring happiness into my life again. Hope is necessary for healing. I know I've read this in many different places, and I'm trying my best to remain hopeful even on those days when I feel like I'm glued to my bed, and getting out of it, is seems like a huge chore on my daily to do list. I really think you're way too hard on yourself. You've accomplished so much already in the short time I've known you. Keep trying to think positive thoughts, no matter how hard it is, keep finding things to be grateful for, no matter how small they are, keep on doing all the hard work grief is forcing you to do, keep sharing your feelings with us, and please!!! always have hope, hope that one day you will find some sort of happiness again. We are TGW!!! WE CAN AND WILL GET THROUGH THIS TOGETHER!!!

Sending lots of extra hugs your way, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

P.S. I love that you now have a picture of you and Valerie as your avatar!!! I think that being able to share this very special picture of the two of you together, is a HUGE step forward!!!

 

Robin,

Thanks to your warm, caring message, I'm now feeling a little more optimistic that someday that plastic shoe box filled with EOB's and medical bills will be history, that I'll be able to ditch it. After you told me about the things you experienced with Ron's health insurance, Lou sent me an encouraging message too. He ended up not having to pay a cent for any of Linda's medical bills. The cost of health care in our country absolutely SUCKS!!! I could go on and on and on like that Energizer Bunny in those commercials for batteries, but getting off of my soapbox before I even get started!!! However, it isn't even the bills and EOBs that's the worst, it's all those horrible memories that surface every time I have one waiting for me in my mailbox. Stopping here, because I know you "get" it, TU!!! Wish I could give you a big hug right about now...

I'm so glad that GIC friends who had been going through this longer than you, helped you get to the point where you are now, where your tears are happy mixed with sad, instead of just sad. That these friends helped you, the way you're helping TGW and so many others here. When I think of you, selfish is not a word that comes to mind!!! You are an amazing person... You have a way of being able to share your feelings, letting us know what worked and what didn't work for you, for giving us valuable advice on how to get through the darkest of days... after reading one of your messages, I feel a bit better almost instantly. I'm so glad that your purpose for now is to help all of us. I feel like I get so much more out of this site than I give back. I hope that someday, I'll be able to help others the way you're helping me, and so many others. I think this is going to be my purpose, or at least part of it too.

I hope you and Teddy had a good day, and are enjoying the beginning of a relaxing evening...

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Stacey,

I don't have time to respond now, but will be back later. For now, I want you to know that I loved!!! reading about some of your Disney adventures. It's so nice to be able to take my mind off of grief even if it's just for a little while. Thank you so much for sharing these very special memories with me. Be back when I can "talk."

As always sending you and Miles lots of hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Thanks for your motivational message Deb. It Definitely lifted my spirits. Thanks for the compliment George that you are glad I’m bacK in the tribe of TGW. AT&T pulled one over on me. they told me I had coverage in Michigan. I’ll start driving over to the place where I got reception next time. When I got back home I noticed there was a huge crack in my windshield. I thought that’s funny I never heard anything hit. I got paranoid there might be a domestic terrorist up there. The people at Safelite assured me it was a normal stone hit Which eased my troubled mind. Since I can’t stand to watch TV and only listen to the radio on 15 minute intervals I started listening to some of my old rock ‘n’ roll CDs. At least I can control my environment better that way. And I know what to expect. I’ve been listening to old Led Zeppelin and heart. While I was gone there has been a huge Increase of dust bunnies. A lot of them resurfaced after the removal of Cheryl‘s pottery collection. So I spent a good three hours cleaning the house. Cheryl’s six month death anniversary will be November the 7th. It seems like it could’ve happened yesterday or was it 10 years ago? I’m really disoriented about the direction of my life now. In some ways I feel like I have to be a martyr to honor Cheryl. but in other ways I know Cheryl would want the best for me as I would for her. It’s a very confusing role to play. Everybody’s different and we have to figure out our own way to navigate through this. It’s so nice to hear everybody’s struggles experiences and hopes. where else can we go to get that? Since I am the only one that openly mourns around Cheryl’s family I feel bad. after reading permission to mourn I may be the only one that’s healing. The niece that reached out to me had contemplated contacting me over the last six months but didn’t know how to. I have never had such a negative attitude about expectations of people. Zumba quotes another writer’s definition of the term miracle as a shift in perception. I had a shift in perception after being contacted by the Niece. I feel better about Cheryl‘s family now. I don’t know how long it will last. I’m starting to ramble so I better ramble on. Lou I’ll be thinking about you tomorrow. I’ll be sending you positive thoughts. Gary

 

YAP, I'm ok. I just got on line and am reading through the continuing chapters in our GW's novel. I'll get back to everyone soon, I'm FRIED ( tks Deb) after company for almost a week. (Awe, silence is golden, the week of jabbering over). Check in soon, Karen