Still waiting on toxicology

Discussion in 'Loss from Substance Abuse' started by Saintgrl74, Dec 13, 2018.

  1. Saintgrl74

    Saintgrl74 Active Member

    My husband died in October, we are still waiting for a final cause of death. He was a known abuser of opioids, and had an accident overdose on muscle relaxers in 2017. He had been abusing Xanax that I know of as of late, and we had a fight about it on Saturday morning. I took myself and our then 7 year old son to my parents for the weekend. He was found in a motel on Tuesday morning, dead in a sleeping position, as if he had gone to bed and just died in his sleep. There was nothing in the room, but there was cash in his wallet and he NEVER carried cash. I assume he bought something off the street. He died while we were fighting. I don't know if the final cause of death will bring me any closure. I've been told it could take months for the final cause of death. I just don't know what to do with all my "what if"s.
  2. Sciguy

    Sciguy Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear about your husband. My mother died suddenly in May and we debated whether or not we wanted the coroner’s report. Some people think having it will comfort them. Others feel that knowing won’t change anything. This is obviously a personal decision. I hope whatever answer you get will bring you some peace.
    AmberChristine and TracyLynn like this.
  3. Melisteve

    Melisteve New Member

    I, personally, wanted to know. My husband died in a tragic auto accident Jan. 18th 2016. Everyone that worked with him that day said he wasn't drinking. His BAC was .26... As much as it made me angry, it also helped it make sense. I hope you find peace whatever your decision!
    TracyLynn likes this.
  4. Katiebug17

    Katiebug17 Member

    I'm still awaiting my fiance's toxicology report. I want his more for the police to go after whoever is selling dirty heroin to people . I hope you found comfort :) sending love
    SpunkyRedHead likes this.
  5. Saintgrl74

    Saintgrl74 Active Member

    I finally did get the results after 6 months. Telephone call at this point bc the written report is not finished. The backlog at the medical examiner office is huge. Cause of death was ruled suicide by oxycontin and Lyrica overdose. He had filled a prescription for oxy the day before he was found in the hotel. I didn’t know he was on oxy again. The neurologist he went to is part of a large practice that has an in house pharmacy.
    As far as what it did for me, it was like he died all over again. It had been so long thar I had convinced myself that maybe he didn’t kill himself after all. But he did. I’m glad I know the truth but it’s hard at the same time. Lots of mixed emotions. But I’m coming to terms with the ideas that he was very determined to do what he did and there was nothing that I could do to stop it.
  6. KJ-Kathy

    KJ-Kathy Active Member

    I am so sorry that your grief is becoming even more complicated. Whether accidental or on purpose, we really can't help an addict it has to come from them. I beat myself up over not being able to help my son. So very sorry for your loss.
    SpunkyRedHead likes this.
  7. ThatDiva

    ThatDiva Member

    I’m so deeply sorry for your loss. I understand the pain and hurt that your experiencing. If you ever wanna talk I’m here for you!
    KJ-Kathy likes this.
  8. Katiebug17

    Katiebug17 Member

    I'm glad you got some peace and can move forward. I for the most part know what to expect in his toxicology report I mostly want it so that the police can move forward.
  9. paul tinker

    paul tinker Well-Known Member

    Saint not sure if you still come here. I feel like we rode in about the same time. Hope you are getting some relief. Had Kay gotten surgery in 09 so much misery could have been spared? I spent months with the question, why. I got as far as I could and about 75% get it but will never really know. When we go to the doctor we want to first hear it has a name. From there some understanding and perhaps treatment but the hope is so wanted. There is inner pain both physical and emotional. Hard to know exactly what drives a person and what small trigger was the straw. I know you suffered from all of it and have been vocal. If thoughts can change the world then my thought is peace comes to your life.

    Paul M
  10. Lindamedina79

    Lindamedina79 Member

    My husband and I were separated at the time of his death. It had been a very long time sing we had last spoken and didn’t end things on good terms. I have to obtain the death certificate first to know the exact cause of death. I was told it was most likely an accidental drowning due to alcohol. The drowning was a total shock as he learned how to swim in the ocean. The alcohol possibly being in his system definitely was not and was why we were separated. I’m not sure if getting the results will help me or not but I’m still going to get them. Maybe it will give me a little closure. Still feels like it is all a nightmare and I can wake up and it will be all over. All I do know is I hold my breath when someone knocks on the door since that’s how I found out.

    Did getting the results help you?
  11. paul tinker

    paul tinker Well-Known Member

    Lindamedina 79 I assume you are speaking to Saint girl 74. Think she has been gone from here for a while. When I read her the answer is yes the report did help. She also said that what drove him she likely could not prevent. A similar situation was hard feelings leading up to the event. Her results were more definite. As you mention alcohol was part of separating. The inner turmoil that drowns someone is common. Most of us have no ability to reach in and fix it. Someone new here lost a son to a drunk driver. I know of a friend that went through nine counselors to find someone to help. He was at a low and motivated to change or would have done the same and end it, More is known about the origins of the distress. More is known about the actual brain functions. When it works well and when it doesn't. So many systems to in effect lower an overactive limbic system. Motivation, timing, right fit right time. Maybe if I know now in 2009 I could have helped Kay more to get the surgery she needed. Someone said to me things happen we are not knowledgable enough to have dealt with it. Having gone through it we know more. We would do better. Some go to the best rehab and go several more times. The result is the same bad outcome. I still somke with all the information that is out there.