Still grieving after 14 years

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by Floridagirl33, Aug 13, 2016.

  1. Floridagirl33

    Floridagirl33 New Member

    My name is Tammy , I lost my husband 14 years ago suddenly he died in my arms from a massive heart attack at the age of 42. I was blessed to have 2 beautiful daughters to remind me of the love we shared. We were married for 27 years we had our ups and downs but we had made a move to Florida had both found new jobs and the weekend before our new lives were to begin he died suddenly on Aug 10 2002. I still miss him so much. My struggles are I moved home to Ohio and found a job thru myself into it. I lived alone for about 2 years it was the absolute loneliness time of my life. A friend I worked with saw how lonely I was and set me up on a blind date. I was not ready to date but found I enjoyed his conversation and company. I have since married him. I am struggling now as I feel I might have married him out of loneliness not love. I love him but I am worried I am not in love with him. I am still in love with a memory and my deceased husband. My husband is a hard working man I find he is very passionate about his work as he owns his own concrete company. He works long hours I do the accounting but I still feel as lonely as I did 14 years ago my I lost the love of my life. I guess I am hoping that someone can share a similar story . Do I break this mans heart and tell him I feel he deserves someone who is more dedicated to him are their resources for talking with someone that has found this to be true in their loss. I am a kind and caring person. I try to help people that have felt what I have felt but I think I am the one that needs to find myself again. Our marriage is struggling I am not sure I have the strength to make it work or if I want it too. My beloved Ernie is still so close in my heart there are times I feel unfaithful. This man deserves more. Is there anyone out there that can give me some advise. I have already heard Ernie would want you to be happy and move on. There is still life to live but I am loosing myself and feel like I am still grieving the loss...help
    muse likes this.
  2. Daniel

    Daniel New Member

    here is what I have to offer and it is just my view from the outside looking in. Put yourself first sounds like you are not happy in order to grow you must be at peace with your inner self. Not an easy task. Be honest with your spouse if he loves you he will understand. Talk about it get it out in the open internalizing will only lead to anxiety. Trust yourself you know what is best for you. Best of luck. I to am on an Island of grief
  3. Mary Crawford

    Mary Crawford New Member

  4. Mary Crawford

    Mary Crawford New Member

    I know exactly how you feel. I lost my husband to a heart attack,he was 47. We had been married 27 years and 10 months.we have 2 children. My daughter was 15 and son was 22. My son has a high autism and depended on his dad alot. My husband died August 1,2011. I met a man through online dating that was nice to me and my kids,but,he was divorced and had custody with his x wife of their 8 year old granddaughter. It caused problems and we divorced after a couple of months. We remain friends. In 2014 for some dumb reason I went back online and met a man. We made a date for cracker barrel on Feb 12,2014
    The date went well and he met my kids. He seemed fine with them. On Valentine's Day he took me out to eat and stayed on the sofa, after that he stayed and we found a old farmhouse that was owner financed, we moved in with my 2 kids, we got married 10/25/14. He immediately changed, everything my kids did was wrong,eventually everything I did was wrong. But I stayed because part of me loved him,plus I never really had to work as my late husband Pat was a truck driver.I have never gotten over Pat, I use to take showers and cry over him. He was my soulmate. Anyway my divorce from the last guy will be final in April. I have decided that being around my 2 kids and memories of Pat are enough for now. Nobody can ever take his place.