Stages of Grief: Anger

Good Morning Deb, love your cone story! And it makes total sense. The dachshund I had before Teddy wore a cone once and he learned how to bang it against things so the edges opened. They just hate the cones and I can’t say that I blame them. The surgeon recommended a t-shirt for Teddy to keep him from licking or scratching it. Teddy HATES wearing anything like that. And really hates things going over his head. And at first he just left it alone. I’m thinking it’s getting itchy maybe and making him want to lick or scratch it. I didn’t make the cookies yesterday, instead I worked changing a toddler t-shirt into a shirt that’s kind of like a harness for teddy. I didn’t get it finished. My hands were hurting from sewing the Velcro on. I pray he will wear it. But I think it looks better each day. He did sleep some better last night.
I try to keep our traditions as best I can, such as the pumpkin cookies, that I might make today. Ron loved them so much. I take a day off from work in Oct and make them and when I got them finished I’d take one to Ron to enjoy. They’re cake like and huge. And our shop was only a couple miles from our home. Traditions are kind of like a double edge sword. They were such happy and special times. And now they’re very different but can bring a smile sometimes. I don’t cook or bake much at all, but I make the effort here and there. I know Ron would want me to do that’s what keeps me going. Eventually you’ll be able to visit the ocean. Watch the shows you watched together eat his favorite foods and visit those restaurants. But you’re only 6 months into this nightmare thrown at you. Don’t push yourself too much. Music and pictures, they took me the longest to even consider. They’re still very emotional for me but I can listen to Rons favorite music sometimes and look at our fun adventures through pictures. If it becomes too much I just stop and do something else. I haven’t signed up for daily reflection I should look into that. Thank you. I agree, we need hope to move forward. And Ron provides me with hope even now. He’s helping get me through with Teds surgery and recovery. I feel his presence. I do wonder how I’ll be able to get him back to the vet office for his recheck when he can’t wear a harness and he has a trachea issue that happened when he was a puppy. So no leash on his collar.
Deb, I know that flash back was an emotional one for you. But what a special gift he gave you that day in his hospital room. Eventually it’ll still be an emotional memory but also bring a smile that he said that to you. I do wonder if that flash back was Bob saying to you now. I’m still here, I’m not leaving you. Just a thought. I know he’s with you.
Hope we all have a better day. And teddy and I thank you for all your prayers and well wishes and hugs. Robin

 

Good Morning Lou, I’m hoping you have your electric back. But I see you were offered a place to stay with electricity. I’m so glad that worked out for you. Awesome friend to offer you a place to stay. Bob Emery rings a bell for sure, I didn’t watch that show but I love the milk toast.
You’re right about keeping our phones on us at all times. I feel like mine is attached to me. I did fall in the back yard during the summer, I was ok but glad my phone was in my pocket. I’m very careful going down the basement stairs. Last week I cleaned the steps off. Trying to keep them clean.
Lou, you and I are definitely going through our losses at the exact same time. I’m so happy you realized you needed help and sought it out. And those kind people helped you find a place to stay that was safe and with other people. Your story gave me chills. And you did have a family after all. I’m happy you’ve been invited to join a family this year for Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving/holidays in general but Thanksgiving was so close to our spouses passing. It brings back so many memories and all the struggling that I was going through. I didn’t want to see casual acquaintances, I chose to stay away from local stores and would travel out of my area to get groceries and necessities. I just wasn’t up to talking about things. In hind sight that may have been a big mistake. Talking and sharing is how we feel better. That Christmas was a nightmare. But I had both my children with me and they were struggling too. We helped each other. Before Ron passed we had gone in a KMart that was closing. We were looking for anything marked down. I can still picture us in the store. I stopped to look at hair care products and Ron went to look at Christmas decorations. I see him walking back to me with his find. He found an ornament and said we have to get this for Stacey (our daughter) it was a wooden lamb shaped ornament with wool added for the fur. Stacey loves anything snd everything to do with lambs. There’s a story behind why but I won’t go there now. It was perfect and a good sale price to boot. Shortly after that day of shopping Ron passed. Stacey is the only one that got a gift that Christmas that Ron picked out. I wrapped it extra special and let her know that her Dad picked that out for her. It was very emotional for us all when she opened it. Lots of tears. And she had guilt that he hadn’t bought anything for me yet. Sure that would have been nice. But I experienced his excitement at finding that lamb for Stacey and her reaction. That was a gift too. Ron and I had started Christmas shopping just a week or so before he passed. I knew a few things he wanted and I bought them. One being a new bird feeder. He fed the birds in our back yard. And I do now to honor him. And I get a big bag of birdseed each Christmas and we all know it’s for Ron/Dad. Just sharing a few thoughts that went through my mind as I look back to that horrible time. I can’t believe it’s almost 3 years. I wonder how am I still here. But I’m still here because of Ron and all his advice and letting me know way before he passed if he went first I need to try to enjoy life. I’m living life, enjoying? Maybe sometimes. And this site has been my life savor. Most of the people who were on here when I first found this site don’t sign in any more. But for me it’s like a warm hug.
I’m praying you have your power back. Very cold here on LI today. I’m sure your temps are similar. We’ll get through the anniversary with the support of our friends here. Robin

 

Lou,

It doesn't sound "weird." I understood what you meant by it. Of course it made me teary eyed knowing that you not only "get it," but are also here for me..., and this is another one of those really BIG BUTS!!!, only in the best of ways. I didn't sleep much last night, spent most of it just hugging Bob's pillow, and reaching for tissues. I have one up on Uncle Fester this morning, TU!!! The garbage truck forgot about my street, but some of my neighbors called the company, and the truck finally made an appearance this morning. Even though it's a cold, rainy, miserable day, I almost put on sunglasses just to walk to the end of my driveway to get the can. I probably should have because several of my neighbors had the same idea at the same exact time as I did. I'm guessing they might have been thinking I was trying out a new "look" for Halloween. Although they wanted to talk, I told them my breakfast was getting cold (not true), the first thing that popped into my mind, just to get back inside as quickly as possible. I smiled when you mentioned that old disco song, "I Will Survive!" I remember there was no way to escape it, it was always playing somewhere. I never got into disco, but I remember wearing all those clothes from the late seventies... I remember my friends and I wearing those bodysuits, but hating them. They were such a pita, especially if you had been drinking a lot, and had to take frequent trips to the restroom... Enough said. Anyway, the point I was going to make before I started rambling is that I've been telling myself I will survive all morning.

I'm getting here so late today. Not only did I feel glued to my bed again, but several of my friends from "home" have already called me, worried about me. I hope by now your electricity is fully restored!!!, and that you're having a much better day than you've had recently, TU!!! I bet you enjoyed your morning caffeine to the max. Right after my best friend from "home" had her fourth child (not planned, but she's so grateful for her daughter every single day!!!), I went to the hospital to visit her. She told me that she had a pounding headache. I asked her when the last time she had any coffee. She said that she hadn't had any in almost two days, that they brought her a cup with breakfast, but it was so bad, she couldn't drink it. When I heard this, I told her I would be back in a few minutes. There was a D & D near the hospital, and I got both of us the largest cups of caffeine available. Once she drank it, her headache disappeared. Caffeine is so addictive, TU!!! Right over the border from where Bob and I raised our children, there was a coffee shop that made the best coffee, and sold freshly roasted beans. I loved going there... It was near the water, and was in such a beautiful spot. Thinking about this, has me reaching for a tissue. I'm so glad I bought a case not too long ago!!! Around here there have been some shortages on paper products again, but not as bad as when the pandemic was in full force.

I love!!! the description of where your apartment is located. I am so happy for you, that you get to live in such a beautiful place, so close to everything... Even though I know you don't want a care, it's probably a good thing, because I'm guessing parking is hard to find. I have no idea what kind of mood Mother Nature is where you are, but I hope you get to see some much needed sunshine. I hope that the weather is nice and Steven & Betsy are able to stay until Halloween.

I think this afternoon, I'm going to switch over to tea, veg out on the couch, and take you up on your suggestion to see if I can find the "Boynton Beach Club" on Netflix. This is the only extra I get because my son has Netflix and gave me his password so I can watch it whenever I want to. I think this might be the beginning of another one of my books, so stopping here for now... Besides, as usual, I'm starting to ramble!!! Thinking of Bob and smiling... It's wild, how one minute I can be crying, the next smiling, then back to crying, etc. etc. etc... GRIEVING SUCKS BIG TIME!!!

Hope you have many reasons to LMSO today...

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Robin.

My favorite fur baby also had to wear a tee shirt. When they brought her to me right after her surgery, she was already "dressed." She was a really big girl, so they took one of the tee shirts that all of the staff wore, and tied it underneath her, so part of her back and her tail wasn't covered. She didn't like wearing it, and just like Teddy, I think it she was itchy. When will Teddy be able to have his stitches removed?

I can only imagine how much your hands must hurt when you sew. I don't have RA, or at least not officially, I was tested for it once, but my rheumatologist told me that I tested positive on the low end of the scale, and that the blood test wasn't always accurate. This was many years ago. I'm sure things have come a long way since then. Only my small joints are affected, mostly my fingers, making it difficult for me to do anything requiring fine motor skills. I can't sew or put on a necklace by myself. My hands bother me sometimes after I've been doing lots of "talking" here.

I bet those pumpkin cookies are delicious... I love how one of your traditions was to take the day off from work, make them, and then bring one to Ron so he could enjoy it at work. It's so many little things, everyday things, plus all the traditions you create together, that make a marriage so extra special. It makes me sad knowing that traditions are always happy mixed with sad.... always bittersweet. But, and this is another one of those BIG BUTS, it gives me so much hope for the future that someday family traditions might have me smiling again too. I know it's different for everyone, but how long did it take you before you were able to listen to music and look at pictures? I hate living in a world without music.

Robin, what you said about my flashback to that day in the hospital... It has me teary eyed but only in the best of ways!!! Thank you so much for saying that it could be Bob telling me that he is still here now and not leaving me. I do believe in signs, just as you do, but this never crossed my mind. I think what you said is true!!! I'm feeling a bit better now, but as always, life is so bittersweet. I believe with all my heart that Ron is with you, and helping you get through this very difficult time with Teddy, just as Bob is here with me... I know they are watching over us... It does help knowing this, even though it is so painful that physically they are gone. I need a tissue!!!

I hope you find a way to keep Teddy happy without him getting at those stitches. I hope in spite of the weather, I hope you have more happy moments than sad ones... If you make those pumpkin cookies today, although it will be so bittersweet, know that Ron is watching over you, proud and happy, at how far you've come.

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Robin,

Your story about the lamb Christmas ornament is way beyond beautiful... It's making me teary eyed.

 

Robin, I think Deb & I were "separated
at birth", as Linda used to say. We had
the same teary eyed response to your
lamb story. The same woman, Kim, who
provided lodging in her parents' house,
is inviting me to Thanksgiving, with her
& her 2 teenage children. When Linda
was at the rehab/ nursing home, the food
wasn't very good. I would cross the street
to her restaurant for delicious food to
bring to Linda's room, so we could eat
together. Kim would ask me everyday
how Linda was. She never met her.
When Linda died, Kim was the 1st
person I called. The first 6 months , all
I did was cry.Now, we make Meachlllllkk

Hey, Deb! Hope you can see the movie.
Warning: have kleenex nearby. Len
Cariou, a Canadian actor, who was in
Four Seasons, and some Murder, She
Wrote episodes, is very real, in his
mourning for his wife. But, what made
the movie good for us, was the funny
scenes & a sense of hope. Of course, when
I watched the DVD with Linda, I had no
idea I'd be in Len's shoes. Who does?
Looking forward to your review. Lou

 

Robin, I guess I still need more sleep
after blackout ordeal, bc I'm sitting in a
coffee shop at 2pm, drinking coffee &
trying to reply to you & Deb. Just fell
asleep in comfortable armchair. I noticed
the end of my last reply to you was
gibberish, bc my fingers kept moving on
my phone after I nodded off! Lou

 

Robin and everyone who has Nov anniversaries. I'm on the top of the list, Nov 4th the day Jack died, I'm dreading it. I can't stay on now, I have house guests, but thought I'd check in. Robin, your story here is so beautiful to me, such wonderful memories.

 

I meant I'm the first in Nov.

 

Hey, Deb! Hope you can see the movie.
Warning: have kleenex nearby. Len
Cariou, a Canadian actor, who was in
Four Seasons, and some Murder, She
Wrote episodes, is very real, in his
mourning for his wife. But, what made
the movie good for us, was the funny
scenes & a sense of hope. Of course, when
I watched the DVD with Linda, I had no
idea I'd be in Len's shoes. Who does?
Looking forward to your review. Lou[/QUOTE]

Lou,

Unfortunately the movie isn't on Netflix. I can watch it on something called tubitv.com on my chrome book, but I'm always worried about going to a site that I know nothing about, potentially infecting my chrome book with the virus of the day. I've been told that it's much harder to infect a chrome book, and my children said that they set mine up so it would be very difficult for this to happen, but I don't want to risk it. I'm so technically challenged, and the only person who was really good with computers moved out of my neighborhood about a month ago. I'll have to check with my kids the time I talk to one of them (if I remember!!!). I hope I remember because I really want to watch it. I'm glad that when it comes to the future, we're clueless. I don't think I could have handled it if I knew Bob was going to be taken away from me so soon... I'm thinking sometimes ignorance is bliss.

I hope you managed to get a good nap in this afternoon, your power is back, and you're spending an "uneventful" evening at home. One of my friends' daughters has been staying at her house for the past several nights. As of earlier today, she still didn't have any power. She has a seven month old son, so I'm really glad she could stay at her mother's house. Sort of on, sort of off subject, it's still pouring here, but tomorrow, although it's supposed to be cold, mid sixties and windy, there's only a very slight chance of rain. I'm planning to dress in layers, and hit the pavement. (It's really okay if you laugh at me this time, even though you didn't last time!!!) I really need to get a good walk in, TU!!!

Going to make something for dinner, so stopping here.

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace. DEB

 

Karen,

I've been thinking about you... I hope you're okay, having to go through Jack's stuff on the computer... Somehow, all of TGW will get through the next couple of months together. We will be here for you on the 4th, Robin on the 17th, Lou on the 19th, and for all of TGW 24/7. WE CAN AND WILL GET THROUGH THIS TOGETHER!!!

Sending lots of extra hugs your way, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Deb, you are a true leader to remember
all the sad dates of TGW, including mine.
The big difference for me this year, is that
I've accepted Kim's invitation to join her
at her small gathering ( her 2 teenage
children, possibly her soon to be ex, who
does some of the cooking, & perhaps a
friend. As you recall, my Thanksgiving in
2018 right after Linda's shocking death,
was in a psychiatric unit. In Nov, 2019,
a year later, I hit the wall, drinking more,
staying out late, getting run down &
getting flu. That year, I had to decline
an invitation to dinner at the house of
my upstairs neighbor 's ( the wife's )
mother's house. I certainly didn't want
to give them the flu. They were kind to
get a plate for me & leave it outside my
door. In 2020, Kim invited me, but I
bought chicken, & wanted the quiet of
my apartment, & stayed home. Now, after
3 years, and getting to know Kim, in
our weekly ride, I'm ready & feel at ease.
Hope you & others will arrive at that-----
at your own pace. Lou

 

Karen, I told our friend, Deb, that she's a
true leader to remember all our sad dates.
After losing sleep during the blackout, I
don't know what day it is. I can be
insecure, and panic. For some reason, I
thought I was kicked off GIC tonight! When I used my user name of Van Gogh,
I got back in , breathed a sigh of relief,
& ansered you & Deb. I have to have
cataract surgery on my other eye ( 1st one
was successful) on Wed, Nov 3, so I don't
know what state I'll be in, on Nov 4, but
I will try to check in. I think you &
Patti have become close, & both of your
husbands are Jack. Hope you can rest,
after your guests leave. Lou

 

Lou,

Unfortunately the movie isn't on Netflix. I can watch it on something called tubitv.com on my chrome book, but I'm always worried about going to a site that I know nothing about, potentially infecting my chrome book with the virus of the day. I've been told that it's much harder to infect a chrome book, and my children said that they set mine up so it would be very difficult for this to happen, but I don't want to risk it. I'm so technically challenged, and the only person who was really good with computers moved out of my neighborhood about a month ago. I'll have to check with my kids the time I talk to one of them (if I remember!!!). I hope I remember because I really want to watch it. I'm glad that when it comes to the future, we're clueless. I don't think I could have handled it if I knew Bob was going to be taken away from me so soon... I'm thinking sometimes ignorance is bliss.

I hope you managed to get a good nap in this afternoon, your power is back, and you're spending an "uneventful" evening at home. One of my friends' daughters has been staying at her house for the past several nights. As of earlier today, she still didn't have any power. She has a seven month old son, so I'm really glad she could stay at her mother's house. Sort of on, sort of off subject, it's still pouring here, but tomorrow, although it's supposed to be cold, mid sixties and windy, there's only a very slight chance of rain. I'm planning to dress in layers, and hit the pavement. (It's really okay if you laugh at me this time, even though you didn't last time!!!) I really need to get a good walk in, TU!!!

Going to make something for dinner, so stopping here.

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace. DEB[/QUOTE]
Sorry you couldn't get movie on Netflix,
Deb. Linda knew computers much better
than I did, & she had to teach me to get
on the Internet . We would take a van,
for Linda's walker, to libraries in different
towns. & get in their computers. One thing
Linda said to her husband, the insecure
weenie, was that I couldn't "break" the
computer! I'm home, with a cold, drinking
a lot of OJ, & enjoying stuffing myself
from all the food I got yesterday with
Kim! I'm "fried, toasted, baked, &
broiled" so it's bed early for me! Lou

 

Sorry you couldn't get movie on Netflix,
Deb. Linda knew computers much better
than I did, & she had to teach me to get
on the Internet . We would take a van,
for Linda's walker, to libraries in different
towns. & get in their computers. One thing
Linda said to her husband, the insecure
weenie, was that I couldn't "break" the
computer! I'm home, with a cold, drinking
a lot of OJ, & enjoying stuffing myself
from all the food I got yesterday with
Kim! I'm "fried, toasted, baked, &
broiled" so it's bed early for me! Lou[/QUOTE]
I can wish all the Grief Warriors a good night for a change cuz TB went out YAY! and I kept my computer wired to the Internets. I look forward to all your banter it makes my day. Take care everyone. Grief Warriors NOT Grief Worriers! LOL

 

I can wish all the Grief Warriors a good night for a change cuz TB went out YAY! and I kept my computer wired to the Internets. I look forward to all your banter it makes my day. Take care everyone. Grief Warriors NOT Grief Worriers! LOL[/QUOTE]
Deb, I guess it's past my bedtime, but I'm
confused. What's "TB"? Lou

 

Deb, I guess it's past my bedtime, but I'm
confused. What's "TB"? Lou[/QUOTE]
Never mind, Deb. I found it! George
used "TB" , meaning his son, "The Boy"!
Lou

 

Never mind, Deb. I found it! George
used "TB" , meaning his son, "The Boy"!
Lou[/QUOTE]
A Simpsons reference since he was a baby... LOL

 

A Simpsons reference since he was a baby... LOL[/QUOTE]
Thanks, George! Stopped watching
Homer & the family when show got too
political, for my taste ( when I wanted
to escape the news). Lou

 

Sorry you couldn't get movie on Netflix,
Deb. Linda knew computers much better
than I did, & she had to teach me to get
on the Internet . We would take a van,
for Linda's walker, to libraries in different
towns. & get in their computers. One thing
Linda said to her husband, the insecure
weenie, was that I couldn't "break" the
computer! I'm home, with a cold, drinking
a lot of OJ, & enjoying stuffing myself
from all the food I got yesterday with
Kim! I'm "fried, toasted, baked, &
broiled" so it's bed early for me! Lou[/QUOTE]

Lou,

I'm getting back here waaaaaaay later than usual. My best friend called me again to check up on me. My daughter was texting me. My youngest son called me. I ended up talking to him for over 2 hours!!! He said Tubi is safe and totally free. He showed me how to add it to the channels on my TV using my Roku. I'm so technically challenged, not sure if I explained this right, but the bottom line is I can watch The Boynton Beach Club this weekend. Almost as soon as I picked up the phone and my son mentioned that today would have been my wedding anniversary, I started crying. We talked about Bob for awhile, talked about some of the really funny "remember when's, and suddenly I burst out laughing. Like Bob, my son can always make me laugh. When I finally checked the time, I couldn't believe how late it was!!! It was a good ending to a miserable day. Life is so bittersweet...

I'm sorry you caught a cold and hope you feel better ASAP, but when you said you're "fried, toasted, baked & broiled" I burst out laughing... Thanks for a really good laugh. Laughing is another one of those things I will never take for granted again, TU!!!

I hope you're sleeping and don't see this until the morning. I might not be baked and broiled, but I'm definitely way beyond fried and toasted, so this is another really short one. As always, I can (almost) hear Bob's voice, and know he would have something funny to say about this.

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB