Stages of Grief: Anger

Robin.

You're message has me smiling... I love the sweet picture!!! I wish I could give Teddy a big hug!!! I'm sorry about the nor'easter, but glad that Teddy is home with you and doing so well.

Thank you for sharing good news with us.

As always, sending you hugs, Teddy too, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

So very happy and relieved for you. We love our little family pets, can't live without them. K

 

Robin,

I'm so glad to hear that Teddy is doing well! I almost messaged you 3 different times yesterday, wondering how it all went (but talked myself into leaving you alone, instead).
Is Teddy a Doxie?! I LOVE Dachshunds!
Keep resting and healing and staying warm! Thank you for letting us know!

 

Lou, I'm so jealous of your stormy coastal weather!

You've gotten to see some very interesting actors - and Robert Logia is wonderful. Love him. Al Franken is an idiot. He didn't deserve your attention. I'm sorry he was rude to you.

I used to love BIG. It is a good movie. But after really thinking about it a few years back....it's kind of cringey to me now. He was 11 0r 12, right? Sooo..... No. Just no. But, Robert Logia was wonderful in it! And in every film I ever saw him in.

I could respond more but my mom is insisting on pulling weeds right now, so I am going to help her.

TTFN!

 

Awe, thank you Deb, I feel such relief that the surgery is over, he slept a lot today, he’s getting back to being himself. I’m glad you liked the picture, he means the world to me. He’d love a nice hug. He’s such a mush.
The nor’easter is just slamming us with so much rain snd wind. We got 6” and my basement is getting pretty wet. Hope it ends soon.
Thank you again. ❤️ Robin

 

Thank you for caring so much. Yesterday was rough on me but ended well. And yes Teddy is a dachshund!! My daughter just got a dachshund puppy. They’re getting along pretty good. But keeping the puppy away while Teddy heals. His incision is so hard to look at. But it’s less red today, he’s on an anti inflammatory to help with that. Need this storm to end, pouring since Monday night and still coming down.
So sweet of you to care so much about my little guy. Robin

 

Thank you!! We do love and need our fur family. No judgement ever just love. Thankful he’s through the rough part, and onto the healing. I think he’s sleeping too much during the day, he didn’t sleep well last night and he’s not resting tonight. I have a camera on him so I can be sure he’s ok. He’s not crying at least. Thanks again, Robin

 

Robin, I'm still praying for your little
Teddy, and for you. Did you lose power?The lights went out here at 12:11 am &
are STILL not back on at 6:35 am. I contacted National Grid, but they arep
already aware of the outage. Thank
God for my smart phone, so I was able
to call them, & reach out to Marcey, who's
been having trouble sleeping. I couldn't
sleep at my usual 9:30 to 10pm,& sat at
my table, having snacks, "talking" with
Marcey. I had also written a long "book"
about my long, harrowing homelessness
with Linda. It just poured out of me.
It was triggered by her own sad memories
with Bob. Well, this turned out to be a
hell of a storm. I think you & I may be the
only ones affected here. I tossed & turned
bc of the non stop howling winds. I can
hear the constant churning of an angry
sea, bc my apartment is around the
corner from the beach, There is an eerie
darkness everywhere, bc the street lights
are out. I hope to feel better at daylight.
But. a nap will be required. I need my
regular sleep bc of my manic depression.
I pray the blackout situation will be
fixed soon. In the meantime, I'm thankful
to you & TGW, and to Linda, who was
smart enough to buy a battery powered
lantern in case the lights went out. She
was more practical than I was, and she
believed in the Boy Scout's motto : " Be
prepared". She saved me many times. &
I miss her, some days more intently than
others. I shared a story with Deb about
the early years of our marriage, when
the electricity in our town went down
in an April Fools Day snowstorm. The
worst part was that we couldn't make
coffee. The same thing happened this
morning. It happened to Deb's family
way back when. I just had OJ, but it kkkkk
wasn't as cold as it should be. I'll try not
to open the refrigerator door too often.
Now, I'll check the headlines on my
phone, which is my link to the outside
world. I never thought I would say,
Thank God for the Internet! Now, I'll
check in with Wake Up America, on my
Newsmax app to see how New York is
doing with their state of emergency.
My college classmate emailed me that
New Jersey is also under a state of emergency, and he's worried about tall
trees falling on his street. Hope you &
Teddy are OK. "Talk later". Lou

 

Robin,

In a rush, but can't leave without telling you I'm thinking about you and Teddy today. I think I read on another thread that you lost your power, on top of your basement already being flooded. I hope your power returns ASAP!!! You and Teddy, along with all the other GIC warriors, are always in my prayers...

Sending lots of extra hugs to you and Teddy, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Good Morning Lou,
Thank you for all your prayers for Teddy. He’s being strong but lots of licking that I’m having trouble controlling unless I sit with him constantly. I ordered him a “thing” not sure what it’s called but a sleeve up his leg and then wrap around his chest. Supposed to arrive Thursday. I’m hoping sooner. Kind of need it.
I am so sorry you lost power, I was lucky and mine stayed on. It expected it would go out. I didn’t know this storm was going to be so big and harsh. It was worse then a lot of hurricanes. My pool cover is full with rain water. I just walked around my property and everything looks ok thankfully. My basement got pretty wet, I have a dehumidifier running constantly and I’ll use Ron’s shop vac if needed. He’d be beside himself if he knew I was doing such things. In fact he didn’t want me to go in the basement because of my arthritis I’m not real steady on my feet and he worried I’d fall. I’m down there often now using his tools. I tell him I’m sorry as I walk down the stairs. I digress. I know the eerie darkness you speak of, I get very anxious when we have storms like this. If anything should happen it’s all on me. Ron took care of everything. I also have huge trees lining my street that I worry about. It’s funny because way back when we bought this house as a young naive 23 yr old, I always wanted to live on this street because of how the huge maples lined the road and looked so beautiful. As we grow older and wiser we realize those trees could be hazardous. They’ve taken out my electric fallen close to our cars etc. but the house has been unscathed so far. Don’t want to jinx it, so moving away from that subject. You mention being so thankful for the internet, I’m right there with you. I’m on here a LOT. It keeps me company, keeps my mind busy. I often wonder how did my Mom make it through each day when my dad passed in 1994, without the internet. I pray your electricity is back on by now but I worry it’s not. Thankful it’s not terribly cold. I have 57 right now and so windy. Wish I could bring you a cup of coffee to help you start your day. Coffee is a big part of starting our day off right. I can just taste your oj not being up to par. Right now I have guilt I have power and maybe made some coffee. Lol! You mention a power outage years ago on April Fools day, my daughters birthday is April Fools day and Teddy was born on that day too. I totally understand your need for regular sleep to help maintain your health and depression. We all need sleep as we go through our grief too. And I need it to help with RA. Sleep can be difficult for sure.
I love your story about Judd Nelson, sounds like an awesome regular guy. I thought he grew up in the tri state area, you educated me on that. I ran into Michael J Fox and his wife Tracy Pollan in the local King Kullen maybe 10 years ago. He didn’t look good at all, I can even tell you it was down the chips aisle. Everyone respected their privacy and gave them space. Especially since he really didn’t look well. And he was kind of wearing Marceys hair style of a couple days ago, Christopher Lloyd and Uncle Fester, lol! Not laughing at him, he’s not well but her description is fitting. I’ve worn that look myself. Anyway, I did say hello and welcome them to our small town and others said hello, no real conversations. We had John Rowland a news anchor from NY came in our upholstery shop and he spent time chatting with us. Lou I don’t know where you grew up but are you familiar with Sandy Becker? He had a children’s show in the tri state area, Ron watched his show every day and he came in our shop and Ron became a child again. We did work for him and he took Ron in their home and showed him all the puppets from his tv show. Anyway I’m just sharing a few encounters in case you’re interested.
You mention Linda’s passing right before Thanksgiving in 2018, that’s when Ron passed also. In fact Thanksgiving happened before we had his funeral. Ron passed
Nov 17, 2018. It’s all a blur, but all my family came over and cooked the dinner that Ron and I had purchased the day before he passed. Ok enough of that, bringing the tears. Thanksgiving used to be such a special time for us and we always hosted. I wanted to continue and my brother was always with us on thanksgiving and I asked if he would please continue that tradition he said of coarse but then made other plans the next year. All holidays are hard now as you all know. We both were going through the worst time in our lives at almost the same time. I don’t know when Linda passed but similar date.
I’m jealous of everyone on here being able to read books. I struggle with it still to this day. I read but it doesn’t stick. Hopefully one day soon that will change. My daughter reads all the time. And keeps hoping I can soon. I can read articles, short things but books I’m not there yet.
Ok I went on way too long. Sorry about that. I’ve been off of here a few days between anxiety over Ted, not sleeping, caring for Teddy etc I just wasn’t feeling up to it. I’m not on here as much as I used to be, but I do check in each day. I pray you have power back. .
Oh, one more thing. Addams Family, the producer or director not sure which, took the car from the show to my dads shop. He owned a bus company and a mechanic shop. I didn’t get to see it but my dad worked on it! Fun memories.
Again sorry for the length and thank you for your prayers. Praying you get electric back soon if not already.
Robin

 

No I was lucky and kept my power but it’s been quite a storm. But yes my basement is a bit flooded. Hoping my dehumidifier is enough to dry it out.
Teddy is acting like Teddy for the most part. I'm trying to keep him from licking the area. Not easy. He didn’t sleep much again last night, I think the storm bothered him. I think the worst of it has passed, mainly windy today. Poor Lou lost his power though.
I’m hoping to make pumpkin cookies today. Made them every year for Ron and I’m trying to keep those traditions. It helps things feel normal even though the person I made them for isn’t here they’re still for Ron. I always loved cooking and baking, I struggle with that now. Because he loved my cooking, so it’s hard.
Have a good day! Robin.

 

You never have to apologize for a long
post, or reply, Robin. Deb & I are the
reigning champs for our "books", so
welcome aboard! You are an interesting
woman and you & Ron led an interesting,
loving life together. As Deb would say,
" Total understatement!!!".Glad you enjoyed my memorable encounter with
Judd Nelson.Never heard of Sandy Becker.
I grew up with Big Brother ( scary name
after 1984 book!) Bob Emery. At the
beginning of every show, children including me, would raise our glasses of
milk to the American flag and give a toast
to a picture of President Eisenhower!!
How times have changed, and not for the
better. Your description of Michael J. Fox
was heartbreaking. I saw him still acting
even after his debilitating illness. He is
fortunate to have such a loving & strong
marriage. Thank you for asking about
my loss of power. I hate that you have to
go down the basement alone. Please be
careful, Robin, & always bring your phone
with you. I texted National Grid this am,
and they estimated power will be restored
around 12:15 pm today, after 12 hours.
I am grateful that Linda's lantern gave me
hope last night. As I told others here, I felt
her spirit in the light of her lantern, &
that she was telling me everything
would be OK. Thanks to my smart phone,
with a portable charger, I was able to
"talk" with Marcey after midnight, and then, Deb, you & others. The time went by
mercifully quicker, & if all goes as
promised, it will feel normal again in a half hour. I will continue to pray for you
& Teddy. BTW, Linda died on Monday
afternoon, Nov 19, 2018. I had no family
or friebds , so I took a cab to the ER, the
night before Thanksgiving. The staff of
nurses kindly contacted a small psychiatric unit, where I stayed 5 nights
voluntarily, for extreme bereavement,
suicidal ideations, lack of sleep, and
hopeless loneliness.Thank God I knew
enough to seek help. When I emerged
from my room in the unit Thanksgiving
morning, I was joined by 8 other clients,
with manic depression, like me, other
mental illness, including depression, and
alcohol & drug addiction. When we sat
around a long table, & a counselor
carved a turkey, I felt like this was my
family & I didn't feel so alone. This year,
I've been invited by a family for
Thanksgiving, and I'm going, unlike past
years. We can be strong together, &
send messages up to and including the
sad anniversaries of our soulmates'
deaths. God Bless. Lou

 

Marcey, just saw your second thought
about the movie, Big, & I laughed &
agreed with you. The best parts for
Linda & me was when Robert Loggia
dismissed the tiresome ideas of long winded sycophant salesman, played by
an excellent John Heard, in favor of
young Tom's imaginative, playful ideas.
We also liked it when Loggia told
Elizabeth Perkins, former girlfriend of
John Heard's character, not to bother
him about business at a party. Lou

 

Robin,

Although I'm sorry your basement is flooded, I'm so glad you didn't lose power too!! I love hearing that Teddy is mostly acting like himself today. I totally "get" how hard it is to try to keep furry loved ones from not licking incisions. I HATE!!! those "cones," but there have been times when I had to use them. My very favorite fur baby, the one I've "talked" about here, found a creative way to lick an incision even while wearing a "cone." She found out that if she hit the edge of it hard enough against the floor, she could get her head out from inside of it. (Not sure if this makes sense, I don't know how to explain this.) Her vet was amazed by not only how determined she was, but also by how smart she was. Long story short, I had to bring my fur baby back to her vet, who fitted her with the very largest sized cone. She sort of reminded me of Pinocchio... The poor thing, the cone was so long that she could barely take a step without bumping into things. She looked so sad... those big brown eyes staring at me, as if asking me why I was torturing her this way. She was extremely spoiled, TU!!!, way before she was forced to wear this absolutely huge "cone," but while she was wearing it, she got everything her heart could ever desire, except for the removal of the "cone." When she was a puppy, she could back out of all her collars. I bought her a harness, but once she was a bit older, and learned to walk by my side without pulling, I bought her regular collars again. Even if she was off leash, she would stay close to me. Stopping here before I write a book about my very favorite fur baby. It's been over six years since she crossed over the rainbow bridge, but I still miss her with all my heart...

I love that you're making pumpkin cookies, continuing traditions... that by keeping up traditions, things feel more "normal," although they never really will be normal again. Although you're struggling with doing things you love, I think it's such a huge step forward that you're cooking and baking again. It gives me hope that someday I'll be able to spend time by the ocean, listen to music, look at pictures, eat certain foods, go to favorite restaurants, etc. etc., etc.,... again. I can't even visit "home..." I'm still way too "broken," my emotional state way too fragile, to be able to handle all the memories, even though I miss "home" so much. I'm starting to get off topic, so stopping here. Backing way up, I love everything and anything pumpkin, TU!!!

I love reading your messages because they give me so much hope for the future. Without hope, healing would be impossible. I don't know if you signed up to get the daily reflections from The Center For Loss, but if you get them, one of my favorite daily reflections was about how important hope is. It was a recent one, within the last week. Since Bob's death, I'm always losing track of time.

Sending you and Teddy hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Deb, my power was out from midnight
to estimated midnight, tonight. The
National Grid kept changing the time.
I thought I'd be safe at 4. Kim took
me grocery shopping..... I feel almost
guilty breaking a promise to Kim not
to tell anyone, but I think I'm OK on this
site. She set me up for the night upstairs
from the Tea Room, for the night. It's
her parents' apartment, but they just
went to Florida for the winter. As you
could see from the picture of the
elegant Tea Room, I'm in heaven: warm
bed, large fridge, electricity ( so I can
finally charge my phone, which wet
to ZERO. It was a good cause , bc Marcey,
& later, other TGW kept me sane. I had
to tell my neighbors, N, who uses a
soldier's oath of secrecy, and Steven &
Betsy who escaped the storm bc they
are up on precipice retreat ! I'll keep
you posted, Deb, after I get settled
tonight. Laughed at cone story. We
never had to do that, but I've seen the
cones! Lou

 

Lou,

I'm so glad to hear from you, TU!!! I was beginning to worry about you, knowing how much damage the storm caused. You did it again, you made me smile, knowing that you are in "heaven," have electricity, heat, a fridge, etc., etc., etc. I love Kim, and I've never met her!!! I'm glad you have some very special friends who are always there for you. Thank you for letting me know you're okay!!!

I can only begin to imagine how totally toasted (sorry, the word just seemed to type itself again, I'm so used to saying it, another TU) you are, so please don't feel like you need to "talk" to me later on. Just take care of yourself the best you possibly can, enjoy your overnight stay to the max!!! And get a good night's sleep!!!

I'll be around most of the day tomorrow. We're supposed to have lots of rain, thunderstorms and a very slight chance of tornadoes, but nothing compared to what you went through. It's supposed to be very cold in the morning, I wish I didn't give away all my Cuddle Duds before I moved, don't know what I was thinking, but I might try to get at least a short walk in.

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

P.S. I felt so badly for my poor fur baby... She was so forgiving though. She loved me the same as always even though I think in her mind, I was the one torturing her. I'll never forget that look in her eyes, her expression made me so sad at the time. Now thinking back, it makes me smile!!! As far as I'm concerned, she was just a "furry" person with the best personality ever!!! Stopping here, before I keep right on going like that Energizer Bunny. Sleep well...

 

Deb, perfect timing,as always! I haven't
moved from the basement in the Tea Room! After I put away the perishables,
I sat at a table, suddenly ravenous. I
ate a chickpea salad, chicken salad on
GF rice cakes, turkey slices and
Poland Springs sparkling water. It's so
special & spacious down here. I feel
that Linda is with me. She was never
down in the basement, but we sat in the
Tea Room years ago, before Kim. The
basement is where the scones are made.
Thanks to Kim, I was able to bring English
tea, sandwiches, & scones across the
street to the rehab unit where Linda & I
could eat together, in her private room.
I feel terrible about your endless sorrow
about your wedding anniversary. I will
tell you what the older widows said to
me, when I dreaded anniversaries ,both
happy ones ( wedding) and horribly sad
ones ( the day of Linda's death). The
long time widows in the group reminded
me that it was ONE day, and after that,
I had to plow through my grief (I think
Gary would like the tractor analogy). I had
no one at the time aside from the group
& my first, hesitant friendships at the
Shack. I wish I had GIC back then, but
the good thing is that I have it now. I
made up the phrase , The Grief Warriors
bc we will leave no man or woman
behind. We are here for you 24/7. If I
don't answer right away, another
"soldier" will. I learned that from my
young Army veteran friend, N. Sleep
well, Deb. Lou

 

Lou,

I'm smiling as I'm reading how much you're enjoying your overnight stay. I'm glad that you feel like Linda is with you..., she will always be with you... She is always watching over you, just like Bob, and everyone else's one true love, are watching over them. The more you tell me about Kim, the more I like her. It was so kind of her to let you spend the night at The Tea Room.

I'm trying to think about what you and Robin say, that the days leading up to an event are usually worse than the event itself. Now I'm going to remember that it's just ONE day too. I'm hoping all the "firsts" are the hardest. I know I'll be okay, but and this is another one of those BIG BUTS!!!, GRIEVING SUCKS BIG TIME!!!

I am determined to do all the hard work I have to do to heal the best I can. It's just that some days, like I said to Marcey earlier, and to you awhile ago, it's more like one step forwards and two steps backwards. My friends who Bob and I used to vacation with are constantly texting me and have already called me. I know they're worried about me, but I know I'll be okay. The more time that goes by, the more my heart is beginning to accept that Bob is gone... never coming back. Rationally I know he's been gone for over six months, but it's so hard for my heart to accept this. Although I'm so sad, I think I'm making a bit of progress because I know I have to feel all of this heartache or else I'll never heal. I have to truly believe in my heart that Bob is gone or else I'll be "stuck" right where I am now forever.

I just had a flashback to the end of the summer, beginning of the fall in 2019, Bob was in the hospital, our youngest son flew here to be with us. Bob was very sick, none of his doctors knew what was causing the symptoms he was having. Our son and I were sitting in his hospital room. We thought he was asleep. I started crying. Bob opened his eyes and said to me, "Deb, don't worry, I'm still here, I'm not leaving you." This is the first time I've thought about this in a long time. It's making me cry now, because in my mind, I can "hear" him saying this to me. I'm just a total emotional mess... Going to stop here. I want to take some melatonin and hopefully get some sleep. Thanks for "listening."

I'm so glad I found this site too, TU!!! I don't know how I would get through this otherwise. No need to respond tonight!!! Get some sleep!!! I'm going to put away my chrome book for the night. Hope you sleep well too...

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Deb, I know it sounds a little weird, but I
wish I could "tuck you in bed" tonight
& tell you that you are a brave woman,
who's been through hell & will survive &
even achieve some happiness, as Jonathan
said, in his most recent email to me. Of
course, being a little like Gary, a song
just popped into my head: the over
played disco one, by Gloria Gaynor,
"I Will Survive"! All I can think about is
the funny ending of the movie, In & Out,
with Kevin Kline. Did you see that, Deb?
Maybe you could use some distraction
tomorrow & see a movie like that, a
comedy. Bob would have wanted you to
laugh again. I know that Linda would be
mad at me if I didn't. I'm about to turn
off the light in my bedroom above &
behind the Tea Room. It's so quiet &
peaceful that I want to stay here! But,
that's my sign, Cancer, the Crab talking.
I get attached to a home environment &
don't want to leave. The reality is that
my apartment is near the ocean, 2 Little
Birds Eatery, downtown, the Shack, &
the Neck, whereas the Tea Room is a
distance away. I usually like my place
except last night during the scary
storm. We may get another one on
Halloween, but I'll wait & see. Steven &
Betsy's plans are subject to change, bc
they were planning to head back to
Pa. on Sun. Good night, Deb. Hope we
both have peaceful dreams. Lou