Stages of Grief: Anger

Lou I’m glad to hear you had good test results and you’re free for another six months. My lab results were bad enough that the doctor scheduled a Pet Ct Pmsa test that will be January 11. I have another month of carefree living. I’ll start getting worked up near the event. Thanks Deb for your prayers also. Cheryl’s recognition is this Saturday. I’m really looking forward to what I will learn about Cheryl in her younger years of being an environmental activist. I am not looking forward to seeing the sisters. Here’s where it’s tough to make the choice between love and fear. If I go there with a chip on my shoulder I’m screwed. In the widowers notebook Jonathan talks about how friends and family constantly judge the survivor of their decisions. I am reminding myself daily that this event is about Cheryl and not me. If anybody goes off on me I’m going to pause and look them in the eye and say peace be with you and walk away. Another chapter in the story of the never ending saga of TGW. Gary

 

Karen,
I hope I offered some words of support and advice that might have helped you as you started out this awful journey a year ago. Times flies and drags on at the same time. Crazy. For me dragging on seems stronger then flying by.
We sure learn who our true friends are. Kind of the same with family but we’re stuck with them. I took my sister out of my life. Rons family pretty much haven't contacted me. I’m ok with that. Robin

 

Gary, my college classmate told me in a phone call that when he was walking his
dog one day, he got out of breath and felt
chest pains. Being macho. he didn't think
about it, until his wife made him see his
doctor. Turns out she saved his life. He
had to spend one night in the hospital so
a surgeon could put in a stent. He's fine
now, but he said the agony of waiting and
worrying was the worst. That's how it is
with me, and I pray it will be the same
for you. As for those sisters, it would be
funny if you carried Jonathan's book under
your arm, and when any of them got in
your face, sit down and start reading! Lou

 

Gary I love that! It’s perfect. I’m going to save that in my back pocket for any one of a number of people if you don’t mind. Robin

 

We're on a roll, stromg, outdoorsman. But, I'm glad for your test results and a good outcome for yours Gary in January.

 

That's funny, I know Jack would never wear it. Linda had a sense of humor I see that in your posts.

 

Yes, I saw that quote. I've been fighting with Mr. Grief too and it does wear you out. But, I don't know about having it as a companion either. Stuck between two.

 

Thanks for answering me tonight, about
today's quotation. At first, I rejected it.
But, I do know that anger was doing a
job on my health. I'm trying to stick to a
consistent sleeping, eating, and walking
schedule. If I feel tired, I take short naps,
or go to bed early, which I'm doing tonight.
It gets dark at 4:30 here, so a lot of
people are hibernating. It was really
good to see your message, before I turn
the lights out. The walking in fresh air
knocks me out, which is good. Hope the
weather is good where you are, so you can
walk, too. Lou

 

Oh, Linda got a way with kidding me out
of my "furrowed brow" Gloomy Gus look.
Of course, she also admitted that she was
Debbie Downer. We tried not to be like
that at the same time. Lou

 

To all my TGW friends! I am ... _?!___ about health issues. After my 10 year journey through the Medical Industrial Complex culminating with Valerie's death I do not know what to say except I will pray in my Soul for each and every one of you. I feel the sword of Damocles over my head each and every day as a machine keeps me among the living. Gary said t all in acceptance being necessary. We have so much still to give each other... We keep trying but will never perfection reach. I accept this. Or try to. Peace and Love TGWs!

 

Gary,

Like Robin. I love!!! the way you think.. Saying “Peace be with you, “ then walking away… This is way beyond perfect!!!, for many kinds of potentially way less than perfect situations.

Hope you won’t need to use this line Saturday, but I love!!! the way you prepared yourself, just in case…. A TBC…

Ad always, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Thank you George. you continue to inspire me. What I am going to go through is a walk in the park compared to what you do every other day of your life. George you are a driven man. Lou thanks for the LMSO(Laugh my sad off) in regards to having the sisters wait while I reread the chapter “stupid things said by smart people“ and then engage them in conversation. Thanks for your well wishes Karen. I predict a succession of Crisis for the rest of my life. But thank God I don’t have to go it alone. I feel the power within us all Will sustain us. We are the grief warriors. We get knocked down. but never count us out. Patti Robin and Deb I hope you guys are doing OK along with Stacey Bernadine Amber plus Tom. Bernadine is Kenn’s celebration of life this Saturday? If so you will be in my thoughts though you are anyway. Gary

 

George,

Excellent advice!!!, TU!!! It’s so sad…. but it seems like only those of us who have experienced some kind of tragedy, or very difficult health situation, are able to have the depth of understanding that you have, that
I think is so necessary in order to be able to truly live life… to live life to the fullest extent possible….

I agree, acceptance is necessary. As I always used to tell my children when they were growing up, people come in all different shapes, sizes, colors…from many different backgrounds… with so many different POVs…. This is what makes the world such an interedging

 

Didn’t mean to hit send!! Trying to type on my iPhone…. Should say this is what makes the world such an interesting place, but can also cause us lots of pain…, sadness…. Forgiveness is the key to living our best lives possible… )Had more to say, but lost my train of thought after hitting send way too soon.)

As always, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

No worries. technology constantly thwarts me too. I often wish I could return to 1987! Now you push a button inadvertently and you send; or things beep and explode!

 

I just try to do the best I can. Be kind to yourself and persevere!

 

I just had a nice conversation with a gentleman who owns and operates a local butcher shop. His brother was the fire chief among the first responders in the attempt to save Cheryl. I began to weep as I told him a condensed version of the event. He put his arm around me and gave me a hug. We talked a while longer and As I was leaving I told him thanks for the hug and he hugged me again. A priceless moment. It really softened my heart. I love you all. Gary

 

Thank you for sharing. What a nice story. Those hugs are priceless!
Sending more hugs and love! Robin

 

Gary, although that was a gutwrenching,
weeping moment, it was a welcoming hug
from a man who was there for Cheryl. I
had a similar experience, soon after
Linda died. I was sitting alone at a bar (I
was drinking then), and Alice, Linda's
favorite nurse, about her age, in the late 60s, walked over to me, and gave me a
big hug. She had done everything to
revive Linda, but it was too late.She told
me that she & Linda had become friends.
She was in a state of shock the day Linda
died, in the ambulance on route from the
rehab/ nursing home to the ER, bc almost
all of her patients were in their 80s& 90s,
and Linda was only 68. It felt good for me
to cry and "let it out", and to get a hug. Lou

 

Gary, you don't see men hugging much, if at all. Your hugs were an outward gesture of "real" compassion and caring. Priceless says it all. And Hugs to you too, K