Stages of Grief: Anger

Hi Lou, it's so nice to meet you. ♥

Thank you for your response. I'm so sorry about losing Linda. That had to have been especially painful right before the holidays. Thank you for sharing your story with me. I am very sorry for your pain. My husband was my best friend, but I do have friends and a large loving family. I can't imagine enduring that kind of loss, alone. God bless you. You are strong.
I'm so glad you found this group to share and commiserate with. Sounds like it is a tremendous help to many and it's great that it has been for you.

Thank you too for the book mentions. I haven't started reading any yet. Just making a list. I feel like I need to narrow it down to one, to start. It's only been a month since he passed (just a few days over a month). So it's super new and my wounds are very fresh. I will start with whichever one you all suggest, if you would be so kind as to narrow it down for me? "Stupid Things" first, perhaps?

TGW's is awesome and fitting. Coming alongside and lifting one another up, when we are weak, tired or struggling (hello...all of the above!). It is a battle, no doubt.
I don't feel like I could be an encouragement to anyone right now, but I would love to be able to, one day soon.

Thanks for saying hi Lou! I hope today brings more smiles than tears. ♥

 

Marcey, it was so good to see your reply
to me, after you've been " talking " with
others here, My personal favorite book
is The Widower's Notebook. I was so
inspired by it, that I emailed the author,
who lives in a NYC loft, to thank him for
his amazing book. I told him that my
horrific experience with Linda's sudden
death, was very similar to his. He shocked
me with a warm, personal email back 2
days later. The beginning of the book is
so heartbreaking, that I started sobbing
& had to put it away for a week. One
sunny morning, over coffee, I got past
the toughest chapter of the book, and
became engrossed in his true story of his
40 year marriage to Joy. When I wrote to
the author, using his first name. I told
Jonathan that he was " like a brother I
never had". He moved me to tears with
his warm, personal email, & said he'd be
proud to be called my brother. Jonathan
was a painter, before he became a
writer, so he drew sketches of his wife,
now adult daughter, and of himself. I just
emailed him again & told him about
Grief in Common. He's glad that I find
solace in this caring, kind group. Jonathan
took time out from a book tour, to write
to me. I told him that I recommended his
book to others here. Jonathan is a best
selling author of international thrillers &
mysteries, and is easy to read, but I
suggest reading the book in the morning
rather than in bed at night. I can now
reread some of his funny chapters in bed
at night. "Stupid Things Said By Smart
People" is just one chapter. I don't want
to push you to read any book right now.
It may be even more important for you
to "talk" with us. The first thing I do in the
morning is to check the GIC messages.
Living on the coast of Massachusetts,
going to bed by 10pm on these cold
nights, I will check in with you & Karen
in Ca., George in Illinois, and Gary in
Indiana, in the morning. Deb & Patti live
in South Carolina, so they are in my time
zone. I hope a new member, Denise, will
stay with us. Lou

 

Thanks Lou.

It's very cool that you made that connection with the author of the book. Makes it extra personal to you now.
And I will take your advice and wait a little bit, before starting a book. Maybe a month or two?

I haven't met Denise yet! But I hope she stays too! ♥

I've been wanting to watch the new Steve Martin/Martin Short mystery series on Hulu - so I went for it and upgraded my Disney + subscription today. So I'm watching that now. It's been a nice distraction (for the first episode, anyway. I'm just starting episode #2). My husband would have enjoyed it too (except for all the F-bombs).

Where you live must be beautiful right now. I hope you can soak it in.

Marcey

 

I really thought you referred to him in a abbreviation 'manic' as manic depression 70. The giggle's on me.

 

Karen, It seems that you & I have our
own insider giggle fest. If I got too serious
& sensitive, Linda would call me a
"poopfart". I don't think that was original
with her. Have you heard that one? I hope
you find out where in Ca. that Marcey
lives. Despite the very recent death of
her husband, I told her that like us, she
has a great sense of humor. Maybe you
can "talk" with her after we, on the East
Coast are in bed ! Loul

 

Marcey, I'm so happy you're watching
something funny on Hulu, to distract
yourself. We can't be in mourning 24/7.
I remember that Steve Martin & Martin
Short are good friends, & starred in a
funny movie called The Three Amigos.
I recall reading an autobiography by
Martin Short, who talks about how the
death of his wife affected him. It made
me chuckle when you said your husband
wouldn't have cared for all the F-bombs.
Linda & I watched The Sopranos on HBO,
and that was loaded with them. Somehow,
bc the series was about modern day
mobsters in New Jersey, the language
fit the storyline. The October weather
was perfect last week, sunny, fall foliage,
70 degrees, but then, it dropped into the
high 50s, rained all day today, and rainy
next couple days. Did you visit Mass. ?
Karen lives in Calif., up North, & I think
she asked you what part of Ca. you live.
Linda & I saw San Francisco, Sausalito,
and L.A. We got married in an Island
Chapel ( part of the Tropicana Hotel), on
Jan. 1, 1996. Karen told us about the
horrible wildfires & endless smoke, which
seems to be finally ending. Were you
spared? How are the temps now? Foggy
widower's brain: the wedding chapel was
in Las Vegas! Lou

 

I discovered something new today. Grief is also ugly. I haven't brushed my hair today. And I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and it reminded me of someone. I finally figured out who it was. Christopher Lloyd! A mixture of Doc Brown and Jim, from Taxi. With a little bit of Uncle Fester mixed in (because of the dark circles under my eyes). Nice.

So tomorrow, I am going to do myself and my mirror a favor, and at least brush my hair. I might even try to put on makeup. It might help brighten my mood a little, at least. If I go outside, the neighbors would probably appreciate it too.

I still represent him in the world. I am still his wife. I need to at least try to make him proud of me, when and where I can.

We do what we can, right?

 

The show is very good! It's more a murder mystery but there are funny moments. Three Amigos was played a LOT when our boys were growing up. The boys and their cousin (who is in between them in age) were the 3 Amigos for Halloween one year. ♥♥♥
Steve Martin and Martin Short are friends in real life and they toured with a show (I think it's done now) - you can find it on Netflix I think - "An Evening You Will Forget For The Rest Of Your Life." It's hilarious.

Karen did ask me where I live. I didn't want to announce the specifics publicly, but I'm in central Cali. I go up north at least once a month though, for several days. So we may very well be in the same place at the same time now and then. I'll let her know in a DM if she asks!
I've barely been outside of California. I've never been to Mass. I just know it's pretty this time of year. And I'm drawn to anything on the coast.

Speaking of the coast...San Simeon was just the epicenter for a fairly big earthquake (4.65). My earthquake app went off and I was shocked to see that San Simeon was the epicenter. That is where Hearst Castle is (and near where my husband and I would go every year). I hope the castle is okay.

The fires were awful up there and there were a couple of big ones here too. The smoke was insane. Looked like fog here. Ash all over our cars. God bless our firefighters.

A Las Vegas wedding! That's so fun. ♥♥

 

Marcie,I laughed out loud when you
said you had a Christopher Lloyd look,
with "Uncle Fester" thrown in . When you
added, "nice", I laughed more. Sorry I just
misspelled your name, Marcey. As your
fellow Californian can tell you, my brain
works faster than my fingers. I saw
Christopher Lloyd in a play years ago.
I went up to him to tell him I admired
his performance the night before. He
looked like a deer caught in the headlights,
but managed a thank you. When I didn't
sleep well, I had dark circles, too, &
wore my prescription sunglasses. The
shades also came in handy when my
eyes would unexpectedly tear up. Thanks
for the laugh, Marcey. I'll be going to bed
soon, so I hope to see your posts in the
morning. Hope you can sleep better
tonight. Lou

 

Lou,

Good. I'm glad I made you smile! I'm totally jealous that you got to see and speak to Christopher Lloyd in person! I LOVE him!

I am doing the sunglass thing too. It helps sometimes.

I hope you have a very restful night! ♥

Marcey

 

Marcey, central Cal. is good enough info.
I was just curious if you lived on the
Coast. Monterey was beautiful & we
went to the John Steinbeck Museum,
bc we read many of his books & saw some
movies that were from these books. We
were a little scared driving on the Pacific Coast highway, but the view was
breathtaking. We saw the Hearst Castle,
but from a distance. I just remembered
that we went down to San Diego and
over the bridge at Coronado ( also scary).
I agree with you about firefighters,
police, & other first responders who put
their lives on the line every day to protect
us. Linda & I decided to get married in
Las Vegas, bc both sets of parents were
toxic, & didn't share our happiness, so we
didn't want them at our wedding. We never regretted that, & turned our wedding into a honeymoon. I recall
walking out of the chapel, seeing flowers
& pink flamingos (!) near the swimming
pools. It was magical. When we walke
downtown, Linda still had her bouquet
of flowers & I had a flower in my lapel.
We stood out from the crowd, who were
wearing jeans. Strangers smiled at us &
congratulated us. It's a wonderful memory
and I'm not crying as I write this. Lou

 

Marcey,

I can sooooooooooo!!! relate to this, TU!!! I totally have that "Uncle Fester" under my eyes bag look!!! There have been many days when just taking a shower is all I can handle, forget about my hair.... just use your imagination here.

Anyway, thanks for the laugh!!! I'm so glad you're sticking around and are now officially part of TGW, TU!!!

Hope you get some quality sleep tonight, so you can ditch that Uncle Fester look. BTW, both Bob and I loved "The Addams Family."

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

OK, Deb, that's enough! I was just about to
go to bed, but I got drawn into your
talks with both Denise & Marcey who
make me laugh. Linda & I loved The
Adams Family, too. In fact, she sang the
theme song about "the creepy and the
spooky"when she was annoyed with some
people who bothered us. But, now I MUST
go to bed. I feel like Michael Corleone in
Godfather III: "Just when I thought I was
out, they pull me back in!". Lou

 

Aww thank you for including me in TGW ♥ I'm glad that made you smile. Sorry about the eye bags though. I hope we BOTH sleep well tonight!
I did a lot of sitting this afternoon, but forced myself to do squats and an arm workout (several short sessions of both). I'm hoping that will help me sleep. I didn't try to walk because it was pouring rain most of the day. Hopefully walking will happen tomorrow.
Get some rest, Deb!

Big Hugs, Marcey

 

Hey, Marcey! Woke up from weird
dream in which someone was chasing me.
Strange, bc Linda got that kind of dream
more than others. My common dream
was that a guy was trying to break in
our apartment. I would wake up
swearing F-bombs. We had lived in some
creepy, poorly managed properties, so
that made a little sense. But, the fact that
I was "on guard", protecting the homestead, was not pleasant. In my past
threads, you will see that I was hospitalized & diagnosed with manic
depression ( now called bipolar disorder)
at 30, and put on meds for life. It was
suggested that I not drink, which I
ignored. I had to finally give up drinking
on Nov. 6, 2019, about a year after Linda
died, bc I became very depressed, and
run down, getting the flu twice. I have
felt much better physically since then. I
just have to work through the mental
part of mourning. Given that if I'm
under stress. don't get enough sleep,
regular meals, and walks outside, I can
become manic, even with meds, it's
probably wise that I don't own a gun! I
hesitated about sharing my mental
health history here, but then, I said,
"what the hell", especially after Gary
mentioned his 12-step program. A long
time ago, I sat in a local bar, where I was
a regular. A stranger came in & sat next
to me. We started chatting & buying
beers for each other. We revealed stories
of our past, and had a few laughs. He
told me he was from Maine & fixed
small airplanes. Then, I noticed young
people asking for his autograph. I didn't
recognize him with his wire rim glasses &
long hair. Turns out, he was actor, Judd
Nelson, famous for The Breakfast Club
movie. & other movies. I apologized to
him, but he said I shouldn't bc he wanted
to have a real conversation, and be
incognito. I liked him. He was 10 years
younger than I was, but had a seriousness
to him that made him seem older. I told
him about my manic depression, and he
pointed to my beer & told me I probably
shouldn't drink, and we both laughed. He
said he knew people in Hollywood, who
had manic depression, and became
addicted to either alcohol or drugs. We
shook hands, and I wished him well on
his next project. I followed his career
later, & watched Suddenly Susan,a TV
sitcom, with Linda, and proudly told
her about my encounter with him. I've
met celebrities when I worked in a
bookstore in the city ( where I talked
briefly with Christopher Lloyd), but my
chance talk with Nelson, was my most
memorable memory. Well, after my
chase dream headache subsides ( after
having a snack & checking in with TGW
here, I'll go back to bed. It's 5am here,
so it must be 2am there, and I hope you're
sound asleep! Lou

 

P.S. Marcey, I looked up Suddenly Susan
which started in 1996, the year Linda & I
got married.Ironically, an actor,on the
show, David Strickland, had manic
depression, which he treated with drugs & alcohol. One night, he took his own life,
and his fellow cast members were
devastated. It was shocking for me to
learn that, bc I don't recall hearing about
it at the time. Lou

 

Good Morning Lou,

I hope you were able to banish the headache and go back to sleep. Your nightmare sounds stressful. I hope that's the last one like it.

I barely slept and was awake just after 2. I gave up and got up sometime in the 3 o'clock hour. I desperately needed sleep. Oh well.

Thank you for sharing some of your struggles. Though it sounds like the manic issue is not an ongoing or overwhelming problem, taking care of yourself is very important. And it sounds like you take that seriously. I wish you all the best in your mental and physical health journey!

You have had some fun celebrity encounters! And you don't even live in LA! Judd Nelson seems like an interesting (and intense) guy. That's very cool.
Any celebrity encounters I have had have mostly been just seeing them pass by or standing near them in line. And the celebrities themselves were not all that fab. Though their families probably feel differently. lol

I need to reheat my coffee and take care of some things. I hope your morning is pleasant!

 

Great to see you on here this am. Sorry
you didn't get to sleep well. You cheered
me up, bc we're in a 3 day pattern of ☔,heavy winds, possible loss of power,
and coastal flooding. I can't complain
bc it was 70 degrees & last week &
will be again after the storm ( but only
in the 50s, as expected in late Oct.).Judd
Nelson was relaxed ( the helped!) and
easy to talk with. I looked him up this am.
He really does come from Maine , was
visiting his parents. The part that was
a cover up, was that he was a mechanic.
Since I've had a spotty work record, with
lousy shifts ( which I later learned adversely affected my sleep), I've always
been more interested in what a person's
character is like, rather than his or her
occupation. Thank you for your kind
words. I was mostly a good husband, unless I didn't sleep well, or was under
stress. Then, Linda would later call me
the Tasmanian Devil. As I got older &
retired, I became more mellow. When
Linda & I were out in L.A, we spotted
James Spader & Rob Lowe in their cars.
Also, Paul Reiser up in the hills. We had
one unpleasant encounter with Al Franken
who is full of himself. We were in line to
go into a restaurant, and told him we
enjoyed him on Saturday Night Live, as it
was called then. He just stared at us, making us feel small. As you would say,
"nice". We couldn't believe he later
became a U.S. Senator, but weren't
surprised when he had to leave the
Senate. In Boston, when we sat on a
fancy Newbury Street of cafes & expensive
stores ( not as expensive as Rodeo Drive!),
we saw Robert Loggia. We always liked
him. He was very real & funny in the
movie,Big, with Tom Hanks. Did you see
that? Well, this turned into a "book " as
Deb would say. I haven't even had ☕!!
Lou0

 

Good Morning everyone,
Giving my Grief family an update on Teddy. He did great! The Dr was impressed with how well he did. And he sat up and looked around once the meds wore off. No complaining. The incision is larger then expected and in such a tender area. The fleshy area where the leg meets the body. Like between our thumb and pointer finger. They’re sending it out for testing. Should know the results in about a week. He can reach it with his feet and he can lick it. Great! But he’s home. He’s doing well, and I have relief. He’s resting on me.
Thank you all for offering such wonderful support. I appreciate each of of you. We’re having a nor’easter so we’re chillin and healing inside where it’s warm and dry. ❤️ Robin

 

Thanks for getting back to us, Robin!
What a wonderful picture of your !
We have 3 days of rain, howling winds,
possibly losing power bc of downed
wires, and coastal flooding. But, strangely,
I'm in a good mood. The heavy rain may
not start here 'til around 2pm, so I walked
by the ocean, under threatening, gray
skies. I marvel at the ocean every morning. I'm lucky, bc my apartment bldg.
is on higher ground & doesn't get flooded.
At night. I can hear the howling winds &
ferocious sea. I always feel God's presence
when I look out to sea, every morning.
Sometimes I feel a kinship with the
ocean, bc some days it can be calm. Today,
I felt that God is angry, but I'm not. Lpu