Stages of Grief: Anger

Amber I am terribly sorry for losing Matt. My name is Gary I lost my girlfriend Cheryl of nine years seven months ago to a cardiac arrest. Like you I was Cheryl’s first responder. I did CPR for 10 minutes until a deputy came with a defibrillator followed by the fire department 4 EMTs two additional nurses. at one point I had 11 first responders in our home. The heroic rescue effort lasted one hour and 13 minutes. I’m Still not over the trauma of the event. or the fact that I will never see Cheryl again. Like you and Matt Cheryl was my best friend and we had a wonderful life. I made a collage of all the happy places Cheryl and I have been together and put it on my phone. When I would get a bad memory about the event I would look at the collage. I would tell myself this event was a very small amount of time related to all the good times Cheryl and I had together. I joined a local grief support group but it only meets once every two weeks. I am new to GIC also I joined the first of October. The understanding shared experiences and love that I have received from GIC is the most precious is priceless. Please stay connected with us. We are the grief warriors. Gary

 

Amber, let me say just how sorry I am about the sudden loss of your one and only, Matt. But you’ve come to the right place for support and no judgement ever. As others have already told you, all your feelings are normal, that doesn’t make it easier but everyone here knows exactly what you’re going through. The intense pain of, never again is excruciating. My husband Ron passed 3 years ago just before Thanksgiving. Wevspent every minute of every day together. We ran a business together and loved every minute of it. We had an uneventful yet special day together. Buying our groceries for Thanksgiving, did yard work, helped my daughter in her new home, a good day. I made us chicken rice soup that he enjoyed for dinner. Then at 9:30, Ron didn’t feel well, he was having virus like symptoms. After a while I checked on him in the bathroom. Then it became clear he was suffering a heart attack. At 11:34 he passed away in the hospital. He went from seeming so healthy to gone so fast. They weren’t able to stabilize him, but worked on him feverishly. I was told he suffered a massive heart attack. While he was on the gurney waiting to be rolled into the ambulance he yelled very loud “ I love you Robin” multiple times. I feel forever grateful for that. But guilt that I didn’t answer him. But he knew I loved him. I thought he’d come home, I was sure of it. I was so wrong.
I’m sorry your son rarely speaks with you now. But so happy you had each other for a good amount of time.i know the loneliness is overwhelming. Nights seem to be the hardest for us all and if we sleep then waking up alone. We’re thrown into a life we don’t want anything to do with. I never lived alone until now, it’s scary. I get through each day bette now tat it’s been 3 years, but life isn’t easy. I’d say I’m stronger, not healed. I don’t believe we heal from this. We learn to deal, and have them in our heart forever eventually all the wonderful memories will bring a smile. There might be tears too. But that’s ok. As I’ve said before happy and sad at the same time. Getting to that point takes time and happens ever so slowly. So slow in fact you might not even realize. Then one day you’ll think, hey I just thought of a memory and it made me smile instead of cry so hard. Try to visit this site often, read and share stories and thoughts. Roam around on the site. It does help. You feel alone I know. But there’s whole community here that understands and supports each other. I’m sorry you’re here but glad you found this site.
Sending hugs! Robin

 

Thank you Lou. I feel a love for this man. He’s so alone. His health is failing and I worry about him. But he is ready to join his wife. He might have a lot more time here but he’s ready when it’s his turn. We’ve helped each other for 2 years.
I’m happy you have this wonderful family who enjoys your company and Mara seems to also. Robin

 

Robin. I cried just now, when I read about
your last moments with Ron, even though
I had known most of the details. I was up
in the night, trying to comfort and welcome Amber Grace. But, since Matt
died suddenly in front of her, from a
pulmonary embolism, just the way Linda
died, in front of me, Mr. Grief threw me
across the room. I fell into bed this
morning and had a mourning nap. Just
woke up at 10am, and was glad to see that
you & Gary were on here, welcoming
Amber. I really hope she will answer us.
I know that she lives in Texas, a different
time zone. There is also a new widower,
Tim (Timstlouis) from Missouri. I also
welcomed him, and hope he joins us. Lou

 

I can barely welcome myself today... I empathize and want to do better.

 

Gary, as I told Robin, I'm grateful that you
& she reached out to comfort and welcome
Amber Grace from Texas, as did I ( in the
middle of the night). Matt died suddenly
in front of her, just like Cheryl & Linda
died in front of us. I also welcomed a new
widower, Tim ( Timstlouis) from Missouri,
and told him I wished he would join our
brotherhood, He's about George's age. Lou

 

Hi Lou, Everyone,
Sorry I haven’t been in group lately. Just want
to let you ALL know am keeping each of you in
my daily prayers. Yesterday I got some really
bad health issue news, it hit me like a ton of
bricks, continuous crying all day. kept wishing
my Jack was here being healthy, to see me
through this time.
This morning realizing I know he’s in Heaven
I wouldn’t want him to go through this. I
turned to thanking God for His Love for me,
God was always with us through Jacks
struggle with PD. I will continue on
keeping strong in my Faith.
Sending hugs and prayers to all.
Blessings, Patti

 

Patti, we talk about you all the time. I
wish you lived closer to Deb, and you
could get together. I will pray to God
for your health to improve. It won't
hurt to pray. Miracles DO happen. When
I had to go to the ER in the middle of the
night, I was scared and alone, and I
prayed to God that I may live, and He
answered my prayers, I say a prayer of
gratitude to God every morning. If all 4
widows and the 3 of us widowers pray
for you tonight, it will be a powerful
message to God. Please try to write to
us every day, Patti. Lou

 

Patti,

I am so sorry to hear that you got hit with some really bad health news... I want so much to reach out... wrap you in the biggest hug ever... give you a real shoulder to lean on... , cry on... You are always in my daily prayers. I am going say lots of extra prayers for you too... I agree with Lou, and know that all of TGW will pray for you tonight, and all of us together are going to send God a very powerful message... I know all of our prayers are being heard...

If it helps to "talk," please(!!!) visit us as often as you feel up to it. If you don't feel like "talking," just know that all of us love you..., and will be praying for you...

As always, sending you and JayCee lots and lots of hugs and love, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Patti,
I am so sorry about your bad news. God is still in control as you well know, and the doctors definitely don't know everything! It's all up to God. And God is good.
I am praying now and will continue to pray for healing and health, and comfort and peace for you.
I'm so happy to hear that your shared faith and trust in Jesus gives you the assurance and confidence that Jack (also a believer, I assume) is currently alive and well in Heaven. What a comfort! I have the same assurance about Mark. He loved the Lord with all his heart and trusted Jesus as his savior. He is alive and well in Heaven. He just went there ahead of me. I will be joining him as soon as God calls me home.
Hang in there Patti. (((((Hugs)))))) and continued prayers for you! Love you. Stacey

 

Stacey, thank you for your prayer for
Patti. If all 4 widows, besides herself, and
all 3 widowers, pray for Patti tonight, it
will send a powerful message to God. Lou

 

Oh Patti, so sorry for your health news. You have my continuous prayers for your recovery. There is such love on this forum, it will encircle you with light and love. Keep Upright!, Karen

 

Amber, my name is Karen. I just read your post and I'm very sorry you lost Matt suddenly. I don't what is worse losing your love one suddenly or knowing they are terminal waiting for death to take them.

I lost my husband, Jack, last Nov 2020. He was ill for almost a year, he hoped the doctors would fix him. He came home with hospice, two weeks later he died. There was time to have all the family and friends come to the house to say goodbye.

Yes, for one year all I wanted was to go with him and I told him that before he died. And to this date I still wish I could of gone with him. We were married 39 years, my life, my partner, my lover all gone.

I truly think family & friends stay away because they don't know what to say to someone who has lost a love one. Maybe your son just doesn't know what to say or is giving you space to heal a bit.

Please stay with us, we all understand. Blessings to you, Karen

 

Lou,
Sorry that reading my last moments with Ron brought you to tears, but also thank you for caring. I know that Ambers loss and how it happened had to make you think of how you lost Linda. Mr Grief sure can throw us for a loop. I’m glad you were able to nap it off. That’s not something I can do. I’m just the opposite, can’t rest at all. I’ve read many posts where their loss is so similar to me losing Ron. And you relive your loss and know exactly how they were feeling. And the pain comes rushing back. But also helps us share our journey to help others. Robin

 

Patti, I’m so sorry you got bad health news. How I wish I had a magic wand to get you through this. Or to bring Jack back to be here with you. Even though you wouldn’t want him to have to go through this, you know he would be there by your side. Your in my prayers and God will carry you through.
Keep the Faith. Sending hugs, Robin

 

Karen, I woke up at 6:30am, my time, and
was greeted with many posts like yours,
Robin's. and, now, Chris, whose son died.
She had helped others on GIC before, but
came back to give comfort to Amber
Grace. For whatever reason, Amber has
not responded to us. This was very hard
for me, bc I had poured my guts out, by
telling her that Linda died suddenly in
front of me, from a pulmonary embolism,
just like Matt died in front of her. As I
told Chris, who also tried to comfort
Amber, I should heed the words of Tom
Zuba, to take NOTHING personally. As you
know, Karen,from personal experience (!),
I don't always live by Zuba's words, As Deb
would say, "total understatement!!!". Lou

 

Karen, P.S. Many of TGW are praying for
Patti. As you know, you & Patti were the
first people to welcome me. I fervently
hope that our group prayer will send a
powerful message to God, for Patti to
live. Also, I had forgotten that you and
Jack had been married for 39 years,
longer than the 25 years that Linda and I
had. That's one of the reasons I had
recommended Jonathan Santlofer's The
Widower's Notebook, a memoir. He was
married to Joy for 40 years, and has one
adult daughter. Many of his chapters deal
with friends and family, who don't "get
it". Thank you for being a good friend, who
does. Lou

 

Patti I’m so sorry to hear about your medical news. Myself and several of others found out the same thing this week. It’s a double whammy dealing with grief and health issues. TGW are not the type of people who shrink back. Your motto is our mantra that “no one should ever grieve alone”. I will be praying for you also. I pray that we all can decipher what God‘s will is for everyone of us. And then I hope I have the courage to accept it and try to keep doing the best I can. Robin I highly recommend the book “insomnia solved” by Brandon peters. In The book there is a six week course how to improve sleep along with much helpful info. Also Robin Congratulations on mending the fence the other day. We are TGW. We never stop trying. I love you all. Gary

 

Thank you for your prayers for Patti. All TGW are praying for this kindhearted
woman. I pray for good health and
happiness for all of us. I'm trying not to
worry about a doctor visit this am, where
he will tell me the results of a lab test. He
walks into the small room, with a stoic
expression, so I never know if it's good
news or bad. I know you've been through
a lot, Gary, and didn't need this, on top of
your mourning for Cheryl. I will do a
special prayer for you this am. Getting on
GIC helps me, while waiting for the
doctor. Lou

 

Thank you Gary for your recommendation. I’ll look into the book. My sleep issues are from multiple things. Goes without saying that the loss of Ron is the main issue. But also, many people who suffer with RA have trouble sleeping. I’m so lucky to be one of those people. Ron used to rub my back to help me sleep. It helped sometimes. I miss that of coarse. If I take anything to help me sleep I feel like a zombie and hate that feeling. Melatonin makes me feel like I’ve been drugged. I know I don’t get enough sleep. CBD helped me for a while. What’s crazy is I took it for arthritis. Didn’t help that but did help me sleep. I just looked that book up. Says $57. Maybe I should check the library. And thank you for mentioning mending the fence. I was so proud of myself and at the time I was down from my son leaving and pushing through. No one to share my accomplishment with. I did send my daughter a picture. It would have taken Ron a half hour to an hour. It took me all afternoon. He wouldn’t let me even carry a hammer let alone use one. But he’s watching and proud I know it. You made my day. Thank you.
Gary, somewhere along the way I missed that you got medical news adding to your grief. So sorry I missed that post. But you’re in my prayers as always.
Your posts of enjoying nature bring a smile. I’ll share that my daughter is getting a beach pass for her new Jeep so she can get me on the beach. All year. Can’t wait. She’s getting it in January.
❤️ Robin