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Stages of Grief: Anger

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by Marcey, Oct 21, 2021.

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Page 26 of 33

Countess Joy Well-Known Member

Van Gogh said: ↑

Gary, I had a delayed reaction to your
profound statement that you needed to
have some suffering. The easy way out
for me, would be to move to a place which
was sunny & 70 degrees every day. But,
being a New Englander, born & raised, I
know that to appreciate the flowers in
the spring, the joy of the ocean in summer,
and the magnificent colors of fall foliage,
I must endure my least favorite season,
winter. Today was a perfect storm for my
manic depression: early morning gray &
rain, warm sunshine at 11am, an unexpected 50s degrees, after days of
30s. I was in a great mood, thinking what
you, George, and I talked about as far as
being receptive to having new women in
our lives. Then, out of nowhere this
afternoon, a chilling gust of wind & gray
skies. I took a bus home. It was eerie. I
was the only passenger. I started to feel
angry & sad at the same time, as I passed
by houses that Linda & I had gone into,
with a real estate agent. We were looking
for a place with an inlaw apartment, for
her unpleasable folks, who rejected each
one. Linda's blind spot was to please her
father, who,in reality was enabling her
unreasonable mother. I started crying
over the wasted time & energy, when we
should've been focusing on the happiness
of our early years of marriage. Mr. Grief
won this battle today, Gary, but I'll be
damned if I let him win the war. Lou
Click to expand...

Day isn’t over, Lou. Even on the east coast.
I was going to try to offer up something humorous but I think Stacey’s chicken boob has done it for all of us today!
~B

Countess Joy, Dec 6, 2021

#501

Van Gogh likes this.
DEB321 Well-Known Member

Countess Joy said: ↑

Super Dark Chocolate squares with dried tart cherries in them are my newest find. 1 or 2 pieces in the evening and I’m feeling indulgent. Life is more than dark leafy greens!
Click to expand...

Bernadine,

I totally agree, there is way more to life than rabbit food!!!, TU!!! Dark chocolate squares with dried tart cherries... They sound absolutely delicious... What brand?

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

DEB321, Dec 6, 2021

#502

Van Gogh likes this.
DEB321 Well-Known Member

DEB321 said: ↑

Lou,

I really like both slightly salted cashews and Skinny Pop popcorn too, just not the buttered kind. I prefer many foods without lots of salt (except for corn on the cob and baked potatoes). I got used to preparing food with lots less salt. I did what I could to keep Bob as healthy as possible. Now some foods taste too salty to me.

I hope you had a good day, and that your evening is off to a good start...

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB
Click to expand...

P.S. Lou, I think my caffeine kicked in overtime today... Lol!!! I guess if anyone is getting kicked off this site, it's going to be me!!! I better be careful. I would miss TGW way toooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much!!!, TU

DEB321, Dec 6, 2021

#503

Van Gogh likes this.
DEB321 Well-Known Member

Van Gogh said: ↑

Yes, Bernadine, I agree. It's important to
have one new treat a day, in addition to
the required fruits & veggies. BTW, I love the Original V-8 cans (5.5oz) for a quick
shot of veggies. In the summer, I'm more
abt to eat soft serve vanilla and chocolate
ice cream. In the winter, I like hot
chocolate, and an occasional GF brownie.
The key is that "variety is the spice of
life" which cuts down on cravings. Lou
Click to expand...

Lou,

I totally agree with you, "variety is the spice of life." I can't imagine how beige (thank you Linda!!!) our world would be without it!!!, TU!!!

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

DEB321, Dec 6, 2021

#504

Van Gogh likes this.
Countess Joy Well-Known Member

DEB321 said: ↑

Bernadine,

I totally agree, there is way more to life than rabbit food!!!, TU!!! Dark chocolate squares with dried tart cherries... They sound absolutely delicious... What brand?

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB
Click to expand...

Nib Mor
“Organic dark chocolate tart cherry snack size pieces.” (V, GF)
The bag says “Live Mor, Give Mor, Smile Mor, Play Mor, Be Mor”
That’s a brand I’ll support!

Countess Joy, Dec 6, 2021

#505

Van Gogh likes this.
DEB321 Well-Known Member

Van Gogh said: ↑

Gary, I had a delayed reaction to your
profound statement that you needed to
have some suffering. The easy way out
for me, would be to move to a place which
was sunny & 70 degrees every day. But,
being a New Englander, born & raised, I
know that to appreciate the flowers in
the spring, the joy of the ocean in summer,
and the magnificent colors of fall foliage,
I must endure my least favorite season,
winter. Today was a perfect storm for my
manic depression: early morning gray &
rain, warm sunshine at 11am, an unexpected 50s degrees, after days of
30s. I was in a great mood, thinking what
you, George, and I talked about as far as
being receptive to having new women in
our lives. Then, out of nowhere this
afternoon, a chilling gust of wind & gray
skies. I took a bus home. It was eerie. I
was the only passenger. I started to feel
angry & sad at the same time, as I passed
by houses that Linda & I had gone into,
with a real estate agent. We were looking
for a place with an inlaw apartment, for
her unpleasable folks, who rejected each
one. Linda's blind spot was to please her
father, who,in reality was enabling her
unreasonable mother. I started crying
over the wasted time & energy, when we
should've been focusing on the happiness
of our early years of marriage. Mr. Grief
won this battle today, Gary, but I'll be
damned if I let him win the war. Lou
Click to expand...

Lou,

As you probably already guessed, although I should, I don't always read new messages in the right order. I just came across this message you sent to Gary. Sending lots of extra hugs your way... I'm so sorry MG knocked you down on that mat today... I HATE!!! how when we least expect it, thinking Candid Camera again here, only a way too twisted verison of it.., that MG appears, knocking us down full force... Triggers are everywhere!!!, TU!!! It just SUCKS!!!

I hope tonight turns out to be much better than your day did...

Sending you lots of extra hugs your way, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

DEB321, Dec 6, 2021

#506

Van Gogh likes this.
DEB321 Well-Known Member

Countess Joy said: ↑

Nib Mor
“Organic dark chocolate tart cherry snack size pieces.” (V, GF)
The bag says “Live Mor, Give Mor, Smile Mor, Play Mor, Be Mor”
That’s a brand I’ll support!
Click to expand...

Thanks Bernadine... I haven't heard of this brand, but will see if I can find it around here. I think the company who manufactures these should send you a case of them for doing some advertising. You've already sold me on them, and I haven't tried them (yet).

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

DEB321, Dec 6, 2021

#507

Van Gogh likes this.
Countess Joy Well-Known Member

DEB321 said: ↑

Thanks Bernadine... I haven't heard of this brand, but will see if I can find it around here. I think the company who manufactures these should send you a case of them for doing some advertising. You've already sold me on them, and I haven't tried them (yet).

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB
Click to expand...

Put in a good word for me

Countess Joy, Dec 6, 2021

#508

DEB321 and Van Gogh like this.
eyepilot13 Well-Known Member

Van Gogh said: ↑

Well, in spite of your deep sadness and
mourning over Mark, you are a very
funny woman. It took me a minute to
figure out what a "chicken boob" was!!!
As I've said before, the best actors and
comedians had sad & lonely lives when
they were younger: Al Pacino, Richard
Pryor, Robin Williams, etc. Lou
Click to expand...

TB refers to the massive chicken breasts common now as "Boobzillas"!

eyepilot13, Dec 6, 2021

#509

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eyepilot13 Well-Known Member

DEB321 said: ↑

I think I could win the world's record for the most and longest run on sentences!!!, TU!!! But, it's okay since George was an English major (at least I think this is what he told me) and a teacher, and has told me many times that he forgives me for this. I know he'll forgive you too, lol...!!!
Click to expand...

Yes I have a degree in English... Everyone is absolved who is a Grief Warrior!

eyepilot13, Dec 6, 2021

#510

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Van Gogh Well-Known Member

eyepilot13 said: ↑

TB refers to the massive chicken breasts common now as "Boobzillas"!
Click to expand...

Hooray for TB.!Maybe he IS a "chip off the
old block!! Lou

Van Gogh, Dec 6, 2021

#511

eyepilot13 likes this.
Van Gogh Well-Known Member

DEB321 said: ↑

Lou,

As you probably already guessed, although I should, I don't always read new messages in the right order. I just came across this message you sent to Gary. Sending lots of extra hugs your way... I'm so sorry MG knocked you down on that mat today... I HATE!!! how when we least expect it, thinking Candid Camera again here, only a way too twisted verison of it.., that MG appears, knocking us down full force... Triggers are everywhere!!!, TU!!! It just SUCKS!!!

I hope tonight turns out to be much better than your day did...

Sending you lots of extra hugs your way, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB
Click to expand...

Thank you so much, Deb. If you had been
on the bus, you would've given me a
box of tissues, a big hug, soft words of
comfort, and a heave ho off the bus to
Mr. Grief. How dare he disturb my quiet
scenic ride.? I thanked the bus driver as I
got off, "for the private tour", and he
laughed. I'm probably the only passenger
whoever said that to him! Lou

Van Gogh, Dec 6, 2021

#512

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eyepilot13 Well-Known Member

Van Gogh said: ↑

Hooray for TB.!Maybe he IS a "chip off the
old block!! Lou
Click to expand...

Hell yeah!

eyepilot13, Dec 6, 2021

#513

Van Gogh likes this.
cjpines Well-Known Member

Marcey said: ↑

Thank you Lou and Gary.

I didn't sleep...much. I fell asleep in my recliner to Jonathan, reading his book to me. I was in that kind of half asleep, half awake, hearing his voice and taking some of it in, but not fully....place. Till I put the laptop on the floor, let Miles out to "go potty" at 1:30 am-ish, and went to bed. By then I was awake enough to want to keep listening. I have the Audible app on my phone so I took Miles and my phone to bed and kept listening. I figured I would fall back to sleep within a few minutes. I did not. I'm taking a break from what I believe is the last chapter now. I guess I'll sleep later. At least I don't have somewhere that I have to be today. But I will take my mom and I for a walk at some point later this morning.

Thank you both for your thoughts and advice regarding my late-night snacking habit. It is only pretzels and soda. Not cake or cookies or ice cream. However, I do know that pretzels are empty carbs (that spike insulin - and though I am not diabetic, insulin is still one of the main fat storing hormones (other one being Cortisol, which is the stress hormone)) and even though they're low calorie, they will just sit there and turn to fat if I eat them at night (and not burn them off). ...runonsentencemuch? And I also know that sodas, especially diet sodas are h o r r i b l e for us. They destroy our gut microbiomes and slowly dissolve our bones. So even though they're low calorie, they're not doing me any good, in any way.
I don't feel guilty some of the time. And some of the time I scold myself and tell myself to knock it off. I also don't do it every night. I go back and forth between eating and drinking ultra-healthy foods (freshly juiced vegetables, apple cider vinegar & lemon water, all organic meat, eggs, fruit and veggies, green juices, all the natural supplements...no refined carbs, no sugar...), to eating and drinking nothing but junky comfort foods.
I started Weight Watchers a couple of weeks ago to help me get back to some kind of responsible structure in my eating habits. I'm doing much much better. But I still want pretzels and Diet Coke some nights. It's probably the evenings that I didn't eat enough during the day and extreme hunger hits me at 9 pm.
But still... that needs to be the exception, not the habit. I think for now, I'm going to give my pretzels to my mom or the trash can. When I am old enough to be responsible with pretzels and eat just a serving....before 6 pm, then I can have my pretzels back. lol And I should just stop buying the diet sodas.
darnit.
I hate being a responsible adult. It's stupid.
Click to expand...

Stacy, don't feel bad for what you eat now. The first 6-7 months after Jack died all I ate was sugar and carbs and I still crave it. I know it has contributed to my fatigue and I'm trying to eat better now. I'm going to have my lab tests next week and see what kind of damage all that crummy food did to me since I'm lightheaded all day now. It's just a symptom of grief and loss--a shock to our system. It's good you are taking charge with your diet and not letting it go further like I have.

cjpines, Dec 6, 2021

#514

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Van Gogh Well-Known Member

eyepilot13 said: ↑

Hell yeah!
Click to expand...

TB is lucky to have you as a loving father,
and you're lucky to have him as a son,
especially when he cooks dinner for
dear ol' Dad!!! Lou

Van Gogh, Dec 6, 2021

#515

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eyepilot13 Well-Known Member

Van Gogh said: ↑

TB is lucky to have you as a loving father,
and you're lucky to have him as a son,
especially when he cooks dinner for
dear ol' Dad!!! Lou
Click to expand...

His mission is to take care of me.

eyepilot13, Dec 6, 2021

#516

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Van Gogh Well-Known Member

It's only fair, George, bc you were a good
father who took care of him. Some
"fathers" go AWOL, or are mean, or
narcissistic. L

Van Gogh, Dec 6, 2021

#517

eyepilot13 likes this.
cjpines Well-Known Member

Countess Joy said: ↑

Super Dark Chocolate squares with dried tart cherries in them are my newest find. 1 or 2 pieces in the evening and I’m feeling indulgent. Life is more than dark leafy greens!
Click to expand...

How about SEE's candies? Yap. My sister gave me a box recently and I try to only have one per day. SEE's the best. I used to get one layer for $8, then it was $9, then 12$ now I think it's around $25-30 per box. But, what a treat, great Christmas gift.

cjpines, Dec 6, 2021

#518

Van Gogh likes this.
Gary166 Guest

TGW have just proved that beautiful food takes our minds off of MG for the moment. Bad food opens our wounds. I had some venison chili with a side salad tonight. I’ve been buying large bags of prunes at Costco. Eating three prunes stops me from picking up a granola bar or a handful of unsalted mixed nuts. Lou I’m glad you threw MG under the bus when you got off that bad trip down memory lane today. We need to use reverse psychology on MG and attack him from all sides like Arnold Schwarzenegger defeated the predator. Hitting the hay. Sleep tight TGW. Gary

Gary166, Dec 6, 2021

#519

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cjpines Well-Known Member

cjpines said: ↑

How about SEE's candies? Yap. My sister gave me a box recently and I try to only have one per day. SEE's the best. I used to get one layer for $8, then it was $9, then 12$ now I think it's around $25-30 per box. But, what a treat, great Christmas gift.
Click to expand...

What the heck, I'd fly to the Moon for a See's.

cjpines, Dec 6, 2021

#520

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