Stages of Grief: Anger

Bernadine,

It's so nice to "see" you here tonight. I love how you take such good care of yourself. The foods we decide to eat are one thing that we have control over. It feels good to have control over something...

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

B,
Yes, I think it could be that we are just not ready to see our beloved husbands in our dreams. And if that is the case, then I thank merciful God for His perfect timing.

 

Karen,

You made me laugh when you said maybe we should call our book of many chapters, Season I episode, 1, 2, 3, and so on... It's like we're all characters in some sort of extremely twisted soap opera... This just SUCKS!!!

I'm so glad that we can make each other laugh in between all of those tears... Without laughter, we would be living in a colorless world... TGW are the absolute best!!!, TU!!!

As always, sending you and Rambo lots of hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

George I am so sorry. ((((((((HUGS)))))))) This is brutal. Hang in there. I hope you can enjoy your evening with your son and his GF and the yummy dinner you're all making. I'm trying to be more in the moment today. Focusing on right here and right now (and not on the past or the future). I have to remind myself to do this constantly. Sometimes it helps. Sometimes it doesn't help. Right now it is helping me a little bit. ♥

 

B....I'm sorry I couldn't think of how to spell your name. And it was apparently too much work for me to scroll up to check. lol Please forgive me. May I call you B?!
♥

 

Stacey, it's 5pm, cold, & already dark. For
many people, it brings on fatigue and the
urge to hibernate. We GW have the soul
crushing fatigue which comes with
mourning for our soulmates. Thanks for
your kind words about my dream about
Linda. As I told my "brothers" on GIC, I
I don't have these dreams as often, now.
As for your narcissistic "friend", I had
something similar. After college, I lived
with my parents ( big mistake), and missed
my friends, who were out of state. There
was only one classmate in the area. I wasn't too keen on him in college but I
thought I could tolerate him as a beer
drinking buddy to hit the bars with.
Another big mistake. It was fun in the
beginning but I wish I was with my
closer friends and college roommate. It
became clear that my impression of him
in college, was correct. It was all about him. After Linda died, we talked on the
phone and he whined that his wife
walked out on him ( what a surprise!) and
2 of his 3 daughters wouldn't talk to him.
He had the audacity to say that his
divorce was WORSE than my being a
widower. I was speechless, but a couple
nights later, I left a barn burner, how
dare you, voicemail, and we never spoke
again. I have no regrets. I'll look forward
to you hearing the Good Friends, Bad
Friends chapter in Jonathan Santlofer's
book. He addresses everything you said
about both people. Lou

 

Dinner sure smells good. I know I'm doing better but I don't FEEL better. Now that I'm not preoccupied with moving MG is really comin on strong.. well F you MG! Yes I feel angry the scabs are ripped away today. The Grief Warriors are gonna kick yer ass. I look at this picture of a beautiful girl next to my computer. Where are you...? my tears are red today with blood! It was a year ago today I knew in my heart you would die. Why... I know... I know... I don't have to like it.

Thanks for listening.

 

I have an urge to create pretentious powerful grief poems and express them. I direct my energy to bad art! I don't know if it's good or bad... but it is screaming to come out from under the obliterated scabs of the last few months. Dinner smells good... You help me feel better! Thank you!

 

Wow you a badass Lou! Kool!

 

Thanks, younger brother! I've learned
the hard way not to take any crap!! Lou

 

George has there been any change in your medication’s that could be causing your bad dreams? I tried googling help for bad dreams but it was all Christian-based. I haven’t had any luck trying to find a spiritual exercise that protects people from spiritual attack.There was a site Iloveangels.com that had those exercises. I was thinking maybe Valerie gave you the name Ampelopie to let you know the antelope is your power animal. The animal that fights for you behind the scenes that we are not aware of. I think my power animal is a white breasted nuthatch. Just another resource to use against MG(Mr Grief). you and Lou got out for walks today and I rode the exercise bike 40 minutes. Deb thanks for your kind words and encouragement in your earlier post. My loneliness intensified today. I started an application for an Internet dating site a week ago. I can’t get myself to complete it and don’t know if I ever will. Is it an unhealthy belief that we would betray our spouses by having another relationship? No one would ever replace Cheryl or any of our spouses. Thanks. Gary

 

Gary, Cheryl didn't want you to live alone
and miserable. Linda had "the talk" with
me, when she became ill.She made me
promise to try to be happy, and to even
find another woman. You live in an
isolated area, so a reputable online
service makes sense. I know a couple
who"talked" on line for years before
they met. They discovered they had a lot
in common. When they finally met in
person, that was just the icing on the
cake. I'm hoping to meet a woman who
comes to my small seaside town, from
the city. The population is small except
in the summer tourist season, and at
Christmas, when all the shops, inns, and
restaurants welcome out of towners. As
you may recall, I did meet a woman from
the city, less than a year after Linda
died. The problem was that I was
drinking then, and my judgment was
poor. It wasn't 'til later that I found out
she had been arrested for TWO DUIs.
I feel a sense of calm when I see a male
(mallard) duck, gliding along with a
female. I crave a touch, a hug, a smile
from a woman. Is that so wrong? Lou

 

Total Understatement, Cheat sheet for me too.

 

No changes in meds Bro... That is so cool about the Antelope! Thanks.
A good dinner and typing up my grief poems seemed to help,,, and of course TGW on GIC! You will finish the application when you are ready I think. each and every thing has a time and a place allotted to it, I think. I always wonder if I will ever find anyone else. I won't fee3l guilty Valerie told me explicitly when she was still "healthy" I needed to re-marry. I can't disappoint her now, right. I still can't take off my wedding ring. I'm not ready. Putting away some records and CDs and breaking down empty boxes was satisfying. Way to go on the bike dude! Proud of you!

 

YES!!!

 

And, I'm proud of YOU, younger bro! The
decision to keep wearing a wedding ring
after the spouse is deceased, is a personal
one. Jonathan chose to keep wearing his.
My 92 year old friend, Roger, and I, choose
not to. Jonathan said he didn't want to get
married again. I don't either, but I'm open
to having a relationship with a woman,
preferably with her own apartment. As
Jonathan says, I like the freedom to come & go. Lou

 

Lou and George are the best brothers I could ever have. Thanks for answering my troubled mind so quickly. Having a long getting to know each other period is a must. I like your idea Lou of having your own place sanctuary and refuge. A little over a year ago I went ice fishing with a small snow storm coming. I told Cheryl I’d be home by four and if I decided to fish out the storm I would text. It only snowed 4 inches but when the snow fell it just plastered everything and I could not get my phone out without getting it soaked. I texted Cheryl on my way home which was 2 1/2 hours later than I planned. When I got home Cheryl was a wreck. She told me in another five minutes she was going to call the Noble County sheriffs Department because I had fallen through the ice and drowned. Cheryl was terribly distraught. I knew Cheryl loved me but I didn’t know until then how strong her love was for me. I apologized and explained I only wanted to catch a couple more fish and I would’ve had a meal for us. Cheryl forgave me. For some reason I keep reliving that event. not that I made a mistake but the intensity of the snow and experiencing it. Seeing the other fishermen disappear when the snow hit reminded me of the Mirage in the movie the High Plains drifter with Clint Eastwood. There two trumpeter Swans that kept flying around the area in the snowy sky. It was like being in Wonderland with Alice. Thanks for listening. Gary

 

Ugh, I’m so sorry to hear that.

 

I forget to sign Bernadine. Thanks for asking, that’s very respectful.
Yes, absolutely call me B! I respond to it equally as several people in my life use it.

 

Gary, I'm touched by your words of
brotherly love. I always wanted a
brother, who would also be my trusted
friend. I believe you have one, but he
doesn't live near you. Your incident
reminds me of a couple things: 1st, I did
something stupid & thoughtless and didn't
call Linda when I was late, coming from
out of town. She was distraught & was
about to call the police, too. She did
forgive me, but it took quite a while to
forgive myself, 2nd, your heroic ice
fishing reminds me of a scene in the
movie, Grumpy Old Men, with rivals,
neighbors, formerly boyhood pals, played
by real life friends, Walter Matthau and
Jack Lemmon, and 3rd, loved Westerns,
all Eastwood films. You have a real way
with words and paint a vivid picture for
us. I have a passion for writing, and could
go on & on. Thank God I'm more of a
quiet listener in person, like you and
George. Lou