Stages of Grief: Anger

Hi, back, George! Just had snack & herbal
tea. and going back to bed. Still dark in
Ma. at 5am. Hope you can sleep later. Lou

 

Up around 7! A record for me! Walked around compound after a good home cooked breakfast of bacon and eggs! Yum. So far so good!

 

Good for you, brother! Did you make
breakfast, or your son? I have cereal,
bananas, & walnuts, with instant coffee.
Too lazy to do eggs! At favorite spot
across from ocean, with real coffee, an
egg & cheese sandwich on gluten free
bread, & homemade potatoes. I'm
listening to Louis Armstrong, singing
"A kiss to build a dream on", AND I'm
not crying, just letting the music wash
over me. I love the soft jazz ( piano),
which follows. I have a fondness for
Armstrong, bc in "Hello, Dolly", he
calls himself, LOUIS, which was my
childhood name. Lou

 

My son is the chef! I'd be too lazy to make that too! Listened to some Steely Dan on the newly setUp stereo then went for a nice walk! Hope you have a good day and MG stays away!

 

I’d like to reach out to each and every TGW this morning. I’ve read through a few posts and see there’s extra emotions and some struggling going on. I’m so very sorry! George, you are such an inspiration. Even while you’re having trouble communicating and your mind set is frazzled, you were able to share your feelings and your brothers are here for you. We all look at you as such a strong person and you prove it time snd again. The move you just went through it’s amazing that you can get out of bed each day. You’re pushing through and that’s a lot in itself.
Gary, finding those saved cards in your hutch! I know exactly the emotions you felt and it brings back happy loving memories with the reality of today and now. I came across Christmas tags we had put on each others gifts. We always wrote extra little messages on those tags and I saved a bunch from over the years. Seeing them was very emotional and I had to sit down. So I know that was difficult for you too. Reading how you are each dealing and pushing and the difficult times makes me wonder how Ron would be if it was me who passed and him left behind. Ron was/is a mans man. Tough to all others. Tender with me and his kids. I’m not sure he would look for a site like GIC. I know he’d have a hard time like each of you and I know he would close our business like I did. I sometimes wonder.
I wanted to try to catch up some and share how my visit with my son is going. But I do have guilt. I feel like a new person having both my children with me. Doesn’t even matter what we’re doing. I have my kids by my side. I’ve had them both with me before since Ron passed but this time I’m stronger and it’s such a nice feeling. I might be learning that although we each miss every single thing about our spouses. The love they gave us unconditionally is a huge huge loss. I’m getting that from both my children in person. It’s a big energy and emotion boost that feels pretty darn good. My son flies back to FL tomorrow. Not looking forward to that.
Hope you all have a better day today. Sending love and hugs to you all! Robin

 

No worries it's good to have someone at your side. I at least have TB around with me. He helps me get through this stress and grief. Take whatever resources you can. Valerie anI would write wacky names on gift tags. I saved one in a folder of memories. I have several folders actually.
Thank you for saying I'm an inspiration. I'm just trying to get by day-after-day the best I can. Need to be strong cuz as Valerie would say to me... "You can do it Ampelopie!" (she called me Ampelopie sometimes, as in antelope. Not sure how that came about. just a cool sounding word. I write that in my journal when I need to remember to be strong. thanks for writing! Much love!

 

Robin, so good to see you on here this
am. It was just us 3 brothers yesterday,
and I'm hoping a 4th, Tom, will join us.
You probably remember him as tgotyall.
He's been on GIC for a while. I joined end
of July. Sorry your son is going back to
Florida tomorrow. I know you'll miss him.
You raise an interesting point, that Ron
probably wouldn't have any use for GIC.
Linda had no use for "talk therapy", so I
know she wouldn't have bothered with
GIC. She became understandably bitter,
and disliked most people, except her
favorite nurse. about her age, who became
a good friend, and, of course, me. Lou

 

So much like Valerie!
"Linda had no use for "talk therapy", so I
know she wouldn't have bothered with
GIC. She became understandably bitter,
and disliked most people, except..." "the Group" a select few people! Ha. So interesting!

 

It's amazing how you & I are so much
alike. George, and how are wives were
also so much alike! Lou

 

Hi Lou, Deb, Karen, Robin, George,Gary,Tom,
Popped in to let you all know that I have been
thinking of you all and keeping everyone in
my daily prayers. I hadn’t posted lately, had
some sort of a virus, isolated myself from
others, whatever it was has left me quite weak.
I made myself take little JayCee for grooming
this morning, manager grooms her (always,
at my request).
Took long nap, decided to fix chicken, home
made dumplings, another making myself. Wish
I could give you all some.
Deb, I know the feeling of all you are going
through, I keep praying myself through this
journey. GREAT BIG HUG TO YOU.
George, great to hear you are moved, glad
to hear you’re walking, I’ve sure missed it
but will get back to doing so, hopefully soon.
Robin, I haven’t had anymore signs from Jack,
I treasure those that I’ve had. Miss him
everyday.
I need to take time to read everyone’s previous
postings.
Lou, it’s good to hear you’re meeting up with
friends there, and keeping active,we are to get
lot of rain this coming week.
Blessings to each of you, hugs and prayers.
Patti

 

One of the many cruel realities of dealing with loss is about the time that the shock wears off and the extreme pain and loneliness set in is the exact same time everyone returns to their normal life and you are left completely alone.

I had a crappy week. I'm drowning.

I hope everyone else is doing better than I am.

Looks like Tom is the new guy. Welcome Tom. I'm truly sorry you are here.

Just wanted to say thank you to those of you who have taken the time to commiserate with me and share my pain over the last few weeks. I really do appreciate it very much.

 

Sending you BIG HUGS, continued. Prayers.
Blessings, Patti

 

Thank you, Patti. So good to hear from you.
Deb was telling me that she was worried,
as I was, bcwe hadn't heard from you in a
while. One day. GIC was just my brothers,
Gary & George. I want Tom (tgotyall) to join
us. Gary said we could be The Fantastic
Four! Hope Karen & Bernadine ate OK.
Good to finally see Stacey again. Wish
I could eat your delicious meals! Lou

 

So sorry Mr.Grief has you in a vice.
You said you were still decorating for
Christmas. I can't. That was Linda's
domain, but I'm enjoying the tall
Christmas tree in the town square, and
the smiling faces of the people, walking
along the shops & restaurants, glowing in
light. Please try to come on here, we miss you, Stacey! Lou

 

Robin,

As always, it's so good to hear from you. Your update has me smiling... It is wonderful to hear that you are now much stronger than you've been in the past. You sound so happy... Although life will always be bittersweet, I think you've just taken a big step forward. I know Ron is over the top proud of you..., over the top happy too... Thank you for sharing such good news with us.

As always, sending you and Teddy lots of hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Stacey,

Sending you the biggest hug ever... I totally "get" how you're feeling. It just SUCKS!!!, TU!!! Once the shock wore off, the more time that goes by, the worse the pain is for me too. I'm so sorry... I HATE!!! it when I don't have much positive to say. Most people don't understand that there is no quick fix, that Mr. Grief is always hanging over your head like a cold dark cloud, always ready to soak you in pain... I HATE!!! the way we live in such a "quick fix" society!!!, TU!!! I HATE!!! the way that losing our spouses makes so many people uncomfortable being around us!!!, TU!!! Getting off of my soapbox before I even get started!!!

I've been doing the best I can to keep busy. I ran errands this morning, did some chores, then raked leaves for a neighbor who threw her back out. I don't want to be alone with my thoughts. Although I'm looking forward to seeing my son over Christmas, I'm dreading Christmas at the same time. I haven't even been able to put a wreath on my front door. Even this seems too painful... Stopping here (for now.)

I've been struggling too, struggling to the point where I'm having a very difficult time expressing myself in writing. I haven't been around much lately. I find myself needing to do whatever I can to escape from reality. This usually means making a cup of herbal tea, wrapping myself in my super soft bereavement blanket, and tuning into mindless TV. I'm trying hard to keep to a regular sleeping schedule. I want to ditch the Uncle Fester bag look. Everything is just so much worse with not enough sleep!!!, TU!!! (last one for now.) I realize that I've been avoiding going to bed because I can't get used to sleeping without Bob's arms wrapped around me.

My chrome book has hit slo mo mode again. It's frustrating because I want to keep on "talking" to you and "talk" to others too.

Hope you manage to get some quality sleep tonight...

Sending lots more hugs and love to you and Miles, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

We know the pain and we share it. I have never lived alone, and it's extremely hard. There are many morning I wake up and yell to God, HELP. If I keep busy in the evenings I'm sustaining, otherwise, Mr. Grief has his way. All I can say is hang on to your Faith it's all we have.
I truly hope this coming week is a little better for you and hoping some of your good friends will reach out to you soon. Sending prayer's your way, karen

 

Tom, welcome to Grief Warriors. My name is Karen. I lost my husband, Jack, Nov 4th 2020 to cancer. I've been on this forum for one year and the support is outstanding. Everyone understands. It's a place you can vent all you want, no judgement here.
I haven't read your first post, but I see here your wife's name is Gina. Loss is heartbreaking. Take care, Karen

 

Karen, I really missed you. I know you are
having a really rough time. It's been only a
year since Jack died. I was a basket case, a
year after Linda died. Even though it's been 3 years for me, like Robin, my worst time seems to be when I wake up in the
morning. I have to push Mr. Grief aside
( your brilliant contribution to TGW), get
out of bed, put the heat on ( 20s to 30s
degrees in the am!!), make hot coffee, and
check in with my friends on GIC. I usually
wake up the same time every morning,
around 6am, and I usually see my "younger brother " George. We've been
talking about our relationships with our
wives. We're a lot alike, and Valerie and
Linda were similar to each other, too. We
can even look back & joke about things.
One day, we were "talking" with our "middle brother", Gary. Gary pointed out
that there were no widows with us that
day. Both of us missed hearing from
women, like you. I want you to make fun
of me again, Karen! I miss our teasing. A
belief in God and a sense of humor ( dark
humor at times) sustains me. About my
bedtime, 9:30, my time. Hope to hear from
you soon, when you feel like it. It was
good to see Patti, Deb, and Stacey. Hope
Bernadine is OK. "Sleep tight......". Lou

 

Hi Patti good to see your post. Glad you got Jay Cee groomed. You’re a great pet owner. I’m glad to hear you’re feeling better. Homemade chicken and dumplings sounds like good medicine to me. Stacey we’re all drowning but GIC is our lifeline and TGW are our lifeguards. Stay connected. I’m tossing you a life jacket with a hug and a prayer on it. I spent eight hours in the woods today. Cheryl is always on my mind. I hunt for food but also I go afield to get cold and suffer. I spend hours setting in a tree or a tent enduring the elements. Time goes so slow and the deer are smarter than the hunters. It’s just like grief where I wish this would hurry up and get over. It Has to be endured. I go into the woods and I hunt and I think and I grieve and I suffer. Sometimes the woods is very pleasant and then sometimes it’s a monster like grief. We must persevere. Sometimes we feel like we just can’t go anymore and then we keep going regardless. Helping someone else is a great morale builder. I think about everybody making plans for the holidays with their families. My niece Laura and I are the soul survivors of whats left of the family. Because of some conflict settling Cheryl’s estate I don’t get to play reindeer games with them any more. I live alone in the country and I have very few friends. That’s why I’m attracted to the outdoors. GIC and TGW are the best thing that has happened since losing Cheryl. Good point Robin I don’t think Cheryl would’ve gotten help either if I went before her. It’s very troubling to think of our spouses enduring what we are enduring now. Someone used to say to me the strongest will known to man is the will to survive. We will sail our life boat into happy destiny. We are TGW. We get down but we’re never out. We are survivalist. I love you all. sleep well. Gary