Stages of Grief: Anger

Tom,thank you so much for reply, and telling me your name & Gina's. I was just
talking with Gary and talked with George
this am. We joke that we're brothers. I'm
the oldest, then Gary, then George. Right
now, we've been the only widowers. I
would like to welcome you as our 4th
brother!! We love The Widower's Notebook,a memoir, by Jonathan
Santlofer. Lou

 

So unmoored today. Got Chinese takeOut and played computer games all day with TB. I don't know what's wrong with me!? Duh... really now... Today is icky to the max.

 

George, talk with your brothers! We may
have a new one, Tom! Lou

 

Very cool I saw his message! Barely hangin in today my Bro!

 

George, thanks for answering me. So sorry
you're having a horrible day. If you are
like me, you're having a delayed reaction
to all the stress & time pressure of the
move. I so wish you could be getting a
massage instead of dialysis. After a fall, which cut one knee & tensed up the
other, I couldn't tie my sneakers, or use
stairs, without pain.I went to a young
married PT in a rehab unit. Before we
did the leg exercises, I told her about
Linda. The woman was so kind, that I
cried in her office. I thanked her for
the kleenex, and for being my "grief
therapist", & we both laughed. The next
few sessions solved the problem, but I
think her listening to me, saved the day.
After this, a friend of mine said that he
got a pedicure & suggested it for me. I
laughed at first, & wondered what Linda
would think about my going to get
another young woman ( though married
also) for the pedicure. Well, when I put
my feet in the warm whirlpool before
the pedicure, I ended up crying AGAIN!
This woman also had kind eyes above her
obligatory mask. Even though I couldn't
see the smiles of either woman,I knew
they were there. Is there any way, or
place. you can pamper yourself, George?
You deserve it!! Lou

 

At least no dialysis today! Like you said itz
all the stress & time pressure of the move.
Just some days are not going to be as good as others
I'm gonna try and relax a bit I think,
Your story reminds me of the nice dialysis techs I have and the people there are very nice.

 

George, I'm glad you have some empathetic
staff. As I've told Gary, Deb. & other GW, I
seem to need the soft voices of women
around me. I like my male pals at the Shack, but it's very different. I can't keep
telling them about my "tilt-a-whirl" of
mourning. They are at the Shack for a
good time. I don't want to be a " buzzkill".
Lou

 

And then there were four. Welcoming Tom. The Fantastic Four. Glad to have you as a brother. George I’m sorry to hear you’re having a bad day. But I think Lou nailed it when he said you had a delayed reaction to your big move. It sounds like you’re eating healthy food. I’m glad you’re having some quality Bro time with TB. I was cleaning out the hutch and stumbled into a box that had a bunch of old birthday and Valentine’s Day cards that Cheryl had kept. It caught me by surprise and I came to grief. I set down and had a good cry. I’m ok with it. I was over due. The grief is like the tide it ebbs and flows. It’s been well ingrained in me to not repress grief. I’m going to make another trip to Goodwill soon. Going to read a couple chapters in the “widowers notebook” tonight. Hope everyone sleeps well. Gary

 

Totally!
well I walked around the apartment complex 3 daze in a row at least/just feel so out-of-it today.
It is very calm and peaceful walking here as opposed to my old subUrban neighborhood.

 

Thanks Gary... Just can't get with it. tired depressed. Miss Valerie. dreams about her last night didn't help. I have made so many trips to "The Will" I get it. Sounds like when I found Valerie's unopened Halloween cookie cutters. still makes me grieve thinking about it. Gonna play some more "Civ" on the computer.

 

George, Thanks for talking with Gary &
me tonight. Looks like we need each other,
so we don't fall off that scary ride at the
not so amusing, amusement park Gary
mentions. As Gary said, the widows are
AWOL so far today, and I miss the company of women and their kindness. Lou

 

Thank God you can finally walk in a
better neighborhood. I'm proud of you,
younger brother! Lou

 

Tom,

I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to respond. I've been emotionally and physically drained, way past exhausted. As Lou said recently, we are BOG (Boxers of Grief). Mr. Grief knocked me down, and I had a hard time getting back up. I had to take the day yesterday off from visiting TGW. I woke up later than usual today, and it took everything I had in me, not to pull the covers over my head, and remain in bed. After getting up, making some coffee (I really needed it injected IV style!!!), it was a beautiful, warm, sunny day, in my little corner of the world, so went outside and did some much needed yard work, ended up talking to some of my neighbors, and took a short walk. (I think I could win the world's record for the most and longest run on sentences!!!, total understatement!!!) I spent the entire afternoon outside. All that fresh air and sunshine helped, until... I stepped inside my front door. Mr. Grief was waiting for me.

Backing up a bit, what I really want to say is that I'm so glad you have decided to stick around and join us, TGW (The Grief Warriors, the name Lou gave us. I think it fits us perfectly!!!, TU!!! (I'm trying to stop saying this, it's grown way past stale, but it's a tough habit to break.) I love that you had "WARRIOR" tattooed on your forearm. We truly are warriors, battling Mr. Grief 24/7...

It's hard for me to accept that everything from the date of Gina's passing and Bob's passing, will always be so bittersweet... Happiness mixed with sadness... Laughter mixed with tears... (This is how another GW, Robin, expresses this, and she said it better than I ever could. I've adopted this from her, and use it frequently.) You are so right, we can't give up. I don't believe that we are here just to spend the rest of our lives miserable. I believe that God has a plan for each of us, and eventually we will find our purpose in life, now that the one true love of our lives are no longer with us, find some sort of happiness again, although I can't imagine what this new kind of happiness will look like (yet), and eventually find peace. I have to believe this. I don't think I would be able to make it through another day if I didn't.

Once again, I'm so glad you are here, and have found TGW, but so very sorry you had to. More I wanted to say to you, but lost my train of thought. This foggy widow brain thing really SUCKS!!!

Sleep well...

Sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

George,

Sorry I've been MIA recently and getting here so late. Keeping this short because I'm way past frazzled, totally exhausted both emotionally and physically. (Bob would have a field day with this one!!!, TU!!! (I'm really trying but that TU sort of just wrote itself...)

Backing up just a bit, I'm so over the top impressed that you've been doing so much walking, are eating healthier, and have accomplished so much in so little time. I love that you've been spending some quality time with TB. I know Valerie is way beyond proud of you!!! (Thought it, didn't say it, thinking this might be a bit of progress???)

Just want to send lots and lots of hugs and love your way... hoping tomorrow will be a better day for you, for all of TGW...

Sending more hugs, more love, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Hey Deb! Up in the middle of the night and computer just went on so I thought I'd check out GIC and saw your message! No worries glad you got on line to tell me that. Friday was a weird day but as you said I keep trying and I know Valerie would have been proud. Miss her even more thanks to MG since I moved! Seems like we all had emotional and trying days! Good morning! LOL lottsa love and hugzes!

 

Deb, woke up in middle of night, and
checked GIC. There you were, reaching out
to George, who will see this early in the
morning, and Tom, who Gary said should
be our 4th brother, making us "The
Fantastic Four". You treated Tom to full
Deb: a "book", total understatement....Wait,I see an "alert"
coming in now. Karen, Patti, Stacey,
Bernadine? Hope it's not you, and that
you're sleeping! Lou

 

Here I am in the middle of the night checking on TGWs. Can't say much except moving has been hard and makes me miss my Valerie ven more. Not much else to say. Kinda wordless feeling... as usual lately. Many shorter messages I guess...

 

Wow, George! This is the Twilight Zone!
Just woke up & wrote to Deb, & saw an
"alert" coming in : YOU!! Now, I see
another one.....Lou

 

Yeah I'm awake but tired! Just thought I'd say hi!