Stages of Grief: Anger

Thank you for the kind and positive reply Stacey! It's so hard because I don't know where anything is despite being as organized as I could be. I did my best I know. Just after such a big thing It feels so empty inside. and of course I'm missing Valerie a lot. It is so important to do stuff. Just what? Maybe if I put some stuff away I'll feel better. My head's such a mess. Again it's a matter of perseverance and patience. I know. Doesn't make it any easier though. I will keep trying to keep trying. so tired emotionally and physically too.

 

George,

My chrome book is in super slo mo mode again this morning... It is way beyond frustrating because there are so many things I want to say... I'm so glad Lou and Stacey are here for you this morning. I love their advice!!!

Be gentle with yourself. You've accomplished so much in such a short amount of time!!!, TU!!! If you can, try to get a walk in today, even if it's only a short one. Some fresh air is always a good thing... But, and this is another one of those really BIG BUTS!!!, do whatever it is that you need to do to get through today. Don't worry about putting things away, organizing things right now (unless this is one of the things that makes you feel better).

For now, just sending lots and lots and lots of hugs & love your way... And, as always, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB

 

Hey Deb! Thanks for the positive vibes. Putting some stuff away would make me feel more useful. I haven't done this in 17 years so it's pretty crazy. I just need to be kind and patient with myself. I actually remembered I could make oatmeal for B-Fast! I'm trying. Just feel so crappy! The thing getting me through this is my friends on GIC! Much love to you!

 

P.S.

Great minds think alike.... I was typing this message, "talking" about not having to put things away unless it makes you feel better, when you mentioned this in your response to Stacey. For me, getting a few things put away would probably help, but I wouldn't attempt to tackle too much today feeling the way you're feeling. Doing too much could make you feel even worse right now. Don't know if this makes much sense, but will send it anyway. Also sending more hugs, love...

 

Stacey, Linda used to like to decorate
our small apartment, every holiday. We
bought fun fridge magnets, & funny
sayings, like "The Elf Made Me Do It".
After Linda died, I sobbed when I saw
these things & gave them to a friend. I
don't regret it. I have to start anew. A
woman, Kim, who Linda didn't know, is
like a daughter to me. She saw my bare
walls, & put up 2 paintings, which her
family no longer needed. I'm not
decorating. My upstairs neighbors say
that my apartment has a simple , Zen like
look, which is what I prefer. I like to be
out all day, & enjoy the Christmas lights
in the neighborhood, when it gets dark.
Lou

 

It is so hard balancing being patient and knowing you need to relax but at the same time unable to relax because there is so much that is chaotic and new. And I miss my bestie wife friendie a lot too!

 

That's just like all the cute stuff Valerie and I had. I can't do the whole Christmas thing but other cute little things I saved I put out and help me still feel close to her

 

Oh, christmas lights. *sniffle/smile* that’s a great idea.
~B

 

Thanks, Bernadine. Having a tough time,
achieving serenity today. Trying to drink
coffee in a large cafe, Everyone is
talking quietly, except for one older
woman, who loves the sound of her own
voice. She's been non stop. Her younger
friend hasn't said a word. I'm looking
around at the many couples, who don't
seem bothered. But, I sure am. Same
thing yesterday---- different woman.
Having GIC on phone helps, but I'm
still mad. My fantasy is that I walk over
to her & tell her to shut the f**k up. Well,
everyone left. Now, it's my turn... Lou

 

George don’t feel like the Lone Ranger. I got sucker punched by Mr. grief this morning. I noticed when I played aarp.org staying sharp games today I wasn’t as proficient as normal. Then all of a sudden I’m overwhelmed with extreme sadness. It wasn’t gradual it was just Bam. You’ve gotten a lot of really good suggestions. the only thing I can add is to listen to the oldies on the radio or watch some mindless comedy on TV. You’re going through a cultural shock. A complete change of your home environment. Remember how your diet messed you up the last time? I eat more oranges in the winter. If you’re going start unpacking do the easiest thing you can do first. I’m getting ready to go up to Michigan and throw a tarp over my camper because there’s a snowstorm coming Sunday. Keep on Truckin younger brother George. Everyone here has your back. Love you Bro.

 

It sure is culture shock for sure. Just so tired but can't sleep. Listening to some music. went for a walk around the grounds. It is cold wind and raw (typical Chicago) and have the radio on. I wish I could eat oranges but too much potassium for a dialysis patient. I hear you about grief. I am so sad too because I miss Valerie a lot since I moved. The overwhelming sadness and desolation just comes across of of nowhere. I'm, gonna listen to all the good advise and do my best like we all are. Thanks for the kind message my friend!

 

I can get so irrationally angry all of sudden too. Now I'm just tired.

 

Lou,

I totally get not being able to enjoy the same decorations that Linda used to put up for you both to enjoy. But I'm happy to hear that you still enjoy the outside lights in the neighborhood. ♥

I decorated. I love to decorate and it is something that brings me pleasure. I also needed to busy myself with something enjoyable. I'm glad I did. My place is the opposite (at least right now) of yours. It looks like I'm selling Christmas in here. I am not a fan of clutter...except at Christmastime. It looks like Santa moved in.
And I'm okay with that.
If I could post pictures larger than a postage stamp here, I would post them. But every time I have tried to include a picture, it tells me it's too large. (frustrating)

Oh well. ♥

 

Thanks, George. As I've said before, you &
I are a lot alike, in our confusion, anger,and sorrow. I know that woman
didn't know she was pissing me off. I
tried to lock eyes with her quiet friend---
without success.I wonder if she had her
hearing aid turned on. How could she
stand it??!! At home now. I gave up. At least I have control over my own apartment's
atmosphere!! Lou

 

Stacey, I'm happy for you that Christmas
decorations still bring you pleasure. Are you able to listen to Christmas songs,without crying? I can, this year,
for the first time in 3 years. Lou

 

Gary, before you go on your trip, I have to
tell you I have a "furrowed brow " AGAIN
today, Went to same coffee place. Similar
experience with different woman. This
time, an older woman, talking nonstop.
to a passive younger one. The God Bless
the asshole prayer didn't work. Glad I
don't own a gun............Lou

 

Easiest for me has been whatever is within arm’s reach. I decide by proximity because what’s ‘valuable’ or ‘necessary’ requires too much thought lol.

 

Coffee in a large cafe would challenge my serenity too!

 

I second what Lou said about Christmas decorations. Valerie's thing was Christmas. Any Christmas related stuff makes me real sad inside.

 

George,

I totally "get" it... I would find it super difficult to relax being surrounded by boxes, things that need to be unpacked... However, if possible, I would put all the boxes, etc., into one room, shut the door to keep myself from stressing out, and take a walk... Sometimes, even a short walk is enough to clear my head so that I can tackle the things I want to accomplish. As I said earlier, I don't put too much on my to do list when I'm feeling overwhelmed, stressed out to the max, because it only adds to my stress if I'm unable to make it through the entire list.

If my brain isn't too full of cobwebs today, I think you like reading and are still able to concentrate on what you read (unlike me, unless it's a bereavement book, so sad!!!, TU!!!). I find mindless TV (only watch at night, drives me almost over the edge during the day) helps me escape from "life" for awhile. Maybe reading something might work for you, the way watching mindless junk works for me. Music used to be a great way for me to unwind, but unfortunately, since Bob's death, I can't listen to any kind of music. So sad... I HATE!!!, TU!!! living in a world without music... If music makes you feel better, not worse, maybe just become a couch potato and tune into some tunes... have something delivered for dinner, no preparation, minimal clean up..., followed by more couch time..., a hot shower, and bed. These are things that (sometimes) help me, but we're all different, so I won't be the least bit offended if you don't take me up on any of these suggestions. Wish there was a way I could really help you!!!, TU!!! If I lived close enough, at the very least, I would bring you and TB something for dinner. I hope you find a way to unwind. You need some much deserved rest!!!, TU!!! (last one for now.)

I can't even begin to imagine how difficult it is not being able to share all that you've been through with Valerie. I went grocery shopping this afternoon and saved $50, almost as much as I spent$$. I stocked up on stuff and bought some things my son likes. (Can't wait to see him!!! I miss him so much...) As soon as I walked through the front door, I wanted to tell Bob about my trip, what a good shopper I was. Bob would have been over the top impressed... It made me teary eyed... I miss him so much... But and this is one of those really BIG BUTS!!!, my shopping trip doesn't even begin to compare with the things that you've been through, are still going through... the things that you want to share with your "bestie wife friendie." All I can say is that it just SUCKS BIG TIME!!!

I'm getting here really LATE!!!, wish I could have been here much earlier... I hope by now, you're feeling at least a little better...

As always, sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB