Stages of Grief: Anger

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by Marcey, Oct 21, 2021.

  1. Marcey

    Marcey Guest

    My precious, amazing husband of nearly 39 years (we were just days away from our 39th wedding anniversary) died, just over a month ago.

    I was 17 when I married him. I am 56 now. He was my world for most of my life.

    Sometimes I am surprised with how okay I am feeling. Almost calm. Resigned. Numb, I guess. But those times don't last very long. And then comes the overwhelming, soul-crushing reality of what has happened, and the depth of my loss consumes me. Drowning in sadness. And I can't bear it.

    I'm reading about all the stages of grief. And I think I alternate between them all, constantly.

    Tonight, though, I'm mostly angry. I'm angry because we were robbed. We were robbed of our dreams, our future. He was less than 2 years from retirement. I was counting the days till we could finally be together. Real time together. To spend with our kids and grandchildren. To travel. To just BE TOGETHER, finally Gone. Plans gone. Dreams crushed. All Gone.

    I'm angry because all the well-meaning people tell me that I should be happy that at least we got 39 years together. When I am in the store with a family member looking at thank you cards, and I notice the husband cards and start to lose it, realizing I will never again be able to give my husband another card for any occasion...and am told to be happy because "at least you had a husband to buy cards for" Being told I should feel happy, instead of sad, because we have a wonderful family (we do! and I am thankful to God for them) and that he lives on in them. I AM happy and grateful that we were able to have a family together. And yet, I'm still devastated.

    I'm sorry. But I don't FEEL happy right now. I am not happy right now.
    That sends the message that if I express real sadness, it somehow makes me seem ungrateful for what we had. I don't think people mean it that way, but that IS the message they are sending. They want me to focus on the positives. I get it. But right now, in my world, there is nothing but dark, empty, desperate sadness.

    I can acknowledge my gratitude for all the good in my life and still feel sad because half of me died that day. I now know what it feels like to be torn in half. The love of my life is gone and he's never coming back. I will never feel his arms around me again. I will never see his face again. I wish I had gone with him. I hate that I'm left here to face whatever life I have left, without him. I can't stand the thought of facing that, every day for the rest of my life.

    It's not okay for people to tell me that I should feel happy, for whatever reason, about him. Now or ever.

    What people don't realize is that I am devasted (will not feel happy right now) BECAUSE I KNOW WHAT I LOST.

    We both shared a strong faith in Jesus and the promise of eternal life for believers. So I do believe fully that I will see him again, eventually. Someday. But, for now, for the rest of my life, he is gone. This is how our story here, ended. And it's cruel and it's heart-wrenching and I am completely heartbroken.

    I've been trying to put my feelings into words and introduce myself around here. I've read many posts and am touched by your grief. I'm so sorry so many of you know this pain, all too well.
    I know my story and my pain are relatively new. From what I've read, I have a very painful and very long road ahead. And that is hard to face. I wish I were in a place of encouragement and hope for myself and for everyone here. But that is not how I am thinking or feeling tonight.

    Don't know what else to say right now. I'm sorry this is such a negative post - especially being my first one. But that is where I am tonight.
  2. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Let me say I’m so sorry for the loss of your husband. And also, you have nothing to apologize for. You’re living your worst nightmare. As I read your post I felt I could have written it. I married my wonderful soul mate at age 19, we were married 41 years together 44. We were together 24/7, we owned and operated a business together. People don’t believe we were together that much, it’s impossible. First off we loved being together and when you run a business together you’re together every minute of every day. And it made us happy. I had to empty and close our business. It was a second loss. We planned to retire and travel and enjoy life starting on my birthday of the year after Ron passed. I feel like you mention, that life was stolen from us. We were counting the days just like you. My husband was healthy, or so we thought. He passed suddenly from a massive heart attack, he was gone from my life in a couple hours. We had a beautiful day together doing chores, picking up everything for our Thanksgiving dinner, and helping my daughter with things at her newly purchased home. That night at 9:30 he didn’t feel well, I called 911. While on the stretcher waiting to be pushed into the ambulance he yelled very loud. I love you Robin! Many times! What a gift he gave me. I didn’t answer him, and I still have guilt over that. I did go to his side and rub his arm but there’s guilt. He passed at 11:34 pm. That was almost 3 years ago. I know he knew my love for him, I just wish I had said it to him. He had always said I want the world to know how much I love you. I want to shout it from our roof top. He did let the world know.
    All the things you’re feeling are so normal, I see you have children, I hope you get to see them often. I have a daughter who lives close and my son in Florida, I’m in NY. My daughter supported me and still does every day. In fact she moved back in with me for months. My son supports me from a distance but he’s in touch with me every day. My family and friends supported me for a few weeks maybe a month then most disappeared. And I learned later they thought I needed alone time. They were so wrong. They just don’t realize. And your family doesn’t either. They don’t mean to hurt you but they are, just like my family did. Because they haven’t experienced losing a spouse. And people don’t know what to say so they try to say something and it isn’t always good. I have a ton of stories but I won’t go into it. Nothing will make you happy right now, but you’re thankful for your family for the time you had with your husband but no, not happy. Try to focus on today, one day at a time, not further. Keep yourself as busy as you feel up to. After I closed our business I retired, and that felt and feels awful, we’re supposed to be together. He helped me with so many things. I suffer with RA and he helped me so much. I struggle to do everything now. Mow the yard, maintain our home etc. it’s hard as you know. The first summer after Ron passed I made a memorial garden, it kept me busy and keeps me busy now. I put the first air compressor we bought for our business in the middle. I add plants each year and ones I know Ron enjoyed. I made and still do make lists to help keep my mind clear, that foggy mind can’t keep things clear. Try to be sure you get outside and get fresh air, it does help. You’re right, this is a long bumpy road we’ve had thrown at us. But things do get a little easier eventually. We all mourn in our own time and way. But at some point those special memories will bring a smile instead of tears. You won’t even realize it just happens. It’s a slow process. The first time I went in Walmart after Ron passed I cried hysterically. In Walmart! We had been in there the night before he passed. We went in Walmart almost every Friday night. We miss the small things the everyday things. The loneliness is overwhelming, for sure. He’s not there by your side, the silly inside jokes are gone. Believe me I understand and feel for you. I believe as you do that we will be together again one day. And I believe Ron will be there waiting for me, as your husband will be for you. For a very long time I was so angry at God, how could he take my everything. I think God expects that and understands and I’m over that now.
    Your husband is a part of you. You each helped make each other the person you are today. He’s in your heart to stay, he’s not going anywhere. I don’t know if you believe in signs from our loved ones, but I get signs all the time that can’t be anything other then Ron.
    I don’t know if I said anything helpful, but you’ve come to the right place. Everyone on this site understands your pain and we try to help each other. You’re not alone. Visit this site often, read and share stories and take care of you. Your husband wants that, I know it.
    Sending you hugs! ❤️ Robin
  3. Gary166

    Gary166 Guest

    Marcey, i’m terribly sorry for the loss of your husband. Robin couldn’t have Given you a better response. I lost Cheryl my girlfriend of nine years five months ago suddenly and unexpectedly to cardiac arrest. Cheryl had no health problems there were no warning signs we had a normal supper the day before. Cheryl and I are soulmates. I couldn’t have had a computer design a better woman for me. She referred to me as the love of her life. I performed CPR on Cheryl with the guidance of the 911 operator at one point I had 11 first responders in our home. I made the 911 call at 8:38 AM Cheryl was pronounced deceased at 9:51AM. After giving Cheryl a hug and a kiss and saying goodbye they found a heartbeat and Cheryl was rushed to the hospital where she died two days later. I somehow stumbled through all the arrangements and memorial but became brain dead for the next three months. I started going to grief support meetings within two weeks after Cheryl passed. And I secured a therapist. My grief support meetings are On the second and fourth Tuesday of the month. I just joined grief in common about two weeks ago. I don’t have to go alone in that two week gap any more. These people have gone through this and they know how you feel. There is so much wisdom compassion and support in this group You are not alone. Type in six needs of reconciliation of the mourner. This will jumpstart you on your grief journey. You are not alone. Gary
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  4. cjpines

    cjpines Well-Known Member

    Marcey, as Gary said, Robin couldn't have given you a better response and I will add Gary to that response too.

    I lost my husband, Jack, will be 1 yr Nov 4th to cancer. We were married 40 years and I still feel like I wished I'd gone with him. Half of me did go with him and the other half is still here on Earth not knowing what to do. I felt everything you described in your post, I mean everything for months. I am still devastated Jack's gone. I look at his empty computer chair where he spent most of his happy times playing games, searching the web with his TV and music going and I'm in tears with disbelief. I could go on and on, but I just want you to know I have lived your post and although it's not quite as overwhelming as first, it's still unbelievable.
    I hope you stay with this forum and find it helpful. We all are in this together, it's walking hell of a journey.

    I too, live in California. I'm in Northern Calif above Sacramento. If you don't mind me asking what area are you in? Most of the people here are in the mid west or east coast, so I'm always curious if anyone says they are from Calif.

    I'm sending you blessings, strength, and patience through this journey, God Speed, Karen is my name.
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  5. Marcey

    Marcey Guest

    Thank you so much for your responses, Robin, Gary and Karen. Yes, it sounds like you are all very familiar with this nightmare. And I'm very sorry for all your loss. Spouses, girlfriend, hopes and dreams.
    There is nothing to prepare us for this. How can you possibly prepare yourself for this kind of pain, this kind of loss? Thank you for your understanding and helpful advice. I really do appreciate hearing from people that know. As sad as that is for all of us. For everyone here. Heartbreaking.

    Gary, I will try to write down the needs of reconciliation, if I can think that through. Right now that sounds overwhelming. But I'll get it done when I can.
    And I may need to do what you have done, and seek a counselor/therapist, to help me get through this. I know I will never be over this. But the point for all of us is to get through it, as best we can. I'm glad you're doing what you can.

    Robin, I totally understand the foggy brain now. And I do forgive the well-meaning friends and loved ones, for their lack of understanding. I do. I just don't have much tolerance for it right now. But that isn't their fault. How can they truly know, unless they've been here. And I sincerely hope they don't have to experience it firsthand to find out. I'm certain now, that I have said some really insensitive and stupid things to people going through this, in the past. Live (if you're blessed) and learn (if you can), and do better in the future.
    I'm so sorry you are carrying the guilt of not saying words I Love You back to him that night. I get that. We torture ourselves that way. But he knows you better than anyone and he surely knew not only how much you love him, but also how scared you must have been at that moment. You said it without words when you put your hand on him. When we've been together that long, we really don't need the words every time, to know.

    Karen, I'm in central California. But I go up to Nor Cal often. I'd rather not give specifics, publicly. But I just spent a week up there (left here with my eldest, and his family, the morning after the memorial). So I'm just now back home and reality is really setting in. I was afraid when things finally got quiet, it wasn't going to be pretty. I was right. I feel exactly as you stated - that half of me died that day and the other half is stuck here, not knowing what to do. And I do intensely wish I had gone with him. I'm very honest with our children, that I want to be with him (when I'm having a rough moment or ten). They encourage me the best they can. They are very loving and supportive. They just aren't him. But I appreciate the love and support. I'm so sorry, Karen, that you know what that feels like.

    I went to the cemetery today. The marker is there. Have to get going with the gravestone process. I won't feel right until that's done. But really, I will never feel right again.

    Anyway, thank you so much, for your very thoughtful and helpful responses. Knowing I'm not alone really does help. ♥♥♥ I will be remembering you all in my prayers - for comfort and for peace. ♥
  6. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    You’re so right, that nothing can prepare us for this. And it hits hard and long. Things get a little easier but the loss will stay with us.
    I didn’t find this site until it was almost a year since Ron passed. I was not in a good place. The wonderful support I received from people here I believe with all my heart helped me more then I can even express. The understanding, support, sharing, the love that comes from everyone is so comforting. I’ve even had people offer advice on helping me with my RA. It’s simply amazing, this community of people all hurting yet helping each other get through the bad times and sharing any good. I haven’t gone for counseling, once I started on this site, this is my counseling.
    Please don’t hold in any emotions, let them happen. If you start crying in front of people let them know you’ll be ok but it just happens. If they’re uncomfortable, oh well.
    I wish you well getting the gravestone ordered. Ron was cremated and I where some of his ashes. But I went with my Mom to get the stone ordered for my Dad. It’s an emotional process. I hope one of your children can go to offer support and thoughts.
    I’ve been going through one heart break after another recently. A couple of family losses, my daughter was scammed by a car dealer, I have worn Rons wedding band ever since the hospital staff took it off his finger almost 3 years ago. My fingers are swollen during the summer months and we went through a cold snap and his ring flew off into ground cover plants outside. After days of searching and buying a metal detector I finally found it yesterday. My dog Teddy is going in for surgery on Monday. I found a lump on him. He’ll be fine I’m sure but it’s a lot going on right now. Vet is fairly sure it’s not cancerous but recommends removing it. What I would do to have Ron here by my side, I desperately need him. I do channel his energy and that helps. There’s more going on but I’ve listed enough. I only mention it because I’m missing him so much. I’ll get through and I’ll be ok, but feels overwhelming at the moment.
    I’ve tried to educate family members so they can understand a little better what helps after a loss. Some got it and some still can’t understand. When I was so angry at god I had people saying things to me that hurt so bad I almost said to them one day you’ll know what this feels like. But I held back. Now I just take everything with a grain of salt. They have their spouse, so they don’t get it. I had a cousin after 4 months ask how I was doing. I said it’s one day at a time. She said still? Wow! Then she asked what do you do all day now that your business is closed. Really? I was lucky if I got out of bed and showered. Thankfully I haven’t seen her again. We’re all going through these things. At first I thought it was just me but joining this site I’ve learned we all have things said to us that are hurtful. I do believe it’s not meant to hurt.
    I know how difficult it is walking into your home and facing that silence. And for me it’s hard to listen to music or watch the shows we watched. All triggers. But I’ve gotten better at that too. Try to find people and on this site to share thoughts and stories. Never stop talking about the wonderful life you shared.
    Keep working towards better days! Robin
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  7. cjpines

    cjpines Well-Known Member

    Robin, your response to Marcey, again, I couldn't of said it any better because I'm going through much of the same thing. When people asked me how am I doing? How can we tell them when we don't even understand our feelings, grief, to me, can't be spoken in words for someone to understand. Sometimes I'm shocked at how I feel and I can't even explain it to myself. One person said, I feel one step above ground.

    We've all been wondering about Teddy, thank you for letting us know his surgery date and seems the outcome will be a good one.

    You have been going through a lot lately and I'm happy you found Ron's wedding ring. I wear Jack's on my finger and I do worry when the weather changes and it gets loose.

    Anyway, Marcey, I truly hope you stay with us. Our new name for the group is "Grief Warriors". I think it was Lou who suggested it and we all like it. A little humor helps.
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  8. SusanMc8

    SusanMc8 Well-Known Member

    You are so right - I am beginning to realize the loss and pain will always be with me. I lost Jim suddenly 9 months ago and I can’t really say things are better, just different. I am having dinner guests tonight and realized I had set a place at the table for Jim. Of course that brought me to tears. I am still feeling pain but at the same time feeling happiness sometimes, if that makes any sense. It’s good to be able to vent to people who understand these feelings. Thank you everyone.
  9. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    What you say makes total sense. I can relate to that 100%. I’ve told people on here and in my life that at certain times there’s happiness creeping in but there’s tears too. Happy and sad at the same time.
    For me, the first year is torture, it’s the worst pain imaginable, second year there’s different pain and feeling, ok it’s been too long please come home. Third year, the pain still comes and goes, it’s still hard but there are more smiles then tears. That’s how it’s been for me, we’re all different and need more or less time, support etc. there’s no time frame, Ive learned that. I understand about setting a place for Jim, it’s natural, he is supposed to be at your side. He is, but in different ways.
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  10. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Thank you for your concern for Teddy, I thought I told you all. Shows how my mind is working right now. I dread taking him Monday morning. The vet feels he’ll come out fine and expects they can get all of it. Said we found it very early and that’s why she can’t say 100% that is benign. Too early to tell.
    When people ask me, they don’t any more but previously I’d answer that life is hard but I’m managing as best I can. Most people accepted that answer and some would continue the conversation. But yes, grief is next to impossible to explain in words. I e said that I feel like I’m drowning.
    I haven’t been on here as much lately because of issues and losing Ron’s ring. My daughter and I searched one night until after 10 pm. I couldn’t stop crying because I lost it then I couldn’t stop crying because I found it. I’m buying a sizer. To put in his ring for the winter months. They also make ring holders, I found on Etsy. It holds your ring on a chain. Hard to explain but do a search and you’ll understand. As soon as it feels loose, I recommend to take it off. I wouldn’t want you to go through what just went through and became so angry at myself.
    Yes, humor does help. Grief Warriors is very fitting.
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  11. Marcey

    Marcey Guest

    Robin, hang in there. I'm sorry you are dealing with so much at once. I will pray for your fur baby Teddy. ♥ I have my dog Miles that has been by my side (before and since) non-stop. Our pets are such a tremendous comforting presence.

    I'm so glad you found your husband's ring! What a relief. I have been wearing my husband's around my neck on a chain and the second chain has now broken. I'm so scared of losing it. It's too big for my fingers - even my thumb. So I thought a chain was the safest. But 2 of them have broken and the second one I spent a lot of money on so it would be secure. UGH It's just another thing that isn't going the way it should. And yes, I'm feeling sorry for myself these days. Because very little has gone smoothly or as it should (in my opinion). From financial stuff to plans to chains breaking that are holding my beloved's wedding ring. It's like COME ON!
    So Robin, I totally get that you are overwhelmed right now. And I am sorry. Prayerfully your Teddy will be just fine and the rest will work itself out.
    I'm trying to come to terms with the fact that there will always be something that has to be addressed, taken care of, probably uncomfortable in some way, for the rest of my life. And I don't have my husband to help. So I am trying to have the mindset of not wishing for a day where there are no issues to deal with. That day probably won't happen. Just trying to focus on and find a good resolution for whatever the current issue is. Then move on. Which is hard to do when you can't think straight. lol

    The sweet people on this site and reading the stories and pain so familiar to me now has already been helping me cope. At least I don't feel quite so alone, and that is huge. Thank you all for being so responsive. I really appreciate it. ♥♥♥♥

    Is Grief Warriors a specific group to be a part of? Or is it just what some of you that are familiar with one another, call yourselves? I'm still learning how to navigate this site.
  12. cjpines

    cjpines Well-Known Member

    Hi, Marcey, no we're not a specific group to be a part of. One of the regulars on here came up with that name for "ALL" of us grievers. Sometimes it helps on this site to have a little humor. For me it helps, if only for a seconds, to get out of my head. Thanks for asking. Prayers and blessings to you, Karen
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  13. cjpines

    cjpines Well-Known Member

    If you haven't already, go to the title, Sudden & Unexpected and site 8 mo since I lost my husband. There you will find regulars on this forum and their continuing stories of their loss. I read you are still navigating this site. There are so many stories it will keep you glued to your computer/cell phone. I get up in the morning and the first thing I do is check my computer for Grief in Common posts. It helps me get through the day knowing I'm not alone. This forum has become my "best" friend and I hope it will become yours too. You are so new in your hell of a journey, I call it. And yes, you have been robbed. I guess the old saying, "Life doesn't promise anything." is true. Hang on to your faith, sometimes that's all we have and that doesn't seem enough. I was so angry at God I stopped praying. Then gradually my faith started to return knowing that's all I have.
    Ok, I'll stop here, I'm rambling. Karen
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  14. DEB321

    DEB321 Well-Known Member


    My husband, Bob, died on April 11th of this year. I'm very sorry for your loss. Words seem superficial..., so meaningless..., but they're all we have... I wish there were words to express what I really want to say to you...

    I think all of us alternate between the different stages of grief. I often refer to it as a seemingly endless roller coaster ride of ups and downs, with too many downs and not enough ups. I wish there was some way to find an "off switch" for my brain. I wish I could just have a short break from the endless memories that invade my mind 24/7. It doesn't matter whether they're happy or sad memories, all of them are triggers for tears... I have that foggy widow brain thing going on all the time, so I don't remember exactly when this happened, but as Robin explained this to me (she said it best!!), somewhere along this miserable journey, my memories became happy mixed with sad, tears mixed with smiles. As Robin said, and I agree, it's a strange feeling.

    About three weeks away from the 7th month anniversary of Bob's death, things haven't gotten any easier for me. I'm feeling more alone..., more lonely..., missing Bob even more..., if this is even possible. I don't remember when it happened, but one day a GIC friend said something really funny and I was able to laugh. Once I was able to laugh again, in spite of the most unimaginable kind of pain all of us are experiencing, I realized that I had taken a step forward along this miserable path that not one of us would have chosen to take. Unfortunately, I think all of life from now on will be bittersweet, happy mixed with sad, laughter mixed with tears. Robin and Lou, who have been suffering this total heartbreak longer than I have, give me hope, that sometime in the future, I'll be able to find happiness again, although it will never be the same without Bob, the one true love of my life, my "person," here with me. I hope reading our stories will give you hope too.

    I'm emotionally and physically drained from grieving, so even though there's lots more I want to say to you, I'm going to stop here for now. Before I go, I want you to know how happy I am you found us, but how sorry I am you had to. I look forward to getting to "know" you much better. This site has become a safe place for me, a place where I can be myself, express all of my emotions, where everyone "gets" how I feel. I don't think I would be able to survive all this heartache without my GIC friends. I hope you'll soon feel the same way I do. Welcome to TGW (The Grief Warriors).

    Sending you hugs, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB
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  15. DEB321

    DEB321 Well-Known Member


    I just read your message to Marcey and and I wish I could give you the biggest hug ever... I'm so sorry to hear that you've been struggling lately. It seems like that old saying, "when it rains, it pours," is so true. I'm so glad, total understatement!!!, that you found Ron's wedding band. I can't even begin to imagine how horrible I would feel if I lost Bob's. It would be like losing another "piece" of him. Wait... I don't think this came out right, but I'm so frazzled, burnt out from grieving, I can't seem to find the words to express what I want to say. I just know that I would be way beyond heartbroken...

    Teddy is in my daily prayers... I will be thinking of Teddy, of you, on Monday. I hope you won't be alone Monday. I hope you can spend the day with your daughter. I know how much Teddy means to you and it's making me teary eyed just thinking about how much you must be hurting. I know Ron will be with you in spirit, watching over you on Monday. And, if you need us, we'll be here for you.

    Sending more hugs your way, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB
  16. Gary166

    Gary166 Guest

    Marcey, what a wonderful human experience it is to see these ladies pouring their hearts out to you. In all of Cheryl‘s family I am the one who has mourned the most openly. At first I felt there was something wrong with me because I couldn’t control my emotions. My self-esteem was affected when other people would see me cry. Even in the grief support meetings I seem to be among the ones with the most emotions. Funny how people apologize during the meeting when they get emotional and they are corrected you don’t apologize for grieving. Slowly I’m finding out that is a good thing. There is a good release of pressure after a bawling jag. When I said that I was brain dead for the first three months I had made numerous mistakes on my check book. I backed my truck into the garage. I almost had an accident with a firearm. Constant difficulty making decisions. Around the three month mark I was so depressed that I went to see my doctor from the advice of my therapist. I got a swab test to find out if my medication‘s were working with me or against me. The doctor listened at least 20 minutes to me telling him exactly what was going on. I expressed hopelessness desperation fear of death being lost confusion and on and on. He comforted me by telling me that was normal going through the loss of a spouse. and that if I feel the same way a year from now we will address it. but for right now keep going to grief support meetings and therapy. Oddly two weeks ago my therapist canceled our appointment because she was sick. Robin nailed it. This is my therapy. I am not going back. If not for my brother and one close friend I would have nobody to talk to. It’s like grief builds all this pressure up inside of us and we don’t have anybody to talk to. but thank God for this site we can let the pressure off by talking to our friends here. Six needs of reconciliation for the mourner and permission to mourn by Tom Zuba are the best information I found so far on my grief journey. It’s a journey because we never arrive. It’s never over. it continues. Robin I’m so glad to meet you and I’m glad you found Ron‘s ring and I’ll be thinking about your dog this Monday. Sue nice ti meet you also. Karen and I are grief warriors. Just trying to add a little humor if that’s ok? Gary
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  17. Gary166

    Gary166 Guest

    I’m so sorry I forgot to mention Deb as a GW. Deb was the first person to reach out to me. Peace.
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  18. cjpines

    cjpines Well-Known Member

    Gary, I don't know if you read back, but I broke my arm in July prior to that I bumped into the side of the door in the dark and got a black eye. But what I want to share with you is my broken arm experience that I hope no one ever does what I did.
    In July it was 100 degrees, I spent the morning looking at all Jack's pictures for a collage I was making. Then I went to my daughters and we started drinking, it was so hot. Finally it was time for me to go home, (my daughter lives across the street so I didn't have to drive). Continuing: I sat in my rocker and drank more, I was out of it not wanting to feel any more grief. When I stood up I fell on my left side on the rug. I knew something happened to my arm. Went to bed called my daughter next morning and we went to ER. I broke my arm in two places. I was in a sling, couldn't drive for two months now on PT. I paid the price and Jack would of been so angry at me.
    It will be 1 year Nov 4th I lost him. I have been a wreck and I want you and everyone here to look out, grief can make you crazy. So all your difficulties you mentioned are part of the hell process. We are not what we were and we have to recover the best way we can. Take care and thanks for reading, Karen
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  19. cjpines

    cjpines Well-Known Member

    To reply Gary I didn't tell my daughter or anyone else how it happened. I made up another story I tripped on my sandals with a faulty sole. Be careful everyone, we're are not ourselves.
    Marcey likes this.
  20. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Thank you Deb, I could use a hug that’s for sure. We all miss getting hugs. So rare now. When I see my son he gives the best hugs, nice big bear hugs that feel so full of love. It’s rare that I see him though. Any way thank you so much for your kind caring words. When I felt Ron’s ring fall off my finger I immediately started crying. Because I knew it would be hard to find. I wasn’t eating or sleeping, just a lot of searching and crying. Searched until 10:00 the first night. I’ll admit I was losing hope of finding it. I’m still in shock that I found it. And that won’t happen again. For now I’m not wearing it, but I’m getting a ring guard for it for the cooler months.

    Also thank you for you prayers for Teddy I’m so anxious as you know he’s my everything. I need him to be ok but I don’t want to take him. My daughter will be with me to drop him off but she will be working, we’ll see I might go to her house so I’m not alone. She works from home. She will go with me to pick him up too. Thank you for offering support while he’s in surgery. Never know how I’ll be feeling, when I lost Ron’s wedding band I couldn’t share at all. I was too devastated. Ron was with me during that too. In fact I feel he lead to where I found his ring. He’ll give me strength on Monday, I’m sure.
    I know you’re having a tough time, the ups and downs, grieving takes so much energy. its so draining. Be kind to yourself and take care of yourself.
    I’m feeling exhausted so I’ll end here, but thank you!
    DEB321 and Marcey like this.