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Spouse/Best friend Loss

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by Billfromwa, Dec 8, 2019.

  1. Billfromwa

    Billfromwa Well-Known Member

    Uncontrollable crying seems to be a common symptom most of us have in common. My wife (Janet) and I were together 24/7 for most of the last 25 years. We did everything together so there are grief triggers everywhere that open up the tear floodgates. I cry all the time. I text Janet every day, sometimes several times. It brings her closer to me. She was my life stabilizer and I’m having a hard time adjusting to life without her.
    She died at 8:40 AM on October 18 of this year of brain cancer. As it was for most of our lives we were together 24/7 at Hospice as well, and I was with her when she passed. She was, and is, the kindest, bravest human being I have ever known. We didn’t find each other until I was over 60 years old but the last 25 years have been the best of my life. I’m so grateful that I found her.
     
    Patti 61 likes this.
  2. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Yes I can totally understand when you say the care givers became your family. I’ve seen how they cared for my father in law and they are wonderful people.
    I’m sorry for you and totally understand how you’re feeling today. I’m having a difficult time also. They’re such a huge part of our lives how can we not miss them terribly. Like you I’ve talked to Ron a lot today. I’m so sad without him.
    One minute at a time is the only way. God bless you, Bill and Janet.
     
  3. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Kriss,
    I feel your pain and I’m so sorry for you. The holidays magnify the pain that’s for sure. And you never know what will bring on the tears. Every time I drive home from my daughters house I cry. Ron should be driving me, he took such good care of me. Your loss is very similar to my loss of Ron. We spent the day together, yard work, shopping for Thanksgiving dinner, helping my daughter, everyday things. That evening at 9:30 he had stomach virus like symptoms, that turned into chest pains. The love of my life was gone in 2 hours! He was healthy, didn’t take any prescription medication at all. Devastation is the only way to describe it! And now I’m alone and I miss him terribly. And I know you understand the pain.
     
  4. Billfromwa

    Billfromwa Well-Known Member

     
  5. Billfromwa

    Billfromwa Well-Known Member

    As one of my Hospice counselors told me, “Don’t worry about the crying, she deserves your tears. They are a tribute for your love.

    Bill
     
    RLC likes this.
  6. Billfromwa

    Billfromwa Well-Known Member

    I’m having the strongest premonition that I will be joining my beautiful wife, Janet, soon. I will try to keep in contact. I have had a long and interesting life to this point and am not afraid to die. I have been blessed to have had a great love that transformed my life. Janet taught me that love is our purpose for existing and will grow as we evolve.
    Through this forum, I have met and shared experiences with some lovely people who will be my friends for eternity. This site is populated with loving, caring, people who are simply trying to help their fellow human beings navigate through this process.
    God Bless You All.

    Bill



    that LOVE is what it’s all about.​
     
    Patti 61 likes this.
  7. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Bill, you’re feeling the need to be close to Janet. I totally understand and you know I’m here for you to listen and help you navigate through these horrible feelings we’re dealing with. I personally believe as we help and share with each other we’re helping ourselves. For me it helps to talk about what I’ve gone through and what I’m going through now. And the fact that people on this site totally understand, where as people in our day to day lives, do not understand at all. And prove it by their actions and things they say. I’ve had people say terribly rude things to me and I do my best to let it go, because people just don’t get it.
    Bill, I’m saying extra prayers for you to help you navigate through this terribly rough time.
    God Bless! Robin ❤️
     
    Billfromwa likes this.
  8. Billfromwa

    Billfromwa Well-Known Member

    I wrote this for my Hospice Grief Therapist, Joanie. I was trying to verbalize a survivors view.

    How do I describe the depth of my pain?

    How do I describe such a debilitating loss?

    How can someone who hasn’t walked this path understand the tangible realities and all-encompassing grief that I carry with me every minute of every day?

    The true answer is ...no one can.

    For me, each day is oppressively sad and lonely.

    For me, the agony continues to assault and pound my soul with no respite or relief.

    Tears bubble just under the surface, waiting to erupt...unbidden.

    This is my daily reality...This is my Hell here on earth.

    My prayer each day is that my Wife and Best Friend, Janet, is in a place where there is no fear, pain, or remorse, and she is surrounded by loving, caring people who have HER best interests in their hearts.

    I’m my new life, there are individuals whose own lives are dedicated to assisting these distressed survivors (like me) in navigating through the strange and uncharted waters. They wake up each morning committed, not to save lives, but to assist the lost souls seeking relief the unrelenting agony that I know so well.

    These Angels (I choose to call them Angels) are the staff and volunteers of Hospice, all of whom assisted Janet, and me, through Janet’s final days and beyond. Thank God for Hospice...YOU DO SAVE LIVES!

    A Survivors View
     
    Patti 61 likes this.
  9. Songman

    Songman Well-Known Member

    Hi Robin
    I'm re-visiting some of the early posts, and am surprised at how raw my feelings still are. Music and the creation of lyrics has helped a lot, and I have built eternal friendships with you through this process.
    https://songbackup.s3.amazonaws.com...732810&Signature=SVa83XhpKvZLKelYV/k/Z1XR71Y=
     
  10. Songman

    Songman Well-Known Member

  11. Songman

    Songman Well-Known Member

  12. Songman

    Songman Well-Known Member

    HIM

    They told us you were going to die,

    So, matter of fact in their statement,

    That I couldn’t even cry.

    At least not until the wall that held back the tears, gave way, loosing emotions that had languished

    for years. Why…Why…Why… did she have to die?

    No answer came to hand, as I struggled to visualize

    her promised land, and I silently raged at the searing pain that devoured my spinning, irrational brain, and my love, all the while, responded with grace, and a cryptic smile, and while finding no fear

    that I could trace, she was far more worried

    about what I would face, and how, at the end,

    would I accept God’s all-knowing portend.

    Fine… she always said, when they asked how’s the pain in your head? She would just sigh and then reply, don’t bother with that right now, please

    pray for HIM instead.

    Then… all too soon…when her life’s flame began to dim, she whispered these words, as my tears burst forth from within, don’t worry abut me, I’ll be OK…

    I’m more concerned about…HIM…
     
    Patti 61 and Mary0128 like this.
  13. Songman

    Songman Well-Known Member

     
  14. Songman

    Songman Well-Known Member

     
  15. Songman

    Songman Well-Known Member

    I wrote this the week after Janet's death. I may turn it into a song as a tribute to her beautiful soul. Its been 15 months since she passed, and I still miss her terribly.
     
  16. Songman

    Songman Well-Known Member

    Thank you again David.

    Bill
     
  17. Songman

    Songman Well-Known Member

  18. Songman

    Songman Well-Known Member

  19. Songman

    Songman Well-Known Member