So, who killed my sister?

Discussion in 'Loss of Sibling' started by LoreA87, Jul 29, 2020.

  1. LoreA87

    LoreA87 Member

    I have been pondering on whether to write this thread or not. But please, allow me to give you more context. (I apologise in advance, but english isn't my native language).

    I lost my younger sister back in Nov 2018. It was a car accident. Sudden. No time to say goodbye, no time to process it, no time for anything. She was my ONLY sister and my BEST FRIEND. She was only 28.

    Now, reading that you may say, well, she died in a car accident so either it was her fault or the fault of the other 2 trucks involved in the crash. And while that might be true it isn't the complete story. As we may all know, life isn't black or white, true or false.

    First thing first: she was killed in a car crash that 2 trucks caused on a highway. To this day, I don't know if she could have been saved if the truck dirvers hadn't fled the scene. Yes, they escaped COMPLETELY UNHARMED. Not a scratch on them. My sister got stuck in her car and died from asphixia. The medical examiner explained to my husband - he was the one who went in as I was 5 months pregnant with my first child and he didn't want to cause a shock so big that we could lose our baby - that my sister didn't feel any pain because she was unconscious from the impact and later died of asphixia. I haven't had the courage to google more or to ask a doctor if this is true or to further explain this. And I am haunted by visions of what I assume was her death. Daily.

    So, you may say: Ok, that is awful, but still, it was the truck drivers fault. But, wait, what was my sister doing on a tuesday night (november 13th, 2018) on a highway? Well, here's where this gets tricky.
  2. LoreA87

    LoreA87 Member

    My sister and I worked together at a digital mkt "agency". We had been working there for YEARS. I started working there on may 2011 - and it was literally only me, the only employee as this was a sort of "startup". I was "young" and decided to give it a shot. Pay wasn't that great, but I thought it would give me experience. Then, I was able to close many accounts (I closed them as there were no other employees as sales executives so getting new accounts was also my job) We got so much business I convinced my boss to hire more people as I coulnd't do it all by myself. On march 2012 my sister submitted her application (directly to my boss/owner of the agency) and he decided to hire her - she got the job on her own, as I only told her we were having an opportunity coming up and she was finishing her degree (in Biology, but she needed the money and wanted to try her hand at mkt). We worked our backs off - sometimes working 24/7 (monday to sunday). She was VERY LOYAL because, as I said, she was still in college and sometimes needed a flexible schedule to attend classes - and since our boss gave her "permission" to go to her classes, she felt like he was the "best boss ever" even when we were working double the legal hours without getting any money from these extra hours.

    Parallel to this job, my sister was in a very toxic relationship with a socipath. I'm not exaggerating to be more dramatic. They were highschool "sweethearts" that continued their relationship through college (even though, they went to different schools). He was possessive, jelaous, selfish. I didn't like him. My parents didn't like him. My husband didn't like him (although I met him 4 or 5 years AFTER my sister was already dating this person). She was aware of this and often tried to leave him. Things escalated when he threatened to kill her and her cat (she LOVED that cat more than life itself). She escaped with nothing but the clothes she was wearing with the help of my parents and her best friends - this pains me to write, but she didn't tell me that he had threatened her with an actual GUN he kept on his car at ALL times. I only found out this part I'm telling you from my parents after her death. He tried to track her down, she got her into severe debt forging her signature and using some papers she had to leave behind when she fled.
  3. LoreA87

    LoreA87 Member

    So, she had an enormous economic pressure on her shoulders. I knew she had economic issues and helped her by hiring her on every extra work that came my way through freelance. But this wasn't enough. He really had gotten her into terrible debt (including a car!). This part, she never told me. I only though she had spent more money on her credit card that she could afford. I never knew this. Now, I know you may say, wait, weren't you best friends? Yes, we were. We grew alone - only the 2 of us. No cousins, no friends, nothing. We moved constantly and had to go through a lot of harships (days without food, no place to sleep, etc.). We were extremely close and talked about EVERYTHING. However, this issue regarding this boyfriend, well, we never saw eye to eye. I often from the beginning told her to end it. That I didn't trust him and although I couldn't exactly tell her why, he just seemed like a very bad person to me. She got angry everytime I talked about it and so, I avoided it because I could see it wasn't helping either of us. She went to therapy and that's when she left him (that and the death threat, of couse). But after this time, I understand she didn't want to tell me because she was embarrassed this had happened to her. She was the SMARTEST person I have ever known and YET, here she was with this "dumb problem" - that is what she thought! And so, she never told me because she didn't want me to think any less of her.

    SO, now my sister was "free" from this person but VERY MUCH in debt. Where I'm from (don't know about other countries), you get calls ALL DAY EVERY DAY (EVEN SUNDAYS 5AM) if you are in debt. They constantly harass you, threaten you if you don't pay. Like Mafia. With this pressure, on January 12th, 2018, we had a meeting at work. Our boss callously told us we were only getting paid 50% what he was previously paying us because business wasn't going "great" (please keep in mind that he was living LARGE! Trips every weekend national and international, having more babies, moving to bigger houses, etc). This was COMPLETELY illegal in my country. But we knew that if we sued it would be 2 or more years before we got our money. My wedding was on february that year and my sister had this economic issues, so we both negotiated different terms. She said she DIDN'T AGREE and she expected her full pay. They said this would only be for 3 months. And she told them to give her that 50% difference for the 3 months IN ADVANCE - they said they would (they = the 2 owners of the company) get a loan to pay her and then 3 months she would get 50% and on the 4th everything would go back to "normal". Of course they gave her that 50% of the 3 months in advance but when the 4th month came - NOTHING. They wouldn't even tell us we had to constantly chase them. My sister was already living on her own and had rent, services and other things to pay (on top of the debts from her ex boyfriend).
  4. LoreA87

    LoreA87 Member

    Just to clarify, she started working there on 2012 - she started dating that boyfriend back in 2005-2006 and they "broke up" (she fled) on 2016. She started a new relationship with a friend of hers - she had known him since 2007-2008. So, in 2018 they decided to move in together (on OCTOBER, 2018). This was because they really loved each other and because they also wanted to cut down $ expenses. So, she HAD to move to a cheaper area no longer being able to afford her place because of the issue at our work that started on JANUARY 2018 - and was supposed to be fixed by MAY 2018.

    Things got so bad at work that our bosses quite cynically told us "find a part time job so you can make the same money you used to". Of course we were going to sue them now. This had gone too far. My sister was holding it off a LOT because she was as I said extremely LOYAL. I constantly told her, let's sue them together!! We can't allow this to continue. Yes, we need the money (I was at this point expecting my frist baby), BUT we shouldn't tolerate this abuse. The abuse wasn't only economical. They would yell at us, insult us, treat us REALLY REALLY BAD (I guess so that we would just want to quit and move on, instead of asking for the money they now owed us). But she always said: No, our boss (the original boss) always helped me when I had to go to class to finish my degree. When he finally showed his true colors through very aggressive calls and emails, on that day, Nov 13th she finally gave me the green light. She had just started less than a MONTH before a part-time job to be able to pay her debts and rent and services and basically food. At this point, she was eating 1 meal a day! While working a FULL TIME JOB! (still pretty much 24/7 job at the agency where we worked together!). That was our last call. I told her I would get them. I was just returning to talk to a lawyer who didn't want to take our case because he said it was hard...

    So I was trying to comfort her and telling her that we would get this done. That we would get the money they owed us. We had to hung up because she was going to head to her home (the one she had to rent far from the city because it was the ONLY thing she could afford because of the illegal wage cut). She was returning from the part-time job she HAD TO TAKE to make ends meet, while we figured out what to do with this lawsuit.
  5. LoreA87

    LoreA87 Member

    As you can see, there are MANY sides to this story.

    The abuse from our employers, completely disregarding the law. The faulty legal system - where even if you are right, it still takes you 2 years (+ legal fees) to recover your money! The terrible economic system that creates poorly paid jobs - jobs that even if you work full time, you still CAN'T AFFORD the basics (services, rent and food!) - so simply "changing jobs" wouldn't have solved this. Or was it the abusive boyfriend who threatened to kill her? and got her in debt in the first place - when she had a perfect credit score?

    I am at a loss here. There are so many things about this. I feel guilt, anger, sadness. And all this happened while I was expecting my first baby so, if I can be completely HONEST here... I lost all happiness. Not even my baby could lift me up. Does this make me a bad mother?? Of course I love him. I care for him DAILY. I am not the kind of person who would get stuck in bed from depression but I AM DEPRESSED. I can't find joy in anything. I know it is common to try to find who is "responsible" for the death of a loved one. But in this case I really want to know if I'm crazy for thinking everyone here has a % of the responsability??? She wouldn't have been on that highway going to her new home returning from that new part-time job had she been paid her NORMAL salary!! not half of it!!

    So there, I wanted to get it out. I'm sure no one will read this because it is too long but I wanted to put it out there. Hopefully, somebody could tell me something that can help me. I HAVEN'T SLEEP 1 night since this happened. I only dream of HER. About what happened, what could have been. She NEVER got to meet her nephew - she was SO excited!! (really truly very excited). I will NEVER get to have nephews or nieces. I have NOTHING.