So lost

Discussion in 'Loss of Spouse' started by Lost and in pain, Jul 20, 2022.

  1. RLC

    RLC Well-Known Member

    Thank you Lou, We do share that connection. I recall how lost I felt that Thanksgiving. But lucky my family was here for me. The day Ron passed we bought the 20 lb turkey and all the trimmings. I had to cook the turkey, I couldn’t throw it out. His funeral was the next day. I know your story is much different from mine, but look how far you’ve come. I hope your Thanksgiving with your adopted family was a good day for you. It’s good to be home but leaving my son is terribly hard. I miss him so much. His bear hugs make me feel so loved. I’m thankful for that.
    Thank you Lou. Robin
    eyepilot13, Van Gogh, DEB321 and 2 others like this.
  2. DEB321

    DEB321 Well-Known Member


    I'm so glad some of my GIC friends got here way before I did, to welcome you to our "family." Words seem so shallow at times, now being one of them, but I hope you know how truly sorry I am, hearing that your husband recently passed away. On December 11th, it'll be 20 months since my husband, Bob, died. I can relate to what you're feeling. In some ways, even after almost 20 months, Bob's death doesn't seem "real..." For many months after Bob's death, I would walk in the front door, and expect to see him, in his recliner, or wake up in the morning, and expect him to be lying next to me, his arms wrapped around me... I've gradually gotten used to him not being here with me (physically), and no longer expect him to be sitting in his recliner when I walk in the front door. However, even now, sometimes I'll wake up in the morning, and expect Bob to be lying right next to me... It SUCKS!!!

    I know what I said doesn't make you feel any better, but I want you to know you're not alone. You're suffering the very worst kind of heartbreak imaginable. I think it was Tom Zuba, in his book, "Permission To Mourn, who said something like, if we fully grasped that our loved ones are never coming back soon after their deaths, we would die of a broken heart. We gradually begin to accept this, but the timeline for accepting the death of our loved ones is different for each one of us.

    Normally, I would probably write you a "book," as Lou, a friend, who you've already "met," refers to my very long posts, but I've had a difficult week, and am emotionally drained. I just want to let you know I'm glad you found us, but very sorry you had to. This is a wonderful site, filled with so many kind, caring people, who are always here to "listen," share their stories, and to offer advice, but, and this is a very BIG!!! BUT!!!, you can follow our advice, or ditch it, we'll be here for you, no matter what. This is a judgement free, safe place to visit, whenever you need/want to "talk," or just need a cyber hug...

    I'm looking forward to getting to "know" you better, when I'm not feeling quite as emotionally drained. I hope you'll stick around, get to "know" us better too.

    Sending you lots of hugs and love, wishing you peace, all of us peace. DEB
  3. Sweetcole

    Sweetcole Well-Known Member

    Your grief is.early so I'm sure it does seem like I e it'll never get better. You'll get stronger with time. Even with that though you'll still have your days. Its uncomfortable seeing people move on with their lives and yours it at a stand still. Continue to.take your time and do.things. No.rush on getting nothing done.
    RLC, Rose69 and Van Gogh like this.
  4. Sweetcole

    Sweetcole Well-Known Member

    Don't apologize no.regrets here. There is no wrong or right way to go through this site. There will be days where you'll read something that make you feel.some type way and you don't want to respond or like. If you choose to do so.later or not at all thats fine. The more you're on the site you'll get use to it.
    Countess Joy, Rose69 and Van Gogh like this.
  5. Sweetcole

    Sweetcole Well-Known Member

    Sorry for.your loss. You're right people that have been through the same type loss are the only ones that understand how it feels. Even with that everyone grieves differently. Definitely don't think too far ahead. Take it one day at a time. I know it feels weird that the same things that use to bring you joy bring tears to your eyes right now. With time as you grow stronger those memories will bring a smile to your face that you were able.to.do those things with your love and best friend. I use to.love cooking for Gant. I cook.very little.now but have to.cook something to ensure my children eat. People don't understand why I don't like coming anymore but I've come.to.realize that there will.be alot about this knew journey that people just don't get.
    RLC, Rose69 and Van Gogh like this.
  6. Van Gogh

    Van Gogh Well-Known Member

    KLovinggood ( Karen), I agree with every
    word Nicole ("Sweetcole") said to you.
    You were brave and wise to get on
    Grief in Common, with people who
    "get it". As Nicole said, the more you're
    interacting with the widows and
    widowers here, the more you will get
    out of it.You already reached out to
    comfort CathyLynn, who's been on here
    before. Since Andy died so recently, and
    your emotions are raw, it's OK if you
    just want to read the posts, and maybe
    attach a "LIKE" to some of them.Many
    kind people here have stepped forward
    to greet you today, including my dear
    friend, Deb. Lou
    RLC, eyepilot13, Rose69 and 1 other person like this.